Title: What You Wish For.

Author: Starvinbohemian.

Rating: M.

Pairings: Rukia/Kaien and with all the implications this would have on Rukia/Everyone Else.

Summary: "Drown not thyself to save a drowning man." An AU wherein Aaroniero really was Kaien. Rukia comes to terms with what it would have meant for Kaien to be alive.

What You Wish For

Part Three:

Deluge

"past sidewalk ashes
a last lovers arc
you come apart to intertwine
it was all so simple
as you watched him move
across the darkness in your room…

… you love him
you love him for yourself
you love him and no one, no one else
you love him
you love him more than this
you love him and you cannot, you can't resist…

… you love him."

— "Daphne Descends" by the Smashing Pumpkins.

Chapter Ten…

The night nightmares are made of…

They never should have come.

Rukia doesn't know it yet, but forever after this, the sound of thunder will be laced with the memory of cruel laughter. Dark skies will mean a ghost weight pressing down on her chest. Rain drops— all the tears she'll bottle up for years and years— will be the mocking of her most colossal, life-defining failure. Rainy days ruined, always.

But for now, for the last time, on this night, rain is just water as it slides down her face, into her eyes, and she is blind.

Kaien isn't moving. He hasn't struggled or tried to stand at all. It's been too long. Or maybe it's only been a second.

Rukia is half his size. Over and over again the thought repeats itself: his full weight is in her arms, and she's half his size and with barely a quarter of his strength. Her feet press deep into the mud with a sickening squelch.

Nonetheless, with bent knees and locked legs, she braces herself under his bulk. She won't let him fall.

"Kaien-dono?" she whispers.

Around them, the trees have gone quiet. All she hears are her own labored breaths and Kaien-dono's soft wheezing in her ear. The rain falls; she barely feels it. Later, the cold will feel like ice in her veins as the heat leaves his body despite her pleading and sobbing and her hand pressing against the wound she gave him. Now, she feels nothing but lost and alone in this moment.

Captain Ukitake stands nearby. He watches them with his sad eyes, but that's all he does. Why doesn't he help her? He can't give up. It can't end like this.

Kaien's voice startles her. "Captain…thanks for letting me… fight until the end…"

Her stomach drops. They never should have come here. This was a mistake— she can feel it in her bones. They should have waited. She should have listened to her captain. Ukitake had called her an idiot for coming back… but how could she just leave him there like that? How could she run and escape alone like a coward? "Kaien-dono?"

As he struggles to breathe, to speak, she feels his fingers clutch at her back. "Kuchiki… I dragged you into this… My stubbornness has caused you pain… I'm sorry. You must be torn apart inside." His voice grows fainter, and she regrets prompting him to speak at all when he should be conserving his strength. A shiver of despair threatens to snap what little control she still feels.

But no, there's still time. They can get him to Captain Unohana. She'll help. There's still time…

Kaien is still trying to speak. "Thanks… to you… my heart… can still stay here…"

She waits for more, but there won't be more, not ever again. Kaien's hand falls from her back, flopping against his side. Lifeless.

Her legs buckle. They fall.

It's the end of the world.

Within the nightmare…

"Kuchiki?"

Was that rain she heard, dripping on the roof?

"Kuchiki? Rukia?"

Startled, she straightens and says, "Yes, Captain! I'm sorry, Captain!" This is a meeting, she remembers, and she's supposed to be at attention.

"You still seem ill, Kuchiki. Are you absolutely certain you're feeling better?" The transmitter magnifies her captain's concerned face across Inoue's wall. He looks as tired as Rukia feels.

And so she tries to smile and look, if not well, then at least not deserving of such an anxious look. It's surprisingly hard to do when her body feels on the verge of shattering into a thousand pieces. She can hide her shaking hands in the pockets of her kosode, but she can't hide the dark circles under her eyes or the way she keeps swaying on her feet despite an iron will to the contrary.

"Yes, Captain," she manages. "It was only a fever. I am fully recovered." Liar, liar, liar… "I apologize that my reports were late," she adds.

