Sorrow
By Shyro Foxfeather
Summary: Jounouchi Katsuya commits suicide. Seto Kaiba reflects.
Rating: [T] Nothing all that bad, just sadness.
-
Two years ago Jounouchi Katsuya had committed suicide.
-
The blond caught sight of Kaiba as he walked out of the school's main gate. He had hesitated for a moment, which brought on the attention of the brunette, who was waiting for his limo to arrive. His driver was late due to traffic and he was in no mood to tolerate any more idiocy. "Cat got your tongue, mutt?" He asked coolly, expression remaining bored and patronizing.
The blond stared at him a moment, so long that the CEO was beginning to become agitated, when he said, "You know what Kaiba?" He drawled, a slow, but genuine smile flickering to life, "You're not as bad as you think you are."
Those were the last words they had ever exchanged.
He had known that the blond had meant 'bad' as in cruel, mean, cold, or arrogant. His comeback was going to pick on the ulterior meaning it had for 'badass' where he would thoroughly press the boy with the fact that yes, he was just as bad as he thought he was. But the mutt had walked away too quickly and Kaiba was loath to call his insults after the blond as if he needed to prove he was the winner in their conflicts.
-
He'd been in his office when he had gotten the news.
Having finished consulting with his secretary on the scheduling of his weekend meetings, he had placed the office phone on the hook only to have his cell phone chirp into life. Answering it, he was baffled to hear Ryou Bakura on the other line. When he had demanded an explanation as to why the boy had his cell phone number, the pseudo-albino had merely claimed that Yuugi had had it, but that the boy was unavailable at the moment.
Before he could bite back some bitter remark, Ryou had sighed and continued. "J- Jounouchi-kun is dead." He said, voice wavering with some unknown, restrained emotion. "We just figured that you should know and it would probably be best if you avoided remarks about his absence in school. I don't think that Yuugi could take that right now."
"Aa…" Mind suddenly blank, Kaiba hung up.
He grabbed a file from his inbox and flicked through it, he would need to have the inbox emptied soon if he wanted to be home when he'd promised Mokuba he would.
It had taken him by surprised when a few pages later a small wet spot appeared on the page. He frowned, knowing that it was death to anyone who gave him water-damaged copies. A page later spots appeared where he knew they hadn't been before.
He leaned back in his chair. His entire body was cold now, which made the hot, wet streaks on his face burn fiercely. He noticed his hand shaking, so he tried to stop it with his other hand. It was shaking, too. It was in vain.
He couldn't remember what exactly had happened next. One moment he was in his chair and then there was a swaying feeling, like he was drunk in deep, cold water. After that all he could remember was sitting on his office couch and realizing that Mokuba was shouting and shaking him in order to get his attention.
That had been the day he had realized that he was in love with Jounouchi Katsuya.
-
The funeral arrangements were to be made by Jounouchi's friends and sister, however, Seto Kaiba had insisted that whatever they needed, he would provide for. That meant whatever they needed. Considering the enormous cost and how little Jounouchi's family was going to help, this had been a great relief to the group, who knew better than to take advantage of Seto Kaiba's kindness and luckily for him they didn't question it too much. They were just happy that they could provide better services for their good friend.
After much deliberation, it had been decided that Jounouchi Katsuya's ashes would be placed in a newly made ohaka in a plot area that would thus be owned by the Kaiba's. The Motou's had future generations to think about with conserving their family plot, but they would have most certainly given away a spot had Seto Kaiba not insisted. There was no way in hell Kaiba and Mokuba would be buried next to Gozaburo anyway, so it was just as well they own another area.
After that, the closer subject of what kind of garb Jou would be wearing for the temple ceremony was brought up. Usually a suit would have been chosen, but none of them could see their blond friend being happy about potentially being stuffy in the afterlife. So, instead and old kimono that Jou owned was used, as it was in this he had attended many festivals and events with his friends over the years. Kaiba had it refitted and mended to the point where it looked so splendid it could have been mistaken for new.
It was too bad he would never see the puppy wearing it.
