Chapter 1

7 days, 23 hours, and 14 minutes. She's been gone 7 days, 23 hours, and 14 minutes. She's never gone that long… unless something is wrong. I've been trying to wrap my mind around it for 7 days, 23 hours, and 14 minutes. I know exactly what's wrong. She's gone.

I've been up for two days straight, trying to figure out a way to get her back. And now, not even my own thoughts are coherent. Dr. Lam ordered me to bed and used Teal'c and Cam to enforce her decree. But how can I sleep when she's out there somewhere, probably hurting?

As sleep begins to take its painfully slow hold, my mind relives the day I lost her.

"Look at this place! It's relatively well-preserved!" I'm staring at the outside of a stone structure. It's in the middle of a clearing in a tropical jungle. We just spent about two hours hacking our way through the plant-life searching for the source of the energy that the UAV detected.

"Don't get your pants all up in a bunch, Jackson. It's a stone building. Someone's probably home."

Vala tilts her head as she studies the structure. It's only one level high, just large enough for people to stand in comfortably. The entrance is shrouded in darkness. "You think?"

Something about this place screams Ancient design. I feel as though I've seen this before. I sense a weird déjà-vu feeling whenever I encounter something that I might have known about in my past life. But it could also be wishful thinking. Oma said there's no way I could remember my time as an ascended being. All I have left are feelings and an ability to read Ancient writing.

Teal'c is somewhere out of sight, checking the perimeter. "You two go ahead, then. Stay in radio contact. The minute you see trouble, get out," Mitchell says adamantly. Vala and I nod. He goes off to find Teal'c while the two of us venture inside.

We flip on the lights embedded in our P-90s, but they're woefully inadequate. We have to walk through the corridors slowly. They wind around and we keep running into walls when we don't see a bend. Vala stays silent. She's on alert for any booby-traps, especially the ones that a Goa'uld might have left behind after exploring this place.

It takes a good 10 minutes of slow walking before we reach some sort of grand chamber. By now the air is thin and stale, a tell-tale sign that we're underground. No way to know just how deep we are, though. I walk all over the room with my faint light, taking it in. It's quite empty.

Vala huffs. "Looks like it's been cleaned out, Darling." She gestures toward the stones that are positioned around the room, along its perimeter. They're about waist-height, but in shambles. Grave-robbers, maybe? Something tells me this is not an Ancient burial ground. I study the stones but there's nothing of interest there. Anything that could have been useful has been destroyed.

Vala stands in the center of the room, looking down at the floor. "What do you suppose this is all about?" I move closer to her. It's difficult to see in the low lighting. There's some sort of design etched into the stone floor, a series of large, overlapping rings in a seemingly random formation. It doesn't look anything more than decorative. I say so.

I walk back toward the entrance to see if there are any markings there that I missed. That's when the ground shakes. It's a quiet rumble, but enough to rattle us a little. I look back at Vala. She seems surprised, but otherwise okay. "Mitchell," I call onto the radio. "Did you feel that?"

I only get static in return. "We might be too deep underground," I tell her. "Let's head back up."

"Nothing to see here anyway," she comments glumly. When Vala takes another step toward me, the ground shakes again. It knocks her off of her feet. I have every intention of helping her up when the lights blind me. I don't know where they're coming from, but a bright light suddenly appears and disorients me.

"Vala?" It's so blinding that I wish for the dark to come back.

"Daniel, what's happening?" Her voice is calm, but she's also ready to react to something.

"I don't know. Follow the sound of my voice." In an instant the light dies down. I'm back in pitch black, but it pains my eyes to have to make that sudden adjustment. "Vala? You okay?" I direct my P-90 flashlight back in her direction. I step forward to where she just was. "Uhh, Vala? This isn't funny. Answer me." I'm a little irritated now.

"Jackson!" I hear over the radio.

"Go ahead, Mitchell."

"We're at the entrance. What happened down there?"

"Some sort of earthquake and then it must have activated the lighting system in here. It went into overdrive and blinded us. Is Vala up there with you?" It doesn't occur to me at this point that the radios are suddenly working. Later, I'll realize that we should have checked the radios when we went in. They were the first sign.

"Uhh, no. Thought she was with you." He sounds puzzled.

"I'm looking all over the chamber that we found and she's not here. Probably ran out while we were blinded. I'll head up." It doesn't take as long to reach the surface as it did to go down, partly because I know what to expect as I walk.

