Have my cake and eat it too!

Chapter 1

By Otaku no baka

I am officially a true baka.

Writing this story the same day I made the whole 'Post party~' Fic and finished this chapter the next day. God I need a life but I have been working my shitty job as stock and need something to release.

That and I am a perfectionist and want to finish everything in such a nice little package, (but not an attention whore! Seriously I don't give a damn as long as someone is happy or someone got their rocks off.)

…....

….....Wait that sounds bad doesn't it?

The last and final part to the whole BiotA story; It's the wedding folks! Still Russiamerica but now it's some FrUk as well! Oh my God I am attempting to make another sensible pairing! XD But besides those two there is also random other hints of pairings. More dirty humor and god forsaken attempts at me betaing my own damn work. Omg this story HAS A LEMON NOW A COMING! No more cockteasing~!

Because I am an idiot and that I forgot to post it, (and I don't want to just re post the whole scribe because it would me redoing the whole chapter all over and reposting it,) here is the note for Belgium:

A tsukkomi is basically a straight laced guy in a two guy comedy routine in Japan; they are usually the more serious person who hits the boku (funny guy.) So...uhh...Belgium would be a serious muff lesbian then? *gets hit upside the head* KIDDING!!!

If I owned Hetalia you think I would be eating soy sauce flavor ramen noodles? Even though those things are good...

"Ow...." Wow America can punch hard when he wasn't holding back; he didn't know he would end up all the way to Germany with one hit.

"Bruder..." Ludwig wasn't surprised to see Prussia fall from the sky and land next to him in a heap. Germany warned his brother to stay out of trouble; he thought he would learn after he ended up getting Russia plastered.

Prussia thought it was an awesome as hell idea to set up and embarrass the Russian nation by spiking the man's vodka. Sure he was scarred for life but it was funny to see the big nation unable to actually come to the summit because he was hungover. It didn't occur to East that he could have gave the man alcohol poison, (which is hard because they were umm..nations after all,) or worse.

Which is why when his kleine frau found out he was punt kicked in his vital regions into the next dimension.

"You tried to talk to him again didn't you?"

"Kommen Sie oh heran West! Seriously he shouldn't even be marrying him!" He was one of the nations that didn't exactly agree on the whole union between the two superpowers. But unlike most of the countries, he simply thought that America should been marrying him instead.

He had a crush on that young nation for who knows how long. Sure he slept with his brother and his 'wife' sometimes but it wasn't the same as someone who could warm your bed. Blond hair as yellow as mustard, blue eyes deeper than the ocean, and a smile that was sweeter than Rote Grütze. The nation's own personality is what attracted to him in the first place; two awesome minds thought alike after all.

The only reason why it took so damn long for him to confess was because his brother has been banning him from coming to the summits. When he finally did come to confess his love, he found out that the man he was pinning for was marrying that cold heart bastard!

So even after being kicked, he tried to snazz up his epic charm again and was punched in the face and out the window. That America didn't hold his strength when he was mad, awesome!

"I should try it again West! Maybe this time I can kill that bastard to see if his cute freundin comes to me afterward!"

"East shhh!" Germany shook his head at his poor misguided brother. The only reason he followed his brother's goofy plan at the bachelor party was because he was smashed himself and couldn't tell a beer can from a table. He was thinking about swearing off beer forever after he ended up some hotel room with his Feli, his brother Lovino, soba noodles on the wall, a goat, and something about an unlimited supply of weird things called fukubukuro.

Prussia only snorted and picked himself off the ground. He thought about sabotaging the whole thing but he knew that his brother would stop him. For some reason Ludwig actually agreed and supported this sham. Something about 'love and two nations getting together so nicely,' crap.

"Well whatever; let's go get some more beer ja?"

"Nein; I'm...I'm going out with Italy today." Gilbert blinked at his brother's blush, oh come on!

Geez everyone was lame but him lately! "Fine fine go have fun; I'll see you later then auf Wiedersehen!"

He gave a wave to West but was thinking of another awesome plan so that the wenig sonnenstrahl would come to him.

