Missing Something Vital

"Part of the fun was going to be him knowing where the boy was! How could you be so stupid?"

The crossroad's demon shrunk away from me. "There are rules I must follow, Azazel. Not even the hope of raising the master allows me to break them." I hissed at her. Hissed! I swear to Beelzebub, these wet behind the ears demons are going to turn me feral. Although it was worth my decent into near barbarism to see her flinch like that. Crossroads demons didn't usually answer to other demons, but I was an exception to the rule – just like so many others. "But I did do something that will please you, something that should make up for it."

"What could possibly make up for John Winchester's agony at knowing his son is rotting in Hell? Or, more importantly, for poor little Sammy feeling all lost and helpless over big brother's sacrifice?"

"I made them forget about Sam's possession."

I rolled my eyes. Once a crossroads demon was asked to tamper with memories, they could do it in any way they pleased unless the deal required specific parameters. 'Make them forget me' gave her a whole hell of a lot of latitude. But this alteration just seemed to be working against me rather than for me. At this rate, I was never going to get Sammy desperately panting after Ruby. "And this makes up for everything how?"

"The child."

I drew in a breath between clinched teeth. "Oh… oh… that's… that's just beautiful." I smiled widely. We'd just have to make the Winchesters suffer in other ways. But she was right. This really did make up for it all. Every single bit of it and then some. "I guess I won't be destroying you after all. Now if you'll excuse me, I got a door to Hell to open."

I found Dad at a crossroads, cradling a body. It was a strange scene and something about it twisted in my gut, made me feel like I was missing something. "What the hell happened to him?"

"He died. Just collapsed and… I have no idea what was wrong with him."

"This is a crossroads, right? Maybe he made a deal."

"That's not how it works. You get ten years and then the hounds come for you. He hasn't been mauled. No open wounds. Lots of scars but no wounds."

"Do you know who he is?"

"No idea. I was driving by, saw him here. Don't know why I stopped. Next thing I know, I'm wakin' up and he's on his knees strugglin' for breath. I swear he was tryin' to tell me somethin'. Whatever knocked me out was long gone."

"Sun's comin' up. We need to get to Bobby's, Dad." But I wasn't moving either. I couldn't' take my eyes off the stranger. I felt like I should know him, but I just couldn't work out how or from where.

Dad finally looked at me for the first time, eyes narrowed. "We? I thought I told you to stay put, boy!"

I bit back a sigh. My father had ordered me to lay low, keep Hendrickson out of trouble, while he went to Bobby's and tried to get some hunters together to go stop Azazel from opening the Hell's Gate. "Victor's in the car. We decided that we wanted to help."

"Do I need to remind you that you were just operated on less than a month ago? That you just damn near died back at Cold Oak. Hell, you shouldn't even be able to stand after what happened."

"Do we have to have this argument while you're holding a dead body? Can't we just, I don't know, bury the poor son of a bitch?"

Dad sighed. "Get Hendrickson. Kid's heavier then he looks, and we need to find some wood."

Normally Dad and I would both be eager to be on our way. After all, the Hell's Gate was about to be opened. But there was something about this guy that Dad found. I just couldn't shake the feeling that it was important. That he was important. That we were missing something vital here.

Dad seemed to feel the same way, took his time reciting last rites and giving the guy a decent salt and burn. Even eulogized the guy. It was quick and dirty, and I was pretty sure it wouldn't have gotten the Father Jim seal of approval. But still. We found guns, knives, holy water and various other things on his body that lead us to assume that he was a hunter. Dad took his wallet, said he'd talk to Bobby and Ellen to see if he had next of kin or friends that would find some comfort in knowing that he'd been seen to properly. I could understand that. My biggest fear had always been that Dad would go off on a hunt and just never come back. I can imagine the most people close to a hunter felt the same. Dad found a jug in the cab of his truck to put the hunter's ashes in and buried them under an oak tree with a marker. Then we were finally on our way. But I couldn't stop thinking about that poor guy. To die on a deserted dirt road with no one but some random stranger there with you just seemed like such a fucked up way to go. Still it was better than most hunters got. Dead in a ditch somewhere in the middle of nowhere.

"Poor bastard," Hendrickson said as we headed back to the car, all us feeling somber and introspective. "Normally I'd take the guy's prints and run them to see who he was. But that was, you know, yesterday when I was still a federal agent. As opposed to today when I'm wanted for obstruction of justice, murder and grand theft auto." He shrugged. "Destruction of a corpse, destroying evidence and impeding a federal investigation. Assaulting federal agents."