The ceremony had been short. Many people showed up, most looking like they had walked right out of the slums of town but still had endeavored to where their best clothes. A couple had looked like businessmen and women. He did not know how many of these people knew the blond boy, but there were very few insincere faces in the crowd.
He had not been very involved in the cremation. He felt ill every time he thought about watching Jounouchi's body be slipped into a fire and then his remaining bones being picked at. He wasn't sure what the boy's sister had decided to do, as she was the only relative willing to be involved in the preparations and thus made most of the decisions, but he had firmly decided that he honestly didn't want to know. Some things were just better the western way.
The memorial services afterwards had been strange. He had always felt this was a formality when he had attended for other people, but now he actually felt a strange sense of heart break whenever he saw the grave. It was all made much more distressing by the fact that he didn't feel comfortable enough to express his emotions about the situation in front of these people. Some were strangers, some were people he knew, some wanted to call Kaiba a friend, but he just couldn't reveal how torn up he was. He was too afraid he would get caught bawling his eyes out; Jou's grave was not something that needed to appear in a tabloid with claims of them being lovers or something ridiculous like that. As well as that, he did not want someone to attempt to steal the ashes in order to ransom them to Kaiba. He would kill anyone that tried nonetheless.
-
On the day he had found out about the blond's death, against Mokuba's wishes, he had thrown himself into the fray.
He had gone directly over to Yuugi's house; at this point he had made himself much more presentable then he had been when Mokuba had found him. Apparently it had not been good enough, because when the shorter boy had answered the door he took one look at Kaiba before launching himself at the brunette with chocked sobs.
Kaiba had helplessly stared at the forlorn friends that had followed Yuugi to the door, but placed a hand on the shorter boy's shoulder before gently leading him back into the house.
Jounouchi's friends had apparently pried every last drop of information the police officer had to give them when he had come by to question Yuugi. Apparently the elder Motou was placed as the blond's emergency contact.
Ryou, who had known the boy the least well, had been the one to divulge the information; he was the only one who could keep a somewhat straight face and stay relatively coherent.
Apparently Jounouchi had deliberately overdosed on a barbiturate used in putting down animals at veterinary hospitals. The morbid humor of this was not lost on Kaiba, which had inevitably led to a lot of humorless laughing, crying, and punching walls when he had gotten home later that evening.
To make matters worse, Jounouchi's father had returned home minutes after the boy's actual death and had apparently beaten him for being unresponsive to the man's drunken calls. Now the man was being held in custody by the police with charges on child abuse and was going to be detained from trial until the investigation of Jounouchi's death was completed.
He didn't even known that Jounouchi had an abusive, drunken father and apparently neither had his friends, save for Honda who had just not known to what degree the problem had been.
As well, news had came out in this bout of secret sharing that Jounouchi hadn't been in a gang for years and didn't even like street-fighting. The bruises and bandages he sported one a week hadn't been from fights he'd willingly participated in. The issues with his father were so obvious had they just put the pieces together.
They hadn't. It was too late.
-
It was a week after his death.
He had broken his television that day.
Mokuba couldn't blame him for it either, since the boy was mere seconds away from throwing something of his own.
They had seen Jounouchi's father on the news. Honestly it was the first time he had ever seen the man, but the sober dark, brown eyes he had contained a thousand cheats and lies. The dirty-blond haired man didn't even look like he was related to his son as age and drinking had ravaged his body.
The most irritating thing about him was his total lack of sincerity. He seemed offended that anyone could claim he beat his son and was more agitated about his son going and "leaving [him] alone to fend for himself."
That was when the lamp met the flat screen television, which promptly glistened a lovely blue color and flickered into electronic death.
Who had fended for Jounouchi?! God knows the boy needed more than his horrid father…
Kaiba had sunk into a depression after that. His guilt eating at him every day. Why had he called the blond a mutt? Why had he demeaned him?
He would rather completely destroy his reputation as an arrogant ass and grab the blond in an un-releasing embrace than… this.
Why hadn't he done that?
