Okay, so this is just a whole lot of fun. I wrote it mostly because I wanted to, but I want to know what you guys think. Oh and this is a sort of series too because I wrote more. Enjoy.

EDIT: Someone asked me for this, so I am providing a link to a list of chocobos. Here it is, just remove the spaces: http : / / rethira. livejournal . com / 30016 . html If you can't see the link just message me. Or go to my homepage (my lj) and you should be able to find the tag for list of chocobos there.

Warning: Large amounts of crack and murderous chocobos. Oh and gay chocobos.

Disclaimer: I do not own the compilation of Final Fantasy VII, but I wish I did.

Chocobo Farm

Zack's prized flock of chocobos were world renowned. Everyone wanted a chocobo that Zack had raised. The problem was that lately, Zack's chocobos hadn't been laying many eggs.

That was probably caused by the fact that Sephiroth, the meanest, nastiest and most ferocious black chocobo in existence (also leader of the flock) couldn't seem to decide whether he wanted to kill or mate with Cloud, a young yellow with the most outrageous set of head feathers Zack had ever seen.

With Sephiroth stuck in a rut, the rest of the flock were walking on eggshells, sometimes quite literally. Cloud had developed a fear of all the other black chocobos and spent most of his time trying to hide behind Zack (the chocobo). Then there was Genesis – he was a red-brown, the only chocobo of his kind in existence – who was spending all of his time chasing all of the other chocobos around trying to mate with them. Only Angeal – who was the calmest black Zack had ever seen – seemed to be able to control Genesis, and even then most of that seemed to involve a lot of sneaking off behind the shed for what amounted to a gay chocobo quickie.

Zack was also slightly worried about Aerith's chocobo, Zack (and he'll be the first to admit that got confusing). Zack-the-chocobo was a blue and he was playful, hot headed and the first to get into trouble. He was also courting Aerith-the-chocobo while still carrying on with Genesis and Angeal and Sephiroth sometimes. Zack swore he'd once seen Zack-the-chocobo doing the dirty with Cloud. Aerith-the-chocobo was a gentle green and was perhaps the only one who seemed to be able to settle any chocobo's tail feathers, even Sephiroth. And she was also playing hard to get with Zack-the-chocobo, but hey, Aerith was too and names seemed to have a hell of a lot of power these days.

The less obedient chocobos – the Turk(ey)s, Zack called them – were also playing up. The leader of that little group was Rufus – a rather annoying and small gold with a red tinge – and he was always picking fights with Sephiroth. At least, whenever he wasn't staring (with eyes that were far too calculating for a chocobo) at Reno or 'busy' with Tseng. Tseng was another black and he was always hovering somewhere, usually around Rufus or Aerith-the-chocobo and sometimes around Zack-the-chocobo. He was usually tailed by Reno (a red), Rude (a brown) and Elena (a yellow) if they weren't all 'busy' with each other (Zack hadn't known chocobos could have threesomes until he'd seen Reno, Rude and Elena together and that was one memory he was working on repressing).

Vincent was also acting a bit strange. Not that the black didn't act strange a lot of the time, but he was acting particularly strange and Zack was sure it had something to do with his son's aberrant (and that was his word of the day done) behaviour. Cid was obviously trying to cheer his long term mate up, but all the younger chocobos were really having an effect of Vin, especially Yuffie. Cid was a once wild gold (Zack had been amazed to even see one, let alone tame it) that Zack had managed to tempt from the sky with several bundles of greens and one extremely put out and depressed Vincent (he'd just lost his mate Lucrecia, after all, and his son was already acting like a maniac).

The rest of the flock were in a sense hangers on. Zack loved all of them, but they didn't seem to have nearly as much crazy as most of the flock. There was Yuffie, one of his two whites and she was more hyperactive than Zack-the-chocobo. They were partners in crime, although it usually seemed as though Zack-the-chocobo was rescuing Yuffie. The other white was Cait Sith or Reeve (he had two names) and he was so sane that most people forgot he existed. Tifa was far and away the prettiest female chocobo Zack had seen, barring Aerith-the-chocobo. She was a brown and she seemed to have a bit of a thing for Cloud, but kept on getting distracted by Zack-the-chocobo and Barret. Barret was the biggest chocobo in the flock and was also hot-headed but gentle at the same time. He was a huge brown and was often found hanging around Tifa and any chicks Zack happened to be raising. Finally there was Nanaki, a red chocobo whose feathers had stunted so it looked like he was covered with fur but it was really just down (or mini feathers). Nanaki looked weird for a chocobo, and was never afraid of predators, but he had an odd attachment to balls of string. He tended to ignore the rest of the flock.

And that was the world of Zack's chocobos.

In retrospect, it wasn't all that weird that he wasn't getting eggs anymore. Most of the damn flock was gay.

There is more, but I want to know your reactions first. Are you interested in more, or should I go back to writing smut? Oh and you don't have to review or anything, but it would be nice. I'm not obsessed with reviews like some people are. I'm just a bit lonely.

Rethira