"Hey, how's my снежный медведь doing?"

A moan replied from the lump in the covers.

"Yeah I know what Prussia did to you and that you regret drinking any kind of free vodka for the rest of your life. Are you at least feeling any better since the fever is down?"

Another moan replied, followed by two blurry purple eyes.

"Guess not; you think you're up to eating some solianka?"

The lump shook and Alfred sighed. "Well there's a bucket if you still feeling nauseous ok? Don't move too far."

America closed the door and cracked his hands; he wanted to kill Gilbert for what he did. He thought his fiancee was hungover at first, but after his temperature was up to one hundred and eight degrees he knew that it wasn't a normal thing. He found out from the bigger nation that he drank some kind of drugged vodka later on and didn't realize it.

Despite Russia being close to a tenth level boss, he was still human...kinda. He could ward off most curses and spells but god certain things did make him sick.

Alfred was worried at first, but relieved when the big nation recovered after his bout of a severe fever. He wanted to know how the hell did Gilbert know what kind of drug would effect him.

Still things weren't bad; he was getting married soon and then they could have an awesome honeymoon at the surprised place he picked out! No other stupid nations were going to ruin it now!

"WHAT!"

"I'm sorry Mr. Jones but it seemed to be that this dress was specifically picked out for you. It would be difficult to get another tux made at such a short notice."

Sweden and Finland were speechless. "Tis not so b'd...is it Fin?"

"Ummm...Yeah actually it's kind of cute."

Raivis poked at the 'dress'. "This...This is a dress isn't it? A wedding dress?"

"Yes but Alfred ordered a tux with his exact measurements so I wonder why..." Toris shrank at how America was downright seething. "I...I'll try to talk to the tailors again and see what we can do!"

'How...How the hell could this happen?' He got his suit ahead of time, (because being punctual was awesome wasn't it?) so why would they make a mistake and give him such a girly dress...

Wait; he remembered that he gave Poland his receipt to hold onto a month back. He also remembered how the man ranted and complained about his bad fashion sense.

"Umm is there anything we can do at all?" Toris tried to talk to the manager and tailors at the suiting shop. Tino poked Berwald and gestured towards America, who was advancing on Feliks.

"We can see if we can make another suit piece but it might require more money..."

"Oh money isn't an issue it's just that it is a wedding between two guys..."

The tailor blushed. "I see! Well I understand Mr. Jones blithe then!"

Raivis hear something like a girly scream and turned around to see Alfred trying to use his Beretta 92FS handgun to blow the nation's head off.

"The only problem is that June is such a busy month but we will try our best to get it at Mr. Jones' wedding date."

"How did his tux order get changed in the first place?"

Sweden winced when Alfred threw the gun at Poland and pulled out a M9.

"Mr. Jones put Mr. Poland as his co representative but even so unless you have id and both co-signers are present, you shouldn't be able to make any changes..." The manager glared at one of his new clerks, who shrank. "So not only we will try our best, but I will also try to waive the fee as well. The only thing that Mr. Jones would have to pay for is the materials."

"Good that's wonderful!"

Sweden, Finland and Latvia shivered as Alfred literally blew up half the building as well as Poland with it.

"Hey Alfred sir....." Lithuania's mouth dropped as well as the store manager; half the place was on fire and America was panting and wheezing. In his hand was the rocket launcher and the other was a very singed Feliks.

"Great job Toris! If you can't finish it it's not a problem then! This will still be an awesome wedding!" The look America had was scary; it was like the times when Russia would go off for no reason like in the past Soviet Union. Toris suddenly wished he had an America mood meter right now.

"My store....!!!"

"Don't worry I will pay for EVERYTHING." Alfred dropped the weapon and gave a thumbs up. There was a tick on his forehead as the sprinkler system went on along with the fire siren. "Say you're sorry Poland because it's your fucking fault."

"I'm like sorry GOD!" The man whimpered.

"America...."

"NO ONE WILL SAY NOTHING MORE!"

