To Be or Not To Be?, a naruto fanfic

To Be or Not To Be?

Summary: The Uchiha family is always on the move when strange noises come from the youngest Uchiha's room. Especially when Naruto is involved. NaruSasu Crackfic

The Uchiha family were known world-wide from their strong personalities, genius children, beauty, and their wealth. Many believed they had proven the old saying wrong of 'No one can be perfect.' They had not one single flaw and if they did, it went unnoticed as all stared up to them with admiration or sometimes fear.

So, when the Uchiha family moved into a decent neighborhood of middle-class families, they weren't surprised that the neighbors willingly allowed their land to be bought and moved out, only to later gossip of the good deeds they had done for the Uchiha family.

Thus, the neighborhood had been evacuated by everyone who did not hold the name Uchiha.

Wait…

Back up..

What's that?

…Yeah..that right there….

No! Not the pool where Old Man Tamaki's house use to be!!

OVER!!

NO! LEFT!

NO! YOUR LEFT!

FREEZE!!

Yeah…what's that?

A house?

……

Please enjoy this lovely silence as we try to investigate this matter.

Thank you for waiting.

Well it seemed that one person had not taken the Uchihas offer and had stayed in their home. The little error was not released to the public because, well, they are perfect!

Anyway~

Our story starts months later, after the Uchihas finally get use to the little problem on their land and get to know the person of the home more, who goes by the surname Uzumaki.

Now, let us begin….

THUMP

The Uchiha family - Fukagu Uchiha, Mikoto Uchiha, and Itachi Uchiha - rose their heads upwards to the ceiling where the loud noise had come from. Mikoto gave her husband a questioning look, flickering her eyes back and forth between the two to indicate that they should go check it out.

Fukagu sighed, returning to his newspaper, not really thinking it was anything bad. His son was strong enough to deal with anything going down in there anyway. He wouldn't need his parents help for something so small and pointless.

THUMP!

THHUUUUMMMPPPP!!

"Fukagu!" Mikoto exclaimed, jumping to her feet at the latest thump. It had been so strong that the chandelier on the ceiling had vibrated.

"Its okay Dear. Its just Sasuke and Uzumaki goofing around." He muttered, turning the page of the paper. He scrunched his eyebrows together in thought, wondering why he was reading such a boring paper in the first place? He needed a life…

THUMP

THUMPY THUMPY THUMP THUMP!

"FUKAGU!"

"I think we should check on them Father." Itachi commented, his eyes never pulling away from the computer where he stared at his hidden stash of his adorable brother's pictures. He wouldn't admit it, but he had gained a brother-complex ever since his little Sasuke became independent around the time Naruto showed up.

"And why is that, Itachi?" Fukagu asked, placing the paper down.

Itachi smirked, placing his laptop on sleep mood and placing it on the nearby table. "I heard from the latest gossip of the maids that are little Sasuke came out of the closet last week to Naruto."

No one was surprised by the news, Sasuke had always had those vibes of 'I-LIKE-MAN-NIPPLES'.

"Okay…?"

"Father…think for a moment. Our poor, innocent Sasuke is up there with that dominate, sly Naruto. Then add that they are in Sasuke's bedroom. Plus the thumping noises. Either they are dropping bowling balls or they are fucking like rabbits."

"Itachi!" Mikoto gasped.

"Excuse my language mother."

"Not THAT! If they are having sex then I want to see! My baby is losing his precious virginity and its also yaoi!" Mikoto giggled, blushing shyly at the thought. Heck, she had nothing else to do but read manga in her spare time besides going to boring country clubs to chat about tea.

THUMP!

THUMP!!

"OUCH! YOU FUCKER, THAT HURT!!"

That sent the family rushing up the stairs and kicking down the door in the same second. Behold, the scene shown to them proved they had perverted minds.

Sasuke held Naruto in a headlock, refusing to let go even though Naruto was starting to turn blue. Watching the scene in confusion and shock, they finally snapped out of their stance when Naruto's head went limp in Sasuke's hold.

