Asexual, you say?

*One-shot*

Note: Asexual – (also known as nonsexuality) in its broadest sense, describes lack of sexual attraction, or interest in or desire for sex.

Warnings: Er… weird conversations that makes no sense?

*

Severus Snape was an oddball. Skinny and bony, all hard angles and sharp contrasts he stood away from the other occupants in the room, trailing them with scorching black eyes. Black and white in a mix that would put a chessboard to shame.

Also, it was rumoured, the boy was completely asexual. According to Rosier, who was always willing to lend a gossiping tongue to any ear, while others from their year had discovered the ways of the flesh Severus Snape had merely regarded them with cool calculation. "As if he was bloody well taking notes for one of his damn concoctions!" Rosier had whispered in mirth.

"Considering how well those concoctions had proven to work" Lucius had drawled. "Perhaps it would be of interest to engage this boy in the ways of the flesh."

This had shut Rosier up and when he'd left that party at the Malfoy manor, he had been rather thoughtful. One week later Lucius had received a letter from Hogwarts where Rosier stated that 'the brat is bloody insane', 'Most certainly asexual' and that Lucius 'owed Rosier a new pair of balls.'

Lucius had sent Evan Rosier a pair of hazelnuts, and a letter pointing out that those was more of an appropriate size in Rosier's case.

When next they met, at Evan's father's party, Evan had pointedly ignored Lucius – much to Lucius amusement.

Of course when that little episode had taken place Lucius had not known Severus Snape. He had been able to scourge up a vague recollection of a skinny brat that always had his nose – and what a nose – buried in a book, but he had assumed that for obvious reasons said brat had not made a lasting impression on him while he was at school.

He didn't know Severus Snape now either, however the moment that Tom Riddle had introduced him to them he had recognised the name. He had always wondered just what Snape had done to Rosier's balls, after all, so the name had stuck in his memory.

It would appear that the brat hadn't changed much since leaving school – admittedly though his memory was hazy at best concerning his now fellow Death Eater. Though he had to admit that there was something that intrigued him about Severus Snape, though he was loath to figure out what it was. He certainly wasn't pretty, nor was he exceedingly ugly.

Yet there was something…

…Intense.

Yes, that was is. Severus Snape was intense. There was a focus in him that Lucius had never seen in anyone else, as if he was committing everything he saw to memory – stored to be carefully examined later. Those black eyes burned with a cold flame.

Asexual?

Lucius couldn't help to wonder how correct Rosier had been in that assessment. In fact he couldn't wait to find out, so therefore he plotted. Evan had obviously tried to ensnare Snape after their little discussion – and since Rosier was a rather attractive man and Snape had not reciprocated his lusts – Lucius figured that perhaps the young man was not interested in men. In fact, now that he thought about it, Lucius could remember that the Snape boy had often hung around a redhead girl. A Gryffindor if he wasn't mistaken.

How un-Slytherin of him. Rather curious though.

So Lucius decided to try to awaken Snape's lusts.

Sideling up to where his fiancé Narcissa was holding court with her sister Bellatrix and Morrighan Avery, the rather appealing sister of Nickolas Avery – yet another one of Snape's year mates. Knowing the brunette as he did he knew she'd be more than welcoming to his little plot so long as he gave her some motivation.

Bribery was such a fine and useful art form.

*

"Would you be able to find me a stick to ride on?" Lucius heard Morrighan purr seductively at Snape ten minutes later and the blond intently watched Snape's sharp features for a reaction. The other men around the couple instantly choked on their drinks and coughed loudly.

And indeed the dark haired young man's features stiffened momentarily. Lucius was sure that if he hadn't been watching so hard he would've missed it. Then one black eyebrow arched.

"Certainly." He declared, making people stare. "Come."

And the dark haired young man led the woman out of the parlour. On the way out Morrighan flashed Lucius a triumphant wink that translated to 'mission complete, now you have to pay up'.

Lucius felt oddly let down. He'd for some reason imagined Snape would put up more of a fight, or at least tried to play hard to get.

"Pathetic." He muttered into his drink, and at the same time Narcissa and her sister came to flank him.

"Well, well, Lucius," Bellatrix said smugly. "Buying favours now, are you?"

"It's distasteful." Narcissa sniffed. "And under your father's roof, Lucius. Your father will not like this."

"He won't have to know." He replied.

"I hope…" Narcissa began but was cut off when Morrighan reappeared, angrily striding through the room towards them.

When she reached them she promptly slapped Lucius across the face.

