Disclaimer: Come on, does anyone really read these things? If I was making any money off of this, why the hell would I post it here? Anyway, in case you haven't guessed, this is just for fun. People read and reviewed my last two, so I thought I'd try my luck with a third. Thanks so much to everyone who's read these and responded. I love you guys! J
What the Movie Might Have Been Like if a Complete Idiot Had Written It:
Volume 3
{Original Scene} At the Council of Elrond, the Elven King tells everyone that the Ring must be destroyed. Gimli springs forward and hits it with his battle axe with all his might. The axe shatters, and the Ring is unharmed.
{My Scene} Gimli springs forward. He raises his axe above his head and brings it down on the Ring with all his strength. The Ring shatters. Everyone is silent for a moment. Finally, Elrond stands up and claps his hands together. "Well, I guess that's that. Come on everyone. Let's get some bagels. I'll get the jacuzzi started up."
{Original Scene} The Fellowship meets Galadriel. They stand in awe before her, and she reads each of their minds. She offers to let them stay for the night.
{My Scene} Galadriel is reading everyone's minds. She sees Frodo's uncertainty, Boromir's longing for the Ring, Sam's loyalty, and Gimli's…..she blushes and whispers something to Celeborn. With a huge frown, Celeborn sticks an NC-17 sticker on Gimli's forehead.
{Original Scene} Bilbo gets up to make a speech at his party. He tells everyone that it's been a pleasure knowing them, although he likes less than half of them, and gets a bit lost in thought. Then, to everyone's amazement, he puts on the Ring and disappears.
{My Scene} Bilbo is fingering the Ring in his pocket, lost in thought. Suddenly, there is a loud fart. Bilbo looks up with a start, and smiles sheepishly. "I suppose the old bowels aren't what they used to be!" He wiggles around, and a smooshy noise is heard in his pants. "Oops, not at all!" He puts on the Ring and disappears. As he passes by the other Hobbits, they pass out from the smell.
{Original Scene} It is after the battle with the Orcs. Frodo and Sam are gone, Merry and Pippin have been kidnapped, and Boromir is dead. All that remains of the Fellowship is Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli. They decide to follow the Orcs, and stick together.
{My Scene} Aragorn finishes giving his inspirational speech, and Legolas gets all starry eyed. He jumps into Aragorn's arms. "Oh Aragorn! You're so brave and strong, and rugged looking with your manly stubble!" Aragorn and Gimli are silent for a moment. Aragorn ponders. "Hmmm, Arwen or Legolas? Arwen or Legolas? Arwen or – Gimli!"
He drops Legolas and picks Gimli up. He carries him off into the woods as Gimli hits him over the head and yells, "Aye! No one gets mushy with the dwarf!" Legolas brushes himself off and logs onto FanFiction.net to make sure that he at least still has rabid fangirls who appreciate him.
I thought this kinda sucked. But I hope the stupidity brought some small measure of joy to your day. Thanks again for reading!