A/N: I don't own Twilight or The Bad Mother's Handbook. I'm just having some pervy fun with the characters. This outtake is rated M. If you are of an easily offended or delicate nature, please do not read this.
Thank you so much to Rosmarina and Bookgeek80 who looked this over, corrected what they could, and shook their heads.
Daniel Gale: Cumming Online
It was Salisbury steak night in the cafeteria. Ms. Rie, the friendly dinner lady, snuck me an extra portion as she smiled.
"Dude you really have a way with the ladies" Emmett laughed and gazed longingly at my plate special.
"I don't know what you are talking about," I replied. Truly, I was perplexed.
"That hot cougar just slipped you the biggest piece of meat she had. Plus, she snuck an extra slab buried underneath the mashed fauxtatoes and gravy."
Just as Emmett spoke, Ms. Rie slipped a side plate on my tray. On it was a baked potato smothered in baked beans and cheese – one of my favorites from home. "You need a little more meat on those bones, sweetie." I blushed as she gave me her offering and walked away. I couldn't help but stare for a moment at her delightfully robust rump.
"OK, I admit it she often slips me an extra treat." I shyly smiled at Emmett and pushed my glasses back up my nose.
"There! That's it! You have to stop doing that, Danny Boy. Working your geeklicious magic on the ladies is just not fair to them. You are practically taking advantage." Emmett elbowed me in the ribs. Doh!
Now I knew he was teasing. "Alright mate, I will try and tone down my sex appeal." I elbowed him back.
"Shit man, that hurt!" Emmett chuckled and grabbed his side. "Hey, can I have some of that potato?"
"Sure mate, I'll always share my booty with you!" I replied.
We walked over to a large table and joined Eric, Tyler and a few of their friends for a lovely meal and conversation. Emmett was still hungry so I gave him my extra steak.
After dinner, Emmett went to the library to study for an upcoming midterm exam in his engineering class. It wasn't for a couple of days so I was proud of him for getting an early start on his studying. He was meeting with a group from his class to go over each other's notes in the library. I hoped they didn't see any of the artwork in his margins.
I got online to check my email and my usual science blogs when I realized I was finally alone. And I mean ALONE, alone and I would finally have a few moments alone for some self pleasure that did not take place in a men's room stall.
I had once been approached once by a very nice girl on Twitter named IvanaHaveurdickinme for some sexual relations on the internet and I had admit that I was rather curious about what that would entail. I had previously set up a Gmail account for such purposes if I ever had the courage to try it out. I logged on and immediately saw that Ivana was online. I started a chat session:
19yovirgin: Hello, Ivana. How are you this evening?
Ivana: hey baby. I am chatting with a friend. wanna join?
19yovirgin: That sounds delightful. I am feeling rather lonely tonight. I could use the company.
Ivana: ok cool hang on
*PapaBear69: enters chat*
Ivana: hey big poppa
19yovirgin: Hello PapaBear69! How are you this evening? I must admit I have never done this sort of thing before but I am becoming engorged just thinking about it.
PapaBear69: I thought your friend was a girl?
Ivana: no i said my friend was a 19 year old virgin
19yovirgin: I am!
PapaBear69: Uh…OK…I guess.
Ivana: ur gf sounds cute, i am not skinny like that i am curvy and soft
PapaBear69: I like curvy and soft.
19yovirgin: Me too!
Ivana: and not young, i just turned 40
PapaBear69: I like older women.
19yovirgin: Me too!
Ivana: I have a question, is anal sex messy?? i would be worried about that, kwim?
Papabear69: Anal doesn't usually get messy. Long as the girl uses the bathroom if she has to go
Ivana: i never had any problems just curious if you did
Papabear69: its really easy to make women who like anal to squirt.
19yovirgin: :-O Squirt what?
Ivana: i have seen that in porn…very interesting
Papabear69: It does happen
19yovirgin: How is that medically possible? Has that been documented in the peer reviewed literature?
Papabear69: I suspect some of those pornos are just girls peeing,
Ivana: mmm maybe, maybe not
Papabear69: But some women do squirt
19yovirgin: I really suspect that is urine!
Ivana: you got to get right up on the g spot
19yovirgin: I would like to find the G-spot!
Ivana: i tried to will myself to squirt before, didnt work
Papabear69: Can't really will it. Not every woman can, but I have made quite a few do it for their first time.
Papabear69: It does happen
19yovirgin: I am quite sure we are talking about urine here!
