Lessons Only Tasuki Can Teach

Chapter one: Sake can make heartaches go away

***

Three months.

What was the point of all that again? Pining away after a man who couldn't love her back?

Girls, as far as he was concerned, were stupid. But Tasuki couldn't quite unwrap his mind from the solitary figure in the gazebo. For the longest time, she just sat there, legs dangling through the slats of the railings and over the water. He thanked the railings for being present; otherwise, by the look on her face, he would have been convinced she would just up and plunge into the water to die.

He didn't know who to be frustrated at: Chichiri, for being so unfeeling, or this girl, for being so persistent. In the end, though, it was obvious who the biggest loser was.

Well then. Should he go and comfort her? No one has ever been able to get through that thick skull of hers ever since Chichiri told her he wasn't the type who could love anyone back. Hmph. Mighty civil of him to say so. Sadly, the idiot girl saw only the rejection. Thus, she moped. And moped. And moped. For a week now, that was her chief pastime.

And that was the last straw. He couldn't – wouldn't – stand watching her cry her eyes out anymore. Woman-hater though he was, Tasuki was still human, and thinking of letting her starve herself to death before his very eyes gripped his conscience.

So, softening his face as best he could, Tasuki strode right up the bridge to the gazebo, determined to pull her out of her misery or die trying.

"Hey."

Except for the tears sliding down her face, she didn't even move.

"What kind of loser are you to cry over a lover-monk for a whole week, anyway?" He kicked himself internally as soon as those words popped out. Great going, Tasuki. Just great.

"You don't know half of it."

Well at least it got her to hiccup/croak/talk. Tasuki had to shake his head at the miserable state her voice had become after seven days of bawling. "Do you...want to talk about it?" he cautiously asked, suddenly remembering the last time he listened to a woman's break-up story. She shrugged, so he sat down beside her.

"It's just like Chiri to say what he did to you," he said, watching his words carefully. "But it doesn't mean he hates you or anything..."

"But he said he can't love."

"Yeah...the guy's a monk fer cryin' out loud. They got all those celibacy-chastity vows an' all!"

"I came all the way here for nothing." Her forehead found the wood of the railing, and for a minute Tasuki thought she was going to start banging her head against it. He had heard this story before – the first time she arrived, in fact. Toss a coin into a wishing well and make your wish. She did that to the syllable. And when she opened her eyes, poof! Voila Konan. It was the truth – or so the girl claimed. He didn't really want to believe it, but with the crazy number of random strangers popping in and out of this side of the universe, he knew he had to.

"At least y' got yer wish," he consoled dryly.

"Look how it turned out."

"Lo, there're so many other fish in the sea..." A fresh slew of tears greeted his words that Tasuki had to scramble, "No pun intended."

"But there's only one Chichiri," she wailed.

"Ya don't have to have th' one an' only Chichiri ta' be happy! I'm sure there are other men out there who are just waiting for you to –" he tried not to choke at his next words, "– love them. Like the men in yer world. Y' must be pretty popular there!"

"You want me to go back?" Lolita turned away from the banister to tearfully look him in the eye. "You don't want me here either, Tasuki?"

Oh, god. He wanted to roll his eyes then, but stopped himself at the realization that it was hardly the ideal response. "`Course not! It's fun havin' you 'ere in Konan...`cept, since ya don't look too happy 'bout it, I thought...just maybe...you'd rather go back home."

"I want to stay."

Nice and stout answer. He grinned, standing and holding out a hand. "Then y' might as well be acquainted with all the good things 'bout bein' `ere. Ya can't spend forever moanin' 'bout Chiri's lack of a love life!"

At the mention of Chichiri, Lolita turned to her refuge again, the crying fit commencing once more. Tasuki began to wonder why he was so good-hearted.

"I know what can make you feel better."

"Chichiri?"

"Naw." Seriously. It was unhealthy for the girl to just think of that monk all day, everyday. "Somethin' even better."

"There's something better than Chichiri?"

"Sure, there is!"

For a minute while she narrowed her eyes, the tears stopped. "You're not trying to get me high, are you?"

"No way!"

"What's this mystery thing?"

"I'll show you." Reluctantly, she took his outstretched hand. Grinning mile-wide at his victory, Tasuki dragged her down the bridges back into the palace complex. "But get yerself cleaned up first."

***

"That is supposed to be better than Chichiri?"

She should have known. Leave it to Tasuki to think sake better than anything else under the glowing red sun. He was planning to get her drunk to forget about Chichiri, but she knew better. The bliss of ignorance would last only the night, at best, returning as a massive hangover in the morning to add to the misery of a broken heart.

"No, thank you, Tasuki," Lolita said, scraping her chair back, ready to leave the tavern he had dragged her into. "I'll handle this my way."

"An' cry fer another week?' he spat sarcastically, holding her back with one hand and pouring sake with the other. "I won't stand watchin' ya drift 'round like a ghost anymore." In one strong tug, he had her sitting her back down. Lolita wrinkled her nose at the acrid scent of alcohol as he nudged the cup towards her.

"I really shouldn't..."

"Try it."