"Well?" Mitchell questioned as soon as I emerge.

"There's nothing down there. It was weird."

"Where the hell's Vala?"

I'm confused. "You mean, she didn't come out yet?" At Mitchell's negative nod, I start to get worried. "There's no other path than the one we took." I get on the radio, "Vala, what's your location?" Silence.

Mitchell tries it. "Vala, where are you? Respond." We look at Teal'c. He tries his radio as well, but no luck. Mitchell gestures toward me and Teal'c to get down there and search again. Even though we spend hours trying to find her, it's like she's just disappeared.

"Vala!" I yell out into the dark. My eyes are open wide, and I'm sitting up. Sweat is pouring down my brow, and my skin sticks to the sheets. I bring my palm to my forehead, pressing eagerly, trying to massage the massive headache away.

The clock tells me I've only slept for 1 hour. Great, now you're an insomniac and a failure.

"You haven't failed me, Darling," a faint voice echoes in my mind. It's her, of course. Part of her is stuck in my head. She's the only comfort now. No one in real life has the words to say. There are no words for what I'm going through. After the connection we've made to each other, she's the only one who could know what I'm going through. It's tearing me apart. I can only imagine what it must be doing to her… if she's even alive.

"Don't think like that. You know I'm a fighter. I'll stay alive long enough for you to find me, to save me. I'll stay alive long after that, too." Her words of comfort are enough to lull me into sleep, even if those words aren't real.

So I dream of the fateful day when we joined minds.

The mission happens sometime before Vala disappears offworld. The Tok'ra encountered a group of technologically advanced humans and sent word our way that we might be interested. We suspect, however, that they were sending us as guinea pigs in case these people didn't turn out to be so nice.

None of us expect what will happen. They don't appear to be very advanced at first glance. Their buildings and choice of attire are pretty typical of most planets in the galaxy. Simple. Practical. Nothing more. When we arrive to say hello, the villagers invite us to witness one of their ceremonies.

Two people, a man and a woman, are seated across from each other in a small room. It's decorated ornately, with red tones and soft furnishings. Between them, on a small table, is a sphere, maybe the size of my fist. It glows and Mitchell oohs and aahs appropriately. I'm not quite so impressed. Must be Mitchell's first orb.

The pair seated near the globe clasp their hands together and place them on top of it. Sparks, literally sparks, begin to fly. They seem to radiate up the arms of the pair, but they don't seem to notice or mind. They each take in a sudden gasp of air. The weirdest part is when they smile.

Then it's over. They get up and leave, looking strangely satisfied. I look at my teammates and they're just as puzzled. It looks like a harmless parlor trick to me. Vala asks bluntly, "So what was that?"

"It is a friendship ceremony. Performed between two people who wish to strengthen their bond to one another. Would you like to try it?" The man's eyes sparkle.

Vala shrugs. She sits down in one of the seats just vacated by the pair. "Are you sure this is wise, Vala Mal Doran?"

"What's a few sparks going to hurt? Come on, Muscles, care to strengthen our friendship?" She flashed him a smile.

Teal'c bows his head. "I have spent 50 years with you as my friend on the Odyssey, Vala Mal Doran. Our friendship is sufficiently strong."

"Al right then, Mitchell?"

"We bonded at my reunion remember? Didn't go so well."

She sighs. "Okay, Daniel. That leaves you."

"Why was I the last person you asked?"

"Because I was going in order. Now sit down." I grumble a bit, but comply. I just want to get this over with so we can move on to other, more interesting things.

The man showing us the ceremony directs us. "Take hands." We do. "Place them above the Joining Sphere." I wonder idly why it's called that. "Relax your minds. You may close your eyes." Vala does so easily, and after a glare from Mitchell and Teal'c to play nice, I close my eyes, too. "Now open your minds to each other. Allow the Joining Sphere to guide you."

"Guide us with what?" I hear Vala say. But there's something different about her voice this time. She never said that aloud. I gasp as I realize I'm hearing her thoughts. She seems to understand this, too, and takes in a breath herself. I start thinking of applications for this technology. It could be used in the field to share intel that we can't risk the enemy seeing or hearing.

"You think too much like a soldier. This is fun!" I can feel her smile. In fact, her mind washes over me. I sense colors - bright, warm colors wrapping around me in a pleasurable cocoon. I think I'm smiling now. This is kinda nice.

