Just a short little oneshot that came to me and demanded my attention. Kinda dark and angsty. Reviews are lovely stuff, whether it be one word or many. I love reading every one of them. They brighten my day! I take responsability for any mistakes, and I apologize.
Warnings: Language (one word at the end), dark Jane/Lisbon, not beta'd.
Disclaimer: None of it's mine.
It had started because he needed to forget, to feel alive. He needed an escape and she provided it. He'd always been aware of her attraction to him, and it made it all the easier for him to exploit it.
He lied to her, misled her, and used her. But he couldn't make himself feel guilty. Jane was aware that he was a selfish person, and he didn't see a need to change it. He'd said what was necessary to make her let him in.
While he was with her, he didn't speak. Aside from the moans, he stayed silent. He knew what she thought, she thought she understood why.
She didn't.
He'd show up at her place, lose himself to the sensations for a time, and slip out again once she had fallen asleep. Like it never happened. When he'd see her at work the next day, he'd ignore the unspoken question in her eyes. The one she'd always wonder but would never actually ask. He wouldn't have answered her anyways.
Each time, he'd see it get harder and harder for her to let him in. She had real feelings for him, and she was just filling a void. Each time, he'd see her trying to work up the will to refuse him, but as soon as he crushed his lips against hers she'd cave.
Every time, she would hope he'd let it be something more.
Then, countless weeks later, she finally did it. She'd kept her resolve, she'd shut the door in his face. She had finally seen through his lies and deceit.
He wasn't a mentalist for nothing. He knew how badly she was hurting. He had heard her voice break at the end of her speech. He'd stood there, frozen, and heard her muffled sobs through the door. It was then he realized that for her, it was more than sex, more than just physical attraction like he'd thought.
She loved him. Loved him. And maybe, just maybe, he loved her too. He wasn't sure yet.
The next day at work, she hardly spoke to him. The usual banter was gone. She'd only talk to him when it was absolutely necessary. If there was a suspect to be interviewed, she'd send him with Rigsby, Cho, or Van Pelt.
He knew why. She was tired of being used. She had let herself believe that the next time, it would mean more to him. That he'd stay for once. She'd finally stopped lying to herself.
He spent the next week thinking. Was it worth it? Was she worth it?
After a week and two days, he had made his decision. He was going to right the wrongs he'd done. He would show her how much she meant to him.
That night, he knocked on her door one again.
The door opened. She was shocked at first, but recovered quickly. "Jane," she said. Her tone was cool, bordering on hostile. "Is something wrong?"
"I've made a mistake."
She didn't answer, merely waited for him to continue. He did.
"I've been using you," he admitted, his voice faltering uncharacteristically. "I don't want to do that anymore, Lisbon. You're worth more than that."
She smiled. More of a twisted grimace than a smile, actually. "I stopped because of that. You lied to me, manipulated me. To get what you wanted."
"Teresa—"
She cut him off, a bitter note of amusement creeping into her voice. "I mean, I don't know why I'm surprised. You do the same thing at work. It's just less personal there."
He tried again. "Teresa, I'm sorry. I realized something," he rushed on, before she could interrupt. "I love you."
Her eyes stayed cold. She laughed, a sardonic sound that felt like a slap in the face. "It's too late for that, Jane. I can't trust you. For all I know, it's just another lie."
And then she shut the door in his face. A tear slipped unwanted down his face as he stared blankly at the door.
She didn't move from the door. Her heart hurt, but it had to be done. It would hurt more to let herself hope again.
He drove away without a word. He felt strangely blank, emotionless. It was just another part of his life he'd fucked up.
Fin.
Peace, love and bubbles. Jenn.