A/N: this is my first K/S fic ever so please be gentle. R&R

Spock watched his captain and the doctor argue amongst themselves with interest. How strange that they remained such good friends when 78.65% of the time they were arguing about one subject or another.

Kirk let his eyes drift down towards the table they were seated around as McCoy began one of his signature lectures, and Spock stared at him trying to register the emotions fluttering across the mans features, boredom mixed with dissipating anger, it was fascinating.

Spock stopped staring for a moment and looked down at his salad, knowing that looking at a human for an extended period tended to make them uncomfortable. He tensed when he felt Kirks fingers land near to his own hand which Spock moved away quickly so as to avoid any accidental touch.

Much to his surprise Kirks fingers followed, and Spock looked up his eyebrows rising slightly in a Vulcan frown, the captain seemed deep in thought and continued to move his fingers after Spock as though he were chasing the touch. Spock suddenly felt his heart rate pick up, what was the captain doing? Did he not know the meaning of what he was attempting?

Spock gazed at the captain, also lost in his own thoughts when he felt a light brush against his index finger, an electric touch that made him jump out of his seat and stare down at Kirk,

"Captain!"

Kirk looked up innocently, and tilted his head as though he were confused.

"Spock? Are you alright?"

McCoy stopped his rant and glanced between the two men, frowning at Kirk

"What did you do?" he snapped at his friend and when Kirk finally looked at the doctor Spock turned and walked towards the exit trying to quell the shock welling up inside him.

He allowed himself a quick glance back to asses the captains' reaction when saw McCoy earnestly explaining a Vulcan kiss and the captains shocked and embarrassed response.

Spock turned back and strode quickly through the halls of the ship until he reached his office, sweet solitude. The Vulcan locked his door behind him and seated himself next to the desk, staring out of the small window into the fast moving space. He frowned again trying to make sense of what had just happened, and the curious ache in his abdomen when he thought about the kiss the captain had unwillingly laid on him.

The Vulcan allowed himself to repeat the memory in his mind, trying to understand how the captain had not known about this; he knew the captain had read all of the doctor's textbooks whilst they were at the academy, and so he would have read about Vulcan's touch telepathy and the significance of touching hands. It was then he remembered the flash of emotion he had gotten for that brief moment, guilt.

The Vulcan sighed, and stood knowing he must go to his quarters and meditate, try to understand the curious ache and to decide whether or not it were a medical issue. He unlocked the door, and watched it slide open revealing the captin stood just outside, hand raised as though he were about to ring for Spock.

The Vulcan raised an eyebrow, and put his hands behind his back. Kirk looked up at him sheepishly "Spock, I'm sorry"

"It is quite alright captain"

Spock looked down at the shorter man, whose eyes were full of so much emotion, features switching between relief unease and embarrassment, it was truly fascinating.

"I didn't…"

Spock raised his eyebrow a fraction interrupting the captain "Perhaps you should re-read doctor McCoy's xenobiology textbooks captain"

The captain flushed and Spock watched it spread with interest.

"I guess I will" the captain shrugged, clearly still embarrassed.

"Excuse me captain, I was intending to retire to my quarters and meditate"

Spock bowed his head slightly and walked past the captain, deftly ignoring his slightly raised heart rate.

In the following weeks the captain kept himself at least a metre away from Spock at all times, careful not to touch his arm or touch knees under the dining table. Spock found the ache in his abdomen did not fade, although no other clearly defined symptoms surfaced so he did not visit the doctor and he endeavoured to suppress thoughts about its origin. Because of this he did not discover its cause until the night of the spring formal dance aboard the ship.

He was stood in the bathroom he shared with Kirk, carefully trimming his hair using his shears and the large mirror. Spock ignored the familiar ache when he thought about the captain and what he would be doing at the ball.

The entire crew would be there, dancing and consuming alcoholic drinks, enjoying themselves. Spock openly frowned at his reflection, it was true that he himself derived no pleasure from such activities, but he did confess that being in the company of the personnel that considered him a friend did elicit contentment from him he had never experienced in his youth and a strange feeling he had not yet fully comprehended. One of belonging, and although he disliked their constant attempts to include him in the frivolities he found it fascinating that they would consider him above other much more suited humans to be included.

