Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership of Vocaloid or any associated characters or settings.

Keeping it Together

While she did not enjoy the massive popularity enjoyed by Miku and the Kagamine twins, Meiko was easily the most important of all the Vocaloids. While she was prone to overindulgence in beer, she was also the person responsible for taking care of everyone.

Because, gods knew, they couldn't take care of themselves.

She was the one that made sure that they actually ate properly and did not eat negi sandwiches, banana chips, orange pudding, ice cream bars, or raw eggplant three meals a day.

She made sure that everyone did their part to keep the house clean and tidy. No one was allowed to slack off under her watchful eye. The floors were always kept clean, the sinks shiny, and the garbage at the curb on time.

She paid the bills, managed the funds, and made sure no one was trying to spend the food money on eggplant plantations, ice-cream factories, or revolutions supporting South American fruit barons.

And if anyone ever got in trouble they called her up first. Because she was better than any lawyer, and cheaper too! They got into trouble a lot too. But that's what she was for. She was there to clear up legal charges when Rin and Len were accused of stealing the Road Roller from a construction site. When, Miku was being harassed by a stalker, she hunted the fucker down and beat the crap out of him. When the Twins slipped Kaito some LSD and he was found wandering around the docks completely naked the next day, she came and hauled his sorry ass back home. When Gakupo refused to surrender his katana to American customs, she was there to smooth things over with airport security, after he had gotten patted down, strip searched, and anally probed of course. When Luka was involved in a huge scandal that included the Prime Minister's wife, a sleazy love hotel, a kiddie pool full of jell-o, and a live octopus, Meiko went out there and she created an even bigger scandal to draw the eyes of the media away from Luka.

It was a fact that if the Vocaloids were left to their own devices things went to the dogs, literally. She went across the country to do promotional concert once and was gone for a week. When she came back, a pack of feral dogs had taken up residence in the kitchen. Gakupo was passed out on the living room floor surrounded by two bottles of strong sake and at least five hookers. Rin and Len had somehow been talked into endorsing condoms. A large fire had somehow started in the bathroom. Luka and Miku were holed up in a hotel suite, hiding from their fans, and Kaito had been trapped in the basement for the entire week. It took two days to chase out the dogs, put out the fire, revive Gakupo, pay off the hookers, maim the Twin's agents, get Luka and Miku back home, and unblock the basement door and let Kaito out.

xXx

While Kaito was often the butt of many a joke, he easily had the single most important duty of all the Vocaloids. Meiko may have looked after everyone, made the food, paid the bills, made sure the house stayed clean, and watched over them like a large angry, if often intoxicated, mother bear. But Kaito's job, in his opinion, was of even greater importance, and involved far more responsibility. He looked after Meiko.

He was there to throw a blanket over her when she was passed out on the floor, and to make sure the medicine cabinet was always stocked full of hangover remedies and painkillers. If she trashed the house during one of her parties, he made sure to help her clean up. When she was gone for whatever reason, he always tried to keep the house in somewhat decent shape for when she got back, an effort he always failed in.

He was the one who was always there to make sure she didn't do anything too stupid when she was drunk. The one who had stopped her from drowning in her own vomit more times than he could count. He was always there to pick her up from the bar, and who never complained of the fact that his car now smelled like booze. Whenever she was drunk enough to think that going with those men to their abandoned warehouse was a good idea, he was there to get her out of trouble. If one of her fans tried to take advantage of her when she was drunk, he made sure they wouldn't be able to do it again. She was often drunk enough that she never remembered these services, but that wasn't what was important.

He went overseas to do a charity concert tour once, and was gone for a month. When he came back, the front door was covered in court summons, credit card bills, and threats from the utilities company; it had a hole the size of a grapefruit in it, and was currently laying out on the front lawn. A herd of cows had clearly camped out in the living room, the TV had a katana protruding from it, the laundry room appeared to have been gutted by flames, the kitchen was completely filled with beer cans, the basement was flooded, the garage had been stolen, and the bathroom was simply gone.

A bit of digging allowed him to find out where everyone was. Rin and Len were currently seeking asylum in Thailand, after having run over two limos, twelve paparazzi reporters, a fountain, and the American ambassador with the Road Roller. Luka had been publicly arrested for skinny dipping in the tuna exhibit at the local aquarium. Miku had reportedly started a cult that worshiped the negi as a gift from the gods. Gakupo was currently doing time in prison for trying to smuggle eggplants into the country, and Meiko was somewhere under the sea of beer cans that filled the kitchen.

Extreme Action was called for. Extreme Action took the form of an industrial trash compactor, one dose of Kaito's secret for a damn good reason ultimate hangover cure, and a cattle prod.

