John's POV

When Dean had gotten Sam settled and turned toward John, he knew he was in for it.

"Dad, how could you?" Dean asked.

"Dean, you have no idea how hard it was to make that decision. I hope you're never in that situation, but if you are, then maybe you can understand," John tried to reason with him without letting too much info out.

Dean just shook his head and headed off in the direction of the Impala. John turned away and got in the truck.

"What happened?" Sam asked.

"What do you mean?"

"What's with you and Dean?"

John hesitated. He didn't want to tell Sam that he had chosen Dean over him and he assumed Dean wouldn't tell him either. "Dean's just mad because he didn't think I handled the situation right," John finally answered. That was true enough.

"How?" John had forgotten that Sam was like a two year old when it came to asking questions. He was never satisfied and had to dig deeper and deeper. "Just with the negotiations with the vampire, to get you back safe and sound. You may have noticed when you woke up, it wasn't going too well."

"But why is Dean mad at you?" Sam persisted.

"Look, I don't want to talk about it anymore." John yelled. "I almost lost you, Sam. Do you know how that made me feel? What were you thinking? You disobeyed a direct order."

Why do I always have to yell at him when I'm scared? John wondered. Looking over at Sam, he immediately regretted his words, but he was never one for apologizing to his sons and he wasn't going to start now. Plus, at least he wasn't asking any more questions. John knew things about Sam he wasn't ready to reveal to anyone, especially his sons.

They arrived back at the cabin and John got out of the truck and headed inside. Sam followed slowly. John looked back and noticed that Sam seemed to be in a bit of pain. "Why don't you get some sleep? You're probably really sore," John said gently, trying to make up for his outburst earlier.

Sam nodded and lay down on the bed. Dean came in, looked at Sam and smiled. "Can I talk to you outside, Dad?" he asked when he had torn his eyes away from Sam.

John reluctantly followed Dean outside. "Look," he started before Dean could say anything, "It is impossible for a parent to choose between his children. I love you both, and if anything ever happened to either of you, I don't know what I'd do."

"I know, Dad. I realized on the drive over, I was wrong to yell at you. But, I still don't understand the choice you made. You always told me keeping Sam safe was the most important thing," Dean persisted.

John sighed. "Not more important than you. Can we please just drop this?" John begged. He didn't want to let slip the demon's plans for Sam and Dean apparently was picking up bad habits from Sam. Earlier he had defied him, he disobeyed a direct order and now he was going all Spanish Inquisition.

"OK," Dean said. John was surprised, but when he looked at Dean's face, he realized that Dean was seeing something in his face that told him to back off. He was grateful for that. They went back in and watched Sam sleep, neither one wanting to think about what they had almost lost.