I test the waters, so to speak, and enter her mind. It's a maze of different sensations. The first part I detect is her playfulness. I get a sense of the joy she extracts from the world, from the novel things she finds on Earth. It transitions easily into her deeper emotions. Something tugs at my heart when I realize something. She cares about me.

I probably smile as much outside as much as I do inside. It's nice to know someone cares. I return the sentiment. I feel her pleasure as my mind overlaps with hers, sharing thoughts, emotions, and ideas.

I feel brave enough to venture further in. I hesitate, as if knocking on a door before entering, but she lets me in. I allow her past one of my walls to reciprocate. This is such a new experience, and I'm eager to learn as much as I can so I can describe this accurately to the others.

Sorrow. I suddenly feel sorrow. This part of her mind contains the things that make her sad. A fresh wound is Adria. The feeling nearly overwhelms me. I send my own feelings of comfort her way, hoping to help her heal. I've always worried that she's been burying that shame too deep. I feel her poking around in my mind and know exactly when she finds Sha're. I cringe slightly. I don't talk about her – to anyone. She sends me the message that she understands what I've gone through and will always be there if I need. Vala probably wouldn't even say words like that without turning it into some light joke. But her mind doesn't lie to me. And I know that she cares. It gives me a strange sense of comfort; it sets me at ease in a way.

"Uhh, guys?" I hear Mitchell's voice, but not in my mind so much as in my ears. "This is getting a little weird."

I slowly pull away, rising up through the sky of Vala's mind and back into my own. We slowly and carefully place the bricks back into our walls and break the connection. When I open my eyes, she's looking at me with a smile. I smile back. "That was fun," I say. Mitchell gives me the strangest look.

The man who is attending to us speaks up. "It has been many years since I have witnessed a Joining so complete. Your friendship will now be very strong indeed."

Vala stands up. "I think it was strong to begin with." She winks, but I don't really mind.

Over the next few days, we start to realize the side effects of this so-called "Joining." I feel even lonelier when she's not in the room with me. It's like pressure on my chest when we're apart for too long. The sensation is not quite the same as when we were linked by those damned bracelets. It's not like I'm going to pass out. But this is still disconcerting. I don't even have to discuss it with her to know that she's feeling the same thing. I can read her even better than before. When we're in each other's company it's like a high that I don't want to come down from. Vala becomes my drug. But I'm okay with that.

The alarm clock blares obnoxiously. I want to shoot it. It took Vala away from me. My hand swipes at the offending device, effectively silencing it for now. No, the alarm didn't do anything wrong. It was me. Me. All me. No one else to blame but me. God, how could I be so stupid!

I feel my eyes welling up with tears. There's no use fighting them. It's been 8 days now. I hate sleeping. When I wake up, she's been gone longer. She's further away. If I didn't have to sleep, I'd find her sooner. I'd be able to hold her in my arms. She'd be safe again.

My mind brings me to my house. Even though I know it's the dead of winter outside, my fantasy creates a world with a warm breeze and a comforting sunset. I sit out on my back porch, just watching the transition from day to night, when darkness takes over just for a little while. "This is the good kind of darkness," she comments, handing me a beer and holding one of her own.

The Vala in my mind plops down next to me in the two-seater. We sway back and forth slightly. It's a comfortable silence as we watch the stars appear in the sky. She rests her head on my shoulder, and I wrap my arm around her in response. This wouldn't happen in real life. We're not any kind of couple, but it's nice to pretend sometimes. I've been so lonely. God, I've been so lonely.

A knock on the door brings me out of my hallucination. It's Mitchell, and he sounds concerned. He seems to go away after I tell him I'll be out in a minute. Beyond that door is the absence of comfort, the strange reality that has become my ruined existence. My body and mind seem at odds. One wants to stay here in the comfort of my quarters, secretly visiting with her, the other would rather be out there looking for the real Vala. I'm not sure which one wants which. I push aside the sensation and get up. I'll find her today.

000

The villagers seem at a loss. They haven't seen her either. This is the third planet I've visited today and still no luck. I've been to all her old haunts five times over. I've run into her old enemies and old friends. No one's seen her. It's like she fell off the face of the… well, galaxy.