Dad snorted. "That all?"

"I'm pretty sure there's more, but that's just off the top of my head. What? That's not enough?"

I rolled my eyes. "Poor baby."

Hendrickson was quiet for a few moments, long enough for me to regret mocking him. The guy's whole life just got turned upside down he didn't need me being a jackass to him. "So how are we supposed to keep this door closed?"

"Hell's Gate," Dad asked. "We don't. You and Sam are going to stay at Bobby's while real uninjured hunters keep the Gate closed."

I huffed out a breath. "Dad, I really don't think this is the time to get all over protective. I survived Cold Oak."

"Barely, Sammy. And only because the son of a bitch thought he'd killed you. Tell me you're not hurting."

Why did Dad have to call me Sammy in front of people? It was bad enough that he did it in private, but I was twenty six, six foot four and nearly two hundred pounds, and he insisted on calling me 'Sammy' in front of anybody that happened to be around. I banged my head against the headrest. "And you were shot less than twenty four hours ago."

"It was a flesh wound. There's not much chance that I could bleed out if it reopens. I still think I need to drop you off at the damn hospital after the way that bastard threw you. I don't know how you survived that. I really don't." Dad's voice went rough and strange and he cleared his throat. He'd been frantic when I came too to see him looming over me. Poor guy must have been terrified. Not that he'd ever admit it. The great John Winchester was never terrified.

"Yeah, cause it's not like I'm wanted or anything."

"That's the only reason your ass isn't cooling in a hospital bed right now. I get so much as a sign, though, that anything's opened up in that gut of yours and I'm takin' you anyway. Just have to figure out how to bust you loose later. At least you'll still be alive."

"Look, Dad, we're hunters. This is what we do. We suck it up and finish the job."

Bobby was able to scrape together a handful of hunters to meet in Stull Cemetery at night fall, but I had no luck getting Dad to budge on letting me go. Hendrickson got to go though.

"Sammy, don't make me tie you down." My father's voice was reasonable, almost dismissive. But he meant it and it wasn't like I could do a whole hell of a lot about it in the shape I was in. Which was an very big indication that he was right. "Help me get the weapons ready, son."

"Yeah, fine," I gripped as I began pulling them out of the weapon's duffle.

"Sammy, you're all I got kid. If anything happened to you."

"Yeah. I know. But you're… you're all I got too, Dad."

"Between the two of us, I'm the least banged to shit. The old man's still got a little fight left in him. I'll be fine."

"I know you will." I smirked as I took apart one of the guns almost without having to think about it. "Too damn stubborn not to be."

Dad had been gone for hours. It was nearing midnight, and I was getting anxious. The worst shit always happened at the witching hour. Mom's death, Jess' death. So I went out to the front porch and paced. Rummy tried to keep up with me at first, but now he just sat and watched me like I was the damn ball in a tennis match.

"It's the story of my life, Rummy. 'M always the one wounded, or kidnapped and needing to be rescued. Even when Jess died, Dad had to pull me out of the apartment or I would have died too. Now Dad's off trying to stop Azazel from opening a Hell's Gate. Salt doesn't work on the son of a bitch. 'Traps don't work. What the hell's Dad gonna do? Order him to stop?" I snorted. Wouldn't put it past Dad to try.

A sudden cold chill ran up my spine and I looked up to see a black cloud twisting and wreathing in the sky, partially blocking out the moon. It was moving, coming this way at an impossible speed. That so could not be good. Rummy stiffened and began growling at it.

"No, boy. In the house!" I pulled him in through the front door and thankfully he let me even though he was still growling and snapping. I slammed the door shut behind us and watched the black cloud through the window. It came right for the house. Right for me. When it hit, it felt like a hurricane force wind, rattling the house to its foundations. I could almost make out voices. My heart pounded in my chest. "They can't get in," I told myself as I closed my eyes and waited for it to be over.

It finally stopped after what felt like hours but was probably just a few seconds. I was in the corner, shaking and drenched with sweat. Rummy was in planted in front of me, like he could do anything with demonic smoke if it could have gotten in. The air reeked of sulfur. My hands were shaking when I dialed my father. It went straight to voice mail. "Damn it Dad, call me!"

