The Way of Tea

"We do Tea whenever we feel the desire to share the joy or sorrows of our daily life."

-Tearoom Conversation in English

It was 0300 hours, and Ahsoka was awake.

She flung an arm over her eyes, then let it slide down. She pulled the blanket up to her chin, then over her head, her montrals sticking out the top as she shifted around, trying to find a position comfortable enough for sleep. Hers was constantly punctured by memories of the day, and by a couple bumps and bruises she'd obtained during the fighting.

"Oh forget it," she muttered, tossing the blanket off and letting her bare feet hit the ground. If Skyguy found out she wasn't resting, he could shove it. She'd tried. He'd ordered her away from the field earlier, now that the fighting was done and the cleanup was beginning. They'd bickered about it, of course, and she'd only left upon his promise to get some sleep himself. They'd both been awake, planning, or fighting for thirty odd hours. It was exhausting. She was tired, but there was still too much adrenaline flowing through her.

She couldn't forget the sounds. Screams cut off abruptly as their starfighters were shot from the sky. Her men. Her responsibility. She'd done her best in the end, the Marg Sabl maneuver working, but the death cries and the static they left in her mind persisted. If she'd listened earlier. Moved faster. Been less stubborn. A squadron gone. Because she wouldn't listen.

She shivered a little, chafing her arms with her hands, then quickly replaced pajamas for daytime clothes and stuffed her feet into her boots. If she was going to be up, she might as well get some caf and find something constructive to do. She could see if she could be any use down in the medbay, if nothing else.

She yawned mightily as she shuffled down towards the mess, hoping it wouldn't be too busy. Clones came back hungry after fighting. Most of the troops were back on board by now. It had been a couple hours, so they were most likely on their way to sleeping themselves. She sighed as the mess doors opened to admit her.

There were a few men scattered around, finishing meals. They all looked as tired as she felt. She straightened, keeping her shoulders from slumping. If she couldn't sleep in her bed, she wouldn't sleep with her head on a cafeteria table. She turned towards the serving line, thankfully empty of all except one.

A serving droid handed Master Kenobi a steaming mug. As he turned to find a seat, he gave her a tired but genuine smile. "Hello, Ahsoka. Or should I be saying good morning?"

She returned the greeting. "Good morning, Master Kenobi. Did you just get on board?"

"There's a meeting soon, to report to the Council on our progress. That was quite a stunt you two pulled earlier."

Ahsoka wasn't sure if it was a compliment or not. Master Kenobi still seemed to be smiling, so she decided it was. "Thanks," she said, the word coming out slightly uneasily. She quickly slid a smile into place, trying to look more cheerful at the praise. It didn't seem to work. Master Kenobi's smile faded a little, and he looked at her with some concern.

"I can see you're troubled."

"I'm alright. We've freed Ryloth. I'm just too hyped up to sleep. It's nothing major." She shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. "I was just going to get some caf, then maybe head to the medbay or hangar to see what else I could do."

"I see," he said, sounding unconvinced. "Why don't you join me?" One of his hands was holding a mug of what Ahsoka assumed to be caf. He tilted it slightly to show that it was only a cupful of hot water. He raised his other hand to reveal a small tin.

Ahsoka frowned. "What is it?"

Master Kenobi chuckled. "It's tea. I thought I'd take a little time so I wasn't quite so 'hyped up' myself."

She'd never really been much of a tea drinker. Juice, water, blue milk, sometimes caf if she really needed it. Still, it seemed rude to turn down an invitation from her Master's Master. And it would be better than sitting in a corner nursing a cup by herself. "Okay, I guess."

Master Kenobi turned to the serving droid and requested a second mug of the steaming water. It was quickly produced, and Ahsoka accepted it gingerly, the water heating the surface of the durasteel cup to uncomfortable -though not quite scalding- levels.

