Note: Post "The Parts in the Sum of the Whole". Booth's POV.

Disclaimer: I don't own them.

I thought I stopped gambling when I met her. The truth is that I just changed games. The longer I played, the higher the stakes got. Before I realized it, I was risking more than I could afford to lose. I thought I would win.

I lost.

I still can't believe it. How did this go so wrong?

The first time I saw her, I knew. She's the one.

I was dazzled. She made me want to be a better person – so I changed. I started wearing flashy ties and socks. I worked harder. I did everything I could to become worthy of being with someone as amazing as her.

I worked to prove to her that I deserved to be with her. I became the person who was always there when she needed someone. I hopped on a plane whenever she asked me to – and sometimes even when she didn't. I held her when she cried. I gave her a ride when her car was in the shop. I brought her take-out late at night. I gave her silly gifts.

After all, fate may have brought us together, but I had to do my part.

Of course, she doesn't believe in fate. The first time I mentioned the idea of there being one person out there for everyone, she laughed at me.

Despite how fascinated I was with her, I had to admit that we had nothing in common. I believe in intuition. She believes in science. I believe in God. She thinks it's a fairy tale – like the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus. I believe in love. She believes that monogamy is unnatural.

Over the past six years, we've grown towards each other. We still disagree on a lot of things, but we respect each other enough to accept our differences.

As we grew closer, I fell deeper and deeper until it seemed like my life was centered around one goal – never admitting to myself how much I loved her. If I didn't admit it, I wouldn't have to deal with it.

That all fell apart last night.

While we sat there with Sweets talking about how we met, I realized I couldn't deny it anymore. I love her. I want to spend my life with her.

I was terrified.

What if she said no?

What if she said yes?

Of course, now that I'd admitted it to myself, I had to tell her. Sweets telling me that I needed to be the one to make the first move was the final push that I needed.

I told her I wanted to spend my life with her – to love her forever – and I kissed her.

She said she couldn't be what I want and she couldn't change.

She's what I want. She's what I've always wanted. I don't want her to change.

But she said no.

I'm an optimist. I believe in love that lasts forever. I believe that people do the right thing most of the time. I believe that love is stronger than hate and that the good guys win.

I know she's been hurt before and that she doesn't believe that love can last, but I thought she believed in me. I thought that she could trust in what we have enough to risk it.

I thought we'd be together forever.

I was wrong.

When she asked me if we could still work together, I knew I should say no – take some time and space to heal, to get over her, to move on.

I said yes.

I told her we could work together but that I'd have to move on, to find someone else. I don't want to be alone forever. Deep down, I was hoping that the thought of me with someone else would make her realize what she – what we – were throwing away. Instead, she said she understood.

There's no way I would understand if she wanted to find someone else.

Of course, I'm going to have to figure out a way to understand. If I'm out on a futile mission to find someone I can love as much as I love her, she's not going to be sitting at home alone.

God, I don't want to see her with someone else.

I want her to be happy more than I want her to be with me, though, so if the only way she can be happy is to be with someone else, I'll have to find a way to accept it.

I'll have to get up in the morning and go to work. I won't send her any silly text messages or e-mails. When there's a case, I'll pick her up without stopping to get her favorite coffee first.

I'll watch men try to pick her up without trying to stop them. I'll go on dates and try not to feel like I'm cheating on her.

I'll skip going for drinks with the squints. Hey, I can hang out with Hodgins and Wendell and Cam separately – and let's face it, the rest of them are weird and annoying at best. Well, not Angela, but what are Angela and I going to talk about now?

I hope Bones finds someone who can love her – someone who she can love back.

I just wish it could be me.