Those demons… Dad hadn't been able to stop the Gate from opening. But was he still alive? We could deal with the demons as long as there was still a 'we', as long as Azazel hadn't taken him from me too. I let out a strangled sob, grief so fresh I wasn't sure where it was coming from making it hard to breath. I hadn't cried for Jess in a long time and I didn't even remember crying for Mom although Dad said that I had, for months. I had no reason to believe that my father wasn't going to walk through that door. Banged up but alive. No reason at all. So why did I feel loss crushing me until I could barely breath? Barely think?

Rummy whined and put his head on my lap, looking up at me with big sad eyes.

"It's okay, Rummy. It's okay. Nobody's dead yet."

It was a few hours before Dad and Bobby returned, Hendrickson in tow. He was still alive and I was starting to be impressed.

"What the fuck happened in here? And why's it smell like sulfur?" Bobby's voice was gruff as he took in the fallen books and moved furniture. I'd cleaned up some of it, but I hadn't been able to make my mind stop wondering long enough to finish it all.

"Big demonic cloud attacked the house." I was proud of myself for not sounding as freaked out about it as I felt. "Couldn't get in, so it just… left."

"Probably to go find some bodies. We're gonna have some trouble."

Dad snorted as he screwed the cap off a bottle of whiskey with his teeth and spit it on the table as he collapsed into a chair, his right hand cradled to his chest. "When the hell don't we have trouble?"

Bobby snorted and shuffled into the other room. Looked like he'd be limping if he could figure out which leg hurt worse. Hendrickson followed him, wiping blood from his eye. He had a nasty looking gash on his forehead. I told him I'd look at it once I took care of Dad.

"Not a problem," he said with a smirk. "Bobby got banged up worse. I'll go see how he's holding up."

Dad had cracked ribs, broken fingers and too many bruises and scrapes to count. But he was alive. That loosened the knot in my chest a little, but it didn't go away. My hands shook as I cleaned his wounds. He put a hand over mine in an uncharacteristic show of affection. "It's alright, son. The Gate's closed again and we've got the key. We'll deal with what got out."

In the other room, Bobby was cursing, and Hendrickson was telling him in a low, calm voice to suck it up. It reminded me of something but I couldn't put my finger on it. I sniffed and let out a long breath. "It was Lilith," I said finally.

"Lilith?"

I sighed. I hadn't told him about the dream. Everything had happened so quickly and, to be honest, I was afraid. I'd hoped that if we could keep the Gate closed, there'd be no point. "Azazel is trying to raise a demon named Lilith. He says she was the first and is the only one who can raise Lucifer."

"Jesus!" Dad's head dropped and he took a deep breath before raising it to look at me. "We'll deal with it."

He passed me the bottle and I took a long pull, feeling it burn its way down. I'd never been much of a drinker, but a little helped with whatever the hell I was feeling right now and made my hands steadier. I nodded my appreciation as I handed the bottle back to him and got back to work on his injuries.

It was nearly a month later when the Seven Deadly Sins showed up and I wasn't healed nearly enough for this. Thankfully, Victor stuck around. Turned out that he was presumed dead after the massacre. None of us was particularly sure of how that spectacular fuck up happened, but we didn't care to look a gift horse in the mouth either. Not with the way we suddenly had our hands full dealing with escaped demons and trying to find Lilith. Victor felt bad about his family grieving him, but he felt they were better off not knowing. He understood the value of innocence right along with the danger. It felt right, though, somehow. Hunting as a three man team. Although I got stuck with most of the research while Dad and Victor hit the bars. Even that, though, seemed right.

The entire town had been basically destroyed by the time we got our heads out of our asses to deal with the Seven. I had somehow gotten separated from the other two, cornered by two demons. Out of nowhere, this blond shows up and starts fighting them off. Stabs one with a knife and something weird happened. There was a flash through the hosts face and the smell of sulfur and ozone. It dropped, motionless. No black smoke. Nothing. The woman was too strong, too fast to be human as she fought with the other demon. The demon looked afraid of the knife but ended up laying on the floor half on top of the first. The woman turned to me, her eyes black for an instant before becoming blue again.

"Sam Winchester?"

I freaked out, pushed her against the wall. "What the hell do you want?"