Sasuke looked up to his family, raising an eyebrow at their appearance and released the suppose-to-be dead Naruto, who fell to the ground gasping for air. Sasuke pulled himself up from the ground and turned to his family with an annoyed gaze pushing aside his curiosity once he realized how nosy they were.

"May I help you mother, father…?"

"What about Itachi?" Itachi asked.

Sasuke ignored him.

Fukagu stepped forward.

"We heard content thumps and came up here to investigate to make sure you two weren't doing anything improper." Sasuke blinked, before understanding and a blush dusted his cheeks at the thought.

Naruto finally picked himself off the ground, rubbing his bruised neck. Giving them a apologetic smile, he laughed nervously. "Sorry about that folks! I challenged Sasuke this thing about bowling balls falling at the same speed as pennies…but then I dropped one of the balls on Sasuke's foot and he attacked me…"

Silence.

"I told you."

Fukagu glared at his oldest son.

Mikoto pouted in disappointed.

"I want grandbabies damnit!!"

Awkward silence.

Mikoto hummed to herself as she cut a lemon to prepare for her refreshment that awaited her on the backyard pouch. It was such a nice day to be out and just love the world for being there!

Picking up the slice, she began to head out but paused when she heard something that sounded like a moan coming from upstairs. Placing the sliced fruit down, she quietly paddled up the stairs, following the noises to the main source - Sasuke's room.

Blushing, she believed she had tumbled upon what she had been waiting for months to happen! Checking around, she was paranoid at the moment, she spotted no one and leaned over, peeking into the keyhole. Looking around, she spotted a finger pressed on tan lips. A tongue flickered out and grabbed onto the finger, pulling it in.

Gasping into her hand, she held back her giggles, leaning in closer to get a better view.

The finger pulled away and disappeared to the ground before pulling up something that Mikoto couldn't really see well. The fingers was placed on the same lips and they were taken back in. A moan spilled from the lips as they fingers pulled back again.

"More..."

"Hmph. Impatient."

Mikoto continued to watch, mouth gaping at the intense scene. She was so engrossed in her activity that she hadn't realized that someone had come behind her.

"Dear?"

"AH!" Mikoto hopped up, accidentally bumping her head against her husband's chin. Moaning in pain, she looked up to Fukagu and chuckled sheepishly.

"Yes sweetheart? Do you need something?"

"…" Fukagu looked at the door and then at her flustered cheeks.

It didn't take a genius to understand what was up.

"SASUKE!"

Slamming the door open, he readied himself to pull out his speech of AIDS/HIVS and that babies would be born from his bellybutton. Though he was stopped by the scene of Naruto tied to a chair and blinded fold. Sasuke was in front of him, his fingers inches away from the boy's lips. In the fingers was a needle.

Silence.

"Sasuke…"

"…yes Father.."

"….what are you doing…"

"….feeding him…"

"…your feeding him…"

"…yes…"

"…feeding him needles…"

"WHAT?!" Naruto struggled in his restraints. "Sasuke you bastard! I knew you were up to something! First the cakes, then the chocolate! I just knew something bad was coming!!"

"Your such a baby."

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! I'M NOT A BDSM MASOCHIST LIKE YOU!"

Stab.

"FUCK!!"

Mikoto cried in the background, wondering why she couldn't be blessed with grandchildren yet.

It was that day again.

The day to show off that Uchiha name.

Tonight, the Uchihas were having a big company party. It was the 250th anniversary of the Uchiha Inc.

While the mansion was being prepped up, an incident decided to occur at the most busiest moment. It seemed that Naruto was on a rampage, cursing out anyone in his path, even the scaring some bodyguards to the sides. As the blond stomped around, he spotted the family of the source of his anger.

"HEY! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!? WHY ARE PEOPLE POSTING UP FAKE TREES IN FRONT OF MY AWESOME HOUSE!?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"That place is a eyesore and will destroy the words 'Uchiha Property' if seen by outsiders."

"I don't giving a flying pig carrying a fat witch! Move that junk or else I'll do something so horrible, you'll WISH I didn't!" Naruto exclaimed, flailing his arms wildly. The family looked to each other, then back to Naruto, waiting for anything to occur.