Papabear69: Anal girls tend to squirt easier I think something about a dick in the ass, while the pussy is played with works for lots of women
Ivana: ok, well im not that lucky
Ivana: Daniel have u seen a girl squirt?
19yovirgin: Honestly, I have never even seen a vagina!
PapaBear69: That is sad.
19yovirgin: Well, I am not too happy about it either.
Ivana: your sporting 8.5 papabear? Impressive... are u working right now papabear?
PapaBear69: I am working.
Ivana: you should ask ur gf to scream Papa bear next time when she cums
PapaBear69: Hahahaha I might just do that. By the way, I love big soft women. I always have. Sexy
Ivana: mm thanks I appreciate that
19yovirgin: Me too! I like big butts and I cannot lie! LOL!
PapaBear69: Its true. As I said earlier I don't really have a type. A big, sexy woman turns me on. For real
19yovirgin: I love thick, voluptuous women!
Ivana: well then its your lucky day!
PapaBear69: Really? Why is that?
Ivana: i am sexy, I am curvy and i am a woman
19yovirgin: You sound beautiful, Ivana. Are you from Russia?
PapaBear69: And you're super nice too which makes you even hotter!
Ivana: yes super nice and pervy and russian
PapaBear69: I like that.
19yovirgin: Me too! I like it when girls are nice to me.
Ivana: im in bed
PapaBear69: Are you naked?
Ivana: nope i can be
19yovirgin: I can't get naked because I am sitting at my desk and my roommate could come back anytime now.
PapaBear69: Someday I hope to see what you look like. Just messaging with you turns me on
Ivana: well i can be whoever u want me to be boys
PapaBear69: I'd rather you just be you
Ivana: aww sweet
PapaBear69: Whatever you wanna be. Whatever turns you on
19yovirgin: I think you are very nice, Ivana!
Ivana: did u like my last name
PapaBear69: Yes I did. I want MY dick in me
Oops my dick in YOU
Ivana: i hope not in yourself, well maybe i would like to see that
19yovirgin: You last name is very unusual.
PapaBear69: Haha yeah
Ivana: do you like to have your girl ride your cock
i like to ride
PapaBear69: I do. Its my favorite position
Ivana: or you can get me on my knees and grab my hair while you fuck me hardcore-papabear
PapaBear69: I would fuck you long and hard
I'd play with your boobs as I pounded your pussy
19yovirgin: Oh my heavens, that sounds nice!
Ivana: yeah that would feel real good
PapaBear69: Do you like receiving oral? I love eating women out
19yovirgin: I have never had a girl perform fellatio on me. It sounds lovely though. :-)
Ivana: umm yes I like it very much
19yovirgin: I'd like to perform cunnilingus on a nice girl but I am not sure how.
PapaBear69: Fuck, I have an enormous hard on!
19yovirgin: I am getting an erection too! Ta da!
PapaBear69: I love eating ass.
I'd like to lick your ass
And pussy
And clit
19yovirgin: I think I would prefer not to do that, eat ass I mean.
Ivana: i would like you to lick my slit from clit to ass and back again and then blow on my ass while you slide your fingers in/out of my hot pussy
PapaBear69: Oh my god I would love that. And lightly swirl my tongue around your clit as I slide my fingers in and out of your pussy
19yovirgin: Um, I suppose I could try that.
Ivana: not lightly, suck hard
PapaBear69: Hard? Suck hard while my tongue flicks your clit?
While my wet index finger circles your ass?
And my other finger massages your g spot?
Ivana: yes, suck my clit hard, bite it a little while you slide your fingers in/out of both holes
PapaBear69: I'd nibble at it.
And stop and lick your pussy then go back to it
19yovirgin: Bloody Hell! This sounds so complicated!
Ivana: no nibbling, i like it hard
PapaBear69: And stick my tongue in your ass
Ill give it to you anyway you want it
I would love to slide my dick inside you and feel how wet you are
Ivana: yes, i like it when you use your spit to lube up my ass before you fuck me
19yovirgin: :-O
PapaBear69: Oh yeah, while you ride me I would stick my finger in your ass and get you warmed up for my cock
Ivana: no astroglide for me
PapaBear69: No need. my spit and your pussy juice would be enough
I am so hard thinking about your big beautiful ass
19yovirgin: Me too! I really want to see your big beautiful arse!