They took seats at a back table, sitting across from each other. Master Kenobi had picked up a pair of spoons from a serving table as they walked, and once they were seated, he handed her one. She fiddled with it, feeling oddly uncomfortable and somewhat formal.

He opened the tin and pulled out a pair of small, triangular bags, handing her one before dropping the other into his mug. Ahsoka turned it over with her fingers. It was brushed lightly with a faint greenish dust. She rolled it a little between her fingertips and thumb, feeling the grit. It released a somewhat grassy smell she wasn't sure was appetizing.

"It will take a minute or two to steep," Master Kenobi told her, and she quickly dropped the bag into the water. It slipped straight down to the bottom of the cup and then floated its way upward, staining the water green as it rose, the color slowly pooling out around it as it sat. "I'm told you led your first squadron today," he said casually, picking up his spoon and using it to press his tea bag down into the water again.

Ahsoka tried not to flinch, and kept her eyes on the tea bag. It wasn't as if keeping her eyes down would keep her from Master Kenobi's scrutiny. He was a Jedi Master. "It didn't go very well," she admitted, picking her spoon back up and imitating the motions he made, pushing the bag back down and stirring a little. Green swirled through the water into solid pale emerald. She hunched over it, then glanced up at Master Kenobi. He seemed to be waiting for her to continue. She fidgeted. "I didn't obey orders. I lost men because of it." Her words came out tight and soft. "Master Skywalker said it's what happens in command."

"Losses are a part of war," Master Kenobi said gently.

Ahsoka nodded a little. "I know. It doesn't mean I have to like it."

"Nor should you."

"I keep wondering how it would be different. If I'd listened earlier. Come back faster. Or maybe if we'd been successful in the first place. Maybe if I'd punched through harder when we first went out," she began, replaying the scenes in her mind, speaking more quickly as they replayed in her memory. "Taken less time fighting off the vulture droids and just gone straight for the battleship. We could have spent less time fighting them off and let Master Skywalker and Admiral Yularen pick off the vultures with the turbolasers. If we'd come in at a different angle, too, it might have helped, or broken into two wings and come from two directions."

"Ahsoka. The battle is over."

She stopped mid-breath, then bit her lip. "Sorry."

"There's no need to apologize. I've lost men under my command before."

"I know. How do you keep going, though? I was so upset." She bit her lip. "I guess I still am. How do you keep going when people you're supposed to be protecting and leading die? It's my fault. If I'd listened earlier, or been a better leader, it could be different now."

Master Kenobi looked at his tea, clasping the mug lightly in his hands. He seemed to be looking at it thoughtfully, tilting it from side to side, not enough to allow the water to splash out, but enough to admire the dull gray surface of the mug. Ahsoka resisted the urge to fidget. Master Kenobi was a much more deliberate, cautious man than her far more reckless Master, and he seemed to be taking a moment to think through his answer to her question. He took up his spoon and scooped the bag out, tilting it slightly to the side to let excess water drip back into the cup, then set it down, the tea bag leaving a tiny puddle of water around the spoon.

Then he looked at her and said, "It's good that you're mindful of your feelings, Ahsoka. But you should also be mindful of the moment."

She frowned a little, looking from Master Kenobi to her tea, as though perhaps some answer lay on the warm surface of the water. Masters often told students to be mindful; it usually meant they just needed to pay attention to what they were doing. Sometimes it meant to try to reflect on what she was thinking, feeling, or to consider her opinions or arguments more carefully. Being mindful of a moment did not seem to fit into any of these categories, so she was unsure of his meaning. "I don't understand."

"It means being able to release your worries and be conscious of the now." He paused again, lifted the mug to his lips, and took a sip, smiling slightly as he set it back on the table to look at her. "To learn from a mistake, and then continue forward into the present. You can't stop midway through an error in a battle because you're worried you took a wrong step. You have to deal with what you're in the middle of."

