"Leah…? Did you hear me?"

Pulled from my trance, I blink and shake my head slightly, slipping away from the daydream into which I had fallen, permitting my gaze to land upon my younger brother. "Seth, I – what?" I ask him, oblivious to the fact that he has already asked me three times. With an exaggerated eye roll he heaves a loud sigh and attempts once more.

"I said that Sam called a pack meeting tonight, I wanted to know if you were going."

Did I have a fuckin' choice?

Holding back a sigh of annoyance, I nod my head slightly. "Of course I am," I respond smoothly, glancing away from his gaze. "As the Alpha calls so I shall follow. It is to these words that I remain bound." I speak softly, reverently – as though I humbly adore the ties that bind me to the occult. When I was a child I would fancy such fantasies; embrace such oddities. Now that I am a monster, however, the appeal has long since faded.

"Good," he states with a wide grin. "I'm excited for our first meeting, aren't you?"

Excited? I would rather hang myself with barbed wire, I think to myself, but I simply cannot speak of such things before my brother. Instead I nod, slowly, deliberately, as I meet his gaze again. "Of course," I state blandly, void of all emotion. "It will be fabulous." Actually, it will be anything but fabulous; we will be in wolf form, and I will be stranded for my thoughts will no longer remain my own. I dare not make eye contact with Sam tonight – I cannot let him, let anyone, see me aching as I do. Biting my lip nervously, I brush a stray hair from my cheek and shift my weight in my chair before getting up from the table, heading to my room. "Get me before you leave," I murmur casually, whisking myself to the depths of the only privacy I now possess.

Falling onto my bed I feel the tears well over in my eyes, cascading down my tanned cheeks. I bite back sobs, not wishing to alarm my family members; rendezvousing with the emotions that greet me every day. Sam is gone, Dad is gone – slowly I am losing everyone around me. I tremble, drawing my quilt around my shoulders in search of comfort; though I find none. My glance catches my reflection and I stare at it for a moment before turning away, now ashamed. I am not beautiful, not as he wishes. It is no wonder he has imprinted upon my cousin, Emily. So graceful, so perfect – she will give him everything. And I will be left again with nothing.

Time passes, but I am standing still. I do not hear Seth knock upon my door, nor as he enters my room. I awake only when I am touched by him, shaken from my slumber, his whispers reaching my ears. "Leah – LeeLee, wake up," he pleads with me. I shake him away from me, stung by his use of Sam's nickname for me and he recoils, burned by my coldness. I cannot apologize, but he does. "I'm – I, yeah, sorry Leah. C'mon time to go," he whispers, begging me now; so I rise. I get to my feet and move, considering before I follow him into the night.

Darkness embraces us. We vanish into the woods on separate paths, stripping down in solitude to transform and then reunite again. He prances ahead, gaily, running an incessant slew of excited thoughts about our first pack meeting. I try my best to remain silent within my mind; incapable of sharing in his gaiety. In fact, I find it irksome – how warmly he greets this new change within us. It is as though he has forgotten our sorrows; forgotten that my father died because of my changing. It is my fault, and had the Cullens not spread this fever to us my father would still be alive. But does this shatter Seth? No; he simply continues on his merry way as though this was his dream all along.

But it's not my dream – when do I get a say in what path my future takes?

Begrudgingly I halt beside Seth, the first and second to the circle where we meet. His anxiety has brought us here early and I groan slightly, sitting back on my haunches. I ignore every canine urge to scratch my ear or nibble an itch along my spine: I will not get down on my knees for the monster within me. Civilly I settle, forcing my mind to be devoid of as much thought as possible. It is not until I hear his voice that I am roused from my stony silence.

"Seth, Leah – so glad to see you both here finally," comes his murmuring tone, deep and warm. I shudder slightly, glancing over my shoulder to meet those big, dark brown eyes that drone so lovingly into mine. But – it is not love. Not anymore. I swallow and say nothing, reverting my gaze to the tree beyond where I sit; fixated upon the bark. I try to tune him out, praying I do not lose control. But as Seth greets him warmly and the two continue to chatter I simply break down and die.

I am lying upon my stomach with my head upon my paws when Jacob appears. He pauses before me, his chestnut coat shimmering in the full moon's pallid light, reaching down to nudge me gently with his large muzzle. Right paw bats him away, not desiring sympathy in any form – but the sadness from his gaze does not fade. I stare into his eyes a moment, captivated by my best friend's empathy, and I feel myself shattering.

Shards of my wholeness splinter all within reach.

I cannot – Jacob I just can't, I plead with him, praying the rest simply ignore me. I hate being here, I hate feeling this way…

God, can it Leah, snaps Paul. I can hear his throaty voice within my mind, though it does not resonate over the air. We hear enough of Jacob's pining for Bella, this is the last shit I want…

Paul back the fuck off, Jacob interrupts, a growl searing the air as it forms within his throat. He is suddenly menacing, looming above me, bristling as Paul approaches. They stare at one another and I begin to growl too, getting to my feet. My smaller gray body is hardly as intimidating, but the sounds I make could extinguish fire. Standing between the two I feel no fear, preparing myself to rip Paul in half. But just as my haunches bunch together, sinews tensing, I feel myself landing on my back. My eyes are glaring into Sam's and I feel no ground beneath my feet.

He is on top of me, growling in my face. With cowardice I tremble, trying to push him from me – but he does not release his grip. Leah, stop. All of you, knock it off; we have business to discuss. He leaps from me, so gracefully so, and returns to his appointed head of the circle and I struggle to my feet. Annoyance flusters my features, mixed with embarrassment, as I gather the shame of being chastised. Jacob shoots me another sympathetic look, clearly irate that I was the one to be punished. But the expression Sam bears is one that can detonate further explosions and thus, we fall silent.

I can feel Paul's pride embracing him, every ounce of me longs to rip his throat from his neck. I can feel my body tensing, but the touch of Jake's muzzle against my shoulder brings me back to reality. I cannot cause arguments over this; I must simply learn to block the thoughts from my mind in their presence.

So Sam begins to speak.

He drones about the Cullens, about Bella, about stray vampires and hunting. I grow idle, for I care not for any of the above. I wish Bella would disappear, so Jake's torment could end. I wish the Cullens had never existed, so I would be normal. I did not want to hunt, hated the idea of killing anything with my bare paws – I want nothing to do with these so-called obligations of being shifters. I want my own life back, I pine for normalcy. I miss being… me.

And I miss him being… him.
I miss him being... mine.