Ivana: yes you line your cock up to my ass and slide it in
19yovirgin: Um, won't that hurt? I don't want to hurt you!
PapaBear69: You would be so tight as my head went in
Then it'll start relaxing
Getting wet and slick
Ivana: yes and i dont want it slow and soft, i want it hard and fast, cum on, i can take it
PapaBear69: And I would pound your tight ass
19yovirgin: Oh that sounds delightful! I know a girl who has a big ass and I want to pound it so badly!
Ivana: what would you do to my pussy while you fucked my ass papabear
PapaBear69: Holding onto your cheeks and slamming my cock in and out of your asshole
I would be leaning over you, with my hand fucking you
And my fingers going in and out of your pussy.
19yovirgin: I'd like to spank your bum! :-)
19yovirgin: Uh…that last message was for Ivana, just so we are clear on that.
PapaBear69: Slipping and sliding in your pussy juice as my cock pounded your tight asshole
You will moan, and groan,
Your asshole will clench up around my cock
Four fingers will be opening up your pussy
19yovirgin: That is an awful lot of fingers! Will they all fit?
Ivana: and my pussy is so hot and i need you to flip me over and fuck my hot pussy
PapaBear69: My fingers curled up so they can feel my cock in your ass through the walls of your pussy
I'd flip you over and slam my cock into your pussy hard
Ivana: oh baby that feels so good
19yovirgin: Have you washed your hands, PapaBear69? You are going to give the poor girl an infection if you go from her anus to her vagina!
PapaBear69: Oh yeah your right
That wuld be gross
Thanks dude
PapaBear69: Then I would fuck you
Fuck you with long hard strokes
Kiss you
Suck on your tongue
Ivana: bite my neck
PapaBear69: My right hand would be under your ass cheeks
Ivana: pinch my nipples real hard
19yovirgin: Oh I would love to! I have very sensitive nipples, myself.
PapaBear69: My tongue licking your neck
Sucking your nipples
19yovirgin: Perhaps we could each have one? :-D
Ivana: no licking, suck it hard
19yovirgin: Ivana, I would gladly suck your nipples!
PapaBear69: Pinching them
Sucking them.
Big hard stiff nipples in my mouth
My cheeks sucked in from sucking so hard
My cock slamming your pussy
Ivana: i like it rough, no need to be gentle
PapaBear69: My finger in your ass
Juices running down your leg
19yovirgin: That sounds like a lot of juice!
Ivana: i flip you over and climb on top, im almost ready to come
PapaBear69: I am too.
Ivana: i want to slide my clit over your cock
PapaBear69: I grab your ass cheeks
Ivana: while u slide in my pussy
PapaBear69: And the head of my cock slips in your pussy
Ivana: slap my ass papa
i slam down hard
PapaBear69: I slap your ass and slam hard on my cock.
I grab your cheeks and thrust upwards to meet you
My I lick my finger and stick it in your asshole
Your slamming me
Riding me
I'm going to come
I'm going to come hard
I feel your pussy get wetter and wetter
19yovirgin: Um…would it be alright if I pull my penis out of my boxer briefs and touch myself a bit? I am not sure about the proper etiquette in these situations.
Ivana: yes
i am cumming on your cock, i grind down hard and soak your cock
PapaBear69: Thats fine
I start to cum and start filling your pussy with cum
I keep thrusting
Screaming as you keep slamming down on me
Ivana: noo i throw you down and swallow your cum
19yovirgin: Now I am confused, but I will just go with it.
PapaBear69: I'm still pumping cum into you
Into your mouth
Jesus I love cumming in your mouth
Getting deep throated
Ivana: ugh, it is good
PapaBear69: It is good
19yovirgin: I tasted my semen once and I thought it was rather gross. I wouldn't expect you to lick my semen, Ivana. :)
Ivana: i fall back on the bed
PapaBear69: Cum dripping from your mouth
Ivana: i want more
19yovirgin: Really?
PapaBear69: I fall onto the bed too
Ivana: i am a h00r
19yovirgin: Don't say that! I think you are a really nice girl, Ivana. You have always been kind to me! :)
PapaBear69: I want you more
Fuck
Ivana I need to go
I need to go meet up with my friends
Ivana: Papabear i need a break
PapaBear69: So do I jesus
You turn me on
19yovirgin: You turn me on too!
Ivana: go in the bathroom and cum for me
19yovirgin: I am alone here I think I will just crawl up on my bed.