What she should really apologize for is the fabrications in the reports. The only reason she was allowed to bring Kaien to the living world in the first place was because she committed to sending daily reports on his progress. In other words, to keep an eye on him. What good is a spy who does not see?

Or one who lies?

"Don't apologize when you were so ill!" he says with a weak laugh. "I was worried! Abarai-san made it sound as if you were dying!"

Rukia shudders. Within the fever dream, drifting through the water, it had felt like a death. But here she still stands, shaken but alive. "Vice-Captain Abarai has a problem with exaggeration."

Ukitake accepts this, because it is easier than seeing the truth, she thinks. But that is probably unfair, considering.

Dropping her gaze, she sees that the early morning light cast through Inoue's windows has reached her feet, the shadows having retreated to the edge of her toes. The light is too bright for a rainy day. Strange that she never felt the warmth against her legs.

Through the walls, she can hear Inoue's neighbors starting to rise to begin their day. For them, it is early. For Rukia, who never slept, it is so painfully late. She envies them for their still-warm beds. Time moves differently in Soul Society, and so she does not know if for her captain this is an early or a late meeting. She doesn't have the energy to ask.

Her captain's expression becomes solemn as his gaze slides behind her, as if he can see through the walls of Inoue's apartment to where Kaien and Inoue are waiting outside. "How is he?"

Inoue, a thankfully early riser, was kind enough to offer Kaien distraction, unknowingly (or maybe knowingly) saving Rukia from the awkward task of telling Kaien that she and Ukitake would be meeting privately. When she left them, they were playing some kind of game involving string wrapped around their fingers.

"He's… well."

"No… problems?"

She wonders what kind of problems her captain is expecting. He couldn't know, couldn't possibly have any idea, what is happening or else he would never have allowed, let alone suggested, that Kaien come here. Right?

Suddenly, madly, she considers telling him. Everything. It would be so easy to hand over her heavy responsibility to more capable hands. Her captain would fix everything.

And what would you say, she then asks herself. That his beloved Miyako, whom Ukitake loved like a daughter, tried to kill her in a dream? That Kaien may or may not have committed the unspeakable? That Rukia fears having lost her own grip on reality or that she now doubts whether reality even exists anymore? Forget Kaien— they would lock her away.

Her tongue feels heavy as lead. "None, Captain."

Ukitake's relief is palpable, and her heart sinks. "And how is Kurosaki-kun doing?" he asks in a much lighter tone.

Rukia feels too ashamed to admit that she has no idea. Ichigo was at the shoten after she woke from the fever, but that morning had quickly devolved into heated arguments and accusations and ended with her having kicked everyone out. She hasn't seen Ichigo since.

Ichigo is still yelling at her through the screen— for she has locked herself in the bathroom— "If he hurts someone, Rukia—"

Her reflection in the mirror glares haggardly back at her through limp bangs. "If you hurt him, I will never forgive you. Not ever, Ichigo."

Rukia clears her throat. Her words need to be chosen carefully. "He and Kaien-dono have not… They are not building the mentor relationship we had hoped for. If anything… their relationship is antagonistic."

To her astonishment, Ukitake laughs. "That doesn't surprise me."

"Captain?"

The look he gives her is fond. "Some things can't be helped."

He doesn't understand. Rukia stares hard at a crack in Inoue's wall. Her fingernails dig painfully into her palms, and she almost doesn't say what she does next.

"Despite what was said at the last meeting, I… I think Kaien-dono and I should return to Soul Society sooner than we agreed on. Vice-captain Abarai, too. All of us."

Ukitake's face falls immediately. "You said there were no problems."

"Not so far, Captain, no," she says reluctantly. "But I fear that there could be."

He doesn't ask her what kind of problems she fears occurring, which says plenty unto itself. "What about Kurosaki-kun?" he asks a bit desperately. "Hasn't it done him good to have you there?"

No, she thinks dejectedly. It hasn't. Rukia regrets letting her captain down, but either way she turns she is hurting someone. Last time, she had backed him up against the intimidating force of Kuukaku Shiba and her brother, but that was so clearly a mistake.