"But ummm..."

"DOMM DOMM DOMMMMM."

Everyone was speechless; it sound like Russia's kolkolkolkol but weirder.

Alfred gave the store manager his information and credit card and without saying a word dragged out a smoking Poland and left.

All the other nations just looked at each other and followed him at a safe distance.

"Yes Mr. Jones the flower arrangements are still the same that you wanted: white lilies, red roses, blue tulips and yellow sunflowers."

"Thank god." Alfred sighed; at least this was still the same.

"But who the hell would want sunflowers? How tacky is that...." The florist shrank and whimpered as an aura of evil surrounded America, who was still chanting that weird noise.

"Poland please tell me you changing nothing else..." He turned to the green eye man who cringed.

"Like no man!" Feliks groaned; man it wasn't fun when people blew him up that's for sure! Damn that America was as bad as his...husband when he got mad!

The blond man sat down in one of the plastic chairs in the shop and sighed; his glasses threatening to fall off. A strange ringing rang out and only Finland recognized it; it was the Po Pi Po~! Song.

"Привет любитель~!"

Everyone knew who it was on the phone and shrugged; not affected by Alfred's suddenly mood change. "Are you feeling good now?"

"Да я – возлюбленный" Russia was at the airport swinging his pipe around; scaring half of the passengers. "I'm just going to pay Germany a visit."

Blue eyes blinked and he laughed; the other nations shivered because it sound righteously evil. "Да дайте ему некоторые сигналы любви для меня~!"

"Хорошо я буду видеть, что Вы скоро любите."

"Да любите Вас партии!"

"Да я люблю Вас также."

America closed the phone. He was about to ask something until he seen how the Baltic states were inching away from him and the look that Sweden and Finland were giving him.

"What? Whatever you guys are weird!" Giving a thumbs up, he declared that they should go to the cake shop next to check up on his wedding cake. "I gave them such an awesome picture of me and Ivan that should be done by now! Mattie is suppose to meet us there!"

"What. The. Fuck."

Matthew was trying not to laugh really he was. He knew his brother was still ol' Alfred but also knew that Russia rubbed off him the wrong way.

The other nations were also trying to not laugh since they also seen how America was becoming more and more like his...husband.

His 'cake' was just a big, black middle finger. It had some cool designs on it but it was still a big black middle finger.

"What the hell happen to my awesome cake!"

The clerk yawned. "This isn't your cake man?" He turned to look at it again.

America pulled him up by the collar and chanting that weird dooooom dooom dooom noise again. "This isn't my fucking cake you асшоле! I'm getting married!"

The man was about to reply something about that he didn't speak commie but he thought he would die fifty times over if he did. Instead he gulped and ran to get his manager.

"You idiot!" The manager smacked his worker upside the head. "Sorry my son is a moron; apparent he mixed up your order with another bride's order."

America didn't like being called 'bride' but only growled. "So where the hell is my cake then..."

"Ummm we are in the process of shipping it back here and will make sure to send it to your wedding! We will!" The father smacked his son upside the head again. "Dumb ass! This is America! You want us to get sued off our asses?"

Alfred felt a bit better that someone recognized him. "Alright but the wedding is in a bit more than a week so please..."

"We promise! And say you're sorry kid."

"I'm sorry." The teenager mumbled and looked away.

America gave a thumbs up and left with the other nations, who were still laughing.

"Seriously that finger looked just like a black version of Russia's..."

"Shut up Mattie."

Germany sighed as he heard the door knocking; he wondered if it was another package for his brother. He didn't know what East was doing and didn't like it at all. He said something about an 'awesome plan' that was bad written all over it.

For some reason the more he approached his entrance the more it seemed to give off a dark forbidding semblance. He opened it slowly and gasped at all the darkness that came from it.

There was Russia in his doorway, who was gripping his pipe in both hands. He had his eyes closed and the smile he had scared the shit out of him.

"Привет Германия, let's talk."

Prussia sighed and balanced the pencil between his nose; staying in his room upstairs.

