So … here I am. This is my first English Grillows fan fiction, though I know and love them from … uhm, let's see, I think six or seven years. The reason is that I am not Italian and so I had to learn a bit of English … and I haven't finished yet!

I know Grillows is vanishing in CSI but not in my heart, because I still feel them and to me this ship will never ever end. This one shot is set after episode 9x04, since that's where our Italian television has come up to now … hope you like it! I do love criticisms J

*

GIL'S NOD

She felt so strange.

Being there, looking at the door of him, reading his name on it. She briefly sighed; then she lifted up her hand and knocked on the wood. A little noise came from it and after a few minutes she heard a question from inside.

"Who's there?"

"Hey Gil. It's me."

The door opened.

"Catherine?"

He was staring at her, and from the way he looked puzzled it was easy to understand he had no idea why she was there, in front of him. In fact, she thought, there wasn't a reason. Not a clear one.

"Before you ask … I don't know why I'm here" she admitted "I just know I don't want another sleepless night. I wouldn't be able to stand it anymore"

He looked intensively at her.

"You want to come in?"

She nodded and he put aside so that she could walk inside the flat. Then he closed the door.

"I hope I did not wake you up" she said, turning to face him.

He let a breath go.

"I was in bed but I wasn't sleeping, though my eyes were closed. What about you?"

They were staring at each other. There were so many things to say. So many things they could tell the one to the other; admissions, confessions, declarations, statements. So many things. But they never spoke, they'd never had, and there was this private silence between the two of them: this strange, unusual (for the world), usual (for them) silence.

"Why don't we sit on the sofa and have a chat?" she proposed, tentatively.

He remained close to the door, uncertain on what to do. When he nodded he still looked worried.

"To be honest, I don't have any wine here."

"Don't mind" she smiled and moved toward the sofa "come here, please"

He reached it and sat close to her. Then he started staring at her but he didn't say anything; he knew she would start when she was ready. She bit her lip, then began.

"Lindsay is sleeping with a friend. I don't even know if she's really sleeping or … well maybe she got out that house, maybe that of the friend was just an excuse … I can't even focus on my daughter, damn it" she breathed deeply "And … guess what? With the house empty there is much room for bad thoughts."

"I know" he stated.

She looked up to him. Her eyes were wet, he noticed. Then she let her head go on the sofa and smiled.

"What about you? Why can't you sleep? Uh, what a stupid question …"

He shook his head and looked over her shoulder. Why? Why couldn't he just place his head on the pillow and give his soul some relax, the relax he deserved? Why? He wasn't able to answer, he didn't even know if there was an answer. Catherine looked into his eyes. She loved them. She loved the way his irises walked down the streets of the world; she loved the way he observed and analyzed people.

"Gil?" she murmured.

He looked up to her.

"I don't know" he finally admitted "but I'd like to."

His eyes flew down to his lap. She smiled at that infantile act and each of her fingers trembled as she stretched her arm and her hand reached his head. As soon as it hit it, he got a shiver. She noticed it, he obviously was aware of it, but no one said anything. They were there, breathing and being close, and that was enough. Then she started stroking his hair, gently; sometimes she stopped on a curl and analyzed it, or she just let it go.

"What are we here for, Gil?"

His breath became heavy and her fingers hesitated for a while.

"Maybe to pray we're not the last to go. Because the last is the one who suffers more, as he misses the others"

He paused. She sighed.

"I miss him too, Gil … God, I miss him so"

Her hand left his head. She contemplated his sadness and felt hers; then she bent over him. In front of his face she hesitated again, staring at his lips and observing his reaction to how close she was. Because he knew. He was aware of it. The moment their mouths met, he closed the eyes he had abandoned on the floor.

What if Sara knew? She thought. What if Lindsay knew, what if they all knew? She deepened the kiss, and a tear escaped from her right eye. What if he hates me? What if he slaps me? But there he was, stuck in her mouth. She let his lips go and placed his forehead over his.

"I know, Gil." pause, breath "More then friends." pause, breath "More than lovers." pause, breath "More than any other couple"

She looked at him as he lifted his eyes.

"But I need this"

She leant closer and placed a hand on the sofa while she was trying to embrace him. Their cheeks melted and her tears rolled on that of him. She bit her bottom lip and restarted the kiss, as his hands reached her back. He pulled her closer and finally answered to the kiss. She was wet. Though her cheek wasn't onto his anymore he could still feel her wet tears. His chin trembled and his breath became heavy, fast. Breathe in, breathe out. Noisy breaths, silent thoughts. And they touched, and they kissed.

She stopped the kiss to look into his eyes.

"You sure?" she murmured.

But he couldn't talk, he didn't. He cupped her face and let her reddish strokes fill the empty places among his fingers. He observed her beauty. The pureness of her feelings. She wanted it. She wanted to stay with him, with a man who perfectly, completely, truly knew her.

He nodded.

*

… here it ends! There will be no sequel, since this is where the story stopped in my head. Gil's nod is enough. Love them.