PapaBear69: I wish I could fuck you in real life
19yovirgin: Me too!
19yovirgin: Uh…that message was for Ivana.
Ivana: im gonna cum for you
my fingers are wet
19yovirgin: I bet you look lovely when you have an orgasm!
PapaBear69: I am gonna go cum for you right now
My cock is so hard
I need to cum
Ivana: stroke it
19yovirgin: That feels really good. I wish I had a nice girl like you to fornicate with.
PapaBear69: In your big sweet ass
I'm going to
19yovirgin: I would be happy to ejaculate wherever you wanted me to. I can do it more than once. I have lots of pent up energy. ;-)
Ivana: across my lips
slap my mouth with your cock
19yovirgin: Well, OK if that is where you want it.
PapaBear69: I need to cum now
Across your face and lips
I need to go into the bathroom and cum
Ivana: i slide your cock between my tits and suck on the head, hard
PapaBear69: Omg I need to cum
19yovirgin: So do I!
Ivana: i slide my hand to your ass and circle around your ass
PapaBear69: I like that.
I'm so hard
Ivana: i lick my finger and slide it inside
19yovirgin: Well that sounds very interesting. I think I'd like to try that. With a nice girl, of course.
PapaBear69: Jesus
Ivana: i bite at your cock, stick my tongue across the hole and blow
PapaBear69: Keep going
19yovirgin: I don't think I would like that. :-(
Ivana: my fingers are rubbing my clit, hard, pinching it
im gonna cum
PapaBear69: I'm in the bathroom now
Ivana: take your cock out
PapaBear69: It is
Ivana: my pussy is so wet, srsly
PapaBear69: I'm gonna cum soon
19yovirgin: Me too!
Ivana: im using one hand to type
PapaBear69: Cumming
Ivana: your cock is so hot
I slide my mouth down your shaft and cup your balls
my finger goes back to your ass
i lick down the side of your cock to your balls
are you stroking your cock?
PapaBear69: I came
19yovirgin: Oh my! I just ejaculated on my sweater.
Ivana: all over my mouth
licks lips
wanna lick my finger
i did
19yovirgin: I would love to lick your finger!
PapaBear69: I came hard
Wow
Ivana: me too bb, me too
PapaBear69: Jesus
I need to go
Wow
19yovirgin: It is wool, how am I going to explain that to the dry cleaners?
PapaBear69: just use some soda on it after wiping off the jizz
hang it up to dry
It will be fine
Ivana: ok boys, till we meet again...xoxoxo
PapaBear69: Good night
Ivana: mwah
19yovirgin: Goodbye to you both. I had fun.
PapaBear69: Later dude
Talk soon Ivana
Ivana: for sure
19yovirgin: I hope so! Good bye.
******
After my rather interesting and productive chat session, I did just as PapaBear69 said and rinsed out my sweater with the closest thing to soda water I had handy – a can of lemon lime soda. I then rinsed out the spot with tap water and hung it up to dry over the edge of my bunk.
After getting ready to retire early, I climbed up on my bunk to settle in with my psychology text book for a little reading. About an hour later Emmett came back, very chipper.
"Good study session? Everything went well?" I asked.
"Yeah, my notes were almost complete. Once we all compared and were set, I took a break in the computer lab to check my email." Emmett had a huge grin on his face. "Dude, when I got online I met this really cool Russian chick named Ivana! I could tell she was totally hot!"
Oh no! My face instantly fell.
In a brief moment, Emmett read my mind and glanced at my sweater hanging off my bunk with a big wet spot on the front. He got very serious and reached for his blue bathrobe.
"I Uh…I-I am just going to grab my things and take a shower," he said as he gathered his shower necessities and walked out.
I collapsed on my bunk, pulled the covers over my head and suddenly felt very dirty.
A/N: Please let me know what you think. Was it too much? Have you ever been in a raunchy cyberchat session? Got any ideas for outtakes or POVS that you would like to see?
For authenticity, this was based on a real Gchat session with the lovely Annette2.0h (starring as Ivana Haveurdickinme) and a man we met on Twitter. We laughed so hard! Thank you bb!! Annette2.0h is also known as dazzzledtina on Twitter. Her blog of guilty pleasures --- dazzledbytina(dot)blogspot(dot)com
Thanks also to Goldenmeadow and Tasteycake0779 for pre-reading and encouraging me to post this.
Reviews are greatly appreciated!