I'll say it now, I didn't cry.

I don't own TMNT.

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Raph stopped and just stared at the door in front of him. He could hear the cries inside and the calling for a lost soul. He took a deep breath and fought the tears trying to spill out from his eyes. Deciding he needed more time, just a few more seconds, he took three more deep breaths. Totaled four, one more for good luck. Raph sighed, ok he admitted it he was stalling. He didn't want to face a lot of things and he thought he would never have to.

Finally, he reached out and grabbed the door handle. He opened the door slowly and stepped inside. The room was dark but it only took him a moment to find the light switch. When the room illuminated he only wanted to run out again. Could anything break his heart more than seeing his baby brother curled into a ball and crying like his heart and been shredded?

Raph scowled at the irony of that and made his way to the bed. He sat on the edge and reached out to place a hand on the shoulder of his sobbing little brother.

"Mikey," he whispered.

Mikey froze at the touch and that moment of silence seemed like water for a dehydrated animal. Then, he began to shake again and the sobs returned. Raph frowned deeply and pulled Mikey to him, allowing him to cry on his shoulder.

"Come on Mikey," he mumbled, "You need to get out of this room."

"No!" Mikey yelled and pulled away from him.

Raph's shoulders drooped, "Mikey please he wouldn't want-"

"Shut up!" Mikey screamed and curled into a ball again as his tears fell onto the orange blanket below him.

Raph jerked back, never had Mikey ever said such a thing to him. The tears returned to Raph's eyes but he didn't let them escape. He continued on, talking with as much sorrow as he felt.

"Mikey, bro please?"

Raph reached out, he needed the comfort as much as Mikey did but his once happy-go-lucky baby brother had drifted away and this new one had decided to build walls.

"Oh Mikey," Raph thought, "Don't. Please don't close yourself off from us. Don't make my mistake!"

Raph then noticed his hand was shaking but he reached forward until it was once again on Mikey's shoulder. Mikey was shaking more violently than normal but despite his walls he began to lean towards Raph a bit more. Raph wrapped his arms around Mikey and pulled him close until his head was tucked under his chin and they were as close as possible. They needed an anchor. After a few seconds of sobbing Mikey clung to Raph like he would never let go.

"Mikey," Raph mumbled as he lost the fight with his own tears.

Raph tried to say more but no words seemed right. No words could take away the pain.

"I-I mi-miss h-him," Mikey muttered through his tears.

"Me too Mikey, me too," Raph said followed by a heart wrenching sob of his own.

"I-I know you-you're tra-try-trying b-but it's ju-jus-just not the s-s-sa-same," Mikey cried.

The orange banded turtle might as well of just stabbed Raph then. He knew, he could never replace him but to hear that there was nothing he could do just tore him. As another piece of his heart fell away he pushed Mikey away, jumped to his feet and sprinted out the room before shooting out the door of their home and into the surrounding sewers. His feet splashed against the wet cement until he turned so many familiar corners that nightmares claimed his mind as he ran.

Who says we need you anymore! Just go die! You might do some good in this world! I HATE YOU!

Another corner turned, another sharp stone cutting his feet, another splash of tainted sewage water against his already burning wounds. There was no escape from this never would those eyes gaze over them. Never would that voice ring out, so protective and loving. Never would words be forgiven and actions righted.

Never again, no more. Forever gone.

More sewage water, more sharp stones or glass? Oh, who cares? More sharp turns until he smelled the blood and saw the shadow. He fell to his knees and 1000 souls cried out from his voice. With every tear came a stab to his heart and he let that terror consume him. He deserved this, to gaze upon what was his fault, forevermore. Raph's eyes parted and beyond his blurry vision he could see the figure. Tossed away into the sewers as if this loving, giving soul was nothing but garbage.

Raph turned away and screamed until his heart jumped into his throat. If he could only give that heart away and make everything better. He took a deep shuddering breath as white hot flashes were followed by the images. It could've been hours or days later that he finally grew too exhausted to do much else. He turned back and let the image flood his mind.

"Leo," he gasped as his body shook with dry heaves and sobs.

No one deserved that. Especially not Leo. Not their leader and big brother they needed him and they had messed up.

"No," Raph corrected, "I messed up."

He would forever see it. The body of his caretaker, protector, hero and guiding star was so broken. The normal grassy green skin was red, black, blue, yellow, a mix of different colors that spoke of what the body had endured. His hands that held katana so carefully and that had held them so preciously had been severed. The throat that carried the voice of nothing but love had been cut. Where his valiant heart had been beating there was now nothing. The eyes, that gazed upon them with such devotion had been gorged out of his skull. The bones, that had been surrounded by the muscles that gave him the strength to let them be weak, were now randomly scattered. The soul that protected them all had been killed and torn away from their lives.

Forever…

This was a life…without a brother.

This was a nightmare I had and I'm thinking of how I could transform this into a story. Should I?

Oh am I good at writing tragedy? I really need to know if this story idea is gonna go anywhere.

~Moonsetta