So here I am, starting another multi-fic story. I really shouldn't be...I have two others...but I want to! ARGH! It just popped into my mind! I have to start it. But I will have to warn you now, after this weekend, my Spring Break is over (WAH!) and with two other stories, this one may be updated sporadically. Although, since FF13 is on the brain, it may not be so bad for this as for my other fics. We'll have to see. Although summer is approaching...that might help (but this one probably won't take that long).

Anyway, I hope (PUN! I'm so lame) that you enjoy the first chapter. The basic path is sketched in my head, but that may change. I hope you, the readers, will be patient with me and enjoy the fic! I'll do my very best to keep up with my writing, and hope (again!) that you will understand any strange or late updates. Although I am working on a regime that will help me buckle down with my stories. Do any other writer's have this problem? I just can't resist starting this, or a lot of other stories that compel me!

Warnings: Post-game, so will contain spoilers.

Disclaimer: I'm afraid I do not own FF13. If I did, the ending wouldn't be so sad.

…

She had hoped...

She had looked at him and hoped. She prayed to any deity that was out there for it to be okay. For his father to be alive, well, and looking for his son. To make sure that he had at least one parent in his life capable of taking care of him. She couldn't help but feel that she was doing a haphazard job, and the sooner he was with his father, the sooner he could get away from her corrupting influence.

How many people had she killed as a soldier? How much blood was on her hands? And how much was on his now? She wasn't fit to look after him, no matter what he thought.

She just couldn't figure out a way to make him see that.

But now there were far worse things for her to deal with...

Hope was broken...and Lightning had no idea how to fix it.

"You should eat something."

"I'm not hungry."

"You said that yesterday and I know you didn't eat anything since then. It's just soup. It won't kill you."

"I'm not in the mood."

"You'll get sick."

"I don't care."

"Dammit Hope!" but before Lightning could continue, not that she knew how, Hope had already gotten up and walked away. She let out a sigh and slumped into the now empty chair, rubbing the bridge of her nose. She knew she shouldn't be short with him but she had no idea how to deal with this. When she had found out...about her own parents...she had done what she knew how. Fought. Trained. She became strong but locked out her emotions in the process. And then all the memories...became blurs... To be fair, she had also had Serah. Serah kept her stable and was the only family she had left.

Hope didn't have that. Or at least he didn't seem to think he did.

And what does that make us then? She couldn't stop the thought but immediately felt guilty for it. How was Hope supposed to act? All happy and smiles? She'd be worried if he was...

And then the whole scene came back unbidden....

….................

They had all been walking down one of the less ruined streets of Cocoon. All was chaos, although the Guardian Corp. and PSI-COM were working non-stop to restore some sense of normalcy. There had been wide spread panic about the new found connection with Gran Pulse, and while many civilians were reluctant to set foot and what had always been a terror to them, forced evacuations gave them no choice. The numbers on Cocoon would be thin for now, at least until the damage could be repaired.

But they had been called there by none other than her former Lt. Amodar. It seemed he had some important information for them, and had requested they retrieve it from one of the new centers they had set-up on Cocoon to aid in reconstruction. They had not seen him, but Lightning had hardly expected to. He would be far to busy with organizing his troops. She thought it was lucky to have heard from him at all.

They had included Snow, Serah, herself, and of course Hope, who was rather anxious as they went. Snow was too, worried for what became of his friends, the remnants of NORA. Serah held his hand the whole time, offering what comfort she could.

They had walked into one of the less than dilapidated buildings after being cleared by a Guardian Corp. soldier. He had even given Lightning a respectful nod, something she didn't believe would happen again. Not after the l-cie business. They had then proceeded to the front desk, waiting behind others for quite some time, before being greeted by an overly chipper woman. She looked them over as if trying to identify them by sight alone, but then reluctantly asked for their names. Lightning swore she had heard "Could have sworn I'd seen them before" under her breath.

After giving them their names, the woman nodded cheerfully and typed in the information on the computer before turning to them to strike up pointless conversation. Snow and Serah had readily obliged, something Lightning could never understand. How could they tolerate it all the time? Although she quickly became interested herself...