"This is your fault. " she hissed acidly before he had a chance to collect himself. "If this was your idea of a joke, you were sorely mistaken, Malfoy. I will not forget this."

And then she whirled around. Lucius snarled and reached for his wand. He'd hex her through the wall! Narcissa's hand quickly grabbed his arm.

"Lucius!" she snapped.

"She slapped me." He hissed at her. Narcissa glared at him and Bellatrix laughed when Snape came back into the room, an aura of intense smugness around him. Locking gaze with Lucius he drawled: "It would seem, Mr Malfoy that your broom collection was not to the lady's liking."

Lucius blinked.

Bellatrix laughed heartily.

*

"What did you say to Miss Avery, Snape?" Lucius asked and forcefully poured himself a drink of firewhiskey. Snape was standing in front of the shut door of Abraxas' office, where Lucius had dragged him in after the episode in the parlour.

"I don't know what you mean. I merely showed her your brooms and told her that if she hurried she'd have ample time to make it back to the swamp she no doubt crawled out off." The dark haired man said. Then a stern scowl crossed his face and he continued: "I don't enjoy being made a fool off, Malfoy. You may not appreciate the subtle art of potions, but I should tell you that I'm already a poison master, Malfoy. It's not a good thing to annoy me. Who knows what could happen? Everyone one needs to eat and drink after all. Not to mention breathe."

"Are you threatening me, Snape?"

"Hardly. I'm educating you." The young man snorted.

"You think I need education, do you?" Lucius sneered.

Snape smirked and completely changed topic. "Why did you put that hideous woman up to the improbable task of seducing me?"

"I would hardly describe Morrighan as hideous. Rather a fine specimen of the female race." Lucius countered, deliberately drawing the discussion away from the question he'd prefer not to answer.

Snape raised an eyebrow and gave him a long look. "Surely you're old enough to recognise that females are not from a differing race from males, Lucius. Answer my question." The dark haired man tilted his head to the side and black eyes bore into Lucius'. For some reason he couldn't look away. Then a small, slanted smile touched his thin lips. "Ah."

Lucius frowned. Suddenly he felt like an open book, and for some reason he also concluded that this brat had just managed to read him. It was an unsettling feeling.

"To answer your question then; It's none of your business." Snape said sharply, and then turned to leave.

"So you prefer men, then?" Lucius asked and saw the other man's back stiffen. Slowly he turned around and looked at him with expressionless eyes. Something glittered in those black depths, possible mirth, and then another one of those slanted smiled graced Snape's face.

"Would you care to bugger me senseless, Malfoy?" the other man asked bluntly, nearly making Lucius drop his glass and choke on his drink.

"Er…" he hadn't been expecting that, and now his tongue seemed to have tied itself up in a bundle.

"I thought not." Snape commented smugly as he carelessly plopped into the armchair, lazily sweeping his arm towards the chessboard. "Care for a game of chess then?"

Lucius raised one eyebrow. "From sex to chess, just like that?"

"Indeed." Snape leaned back and took a sip of his drink. "As far as I surmise it's hardly that great a difference."

"Is that so?" Lucius sat down in the other armchair and opened the lid to the chess pieces. "Get up you – you got work to do. And what makes you say that?"

"A game of opposing members, all of which spend all of their time and effort trying to make the other side submit either by force or cunning. Ever the romantic relationship if I ever saw one. "

Lucius snorted. "Going by that logic the same could be said for any game."

"Hm, Quidditch; A game of balls and sticks, where the teams exerts themselves by riding said sticks and throwing large balls through an even large hole." Snape nodded sagely. "Could be a euphemism certainly. Rather a gay old game, wouldn't you say?"

The blond peered over the chessboard at the other man, squinting his eyes suspiciously. "Snape, are you pulling my leg?"

A very small, satisfied smirk quirked Severus' lips and he leaned forward. "Perhaps."

Lucius laughed.

Years later Lucius would conclude, that that was their first real meeting. Certainly they had been in the same vicinity before at Hogwarts, perhaps they'd even exchanged words, but then they had somehow still been far apart. That evening they had truly met as equals.

Though, Lucius would quickly remind himself, of course no one could be truly equal to a Malfoy.

Snape, however, could be an equal to Lucius – just Lucius – on those rare occasions when he'd let his surname drop. A friend with whom conversing never grew boring.

*

Author's notes: I really don't know where my scary obsession about Snape's sexuality is coming from but I swear every time I feel like writing something Snape related somehow his sexuality (or even lack thereof) becomes the focus.