AN: A little introspect piece on the Spuffy scene in "Wrecked" when Buffy and Spike wake up together and she calls him convenient. I just think that anyone who loves as passionately as Spike does couldn't handle being called convenient by the object of his affections as well as it appeared he did in the ep.

Convenient

"One! One vampire got me hot, but he's gone. You, you're just convenient."

Convenient. The word echoes around inside Spike's head so loudly he can't even hear the words they're still tossing at one another. Suddenly he finds himself moving around her, blocking her escape, and locking his arms beside her head.

"I may be dirt," He says, voice trembling and rough from emotion because last night was his everything and it meant nothing to her. "But you're the one who likes to roll in it, Slayer. You never had it so good as me. Never."

Buffy pushes him aside again. Roughly. Carelessly. Because he is just a convenience and he means nothing. "You're bent." She snarls harshly as she grabs her jacket.

"And it made you scream, didn't it?" He tosses back because he wants to hurt her for hurting him.

"I swear to God, if you tell anyone about last night," she says in complete seriousness, "I will kill you." It's not the first time she's threatened to kill him. But it's the first time she's really meant it. He can see it. And it breaks his heart.

"Right." He says, because what else is there to say? He's told her he loves her, and he's meant it. He's told her he would do anything for her, and he did. He's made fragile promises and nearly died again and again so he wouldn't have to break them. He's fought beside her. He cried when she died. He protected Dawn when the others were too busy off doing God knows what. He had been ready to be her rock, her strength.

But she didn't want him. Any part of him. She didn't want his love or his promises or his strength or his tears or his support. She's ashamed of their one beautiful night and she would kill him to keep it a secret.

Somewhere, deep underneath the Big Bad façade that he'd assumed after his first slayer, Spike is breaking. So, he does what he always does and retreats behind his sarcasm and scorn.

"Are you going to want these back, then?" He asks pulling out her panties. Her blow is lightning fast but completely predictable. If he hadn't wanted the physical pain to help numb the raw emotion, he could have dodged. But he does. He needs it to hurt so that he doesn't hurt. He needs her to beat up his body so she'll leave the poor patchwork of shattered pieces he calls a heart alone.