Mitchell pats my back and starts heading toward the gate. Teal'c makes eye contact with me, silently offering comfort and support. I know what they're doing. They're humoring me until I give up on finding her. I can tell they think she's dead. Well, dammit, I can't give up. She's not allowed to be dead. I won't stand for it!

We return home empty-handed. General Landry isn't surprised and nods sadly to us through the glass. He doesn't even call us for a briefing. He knows we have nothing to report. Even he's given up. Whatever happened to not leaving anyone behind?

I sit at my office desk now, refusing to think of a future without my teammate. My Vala.

"Your Vala?" she responds with mock indignation. "When did I ever become your Vala?" She smiles at me from across the table.

"You've always been mine. Whether I wanted to admit it or not."

"Oh?"

"You've saved me, you know. You've kept the loneliness away. Ever since Sha're died, it's been eating me alive from the inside-out. But then you came along. You're my savior," I say softly with no hesitation. Of course, I would never tell this to the real Vala. I could never say something so intimate and true out loud. Knowing privately in my mind and expressing my feelings aloud are two very different things.

"You're my savior, too." She smiles again and grabs my hands from the top of the table. "I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for you."

I reach out to touch her face. So soft. My fingers stroke her cheek and entangle themselves in her rich hair. I lean in to kiss her. It's so gentle, but yet, it's so perfect. She smiles at me again, and for once, I smile back.

The smile fades almost as soon as it appears. Her image vanishes and I'm left alone… again. I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for you. Yeah, you're also not here because of me. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Cam stands in the doorway and coughs discretely. He knows me well enough by now to know when I need time alone. But his presence tells me something's up.

"Yeah, Cam," I say despondently.

"Sam's on the line. Video feed's patched into the conference room." He doesn't order me to join him. He knows I'll go.

I try to ignore the looks of sympathy everyone keeps giving me as I walk the halls of the SGC. I hate those looks. They were sent my way after Sha're. Well this time is different. Vala's not dead.

I arrive to a full briefing room. Not only is my team and General Landry there, but also SG-3. Reynolds volunteered his team's support the other day. They've been actively searching for her too. I nod to him in appreciation. Of all people, he's the only other one who believes we can find her. Must be because of the time she saved his ass.

I stare at Sam's face on the screen. Behind her, I can see her crew busy as bees at their stations on the General Hammond. "We've done an orbital scan of the planet and found no traces of her subcutaneous transmitter. We're also not detecting any more energy signatures. That rules out some sort of hidden transport device."

"No moons or other planets nearby that you can check, Colonel?" Landry asks. He knows the answer to that. He must be asking on account of me.

"Negative, sir. If there were, we would check those, too."

"I hate to be the one to ask this, but wouldn't you still detect her transmitter if she was…" Reynolds didn't dare finish the sentence. I'd punch him if he did.

"Not if the body was completely destroyed." Sam doesn't realize just how much that hurts. Or maybe she's putting on her brave military face and pretending not to realize. My legs start itching to move. I need to get away from here. "But that doesn't mean she's dead. She may simply be somewhere else, and we just don't know it yet." Her words echo my thoughts. "I'm sending a team down to collect the addresses left in the DHD's buffer. If she made it off-planet somehow using the gate, we'll know."

"She would have come straight home," I say quietly. Several pairs of eyes turn to me. I stare straight at Sam. "If she could get to the gate, she would have come home on her own." My eyes lose focus.

"Dr. Jackson," Landry starts with a soft voice, "we don't know what happened yet. We have to explore all possibilities."

He's not wrong. I've been trying to do just that. I simply nod in agreement. There's no use taking out my frustrations on my colleagues. I'm surprised I've been able to keep it together this long.

"We'll keep searching, Daniel." I regain my focus and look up at Sam. She was supposed to address that comment to General Landry. It must be obvious how much Vala's disappearance affects me. Great, I'm a failure, an insomniac, and obvious.

"Thanks, Sam," is all I can muster.

The meeting ends unceremoniously. I'm the first to get up and leave, a perk of being a civilian. I don't have to wait for Landry to leave first. I half-expect someone to call out my name. I'm glad when no one does.

Dr. Lam catches me in the hallway. My jaw clenches because I know what's coming. "You need to go home," she says more softly than I expect. I was ready for a fight, but her tone is disarming. "We will call you if anything comes up. I promise." She places a hand on my shoulder, her silent way of ordering me to do as she says.

A/N: I'd be glad to hear what you think. Feel free to review! Thanks.