Spock suppressed a vocal expression, muscles tensing when Kirk suddenly strode into their shared space. Both men staring at each other for a moment, Spock relaxing when he realised it was not an intruder.

He placed the shears on the unit and turned tucking his hands behind his back, suddenly very aware that he had decided to disrobe his uniform blue sweater and black undershirt to avoid covering them in shorn hair clippings.

Kirks eyes wandered down his chest and Spock felt a blush rise in his ears at the scrutiny.

"Captain?"

"Spock"

"I was not aware you were present"

Spock cursed himself, knowing that his assumption he was alone had allowed him to become distracted. If it had been an intruder he would not have sensed them until it was possibly too late.

Spock straightened himself a little tilting his head at Kirk.

"Didn't feel like partying tonight"

Kirk seemed distracted and Spock frowned remaining silent.

"What about you Spock? Wont Uhura be a bit mad if you are late?"

The captain looked up locking his expressive gaze on Spock's cold stare. Spock took a moment to reply,

"Why would that be captain?" he was being intentionally evasive and he knew it.

"Spock has something happened between you two?"

Spock's insides seemed to clench when he detected a hint of hope in the captains tone, although this did not make sense. He let his eyes fall to the ground "Lieutenant Uhura has ended our agreement"

Kirk gasped and Spock's eyes flickered up "Oh I'm sorry Spock"

Kirks fingers twitched and Spocks glanced at them with longing. Ignoring this feeling as soon as it surfaced. "It is alright captain… I must confess I had expected this eventuality"

Kirk raised an eyebrow "oh?"

Spock remained silent.

"I mean go... go on… I mean if that's okay with you? I know your half Vulcan and everything, but talking about thing generally makes people feel better, but that's only if you want too I'm not being nosy I just want to make sure your okay…" Kirk blushed his eyes closing for a moment in embarrassment.

Spock let his mouth twitch in a unperceivable smile "That would be agreeable captain if you would allow me to dress first, I must confess to feeling rather exposed "

Spock knew he was blushing a light green, trying to understand why he had felt the need to be so honest with Kirk.

"Jim… call me Jim Spock. We are not working now"

Jim sighed, eyes flickering over Spock, before gesturing to his own quarters "I'll… I'll be in my room when you're ready"

Spock shivered as the door closed behind the shorter man, the longing that had flickered in his captains eyes affecting him strongly. After replacing his black undershirt Spock stood in silence facing the door to the captain's room, finding it difficult to make the step over the threshold.

He glared at the sleek metal door, his mind whirring over everything he had been feeling recently, shock at his captain's actions, embarrassment, longing and everything that had happened, the kiss and the change in his and Nyotas relationship. The Vulcan sighed, knowing he was missing some valuable piece of data that would explain everything; he just needed to find it.

Spock straightened his shoulders letting out a claiming breath before letting himself into the captain's quarters. Jim was seated in one of the armchairs, PADD in hand; Spock walked forward a few steps and glanced down at his captain with interest, "Captain"

"Jim"

"My apologies Jim"

The captain grinned up at his first gesturing at the chair opposite. Spock nodded and sat down, watching the captain read "What are you reading Jim"

Spock smiled internally, relishing the use of his captain's first name. Jim looked up and grinned "It's a article by a man called Father Jack, on the nature of god and space travel"

Spock raised an eyebrow "I was not aware you had more than one father Jim"

Kirk chuckled "He isn't my father; it's a terran term for members of the church of Christianity, who lead sermons and stuff"

Kirk smiled at Spock, placing the PADD to his left on a small table.

"I see ca-Jim"

Kirk grinned crossing his legs, his face softening "So… what happened?"

Spock sat up a little straighter "Nyota informed that she is harbouring romantic feelings for another man and that she did not wish to harm me"

Kirk let out a low hum and nodded Spock relaxed a little "I informed her that I felt no malevolent emotions towards her and we agreed to remain friends"

Kirk was frowning and Spock tilted his head "What did she say to that?"