"Ichigo will be fine. He has other mentors."

When Ukitake's eyes widen, it occurs to her that she might have come off as callous. She hadn't meant to. She thinks it goes without saying that she cares about Ichigo's wellbeing, but Kaien needs her now. She doesn't understand why Inoue and Ukitake think Ichigo does, too. Ichigo has a large support system. Kaien has her.

"Ichigo is still learning how to handle his enormous power," she clarifies, "but at this time, unless a larger threat emerges, I feel we are just in the way."

Ukitake sighs. "His family is here. They've been waiting to see Kaien. I was hoping they would see how much better he was doing since they last saw him."

Kuukaku is going to murder her.

"Maybe a visit with his siblings will cheer him up."

It didn't before.

Rukia tries not to feel frustrated with him. He doesn't understand the situation, and that's her fault. She doesn't know how to make him understand without spelling it out, and she can't do that. It feels disloyal to even think it herself, but it suddenly feels very important that, if nothing else, Ukitake comprehends that having Kaien in the living world is dangerous. Maybe especially for Kaien.

"I don't believe it's just an issue of temperament," she says. "When Ichigo and Kaien-dono fight… I'm worried they might provoke each other to…" She can't bring herself to say what they might do.

Ukitake's head falls forward so that his long hair hides his eyes from her. "Kuchiki," he says solemnly, "I wasn't going to mention it, but…"

If it's possible, then her unease grows deeper. "What is it, Captain?"

"You and I argued so passionately against giving Kaien over to the twelfth division for study. I'm sorry, but the debate has continued in your absence. And I'm afraid that Captain Mayuri has begun to turn the tide in his favor."

Ukitake doesn't elaborate. He doesn't need to. Despair covers her like a cloak.

He still doesn't look her in the eye as he asks, "Is anyone actually endangered by having him there? Do you feel endangered, Kuchiki?"

That little spirit girl was so frightened. And Ichigo was so angry. But if Kaien goes into that laboratory…

She's trapped. They're all trapped.

"No," she says. "There's no immediate danger."

Ukitake raises his head. There are dark circles under his eyes; they must mirror hers.

His smile is fragile. "Then, please. Enjoy the rest of your vacation."

Her shoulders are hunched when she emerges from Inoue's apartment. All she wants to do is sleep, and yet she never wants to sleep again. In dreams, Not-Miyako waits for her, and she isn't ready to face the nightmares again.

The morning light is bright enough to burn. How could she have thought it might rain?

Inoue's apartment is on the second story of the building. Kaien and Inoue wait for her at the bottom of the stairs. Rukia pauses at the top of the staircase when she notices Renji sitting on a wall across the street. Even from this far away, she can tell that his expression is grim. She isn't surprised. Resigned and annoyed, yes, but not surprised.

Rukia can only avoid him for so long before she turns a corner and Renji is there waiting for her. She walks right past him.

"I didn't take those pills on purpose," she says over her shoulder.

"I never said you did."

His hovering says it all. "Leave me alone. You're bothersome."

"You can keep running, but we're going to talk about this."

What is there to say?

Rukia sends him a rude gesture that she thinks will convey her feelings on his amateur stalking. Renji shakes his head, but he disappears from the wall. He'll be back.

Inoue is in the middle of telling an animated story, her hands flying around her head, when Rukia joins them. "Kuchiki-san! I was just telling Shiba-san about how Kurosaki-kun—"

"Kicked your brother's ass," Kaien says with a smirk.

Rukia looks between them. "… oh."

Inoue smiles sheepishly. "Well, that's not…"

"I would have paid good money to see that," Kaien says. He eyes her. "That's some kid, huh?"

"He is," she says warily. He searches her face for something, but she gives nothing away.

Kaien sighs and lets her off the hook. "How is the old man?"

"He's well. Your sister and brother are on the transmission."

Kaien's expression tells her well enough what he thinks about that.

"They miss you," Rukia adds under her breath. Why is he so eager to avoid them?

"What's not to miss? Hey, don't roll your eyes!"