Casting a long sideways look at him, she hesitantly wrapped her hands around the cup and stared at the clear liquid. Could it really be the "magical" fluid Tasuki swore by? It looked just like water. Maybe he was playing with her...placebo effect and all. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him chug sake right out of the bottle, and then wipe his mouth on his sleeve, completely unfazed. Yep. Tasuki was just fooling around. He wouldn't really get her drunk, the sweetheart...

Raising the cup, Lolita nonchalantly took a long swig...and nearly spat it out.

"Ab...solute...poison," she coughed, throat burning from the alcohol content. Her mind fuzzed for a minute, which was a good thing because her sinuses were seriously beginning to kill her.

The bandit only laughed, pouring her another drink. "Ya' can't tell good wine from bad. Go on, have another. And drink it slowly this time."

"No." Shaking her head to clear it, Lolita pushed away the second cup. "It's disgusting. `Sides, I'm too young to drink anyway." The after-effects of the first shot were beginning to creep up on her. Her stomach warmed uncomfortably and her cheeks flamed with a heat she never knew before.

"It gets better an' better."

Sure. That's what all the boys say when their ladies don't like the first taste of the wicked fruit.

Wait. What? She wasn't thinking straight anymore. Sake was different from the nasty. Sake was sake. The nasty was...the nasty. She couldn't imagine how she had confused them both together.

It gets better an' better...

The words swam around in her mind. Speaking of which, her mind wasn't working properly. Neither did it help that she forgot where that grey matter was supposed to be. But the warmth was slowly beginning to feel good. Really good. Like it was enveloping her in a secure bubble.

Lolita found herself reaching for the second shot.

"That's it..." Tasuki's voice drifted in from very far away, sometimes blasting clear, sometimes just rippling the surface of her senses. She was still conscious. Her thoughts were yet coherent. Well. Not as coherent as they used to be. But she was still thinking, wasn't she? Same thing.

"Hey, it's not so bad now." And her voice had not yet slurred. She wasn't drunk.

Third shot.

Fourth shot. She was still thinking.

After the fifth, she wasn't so sure what she was thinking about anymore. Yet on she went. On and on and down and down slipped that wonderful liquid fire.

The source of control...hmm...yes, the brain. What? Oh, the brain. Right. It was still in tip-top shape. The grain of the wooden table was scarcely noticeable as it slid closer and closer. And the din of the tavern, too. She could just barely make out that awful noise.

"Lo. Hey, Lo."

"Hm? Yeah?"

If she didn't look so drunk, Tasuki would have been amused by the sight of her clinging onto the bottle for dear life. But Lolita was slumped down onto the table, eyes barely staying open. He suddenly remembered that it was the first time he had ever seen her drink. One glance at the bottle made him curse himself. How could he have been so thoughtless to give a beginner his favourite blend? He was the booze master; she was just a forced-to-tag-along. It was even a miracle she was conscious thus far.

"That's `nough drinkin'," He pried the bottle from her. "Too much of this stuff could seriously kill a bear."

'`M not a bear..." She came with the jug, but let go only to fall forward into him. "`M Lo. Right? Tas? `As m' name, right?"

Easing his responsibility against himself, Tasuki gingerly stood up. A few men the next table over were already leering at her. "Time tuh' go," he muttered, tossing money onto the bar counter.

"Wha' `bout...Chiri?"

Damn. She hadn't forgotten. And after all the trouble he took to make her, too. "Chichiri? No doubt. He's going to kill me. Hotohori, too. An' Mits. An' the others. `Cept maybe Nuriko."

"Who?"

"Forget it."

"W...why?"

It had begun to drizzle. Throwing his coat over her, Tasuki swung Lolita up his arms. After a moment's hesitation, he ran into the light rain, hoping to get back to the palace before it poured buckets.

"Why Tas?"

"Why what?" he replied distractedly, splashing into puddles left over from yesterday's downpour.

"I...dunno. What?"

It began to rain heavier, but at least the palace was in sight now. Putting on a burst of speed, Tasuki closed the distance, sprinting right past the sleepy guards, across the courtyard, and into the palace complex. Lolita was murmuring incomprehensibles all the while. He found her room and set her down on the bed, shaking rainwater from his coat.

"Don't tell anybody where we were."

"Huh?"

It was hopeless. Lolita blinked bleary eyes at him, struggled to sit up, and fell back down, drops from her hair showering miniscule diamonds onto the pillow. "Don't tell..." he began, but stopped at the sight of her beatific smile. It had been a while since he last saw that untroubled look. "Just go to sleep. And shut up in the meantime," he finished, brushing the last of the moisture from her face. As he turned to go, she caught at his fingers.

"You're a good doctor, Tas...A really –" she yawned, "– really good psych – psycho –" Her brow scrunched up in thought "– psycha – doctor."

"Yar' welcome," he replied with a smirk, figuring maybe it wouldn't be too bad if she couldn't keep their little secret outing to herself while she slept.

A/N: Totally random. It might multiply into a few chapters or not...depending on reader response. If it does, expect fluff. Maybe a lot; maybe not much. We'll see. The pairing here is pretty obvious. For all the Chiri fans, I'm sorry. The dear monk isn't usually a heartbreaker, but I badly wanted to jump right in the middle of a Tasuki scene without bothering with the whole 'entering-the-UotFG' hoopla. So yeah. Don't worry if it's confusing now. The whole business will unfold itself later on...if I get reviews...

Oh, right. Standard disclaimers apply.