A/N: My second oneshot! I can't remember if I wrote it somewhere else, so I think I should write it here - since I realized my long stories don't get any where - one of them requires a book I don't have right now, and the other one requires humor sense I don't have right now - I will mainly write oneshots. Writing them is so much fun! I started recently to write oneshots for my oroginal works, and it helps me developing the plots very well.

So this is my first Pandora Hearts story. It might also be the only one. Writing for this manga is too difficult, and until a new chapter come out I manage to forget what happened to the story until now. But writing this one was very fun. This is also my second attempt in writing humor. I hope you'll like it!

Another little thing - This is a BreakxReader fic. I was inspired by a oneshot written by iBreakHearts and something that my friend, Nekori, told me after we dicussed our love for Break. I started wondering what living with him would be like, and she said, well, the quote written at the end of this oneshot. This is how I got to write this. That's all!

Half-AU / Rated T / Humor, Romance / Break Xerxes / No spoilers / Original story by Mochizuki Jun / Oneshot by Tomi Lang

They say you are cute together – a perfect couple from all aspects. The difference between the both of you only makes your bond stronger and better when you don't agree about everything, and the similarities between the both of you create those happy silly moments you are so known for. Every time you meet your close good friend Sharon, she is always proud of being the one who brought you together. Although it seems like every time you and him whisper to each other or hold hands she tightens her fists and teeth angrily.

A best friend's girlfriend complex?

You live together, eat together, chat for hours and fight each other for cakes. You were the first to define him as "the one who can eat the cake and leave it whole". Do you remember how high he raised his brow when you had said that? That was the moment when you showed him that everyone had plates, and he had a plate too. But not like the others' plates, in his rested a whole sweet cake. Not only that, but at that very moment he was being busy stealing someone else's cake.

Do I have to remind you that this was the moment when you showed him that "the one who can eat the cake and leave it whole" defines you too?

You bake cakes, and he eats them as soon as they come out of the oven. You fry your brain trying to figure out suspense books, and he can tell the end only by looking at the cover. You try to find him in order to glomp him, and he peeks out of the nearby cupboard and pulls you in.

What? No thanks; I don't want to know what the hell you do there.

But you know more than anyone else – okay okay, more than anyone else but as much as Sharon – that living with the idiotic random man called Break Xerxes has, well, advantages and disadvantages. Everything is remarkable in the same way. You engrave the advantages in your mind, because they make you happy enough to want to snuggle into his presence even more than ever. But when the disadvantages appear you want to do nothing but pulling your hair out, slapping him and leaving the house.

Should we mention, for example, one disadvantage?

It has already become a routine, and sometimes it is even a funny experience, but let's admit that most of the time it is about that thing that you hate doing. Both you and I know that for you, everything which happens from the very moment you declare you want to go to sleep and until the very moment to really go to sleep – three hours, at the best case – is a major terrible headache.

~tLtLtLtL~

It starts with you and him sitting next to the warm fireplace, busying yourselves with something, until you feel sleepy and decide to have a bath and go to sleep. Of course he still wants your attention and pulls you back to him, bribing you with sweets.

"I recommend you~ It's sugar~ It'll wake you up~"

"Oh really, Break. What are the possibilities you'll give me your toffee?"

And when you finally manage to break free of his grip you know that only a good bath of warm pleasant water will get the sleep out of your eyes, giving you enough strength to get ready for a real sleep in your bed. Getting ready to sleep, in turn, will exhaust you enough to want to sleep, get into your bed and…

Okay, well, fine, sorry. We will cross the bridge when we get to it.

~tLtLtLtL~

It doesn't matter how many times you try to explain it to him, that little meddler will never understand that you sometimes need your aloney-alone time. You need this time in order to be in your happy place and think about relaxing things. Things like another way to tear your gorgeous imaginary character into pieces, and leave them alive with a trauma. And when you are interfered it is, well… it is a catastrophe.

Like, for example, when a rubber duck suddenly hits your head exactly while you are trying to soap yourself. Not good.

And if there is something that you know and he knows, then it is the fact that the eighth sin is cutting your fantasies in the middle of them. Exactly at the moment when you have to make the decision that will determine the future of this world and choose – what will leave a prettier mark? A knife or teeth? And still, you haven't answered the so well-known existential question – is food really erotic? Because cream—

But at this very moment you know it – rubber ducks are neither sadistic nor erotic.

But this is your own advantage that for every rubber duck thrown at you out of the blue, you are able to pull out ten other bath toys out of the blue and use then as a counterattack. On the way you find some interesting facts: toy boats do leave marks; and Break will look the same no matter how much his hair is covered with foam; and the bath's curtain can read you mind, and will fall in protest whenever you think about how tired you are.

Ah, yeah, and you have a heavy boyfriend. Who becomes even heavier in water.

And in general, Emily is not a bath toy.

"Look at it that way, Break – you won't have to wash her in the nearby future".