"Kaien-dono…"

He smiles grimly. "Yeah, yeah. Be right back." His hand brushes the back of hers before he bounds up the stairs to the apartment.

She waits until after he's disappeared inside, and then Rukia sinks down onto the bottom step and buries her face in her hands. She just wants to sleep…

Rukia jumps when Inoue touches her arm. She had forgotten the other girl was there. "Sorry, Inoue," she says, "for inconveniencing you so early. I know you have to get to school. Thank you for, well, everything."

"It's no trouble. I told you that." She bites her lip and then says softly, "He's very handsome, Kuchiki-san."

Rukia can't help the blush.

"He looks just like Kurosaki-kun."

Or the wince.

Inoue seems to want to say something else about it, but even as Rukia waits, whatever she wants to say doesn't seem to materialize. Rukia has no idea what to say either.

"Kurosaki-kun wasn't at school yesterday."

Rukia can feel the weariness deep in her skin. Damn it, Ichigo. "Why?"

Inoue drags her shoe over the ground. She looks troubled. Even so, Rukia would have given anything to trade places with her just then, to be pure, beautiful Inoue for a day. "I was hoping Kuchiki-san would know."

Kuchiki-san knows nothing. "I'm sorry, Inoue." And she is. But Inoue is just one more person she's disappointed to add to an already dismaying list.

"That's okay, Kuchiki-san." She glances up at her apartment. "I have to go to school now. Will you and Shiba-san—"

"We'll be fine, Inoue. Thank you," she says again. Her expression becomes wistful when she notices Inoue's book bag. "Have a good day at school."

Rukia watches until Inoue has disappeared around a corner. Then, she lets her eyes close for just a second…

"Kuchiki, are you sleeping?"

She bolts upright. "Of course not. Did you have a nice visit with your family?"

Kaien scowls. "That girl needs to remember who the eldest sibling is here."

She chooses not to comment on that. "Are you ready to head back?"

He shrugs. "Actually, I think I'm gonna patrol for a while. You can come join me after you've had a nap. No offense, but you look like you could use one." He grins so she knows he's teasing her, as if she didn't already know. Under different circumstances, she would have rolled her eyes and teased him back.

Instead, she stares. "Patrol? Alone?"

"Yeah. Patrol. Maybe you'll recall that I used to do that for, oh, a century or so."

The chastising look he gives her tells Rukia that she's embarrassed him. She feels guilty immediately because of course he would want to patrol for hollows. That's why he's supposedly come to the living world, isn't it? To help?

Her voice comes dangerously close to pleading. "Aren't you still hungry? You don't want to get breakfast?"

All week he has been famished. She's watched him devour plates and plates of food at every meal, much to Urahara's deep— cheap— chagrin. It's been a bizarre thing to watch. Even an hour ago, at the twilight hour when they left the shoten, he was muttering about a growling stomach.

"Nah," he says. "Just hungry for some hollows."

Rukia can feel the color draining out of her face. She knows the second he's realized the implications of what he's just said because Kaien looks stricken, too. Then, he catches a glimpse of her expression and becomes exasperated.

"Geez, what's with that look?" She can tell he's going for teasing, but his tone is too angry, too close to defensive to pull it off. "For hunting hollows, Kuchiki. That's what I meant."

"Of course, Kaien-dono," she says easily. Of course that's what he meant.

Thousands, an insidious double-voice whispers to her.

Rukia knows she needs to get a grip. But it's like she can't stop herself. Her eyes follow him everywhere, searching for signs of… something. No wonder Kaien wants some time to himself. She's been attached to his hip all week, never leaving him alone for longer than necessary.

Much as a certain someone has been hovering over her, she thinks with a resentful glance over her shoulder. She believes Renji has left for the time being, but who knows?

And it's because Rukia has been watching Kaien so closely that she's been forced to notice how closely he is always watching her. But unlike her, he doesn't seem suspicious. Just… focused? Is this normal?

With a light touch on his arm, she tries to apologize without embarrassing him further. "All right."