Ahsoka mulled over the words. Not too different than usual. Be aware of what she was doing. But not let it cloud her judgment, or allow it to make her hesitate. She realized her tea bag was still floating on the top of the water in her mug, and she quickly removed it, trying to imitate Master Kenobi's more practiced motions, letting the excess water drain out into the rest of the tea.

"It's why I try to take a moment for a cup of tea every once in awhile," Master Kenobi told her, now sounding more conversational and less the wise Jedi Master. He took another mouthful of tea, apparently savoring it.

"But what does being mindful of the moment have to do with tea?"

Master Kenobi looked somewhat amused. "Every moment happens only once. Better to spend some of them enjoying a sip of tea than dodging laser blasts sent by droids."

She looked skeptical. "Is there something I'm supposed to do, then?"

Master Kenobi chuckled. "Enjoy the experience of having tea. And don't worry about anything else."

Ahsoka looked at the tea with a little bit of suspicion. It sounded simple enough. She thought of her meditative exercises. Breathing in, breathing out, clearing her mind. She gave a small shrug, aware Master Kenobi was waiting for her, watching over the rim of his cup. She slipped her hands around hers, noticing first the mug was no longer almost hot enough to burn her hands.

Tea always seemed like something a bit fancy, something elegant that one would expect the wealthy or the wise to indulge in. For polite society. It made it seem a little funny that they were sitting in a plain white room at a cafeteria table in the mess after a battle. Her mug was dull grey durasteel, mass produced for use in the Grand Army. Hardly an elegant thing. But it served. It had a small dent near the bottom, where someone had dropped it, and a couple of scratches marring its side.

This is what was happening in this moment. A drink of tea. She lifted it, breathing in and trying to focus. It was not like caf, with its rich aromas capable of filling a room with warmth. Instead there was something more delicate, complex. Of berries and citrus – and maybe a slight hint of grass.

She took a sip.

"It's bitter," she said, wrinkling her nose and looking a little disappointed.

"Is it?" Master Kenobi replied, a look of amusement filling his eyes.

Ahsoka braced herself and tried again. Its taste was still sharp, bitter, but as she let it sit in her mouth, she began to notice it was lightened by a gentle counterpoint of something fruitlike and sweet. A flavor of layers. The more she tried to puzzle them out, the more different each note of sweetness and bitterness tasted, growing more complex and faceted. She sipped again, letting the liquid warm her. Warm almost to the point of burning her tongue, but not quite. Not enough to dim the taste. Just enough to bring focus on what was in the mug, warming her hands through to the bones.

She cupped the bottom of the mug with her left hand, to tilt it back a little further. Somehow, it seemed wrong to knock it back the way she would juice or water. Perhaps it was because Master Kenobi was drinking his slowly. Perhaps it was because she was finding the tea to be curiously enjoyable through its complexity, and yet it remained something so simple that she could make last longer by taking her time. There was a sweetness in the bitter green.

Steam curled upward from the surface of the water. She felt her lips curl upward into a small smile.

"Thank you, Master Kenobi," she said.

"You're welcome, Padawan Tano," he replied.

They sat together for a time, and for those few minutes, there was no war.

Just a small story for you all. At the time of posting this, I'm also posting another fic called Said the Joker to the Thief. In it, there is a chapter in which Ahsoka is drinking tea while meditating, and I just worked on the premise it was something she'd picked up from Obi-Wan somewhere down the years. This is an attempt to explain why and how that came about. Obviously, this fic can stand on its own without being part of Said the Joker.

I've tried to incorporate some of the ideas and influences behind Japanese style tea ceremony in this. The idea that 'every moment happens only once' (ichi-go, ichi-e) is a particular theme, as is the admiration of the tea bowl (chawan) before drinking. Green tea (matcha) is quite bitter the first time you try it. It's also an extremely bright, almost electric green if you're drinking real, powdered matcha. I imagine they're drinking something more akin to sencha, which can be put into bags and is still in leaf form.

So, go have some tea now. ;)

~Queen