"I'm Ruby. I'm here to help you," her voice trembled as she held her arms out in a gesture of surrender, the knife loosely gripped between her thumb and forefinger. I knew that she was letting me pin her to the wall, my forearm on her windpipe. That much was obvious and I couldn't make any sense of it. Demons were so much stronger than we were that she should be able to just push me away. Pin me to a wall without even touching me.

"Help me? You're a demon. Demons don't help people."

"You're not just people, Sam. You're the only thing that can stop Lilith."

"From raising the Devil?"

"The Devil?" She looked at me like I'd lost my mind, the way normal people look at me if I even hint at what's really lurking in the dark. "Look, I don't know anything about that. I just know that I escaped her. I clawed my way out of Hell looking for you."

"For me?" Okay. This was making less and less sense.

"There were rumors about someone who had enough juice to stop her. Enough to stop them all. They're coming for you, so I came to find you first."

I laughed. Me? Powerful? I couldn't even get my father to stop embarrassing me in public. "I think you got the wrong guy."

"No… it's you. Azazel never wanted you to know how powerful you are. I can help you. Teach you how to control your powers, use them against Azazel and Lilith."

I blinked at her, remembering what Ava had said in Cold Oak about her powers growing. "You still haven't answered my question. Why would you help me?"

"I'm helping myself, short fry. You kill them, I'm free."

"Yeah. Free to torture, to maim, to kill."

"I don't want any of that. I just… I just don't wanna go back there. Hell is…" she let out a chocked little laugh. "Hell sucks. I'll do anything not to go back there. Even behave myself. You could make me behave. I mean, if you can kill the First, imagine what you could do to me."

I stared at her for a moment. Was that even possible? Could demons just… reform? We'd found vampires that weren't evil, despite Dad's insistence that it was impossible. Even then he'd pointed out that they were just behaving out of self-interest rather than empathy the way humans would. I heard the noise of my Dad entering and I cast a panicked glance at the door. If he knew about this, he'd just exorcise her out of hand. He wouldn't try to figure out if she was telling the truth. I turned back to tell her she needed to make herself scarce to find her gone. Just like that.

A/N: Woohoo! First chapter of the sequel is finally up! Okay, tell me what you think. Oh, and thanks for not showing up with torches and pitchforks!

And for those who were kind enough to review the last chapter of Lost:

Thanks Haylia Jones! It gets twistier. LOL.

Hope this was satisfying, at least as much as it can be since Dean's not back yet, Danaa. And thanks for the inspiration with the title. ; )

Babyreaper, dude! Don't give up on me now… there's still so much story to tell.

Thanks for sticking with me kelmar2004! I hope you enjoy this story too.

Yeah, NongPradu, it is horrible. But it just felt right from Dean's prospective.

You summed up how Dean was feeling perfectly, rog457. And thanks for putting that pitchfork away. Seems like a painful way to die.

.Dakotta., I understand you perfectly. Your English is really good. I don't like torturing Dean, actually. I was in tears by the time I finished writing a lot of Lost's chapters, especially the last one. It was Azazel's fault. I swear. I always try to inject a little humor into the horror and grief. That's the Supernatural way. And really, it would just be a big maudlin mess without it.

That was my evil plan all along hpsupernaturalfan. Even though it felt organic to me, I knew no one would guess that ending. And yeah, that makes sense. Dean's always been the one thing that bridged John and Sam. They love each other dearly, but their too much alike and getting along without the buffer of Dean is going to be a chore.

Hey medallionable! Glad you enjoyed that last chapter. Hope this hits the spot.

Here you go Yammy1983!

Hey Eeyore08. I hope this first chapter lived up to your expectations.

Thank you Pretender68. It took a while, but it was rewarding. I'm so glad you enjoyed it and hope you enjoy the sequel too.

Hey Kminxus… deleted your address in the review, so I apologize that you never got the email you requested. I did find your LJ id (or I think I did anyway) and send you a message, but I'm not sure if you ever got it. Hopefully you find this without too much trouble.

No torches and pitchforks, redgriffin7. I'm very thankful for that. LOL. I'm glad you enjoyed lost and I hope that Tabula Rasa lives up to your expectations. And of course there'll be Cas. How could there not be Cas?

Thank you so much greendaypumpkin. I tried really hard to show exactly what Dean was dealing with without either prettying it up or making it gratuitous in any way. Some of it was brutal but I hope none of it was unnecessary. Hope you like this one.

-Angie