She immediately regrets her tone, because it sounds as if she is giving him permission, when technically, as far as he's concerned, there is no reason for him to need it.

Kaien frowns at her before he slips into shunpo and disappears. As soon as he's gone, she sags a little more.

It isn't a conscious choice of one over the other, but her feet take her away from Urahara's shoten and toward the last place she felt truly safe.

Once arrived, she tilts her head back and basks in the comfortable familiarity of the Kurosaki house.

Ichigo's window has been left open, as if he somehow knew she was coming. Ichigo himself is nowhere to be seen. Hopefully, that means he's at school, where he belongs.

Rukia hops over the bed and heads for the closet. There's no way Renji could fit comfortably inside, so there isn't a bed prepared. Luckily, both Renji and Rukia have plenty of experience with less than ideal sleeping arrangements.

She knows Renji as she knows the back of her own hand because, in many ways, they were born together in Rukongai; and so she knows that even after all these years, Ichigo's floor would still feel like a luxury to him.

Rukia herself has no compunctions about pulling down enough of Ichigo's t-shirts in order to create a makeshift bed like the one that used to be made of blankets. She shuts the closet door.

Cocooned in darkness and the smell of clean laundry, Rukia finally sleeps.

She's lying on her back, looking up at herself and Miyako-dono. They're leaning over her.

Somewhere to her left, Niisama is fighting a formidable opponent. There are foes everywhere, but also friends (family) that need her. To her right is Kaien, a pulsing knot of pain and need. She thinks he's calling her. Farther out, Ichigo's reiatsu somehow burns hot and familiar on both sides. She senses these things, but she can't turn her head to look.

She's frowning down at herself.

"You're running out of time," Miyako says.

She's speaking and also watching as the words come out of the other her's mouth. "What am I to do?"

"Choose."

It hurts too much to turn her head either way.

"… I can't."

It's the communicator that wakes her. Ichigo's t-shirts scatter as she leaps from the closet.

The sun has moved across the sky and into afternoon since she was last awake; it beats down on her as she runs. Her destination turns out to be a public park. She thinks it's still too early for the children to be out of school.

And thankfully, yes, the park is empty. Too empty. Where is it? She spins. It has to be here somewhere. The communicator pinpointed this location. Her heart has been pounding painfully in her chest since she was awoken so abruptly.

The hollow almost manages to sneak up on her. Almost.

Just in time, Rukia springs backward to avoid the enormous tail that darts out at her legs.

"That was too close, Kuchiki! You weren't paying attention!"

An unfortunate tree snaps in half from the impact of the tail. Still invisible, the creature laughs at her. "You're too slow, shinigami!"

"Show yourself!" she demands.

"If you say so." The air shimmers, and then the hollow appears before her, crouched on top of a swing set. The beast is enormous, with bone-white horns protruding from its malformed head. The poles of the swing set creak in warning of a snap. The mask grins at her. "I'm going to enjoy this," he hisses at her.

Me, too, she thinks. Rukia draws her zanpaktou. The rush of savage joy is a relief. If nothing else, then this at least she can do. "Come, hollow!"

"So eager! Very well, shinigami, here I come."

Kaien always told her to respect her opponent's size, not just due to difference of strength but also due to their longer reach. This hollow is huge. She circles, keeping her distance.

"Sorry, Kuchiki, but they're probably always going to be bigger than you." He grins. "But you can still be faster."

The hollow strikes out at her. Ready, she dodges the first blow. When its giant fist swings back, she has already darted around him. "Hey!"

They're too close to the street. Any minute, someone could walk by and get caught up in the fight.

No one is going to get hurt today. All she has to do is draw him deeper into the park and away from the main street. Decision made, Rukia turns on her heel and runs.

"Hey, where are you going? I thought we were gonna play!"

Not here. The monster is right on her heels, close enough that its warm spittle hits the back of her neck. His heavy footfalls pound in her ears. He's too close. There won't be enough time to turn and swing before he barrels into her. Rukia makes a gamble and drops to the ground. His large feet trample beside her head, but he goes right over her.

