…hiding, heartache, a chance…

"I was sixteen years old," said Lois, "There was this guy I liked. Tyler Ring. He was cute, funny… totally didn't give a damn that I was a tomboy and could most likely kick his ass!"

"Sounds like a rare breed," Clark chuckled.

"We dated for six months, which is rare enough for me. I'd been in the same school for a year, and I think that was some kind of record. Of course, just when I thought my life was getting somewhere near normal, the General got transferred."

"And you had to break up?"

"It tore me apart," she admitted, "One day I was doing all the things a normal girl would do – hanging with friends, going to the movies… and the next I'm in a new town, starting all over again."

"It must have been hard."

"It was. Which is why I decided I wasn't going to stand for it."

"What did you do?"

"I lit out of there," she said, "The thing you gotta understand about army bases is… in some areas, the security isn't exactly tight."

"Not something you want spread around."

"I mean it. In the officer quarter, they assume that once you're in, you're in. And they always have vehicles just standing around. I found a jeep, and just drove right on out."

"They let you through the gate?"

"You can do just about anything with a three-star general's ID tag," Lois laughed, "We hadn't been there long. They didn't really know me. They assumed I had permission to be off-base. I took off, and didn't stop until I was outside Tyler's house. Naturally, he was surprised to see me."

"Naturally."

"Not nearly a surprised as he was when a squadron showed up looking for me, armed to the teeth."

"Poor guy…"

"Yeah, well, he should have known what he was getting into when he decided to go out with Lois Lane."

"Lois, I don't think anybody could be prepared for that."

Lois grinned, and lay back on the couch. She curled her legs up over the back, crossing them at the ankles.

"Thanks," she said.

"For what?"

"You made this easier."

Thirty feet above her, on the stone bench that formed the centrepiece of her building's rooftop garden, Clark was on his back too. He kept his eyes fixed on the distant stars, his keen hearing turning the sound of her heartbeat into the soundtrack of the universe.

"I know it doesn't seem like it now, Lois," he said, "But it'll all work out. This thing with your… ex. It'll pass."

"I hope so," she said, "I told him we couldn't even be friends."

"Did you mean it?"

"At the time."

"But not now."

"I've kept contact with an ex before," she said, "And, apart from one or two little stumbles, it's worked out fine."

"So…?"

"He's different."

Clark stopped breathing again. So much regret in her voice.

"Listen to me," said Lois, "I'm getting heavy again."

"Well, I think we exhausted all the small talk," said Clark.

"You mean I did," said Lois, "I told you about the time I tried to sell my sister to a couple in Sweden, the time I made a Marine cry, and the time I convinced a Provost-Marshal that a miniskirt is standard issue in the United States Army, but… you haven't told me a thing about yourself."

"Well… what do you want to know?"

"Why are you hiding?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Why are you hiding?" she asked, again.

"I don't know what you mean."

"Yes you do. I'll admit you make an attempt to stand out a bit more lately – decorating the city with that symbol…"

"It's a shield," he explained, "My family crest."

"Well, that's one thing."

"One what?"

"One thing I know about you."

"You don't think I should do it?"

"I think you should do more," said Lois, "I know how scared you are. If you come out into the public eye, you open yourself up. You invite an attack. But the city needs to see your face."

"It's not just a baseless fear, Lois," he said, "Anyone who's ever found out about me… Let's just say it didn't end well."

"I'm just worried about you."

Clark was taken aback.

"Why?"

"Because… if you spend your life in the shadows… you'll never get to see the light."

Clark swallowed. She'd just voiced his deepest fear. All his life he'd felt like an outsider, hanging onto the fringes of life. In his darkest moments he'd wondered if that was where he was destined to stay. His double-life as the Blur and Clark Kent had eased that fear somewhat. But it was always there, lurking.

"I don't think that matters," he said, "As long as I help people."

"That can't be enough," Lois insisted, "Not nearly. How can you save people if you don't connect with them?"

"I connect with you."

"Do you?" she asked, "Really? I know you're using something to change your voice. Is that connecting? Yes, we talk, but… it's not real."

"Is that what you really think?"

"It is," she said, "I understand why you do it, but… walls are never good. They have a way of trapping you. You know how you're always trying to save, oh, everyone in the world…?"

"Yeah?"

"Who's going to save you?"

The stars blurred. Sudden tears sprang to his eyes, and their lustre disappeared. Clark wiped them away with the back of his hand. He had to breathe deep, trying to calm the sudden whirl of emotions twisting inside.

"Who says I need to be saved?"

"Obviously you do," she said, "Or you wouldn't have spent the last two hours talking to me."