Naruto smirked devilishly.

"Fine….be that way…you'll see….you'll see!!"

Storm.

Door slams.

…

"Well, that was weird."

..uhhh, before anyone knew it, it was night and the street was filled with cars and people arriving 'fashionably late'. The house was packed with selfish businessmen and there clingy wives who held small talk about what she did and what he didn't do. Furthering into the party, the Uchiha family was surrounded, asked questions and cooed over their beauty.

Then, it happened.

The doors burst opened.

The crowd gasped.

The Uchiha family stared.

Naruto Uzumaki…

AND DATE?!?!

Mikoto screamed and felt faint, clinging onto her husband's arm for support.

Itachi stared, speechless.

Naruto wasn't gay?

Fukagu didn't know if he were breathing or blinking.

Sasuke…

Sasuke was P-I-S-S-E-D.

Naruto smirked at the crowd and walked through with his date on his arm who had a smile on her face. Stopping before the family, he waved friendly.

"Hey guys! I'd like to introduce you to my date! This is Haku~!"

Haku waved shyly.

So THIS was the threat?!

Mikoto cried.

She was soon surrounded by other women, whispering soothing words and even offering there on daughters to replace the Uzumaki's spot for Sasuke. Everyone knew about Naruto since he would tag along on their vacations and such, so, many knew well about the close relationship between Sasuke and Naruto.

Sasuke looked between the couple in rage.

This was so NOT going to be happening!

Walking over, he stared Naruto straight into the eye.

Stare.

Sta-

Sasuke smirked, understanding what was going on.

Turning, he walked away.

Naruto, in turn, panicked, realizing that his plan had been uncovered.

"WAIT! SASUKE!!" He quickly followed.

Confusion ran through the crowd before Haku shrugged.

"Well, I must be on my way. Women clothes bother me, even if I look good in them~!" She(?) walked off, humming.

Silence.

A cough.

"..The Uchiha Family really does know how to throw an eventful night!"

Wow! The power of being feared…

Itachi walked merrily through the halls of the manor, wondering where he could set up cameras to film Sasuke in the shower without the boy finding them and karate chopping them into rubbish.

As he continue to think, a scream rose from Sasuke's room, starling him out his thoughts. Before he knew it, he was up the stairs with his mother and father. They listened carefully to make sure that hadn't been hearing things.

There was quiet.

Then a rustle.

Next came a hiss.

"I DON'T WANT THAT! RELEASE ME!"

Cue to proceed.

Slamming the door in, Fukagu stared horrified at his son who was being forced to allow the blond haired idiot to paint his nails a bright red. What frightened him the most was that his son was dressed in a cheerleader outfit and bound to a familiar chair that Naruto usually was tied too.

Naruto looked back curiously to see why Sasuke had began to hyperventilate. "Oh! Hi Mr. Uchiha!, Mrs. Uchiha! Itachi!" The three just stood there, staring at them. Suddenly Mikoto and Itachi were on the bed, asking for Naruto to do their nails next.

"I want black of course."

"I want a cute color! Like baby blue!"

Fukagu smacked his forehead.

His family were losing there perfect masks and becoming idiots like Naruto. Groaning at the thought, he went over to Sasuke and untied him as Naruto was busy with the others. Sasuke hopped up, blushing at being caught in such an outfit.

"I-"

"I don't need an explanation." He muttered and trudged out the room, he was to old for all this excitement.

SLAM

THUMP

SLAM

THUMP

The Uchihas looked up to the noises coming from Sasuke's bedroom. Looking to each other in thought, they shrugged and returned to their activities. So use to the crazy antics they usually did, they knew there was no need to go and check what was up.

Though, if they had gone up….

Mikoto would have been one happy soon-to-be grandma. (If by a miracle, men could get pregnant though.)

Itachi would have gotten his chance to get some naked Sasuke pictures. (Though they would have been 'mysteriously' burned later.)

Fukagu would have just walked away, giving up on the family and his sanity. (Though he had already.)

So, in the end, everybody was happy.

Especially Naruto.

;)

The End