Five minutes later, Meiko had downed the hangover cure, unwrapped the cattle prod from around Kaito's neck, and was getting filled in on the situation. Ten minutes later a plan was hammered out, and action was taken.

Within a day, Meiko had made arrangements with the realtors, called for a clean-up crew, bought new furniture, informed everyone of the new change in address, and had the few things left intact ready to move to the new house. The damage was so extensive, that simply buying a new house was cheaper than fixing everything, not that such a move was anything new.

Within two days, the United States Government had a sudden change of heart, and dismissed the comical death of their ambassador as 'no big deal.' The criminal charges against Luka were mysteriously forgotten. Miku's cult experienced a sudden mass disillusionment, and split up. Gakupo got his sentence reduced to nothing after the warden had a suspicious change of mind, and in all, everyone was willing to forget the entire month ever happened.

xXx

Omakes:

Meiko glazed at the house with pride. Miku and the Twins had left for school with proper lunches, that they wouldn't dare trade if they valued their life. Gakupo was currently sweeping up the last of the dust, which he better not sweep under the rug if he valued his face. Kaito was off to the store with a list of groceries, which he better get if he doesn't want the freezer mysteriously unplugged. Everything was as it should be.

She whipped a six-pack out from behind her. "PARTY TIME!" With one quick motion she tore the tab off a can, drained it in one gulp, smashed the can against her forehead, before throwing it over her shoulder and starting on the next can.

Life was good.

xXx

Kaito let out a long sigh as he watched the road ahead of him. The wipers beat a steady rhythm as he signalled his turn at the lights. The twins had called him in the middle of the night and had asked (blackmailed) him to pick them up from the movie theatre. Rin and Len were in the backseat arguing about which movie was better, the first one they had seen or the fifth?

The beeper clipped to his belt suddenly went off. The red one, not good. It was synced with a combined GPS broadcaster and medical scanner that was programmed to go off whenever Meiko's blood alcohol level reached a certain threshold, or whenever she wandered over 50 meters away from the bar.

"Guy's I'm going to have to pick up Meiko okay?" he told the backseat. Rin and Len ignored him, their argument having shifted to the supposed superiority of bananas over oranges.

Kaito sighed and typed some commands into the dash-mounted GPS.

"Meiko's Current location is," the mechanical voice announced. "3459 Dockside Drive, Tokyo Imports warehouse #3."

"FUCK!" Kaito swore, his foot slammed on the accelerator and he made an illegal u-turn right in the middle of the intersection. The twin's arguing petered out as the car kept going faster and faster down the roads.

Kaito killed the lights as they turned onto Dockside Drive, the car tore down the road in the darkness. He suddenly slammed on the breaks and all they heard was a loud thud as the car hit someone and sent them rolling over the roof. Kaito shifted into reverse and the car lurched as it backed over the unfortunate person. Kaito shifted back into drive and ran over the person again.

"I'll be back in a minute," he announced as he opened the glove compartment and pulled out a police baton.

The twins watched in shock as he ran into the nearby warehouse, which they could now tell belonged to Tokyo Imports.

There was yelling coming from inside, then gunshots, more yelling, automatic gunfire, an explosion, lots of swearing, more gunfire, a scream and someone pleading for mercy.

A strange man suddenly burst from the warehouse and threw himself at the car window. The twins screamed in alarm.

"HELP ME!" he pleaded. "For god's sake HELP ME!"

Kaito, followed by an extremely drunk and confused Meiko, strode out of the warehouse, seized the man by his collar, threw him on the ground and began to beat the shit out of him with the baton.

"Meiko, get in the car," he ordered.

"Why?"

"Because there's more beer in there."

"Okay," she staggered to the car and climbed into the passenger seat. "Hey! He wasn't lying!" she cheered as she yanked a bottle out of the cup holder, too drunk to realize it was just a root-beer with a changed label.

Kaito went back into the warehouse.

"PLEASE, HAVE MERCY! I BEG YOU!" Someone screamed. There was a sharp crack and Kaito came out dragging someone behind him. He popped open the trunk.

Meiko peered over the seat and stared at the twins in confusion. "You look familiar," she slurred.

The trunk slammed shut, and Kaito hopped in the driver's seat. "Sorry for making you wait like that," he apologised.

The twins could do nothing but nod dumbly in shock.

The car roared to life and Kaito pulled away from the warehouse, backing over the two men lying on the road for good measure.

Authors Note: Another silly one-shot written by me… might add more might not… just struck by the idea that Meiko is the one who would watch out for everyone, and Kaito would be the guy who made sure she was sober enough to do it.