Clark ran a weary hand over his face. That was the thing about Lois. It wasn't her stubbornness, or her recklessness, that took her places she shouldn't go. It was her heart. She'd sensed something in him. As Clark Kent, and the Blur, and she tried to draw him out. Make him feel wanted, at home, loved… She couldn't understand why he pushed her away.

Last night had been one of the most painful in Clark's life. When Lana left, he'd been devastated. Convinced he'd never feel such agony again.

He was wrong.

Ending things with Lois – knowing he was the cause – it was like a hole had been carved into his heart. It didn't matter that he had his reasons. It didn't matter that he believed his actions were in her best interest. Just the thought of not being able to hold her, to kiss her lips and smell the soft perfume of her hair, it felt like the first whisper of the grave.

It was what brought him here tonight. What made him call her. He'd told himself that the sound of her voice would be enough.

Again, he was wrong…

"I'm here for a purpose, Lois," he said, "I have a destiny. Some things are more important than what I want… what I love…"

"Finally," said Lois, "You answered my question."

"What question?"

"Have you ever been in love?"

"Yes," he croaked, "I have."

"Tell me about her…"

Clark hesitated. His thoughts were scattered. How to describe her - the impact she had on his life…? He might as well explain colours to a blind man.

"She's… everything," he said, at last, "Bright, stubborn, funny, gorgeous, talented, infuriating… pick an adjective – that's her."

"Did she love you?"

"I think so."

"But it wasn't enough?"

"Sometimes… even love isn't enough."

"It should be," now Lois was fighting her own tears, "I hate living in a world where it isn't. There shouldn't be anything capable of…"

Her voice trailed away to nothing.

"Lois?"

"I'm here," she said, "I just… I miss him."

"I miss her too."

Now Clark was angry. He surged to his feet, started pacing round the bench. He was hurting her. The very thing he sought to avoid. And yet, he couldn't put down the phone. He couldn't cut that last, vague connection he had to her.

"I don't know what to do," said Lois, "And if you knew me, you'd get how hard that is for me to admit."

"I get it," said Clark, "But you have to have faith."

"In what?"

"In love. That it will find a way."

"Now suddenly you're the believer?"

Clark chuckled, but the sound held no humour. He stared out over the blinking city lights, and searched inside himself for… something. Anything… to give her comfort.

"I think I believe because you believe," he said, "You make me stronger Lois Lane."

"What?"

Clark didn't respond. Suddenly, it was like he wasn't even seeing the city anymore. At least, not the way he had before. A veil he hadn't even been aware of was suddenly ripped aside, and… the light shone in.

"Answer the door," he said.

"What?"

"Answer the door."

.

.

.

Lois' phone beeped as the call was cut. She stared at it, trying to figure out what just happened. Something had shifted, she just didn't know what.

There was a knock at the door. Lois whipped her head around, her heart beating a staccato rhythm against her chest.

Was that him?

Was this is it?

Would she finally get to see his face?

This man, this… hero who carried the weight of the world yet still found the strength to keep fighting.

The knock came again.

On trembling legs she stood. Her feet made no sound as she crept across the floor, yet she was sure anyone within a mile could hear her strangled breathing and the echoes of her heart in the stillness of the night. Her hand hovered above the doorknob. She clenched her teeth, trying to stop it from shaking.

She opened the door.

"Clark…" she breathed.

He was dressed all in black, a long leather coat hanging from his broad shoulders. His shirt was black, but there… in the centre… was the faded silver shield that had come to mean hope to all those who cried out for saving.

She looked into his eyes. Eyes that had hovered before her whenever she dreamed about the future. They were hooded now. His expression was set, like a mask, determined to cloak the torrent that was raging inside.

He held out his hand.

"I brought this for you."

Lois took it. It was a bracelet. It looked like silver, but it caught the light in a strange way so that it glittered like a diamond. The centrepiece was a blue stone, set in an oval base. The stone seemed alive. Peering into it's depths she saw little flickers of… something… swirling in an endless dance, like stardust in a bright blue sky.

"What is it?"

"A gift someone gave me long ago," he said, "He told me to keep it until I found the true love of my life."

Lois sighed.

"Why are you giving it to me?"

She forced herself to look in his eyes. She wanted him to say it. Wanted him to set the words free, because only then would it be real.

"It's not because you make me stronger," he said, "Though you do. It's because… It's because when I'm with you… I believe."

A single tear weaved it's way down her cheek. It caught on her lips as she smiled. Lois slipped the bracelet onto her wrist.

It fit.

Perfectly.

Taking his hand, Lois led him inside, and closed the door.

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.

.

~fin~