Jumping to her feet, Rukia raises her zanpaktou. The hollow stumbles to a stop and turns with a furious howl. "I am going to take you apart, piece by delicious piece."

"Bitch, I'm going to tear you apart!"

Rukia can't help it— her stance falters and for a crucial moment, it's an entirely different hollow before her. It's a moment she can't afford. The hollow is in front of her again in the time it takes to blink.

"Really, Kuchiki? You're daydreaming again?"

She means to parry the blow so she can slip beneath its massive arm for a close hit. But to her great surprise, her zanpaktou bounces off of the hollow's skin as if Sodeno no Shirayuki were made of rubber. Oh, shit.

The backhand sends her flying into a tree. Her back hits the bark with a horrible crunch, and she crumbles to the ground.

The hollow snorts. "That's it? How disappointing."

She grits her teeth against the pain as she struggles to her feet. "No, that's not all. Tsugi no mai, hakuren!"

Nothing happens.

Her confidence vanishes in the second it takes her to realize her zanpaktou has ignored her call. Rukia had reached for the power source and felt nothing there. Sodeno no Shirayuki… why?

The hollow takes advantage of her surprise. Its tail whips around and takes her out, smashing her back against the tree. There are evil stars in her eyes. She knows before she ever tries that there's no getting back up this time. But even with blood in her mouth and her eyes, she still has to try. It's worse than she anticipated. Something in her back snaps, and she screams.

The hollow leans over her with a sadistic grin on its pale face. "This is what they send to protect their precious humans? How embarrassing."

Rukia glares, but says nothing. She isn't going to waste words on a hollow.

"Maybe you won't make such a good meal after all."

She's distracted and hurting, and so she doesn't notice what's about to happen until it's too late. The hollow's tail wraps around her ankle, and then suddenly she's upside down in the air. Rukia nearly chokes on a wet gasp. The pain in her back is blinding.

The hollow brings her up so she's staring directly into his huge jaws. "Ah, well. I'm still going to eat you."

Her arms don't want to cooperate. Damn it…

She's failed again.

Rukia can't bear to look at him, but she hears him come up beside her. Kaien sighs and rests his large hand on the crown of her head. "Look, I know you're frustrated. I get it. I've been there. But you can't let the frustration win."

"I'm trying so hard, Kaien-dono," she whispers.

"I know. That's why you're going to get this. Just trust me."

Trust me.

Trust…

… me.

"If you really want to atone for your sins, then there is something I want you to do, Kuchiki… Bring me the heads of all your friends."

"Shut up!" she screams. The hollow draws back in surprise, but not before she sends a hot blast of kidou directly into his face. His screams echo around her as she plummets back to the ground.

Rukia had trusted Kaien. Because, like Niisama and Captain Ichimaru, Kaien was a child prodigy. The skills that took her years to learn came as natural as breathing to him. It had been whispered around the squad that Kaien could have been a captain if he wanted to, but he loved Squad 13 too much to leave. When he went into a fight, even against the hollow that had murdered his beloved wife, she trusted him to win. She trusted him because he was that powerful. And because he was her friend.

And none of it mattered. In the end, despite all of his experience, confidence, and natural talents, Kaien still died that night. None of it saved him— from her, little mediocre her— and he died.

I'm going to die, she thinks now, strangely unafraid. Maybe she is too shocked to be afraid when, after everything, it will all end like this.

Still screaming, the hollow lunges again for her. He's expecting to bite off her head, but Rukia draws back her zanpaktou and drives it right into his chest. The hollow rears back, his screams more out of agony now than rage, her zanpaktou still caught in his chest.

She's defenseless now.

"Hey! Hey, over here, you bastard!"

Except not.

Rukia can't help the grin when the familiar reiatsu washes over her. Ichigo. He came. Relieved, she lets her head drop back onto the grass.

"I'll get to you after I've devoured her!"

She hears Ichigo snarl, "Not gonna happen!"

Then, the sound of steel clashing, and it's the most comforting sound in the world. All Rukia can see is sky. She painstakingly angles her head so she can see the show because Ichigo in battle is a beautiful thing. There is nothing complicated about that.

