Three Months Later

The day was dark, rainy and cold, just as it had been at the funeral. No eye had been dry as he had been laid to rest, not even the Guv's, though he had tried to hide it. She stood at his grave, laying flowers by it, still guilty for the way she had treated him.

She had been so happy when he had asked her to marry him, getting caught up in all the frills to do with wedding planning. Then when he had gone corrupt, she realised what she had made him do. He had become corrupt to make her happy. She had loved it when he spoiled her, but now she realised how he did it. She had felt so guilty. It was her fault he had become corrupt.

She had still loved him when she broke it off, but she couldn't deal with it anymore. The knowledge that she had made him corrupt haunted her every day. She had told him she still wanted to be friends, but she couldn't look at him directly without feeling the intense longing for things to be what they used to be. She missed him more than she could ever let on.

He didn't know that she still wanted to be with him. He didn't know that she still loved him. He only knew what she wanted him to know. He only knew that she had broken it off.

When he had died, she had cried for a week straight. It was all her fault. When she had separated with him only two weeks after DI Drake had been shot she had told him she wanted to remain friends. She didn't want to be friends with him only. She wanted to be with him, but she couldn't. She couldn't let him go corrupt again. She smiled over his attempts to impress her with his knowledge. He really was trying to win her back. She was going to ask him back, she couldn't stand it anymore. She had missed him too much. She was going to do it that afternoon.

But it was too late. He was unreachable. He had died during her attempts to resuscitate him, and she couldn't bring him back.

She closed her eyes. He was forever lost to her.

Forever. It was a whisper in her head, a reminder of what happened. A reminder of how long she would have to deal with the consequences of her greed.

Forever. It was a promise of how long she would suffer. A promise of how long she would remember what she had lost.

Forever. It was a cruel word, laughing at her need for him. It was constantly there, reminding her that he was not, and that it was her fault he was gone in the first place.

He had told the Guv about a blag that was going to occur, but when they had gotten there, there was no one. The Guv had yelled himself blue at him, and he had looked down. It was then that they all heard the gunshot. The Guv had fallen silent, and he had looked up at them, confusion showing in his eyes. He had opened his mouth, but then started falling. The blood was flowing quickly out of his chest, and as she looked at the wound she knew immediately there was no hope. It was too close to his heart. Suddenly he had grabbed at his neck, and pulled a chain out. She had gasped. It was her ring. He had pressed it into her hand, and the tears that had threatened to spill now flowed freely.

She had called his name, told him to stay, but slowly, he had stopped breathing. She had told him she loved him. He had smiled, and exhaled. She heard a sharp intake of breath, painful. Then his voice had whispered into the air, so quietly she had hardly heard him.

"Sam."

His eyes closed, and she knew he was lost, but she refused to acknowledge it. She continued CPR on him, telling him to stay with her. DI Drake had knelt by her, stopping her hands, and she started sobbing even harder.

Suddenly she felt a hand run along her cheek. She looked up to see Chris kneeling in front of her. He looked peaceful, and no blood stained his clothing. He gazed at her with his different coloured eyes, not trying to conceal the love that shone in them. His mouth opened.

"It's over, Shaz," he said. "But you'll always be my Shazza. I'll always love you. Forever."

Shaz's tears doubled, something in that moment that she didn't think was possible. DI Drake led her to the car, trying unsuccessfully to console her.

They had found the man who had shot him quickly. The Guv had run off immediately after he was shot in the direction that the bullet had come from. He had caught the man running down an alley one street over, dropping him to the ground by tripping him. When he had come back, the man bore signs of a tell-tale beating, but he just looked at DI Drake and said that the man had run into a wall.

He had done it because he knew that Chris was corrupt. He said that Chris hadn't gotten enough punishment for what he had done. The man was a fellow copper, one that was trying to rid the force of all the "black" officers and keep the white.

She had to control herself when the man said this. She had worked with this man in CID every day. She wanted to punch him, but controlled herself. Punching him wouldn't bring Chris back. Nothing could.

His funeral had been held soon after. The day was dark and gloomy, much like this day was. Now she knelt by his grave, knowing that it was her fault she had lost him. She had pushed him away. She had avoided him. She had hurt him. But he had never stopped loving her. Shaz felt the tears sting in her eyes.

He was gone. He was dead. Forever.

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