"PSI-COM and the Guardian Corp. have been working wonders together! They've finally managed to get some divisions together to help family members find each other, along with reconstruction projects. It's not yet certain who will take over as leader for Cocoon. That may be a bot far off. But of you ask me, none would be better than Lt. Amodar! Man knows his stuff! Rosch would have been a good choice, but really...his death was so tragic..."

"What was that about the families?" Lightning demanded.

"Hm? Oh! Well, yes. That's what I'm here for. To report conditions on family and friends, let you know where they are, whether they are-" But Lightning had stopped listening. Her blood started pounding in her ears, her head, and it made everything sound dull. If they were here for that..then...then...

She wished her heart would slow down.

"Oh! Well here we are! Well, first for the Mr. Villiers, Lt. Amodar wanted to let you know that, and quote from this document, "All your little troublemakers are safe and sound, so stop spamming my inbox with questions. I have a lot to deal with, so let these buggers know where you are too. And congratulations on the wedding." You can contact them with this address-" And the lady paused to write down the information, which she handed to Snow, before looking back at the screen.

"And let me see..." Could everyone hear her heart beating? It was so loud. Lightning kept glancing at Hope. Praying. Wishing. She could see the anxiety in his face. His eyes darting all around, resting on the woman for only brief moments before turning away again.

Please...Please...Please...

"Oh...dear. Are you Hope Estheim?" Barely a nod. No. No. NO!

"I'm-I'm so sorry dear. But it seems your poor father Bartholomew has...passed away." If it felt like the whole floor had fallen away to Lightning...what must it be to be like Hope. Was he devastated?

What a stupid question.

The woman continued, if only to fill the stunned silence that followed her grim announcement. "It-It seems to have happened sometime during the attack on Eden...they...they managed to find him..." Shut up. Just please Shut up... "I-I'm sorry. I'm sure-"

And after that, they were suddenly making arrangements for a funeral. Or moreover...Serah was. Everyone else had fallen into a silent stupor, and only she had been collected enough to help the poor women out. After that, Hope remained silent, even though they had all made attempts to reach out to him. But he would either not answer at all or give short, one word answers as necessary. But in his eyes was a look so dead...it broke her heart to see it.

And even now, he was unresponsive. It was starting to affect his health too. When was the last time he had eaten? They had found out three days ago...and she hadn't seen something reach his mouth since then. Soon they were going to have to force feed him...and that wouldn't turn out well.

"Thinking about Hope?" Lightning refrained from jumping, but that didn't stop the pounding in her heart. She turned to look at Sazh who now stood in her doorway, wearing a serious expression. They had all made camp quite a way away from the civilians. They had stayed together, all to keep the make-shift family, but moved away from the general populace to make things simpler. Their whole world had been uprooted and they, the former l-cie, were there to take the blame. It would be quite some time, if at all, before they could show themselves again. But for now, it was enough.

"Of course..." She answered simply. Sazh took the chair across from her, obviously lost in his own thoughts. It was a while before either spoke again.

"You'll need to be patient." Sazh said, breaking the silence. She nodded, waiting for him to continue, "He'll need support. Someone to talk to." Lightning knew those things were true, but had no idea how to start. She hadn't even really done those things for Serah...the way she had comforted her had been in her own Lightning way. The only reason it had worked was because Serah knew her, and knew it meant she was trying. That probably wouldn't work with Hope...

"But you'll make it." Sazh said, as if reading her thoughts, "He likes you and your crazy soldier ways...don't ask me why though."

"I don't now...he's lost both his parents now..." She let out another sigh, "Where's Dajh?"

"With Serah. She really likes to watch him. She'll make a good mother..."

"Don't remind me. Snow hasn't stopped talking about the big family they're going to have."

"They should concentrate on getting married first."

"You know him. Wastes no time..."

"Do you know where Hope is?"

"Probably outside...he does it whenever I try to get him to eat."

"That bad huh...we can't have that." Sazh said worriedly. But before they could say anything more, Serah rushed in, a frantic look on her face. She took one look at Lightning before grabbing her wrist and pulling her away, toward the door.

"Serah-"

"It's Hope!" She said breathlessly, "He's collapsed!"