And so, that evil doll uses the chance to tell you that after seeing your oh so terrible little chest, it doesn't really matter – another wash for her eyes will be needed.

You grasp Break's white head and push it into the water and the soap.

~tLtLtLtL~

And then you brush your hair. If it takes you an hour to take your bath, then it takes you two more hours to brush your hair. There is no limit to the amount of poor little hairs which fall from your head and land lightly in the sink. You cry over your painful fate, and throw your lost hair into the garbage can.

"If you cry over your lost hair that much, why won't you do what I do?"

"If I ever stop brushing my hair, even once, I will look like an electrified alien".

But he admits that you really have lovely curls when you take care of them, and you thank him for his appreciation flushing. He strokes your hair, touching it softly…

And this is when you find yourself remembering how come you decided to be with him until the very tragic end.

Or until you dump him.

Whatever comes first.

You try to ask yourself how come you avoided love trough all of these years, and where that thing was until you met him, and at the end you don't really have to ask yourself anything. For love is beautiful, and just being together with him answers all of your questions. And more stuff like that. Blah blah blah.

Yes, all the same blah blah blah. You know, kitsch. It is all about being lovey-dovey, hugging and snuggling and kissing, and all of those things you do in bed that I am not interested in, thank you very much. And we should really cut that stupid idiotic love philosophy because this is supposed to be pure comedy and not a touching moving romantic love story. We want the readers to stay right here, please.

Until you finish with your things you look, smell and feel as if your amazing bath, with all of its sadistic fantasies, has never ever happened.

~tLtLtLtL~

After having your good bath and hair brushing ceremony all over again, it is time to go to sleep for real. The time is much later than the time you hoped to go to sleep, like every other evening, but you are ready to sleep for your whole life, and you have the most fun blanket in the whole world. Now it is time to go back to your happy thoughts and wonder about the meaning of life. Will you ever open your eyes and wake up to a brand new day, or maybe you are going to die in your sleep?

And in general, if quarter a hen lays quarter an egg every quarter a day…

How many eggs does a rooster lay every day?

Exactly when you imagine question marks above your head he jumps on you, hugs you and reminds you that you share the same bed. You are delighted. Of course you are delighted. You share the same bed with the love of your life.

Almost all of your friends support this, and your family supports this. All of the people Break knows are relieved to know that finally there is someone else he can annoy instead of them, and hope that now his crooked mind will get fixed – because still, you know, a woman is saner.

Ha-ha. Of course. You. Sane.

You, who say that chocolate is better than love. You, who can't fall asleep without thinking about sadistic things. You, who pour yourself lemonade and taste it just in order to spill it on the grass. Of course you are sane.

~tLtLtLtL~

But when you lie down beside him and rest your head on his shoulder you know that now it is time to put some common sense in that insane mind of yours. Be realistic. Life with Break is a whole package, and together with all of the love and craziness come other things, less pleasant things – whether you want them or not.

Just like your friend said once, after you had told her that mister I-love-chocolate-and-cheese-cakes-and-posicles-and-jelly-beans-and-strawberris is your boyfriend.

Oh, and that you live with him.

"Living with Break? It sounds nice, but not so efficient. Break is a nuisance" – Can't she tell you something that we all don't know? – "You listen to it. You kiss it. You sleep next to it…"

You and he close your eyes and you feel sleepiness taking control over you. The black surrounds you, sealing your whole body and throwing you into deep sleep full of sweet dreams. You start snuggling and let your chest rise and drop slowly in calm breaths. You feel the sleeping breaths of the man you live with fluttering against your ear, floating in the air. You breathe him deeply…

…And realize something is simply wrong.

Every night it repeats itself over and over again, and every night it irritates you over and over again. You move to a sitting position in your bed quickly, shake him until he wakes up and scream his name angrily.

"What the hell have you eaten!?"

"Mmm… a cake with—"

"Get up and go brush your teeth now! Your breaths smell like coconut!"

You and he know that most of your pre-bed organizations are not spent by kisses, your bath or brushing your hair. Oh no, you spend most of this time chasing him, trying desperately to convince him to take care of his oral hygiene.

~tLtLtLtL~

You live together, eat together, chat for hours and fight each other for cakes. Every time you see him there is something sweet stuck in his mouth. And it is not like you hate sweets. You and I know you love them too much. But you utterly hate them when they leave after them bad sugary smell and even worse sugary mess.

And this is, mainly, what makes your night routine so long and painful.

It is just like your friend said: "You listen to it, you kiss it, you sleep next to it…

You want it to smell normally".

Ha ha. I guess at least some of you expected this. Right? It suits Break so much! I do thank god that I am not Break's girlfriend. Seriously. I prefer someone who can really cook with me and be more sane and less annoying. But this was lots of fun!

Did you like it? Did I make any mistakes? Please tell me~ I'll love to read your opinion about this story please~~~