-
It had disturbed him more when he had heard the way Jou had acted on that last day.
Yuugi had said that he had seemed happier than normal, which made the shorter boy elated to see. He had apparently bought a large lunch in the cafeteria—something which he had never done before—and had taken bids on others' lunches using pieces of his own.
He had flipped Anzu's skirt for the first time in a long time, having made a bet with Honda on what color her panties had been. They were both wrong, which they found hilarious as they ran from Anzu's furious threats.
Jounouchi had told Honda that he wanted to watch horror movies for their movie night this weekend, to which Honda shivered knowing that the last time they had done so they didn't sleep a wink that entire night and had been half-dead from fear by morning.
Apparently he had called his sister after school, telling her that he was happy he had visited her last week and some of her things had mysteriously made their way into his bag. Things like money, a new bus pass, a new hair brush, and a copy of the magazine he liked. He told her that he would return all of that when they next visited, to which his sister had laughed and said if he did so then it was obvious he didn't love her. Even in the retelling of this story it was obvious that the blond had pouted and relented at that argument.
It was so strange that all of this had seemed like an upturn in the blond's life. He couldn't have been planning his death before all of this, could he?
It didn't seem like it had been a bad day. So, why?!
Even still, Kaiba was fairly certain Jounouchi knew what he was going to do by the time he had bid the brunette that strange farewell. It was as if he had just wanted to say, 'you're not so bad, Kaiba, so don't think that.' It seemed uncharacteristic, but it was something Jounouchi would just have to go and do.
But… it was obvious. Jounouchi was relaxed about his future. He knew how it was going to end.
And he'd been right.
-
It had all been over two years ago.
Today was Jounouchi's birthday.
He examined the small golden retriever figurine fondly. Its friendly shine enhanced by the evening sunlight.
It was a gold color and was no more than an inch tall. It had taken him a while to find one he had liked, but he had. Some figurines were too droopy-eyed looking, some had large jowls, and some just looked aged. This one was adorably ruffled looking, had some puppy-ish features, and overall an eager, but amused, look sat on its face. It was perfect.
He placed the figurine on the ohaka where it took its place amongst a few bouquets and some traditional Japanese ornamentation. Its glinting metal reflected the color of the flowers it rested by. His emotions reminded him that he was being more honest with himself now and he allowed a slightly haggard sigh to escape his lips.
He studied the figurine again, wondering what had happened to the one he had placed here last year. It has been Mokuba who had come home with the original tiny figure that had started this tradition and he had initially placed it on his desk.
He found out very quickly that he couldn't do that.
He lagged on work, sounded distracted on the phone, and was all-around numb to the things around him. The little figure of the dog had taken his mind hostage.
Not feeling that he wanted to celebrate the day the funeral had taken place, he originally decided that the best day to visit Jounouchi's ashes would be on the blond's birthday. A year ago he had gone with Mokuba and the little dog statue late in the day with the hopes that he would thus not run into any of Jounouchi's friends.
The area had been empty, the sun had been setting, and when he had placed the little dog on the grave Mokuba gave an approving smile.
Now he wondered what had become of the playful little figure, but instead of logical things like a groundskeeper storing it or a thief swiping it… he imagined Jou's spirit looking put out at the little dog figure, but taking it with some kind of gratitude and fingering at it gently in one hand.
He didn't even believe in ghosts, but he liked that image.
He refused to think of the possibility of anything else.
-
Notes: Ohaka is the term for a Japanese grave, which I found slightly more appropriate, since it has a specific look to it. Many of the funeral rituals are traditional Japanese ones (including the body burning description), but I didn't know too much about certain aspects like the kaimyou name-giving, so I couldn't include it.
Sad fic is sad. I thought up this idea the other night and possible scenes started coming to mind. They made me quite sad. Thus, I figured that if they made me sad, they might make others sad as well. I wrote this mainly because of the golden retriever figurine idea. I would like to note that the figures that Kaiba puts there are all metal, one color (golden, if he can find it), and shiny. At least to me they are.