After he wrote in his blog, he was trying to figure out an epic way so that he could stop the wedding and then take Alfred while he was on the rebound.

"Maybe trying to kill Russia wasn't an awesome idea..." He knew that the larger nation was basically invincible to almost everything; even the cursed hex pill that England gave him when he was drunk didn't even work. It only made him high as a kite and sick as hell.

"EAST! Kommen Sie hier unten!" Gilbert grumbled as Gilbird jumped; what did his brother want now? He thought he was going out with Feliciano again.

So he went down the stairs only to see no one there; even Ludwig was gone. "Das Bumsen?" He could still feel something or someone here and glanced around.

Yep, everyone was gone but him and Gilbird. Still what was this feeling of dread?

He turned around and shivered; nothing was there. He swore he thought someone was watching him.

Suddenly a sick feeling was behind him; like a overwhelming phobia. He turned around and screamed like a girl when he was face to face with his maker.

"You're lucky that he didn't declare this an act of war!"

Gilbert rolled his eyes and winced; he was being chewed out by Germany with Italy in tow. Apparently his brother was spared only a few taps because Russia had a soft spot for Feli and the couple. Of course he wasn't so lucky and now he had a broke arm, hand, foot, and a busted up face. He could feel a tooth missing and wondered if it would grow back or the doctors would have to put it back in.

"Solch ein idiot, warum tun sorge ich mich mit Ihnen manchmal..." Ludwig considered his brother lucky; Russia could have killed him and did something with his vital regions.

"~Ve, Non essere così duro con lui Doitsu." Italy patted his boyfriend on the head.

Germany sighed and rubbed his head. Dammit he's never going to propose to Italy again with his dumb ass brother around. He really cared for his boyfriend and with America and Russia's wedding, decided upon himself to try to do the same thing. The last time it failed and with Gilbert it looked like it would fail again.

"We're going out for pasta and sausages so aufenthalt aus schwierigkeiten; don't be stupid please."

Gilbert gave a mock salute and gave his brother the bird when he wasn't looking. He sighed and leaned against the doorway with a grimace. Why did Germany have everything? He had a cute girlfriend, acceptance from the nations, and even respect from America; something that he pinned for.

Well there was one thing that Ludwig didn't have and that was being awesome! Gilbert laughed and then flinched as his face was still sore when the pipe connected to it.

He stared into the distance and noticed someone approaching his house. Prussia relaxed when it was a woman coming towards him.

She had blondish hair and looked like a cute version of the bastard that he hated. Wait now that you mentioned it, she was that girl that hung around Russia; her name was Belarus wasn't it?

"Hallo there." She frowned and glared at him.

"Where is Vanya?"

"Who?" Vanya?

She sighed and frowned again; creating a dark aura. ".Russia."

"Oh that bastard? He kicked my ass, threaten Germany and left like a few hours ago."

A small pout formed on her face and Gilbert squealed on the inside; so cute!

"I just missed him then." She bit her lip and started to walk away.

"Wait!" Belarus glared at Gilbert again, who gulped and stood his ground. "Let's have a talk."

"Что. Сделало. Вы. Говорите."

Prussia didn't know what to give a woman so he made some fruit tea and Kluntje. He started the conversation with why she was here and Belarus only replied to get her brother Vanya, since she haven't seen him in months. Australia told her that he was going over Germany house for some reason and she followed him here.

So Gilbert being Gilbert, simply told her that he was preparing to marry the United States of America. He wasn't surprised when she broke the cup of tea and spilled it everywhere.

"My Vanya is marrying who?"

"America." Gilbert shivered at the evil that radiated from her small body as she stood up suddenly; it was worse than Russia's.

Belarus was breathing hard; so her brother was marrying...that...that little whore now. No Vanya was hers and hers only; America was going to pay.

She lifted up her skirt, giving Prussia a free view, until she pulled out a knife.

Her and America were not on good graces anymore; he would often come over to get some of her scary movies. No now this was war and she was going to stop this monstrosity.

"Where is my brother now?"

