The Ballroom Inclination

It starts off with the door to apartment 4A opening on a Monday night. Penny strolls in, pink Victoria Secret pajama bottoms ruffled and her blonde hair wildly askew. The four men all turn to stare as she angrily grunts out a greeting and sits noiselessly down on the tiny sofa.

"Uh Penny is everything all right?" Leonard asks hesitantly.

"My cable's out again," she complains. "I was just getting ready to watch Dancing With the Stars."

"Well you can watch it here," Leonard offers kindly.

"No she can't," adds Sheldon.

"Why not?" Penny questions irritably.

"I was planning to watch Battlestar Galactica on DVD."

"Sheldon missing Battlestar Galactica won't kill you," Leonard explains exhaustingly.

"How do you know?" Comes the exasperating reply.

Four sighs follow this tiresome argument.

"Sheldon if you let me watch tonight I promise to drive you to the comic book store three days next week."

Sheldon glances at Penny intriguingly. "And I get to choose which three days?" he questions.

"Sure," agrees Penny.

He contemplates for a moment and finally nods in acceptance. "Very well, you may watch."

Sheldon hands Penny the remote and soon they are all watching the ballroom reality show.

It doesn't take long before three of the males are thoroughly enraptured in the flashing lights, the striking female dancers, and the endless abyss of sequins.

And then there is Sheldon Cooper who believes that he can formulate an equation to predict the winner.

"It's simple physics really," he explains. "Taking into account the sheer stamina that Evan Lysacek no don't has built up from years of strenuous training, with which he needs to flawlessly glide across the ice, it's safe to say that he stands an extremely respectable chance of becoming the victor. Not to mention the velocity that he is already familiar with exerting will undoubtedly prove useful in his acceleration while performing twists, heel-toes and the occasional arabesque."

"Hello Pamela Anderson," Howard says.

"Plus he's used to wearing those tight fitting sequin tights," Sheldon continues.

"I'd love to rest my head on one of those golden buoys." Howard states, watching the former Baywatch star.

"Buzz Aldrin's such a great American hero," Leonard says admiringly as he watches the space pioneer attempt to sashay across the floor.

Raj nods quietly from his seat and doesn't look in Penny's direction.

"Yes, it really is a shame that he no longer posses the energy or equilibrium to sufficiently shake his groove thing," Sheldon muses.

"Jeez I just watch it because I like the cute costumes and hot dancers," confesses Penny.

"Hello Pussycat Doll," Howard catcalls appreciatively.

"What in the world is Kate Gosselin doing on this show? Doesn't she have eight children to take care of?" Sheldon questions.

"If you had eight children you would gladly go off with the first man who came along wearing a silver jumpsuit." Penny says.

Raj nods agreeably.

"Plus her partner has a cute butt," Penny adds.

Raj stops mid nod when he realizes what he's agreeing with. They all pretend not to notice.

"My mother had three children and she was always there to tuck us in at night. I hardly think doing the Paso Doble is an acceptable excuse to leave her young."

"Well not every mother is attentive as yours Sheldon." Penny remarks.

"Tell me something I don't know," Leonard complains sourly from his seat.

"Hammerhead sharks heads are soft at birth so they won't jam the mothers' birth canals," Sheldon drawls.

They all ignore him.

"I'd hit that," Howard says, watching Kate Gosselin saucily shake her hips.

"She has eight kids Howard."

"Well they don't have to know Leonard."

"I really think we should switch to CBS," Sheldon suggests. "The show that follows Two and A Half Men is exceptionally witty."

"Eh I like Rules of Engagement," says Howard.

"Don't be ridiculous. No one likes Rules of Engagement" Sheldon explains.

"I think I'll go watch somewhere quieter," Penny says. "And where there's less crazy," she quietly adds.

They watch her as she leaves and as the door closes four heads turn back to the screen.

"Dude I would look awesome in one of those shiny costumes," Raj pipes up.

"Hello Brooke Burke," whistles Howard.

Sheldon twitches annoyingly on his seat. Leonard asks him what his problem is and he stares at the door.

"Just because she left before the program was completed doesn't mean she gets out of taking me to the comic book store."

FIN.