The hollow tries the tail trick on Ichigo, and immediately finds himself short a tail. Faster than her eye can catch, Ichigo moves from the ground to the top of the hollow's head. "Get off! Get off!" the monster screams. He shakes his head frantically, and Ichigo slips sideways. But with a firm grip on the hollow's hair, he swings downward with purpose.

No one ever showed Ichigo how to fight. He just knew.

Taking advantage of an opportunity, Ichigo pulls Rukia's zanpaktou from where it's been stuck into the hollow's chest.

Maybe Ichigo is a child prodigy, too.

Before the hollow has time to understand what's been done, Ichigo rams Sodeno no Shirayuki right up under its jaw. The doomed beast swats at him ineffectively, but Ichigo has already returned to the hollow's head. With a ferocious yell, Ichigo raises and then drives Zangetsu down into the hollow's crown.

And it's over.

The hollow dispatched, Ichigo drops down beside her head. "Rukia!"

There was never any doubt that he would win. For all that Kaien and Ichigo resemble each other, Ichigo has never died on her. And she is so, so grateful…

She grins up at her savior. "Moron, I had him."

He scowls. "Shut up! This isn't funny!"

"Who's laughing?" Rukia winces as he awkwardly pulls her into his arms. "Careful, fool."

He surveys her with an anxious look. "Should we go to Inoue?"

Her back is on fire and going to Inoue would mean an easy fix, but maybe this is an opportunity to finally teach him something. "No. Let me show you." Rukia takes his hand and places it against her back. She snorts at the way his eyes widen. "Focus your energy into the wound."

"But… where is the wound?" he asks uncertainly. There has always been someone else to heal him, but that might not always be the case. "I can't see it…"

"It doesn't matter. Just picture my back and your energy pouring in and restoring the tissues."

"Okay. Got it."

She doubts that, but oh well. He could hardly make the situation worse. Relaxing against him, Rukia watches as Ichigo's expression settles into fierce concentration. "Begin."

Rukia is amused to discover that apparently not everything comes easily to him. Unlike Inoue's healing energy, which feels like a soothing balm, Ichigo's energy is halting and jerky, darting forward and then slipping in another direction before the pain has gone.

"Is it working?" he asks.

"Not at all. Focus, Ichigo."

"I am!" he snaps. "Damn it, this is hard."

"No, it isn't. Defeating arrancar is hard. This should be easy."

"Shut up. Or you can heal yourself."

"Even like this, I could probably do a better job."

"Rukia," he warns.

"All right," she says with a sigh. "Just focus." Rukia closes her eyes on the sight of his determined face bathed in golden light and endures his awkward attempts at healing. She will be healed— eventually.

They should probably talk about the things that were said the last time they saw each other. They don't, and Rukia is all right with that.

After a while, she opens her eyes to see him regarding her with a solemn expression. "Hmn?"

"What's wrong with you?" he asks. "That hollow was a joke."

Rukia avoids his eyes. "No hollow is a joke. You're overconfident."

"Why are you out here by yourself? I thought Urahara had you on bed rest."

"You do realize that creepy merchant isn't an actual doctor, right?"

"Rukia…"

She isn't going to have another conversation about supposed overdoses. "Anyway, why are you out here? Inoue said you weren't at school yesterday, and you're clearly not there today. Your studies are important, Ichigo."

He rolls his eyes. "As if you would know."

"I do—"

"Just drop it, okay? You're not supposed to be here. I'm not supposed to be here. But we were, and that's one less hollow hurting people today. That's good, isn't it?"

He has her there. Closing her eyes, Rukia gives in. She doesn't really want to talk anyway. She lets him get on with it and doesn't even point out that his healing feels like someone is poking her wound with a particularly bony finger. With her cheek pressed against his chest, she can't help but notice that familiar smell from his closet. Ichigo's reiatsu jumps suddenly.

She looks up at him in surprise. "What's wrong?"

"Stop it."

"Stop what?"

"You're smiling. It's creepy."

"Sorry."

She isn't.

TBC…