"Oh umm...I don't know..." He tried not to scream at the look she gave him. "But I can find out! I want to stop this wedding too!"

"You do?" She seemed to calm down somewhat.

"Yeah! I don't want Russia marrying America either!"

Belarus stared at Gilbert. "Ok I trust you."

"Awesome! You want to team up then?" He thrust out his hand and Natalya just stared at it.

She didn't know what this guy could do, but it was better than nothing. With a nod she shook his hand.

"Alright this is going to be an awesome alliance!" He thought this was the best idea ever! Now he can finally end up with the person he cared about and get ride of Russia at the same time!

So this is the first part to "Have my cake and eat it too." Oh no for the tag team of Prussia and Belarus D:

Ironically I am getting this out faster than Vanquish the states -.-; *sighs*

Loose translations are loose so any reviews or comments about mistakes are welcome and I will try to fix then if I can:

Rote Grütze: A type of German red fruit pudding that is made with black and red currants, raspberries, and sometimes strawberries or cherries that's cooked in juice with corn strati. Sometimes it's served with cream, vanilla sauce, milk, or whipped cream.

Freundin: Girlfriend

Punt kicked to the next dimension: A lame DBZ joke.

Kommen Sie oh heran: Oh come on

Fukubukuro: Joke on Japanese leftovers that stores give away in the new year; apparently Germany has no idea how he got them considering that it's June in Hetalia universe.

auf Wiedersehen: Bye

Nein: No

Apparently Russia is invincible to most things of the black arts and hexes as shown with Busby's chair so I am assuming that if he did eat something that was cursed it would only make him sick and not flat out hurt or kill him.

снежный медведь: snowy bear

Solyanaka: A type of Russian meat soup that is kinda salty and sometimes spicy. There are three kinds: Meat, Fish, and Mushroom. The Prime ingredients usually include pickled mushrooms, cucumbers, dill, and sour cream. Alfred wanted to make the meatier one without the sour cream, (even so I think this wouldn't be a good idea.) .org/russian_soup

Tenth level boss: A joke from role playing games; a really really hard and impossible boss. Basically Alfred is considering Ivan up there with people like Lucifer from the Star ocean 3 on 4D mode or Penace of Final Fantasy 10.

Beretta 92FS: A USA military/Nato9 mm semi automatic handgun; kids don't use guns like Alfred!

M9: A bazooka...'nuff said.

Dooom dooom doomm or Dummm dummm dumm: Basically America is using the sound of scene change that you hear in murder mysteries or horror movies. (like from the 1950s.) For some damn reason I can't find a file for it _ But no it's not the movie and no it's not from dragnet but it is in every one of those old movies when they put a commercial on. If I EVER find it I'll put it up. It's hella awesome.

Привет любитель: Hello love!

Да я – возлюбленный: Yes I'm fine beloved.

Да дайте ему некоторые сигналы любви для меня: Yes give him lots of love taps for me~!

Хорошо я буду видеть, что Вы скоро любите: Alright I will, see you soon love.

Да любите Вас партии: Yeah love you lots!

Да я люблю Вас также: Yeah I love you too

Russia is spinning his pipe like this: .com/watch?v=WNDh_tFIHn4 I laughed so hard while I was thinking this.

Po Pi Po: A song that's popular because it has Miku and it talks about vegetable juice; seriously. You either like it or hate it; I thought it would be fitting for Alfred: .com/watch?v=T0-2lzA7_Cg&feature=related

асшоле: asshole

Привет Германия: Hello Germany

Kommen Sie hier unten!: Get down here!

Das Bumsen: The fuck

Solch ein idiot,Warum tun sorge ich mich mit Ihnen manchmal: Such an idiot why do I bother with you sometimes.

Non essere così duro con lui: Don't be so hard on him

Aufenthalt aus Schwierigkeiten: Stay out of trouble

Что сделало Вы говорите: What did you say?

Teas are more common in the Northwest part of Germany, which is why Ludwig has only that and beer.

Kluntje is a type of German rock candy.