"She seemed, to use the terran term, 'put out' but overall rather pleased that we had reached an amicable split"

Kirk frowned again and they sat in silence for a moment "Spock?"

"Yes Jim?"

"Weren't you upset at all? You two have been together for two years and normally when relationships that have lasted that long end there is at least some sadness at the parting? Even you Spock half Vulcan be damned must feel something?"

Spock frowned considering the captains logic "I understand that it is illogical that I did not resist the split as I had been content with the relationship. However I am very fond of Nyota, and it seemed logical to accept her decision"

Spock was being evasive again, he had felt a spike of what seemed like irrational fear when Kirk had begun to delve deeper in to why they had broken up.

Into Spocks feelings.

Kirk turned his face slightly to the left and squinted at Spock "You didn't feel sad though? Surely even if you respected her decision and all that you'd still feel a bit sad for yourself?"

"It seems not captain"

"Jim"

Spocks lips twitched but he remained quiet "There must a be a reason…"

Spock shifted; this conversation was becoming uncomfortable

"Spock? Is there a reason you weren't upset that you broke up? Kirk asked his voice a quiet whisper.

Spock considered kirks flowering cactus with interest for a moment

"Spooock"

Spock sighed and started down at his captain's feet "I am not aware of the reason Jim; I can only say that I was not affected by the split"

Spock looked up and saw the strange expression he was receiving from Jim.

"Well Spock, as long as you are okay"

"I am"

Kirk pursed his lips for a moment and Spock decided to ask his own question "Why did you not wish to join in the frivolities Jim?"

Kirk blushed "I figured spending a night mothering a drunk Bones and watching … well watching people enjoy things I can't just didn't sound all that fun"

Kirk had begun mumbling to himself his anger evident.

"What are you unable to enjoy?"

Spock tilted his head his interest piqued Kirk flushed "I'm going to tell you something Spock, a secret"

Spock let his internal smile flourish, being trusted with a one of Jims secrets, truly a rare delight.

"I understand Jim"

Jim smiled for a second, his eyes becoming distant, vague pain evident deep in them. Spock suppressed the urge to acknowledge this.

"Truth is Spock, I… like someone, but I can't do anything about it and I th- I mean they would be at the dance and I didn't want to go a see them having fun with somebody else"

Spock was silent as he considered Jims secret. "I see Jim, but if you care for this person wouldn't you want to see them happy?"

Jim groaned "I do want to see him happy Spock, but humans experience a emotion called jealousy and it's painful to see someone you love being happy with somebody else"

Spock gasped internally, him? The captain was interested in a male human?

He paused and decided since the captain had obviously let this slip accidently he should not press the issue

"I understand jealousy Jim" Spock's mouth twitched and Kirk blushed

"Oh I thought... I mean when have you ever been jealous of anybody?"

Spock titled his head "I was often jealous as a child, my peers relished in excluding me and I longed to be like them"

Spock raised an eyebrow and Kirks face fell "Oh Spock, you were jealous of them being fully Vulcan?"

Spock nodded, Kirks eyebrows lowered and he frowned "If they were here right now I swear I'd…"

Spock let out a soft chuckle and Kirk suddenly looked up, grinning widely when he realised he had made the Vulcan laugh "You are suggesting you would attack several Vulcan's simply because of an emotion they caused me in my youth?"

Kirk blushed but remained grinning "Yep, defiantly"

Spock looked down instantly; embarrassment carefully concealed knowing full well he couldn't hide the light green blush rising in his face.

"I appreciate the sentiment captain; however you would be outmatched as they have strength surpassing your own and are quite numerous"

Spock spoke quietly and Kirk laughed "You're probably right"

The two men sat in companionable silence for a moment before Spock looked at the time "I am sorry Jim, but I must rest to retain a healthy sleep schedule"

Jim laughed "Alright Spock" they both stood and Kirk walked his first to the bathroom door, hands in pockets,

"Goodnight Spock"

Spock paused back turned "Goodnight captain"

Goodnight Th'y'la