I don't really know where this came from, it's my first story, hope you like it.

I'm up in the woods
I'm down on my mind
I'm building a still
to slow down the time

Woods ~ Bon Iver

And it's this thing, where you wake up in the morning and roll over in your bed and look at the ceiling for a little while. You get out and open your wardrobe and roll your eyes because she's tidied everything and two of her dresses hang on the right hand side. You know the ones. She wore the little black one that time you forced her to come to some important hockey function (Remember you couldn't take your eyes off her and when half the hockey team was flirting with her, she put her hand in your back pocket and you didn't care about the other guys anymore?) and that blue one when she forced you to go to some play with her (all you remember is that during the finale when some chick named Maria was crying over her dead boyfriend, Casey held your hand as she cried.)

And then you smirk, silly Casey, leaving her clothes at your apartment. You chuckle because you know she probably did it on purpose.

You finally get to class and you're confused because her seat is empty but it doesn't bother you much because it's Friday and you'll see her later when you pick her up for your weekly dinner. You feel weird as you move to your seat because everyone's looking at you and subtly run your hand over your jaw incase you forgot to take that bit of toilet paper off from when you cut yourself shaving. Nothing's there and your brow furrows a little but you just figure you're looking incredibly hot today and wink and a blonde two rows back.

You don't really listen in class because Casey still isn't here and your thinking what if she's sick? You pull out your phone to text her but the lecturer up the front glares and you give a cheeky smile and put it back in your pocket. You'll see her later so you'll ask her then.

Your day goes by without any hassle. No hassle at all actually. You find it bizarre but it probably crosses your mind for no more than 5 seconds.

You have hockey practice (because when don't you have hockey practice?) So you get there half an hour early because you seem to have a lot of pent up energy you want to get rid of it before you see Casey. You skate hard and fast and you push yourself harder and your team shows up and they look at you knowingly and again, it's weird. They join you and you play a game and work hard and you push them hard and eventually you're just pushing hard and your coach pulls you off and says Calm down son, save this for the game.

Then you're showering and the hot water is hissing all around you and you close your eyes tight shut and try to remember why you're being so aggressive lately but your mind stops you. You go to your locker and shove your stuff in and as the team walks past they all pat you on the shoulder. Some young up and comer asks if you're okay and you just smirk and say I'm always okay.

On your way out coach signals you to go talk to him, so you do. Venturi, I know you've been working hard this week, but are you sure you can play tomorrow? Duh. I don't want you distracted on the ice Venturi. The only time you've ever been distracted on the ice was when Casey was in the hospital after a car accident with her stupid (ex) boyfriend and she didn't come to your game for the first time since you started college. Derek, just… don't run yourself in to the ground okay? You can handle yourself.

On your way to Casey's you stop off at the corner store to buy a pack of cigarettes. Casey hates it but you find it relaxing (and these days you find yourself needing something to keep you relaxed.) On your way back to the car, your phone rings. Hey baby It's the girlfriend. I haven't seen you in ages, are you okay? Why do people keep asking you that? I went to the video store today and rented some movies, my couch feels empty without you…come over and watch them with me? You can't because it's Friday and you see Casey on Fridays and she knows this so now you're a little annoyed. Derek… You can't. But Derek sh… You hang up because she doesn't understand how things are with Casey and you want her to stop reading so far into it. Sure the two of you hated each other in high school but here in college she's the best girl friend you ever had. (See that space? Yeah it's important.)

Your phone rings (again) and it's your girlfriend (again) and she's crying and you tell her sorry but it's Friday. She's crying harder now and you hate tears so you tell her you'll see her later and hang up. You're stressed now so before you get in the car to go to Casey's you open your pack and pull out a cigarette. The flame from the lighter warms your hand a little (it's Winter and it's cold and really a little bit of warmth is better than nothing) so you flick the lighter on and off as you take drags from your cigarette. You are standing there for a while slowly smoking and you feel a cold hand on your shoulder. You turn and see Casey and you smile (and suddenly you aren't stressed anymore.) She frowns a little as you flick the rest of it to the ground and stamp it out with the heel of your shoe.

That's going to kill you one day Derek. You laugh because it's just so Casey. I'm serious D. Dying is not fun. You laugh again, how would she know? Derek. Stop. You tell her you'll quit once there's nothing to stress you out anymore. That's not what I meant Derek. What? Derek… You know what I'm talking about. What? Derek… She's crying now and you reach your hand up to wipe her tears away and pull her into a hug. Derek please… And you're really confused now because you don't know what you're doing wrong and you want her to stop crying because you don't do tears (and Casey's tears always had a way of making your gut wrench in a particularly painful manner.)

It's just a cigarette Case.. Stop crying please… Derek it's not about the cigarettes! And you're getting annoyed now because she's not being straight with you and you just want her to stop crying. Derek… Derek… Why are you with your girlfriend? Because you have the best sex with her... You're so foul. That's really the only reason you're with her. Derek, you've got to stop this. Stop what? You shake her and she cries harder and you're so fucking confused because you think back to the past week to think if there's anything you've done wrong since last Friday when you saw her. But there's nothing. Derek! Derek stop it! And you look at her again and she's not Casey anymore, it's your girlfriend (the one without the space) and she's the one crying and the one you're holding. And now you're really confused because not 10 seconds ago it was Casey.

She's dead Derek! She's dead! Stop it! Please… she's dead. And you stop and you stare at her, and suddenly you remember she's not lying. And you fall to the broken concrete footpath on your knees. And you start trembling and shaking. And your head is suddenly filled with images of Casey and you remember standing there in the hospital on Monday holding Casey's hand as she died and crying so hard your soul hurt and your bones hurt and you remember Casey whispering with her last shaking breath that she loved you. And here in the present break, and your girlfriends holding you and you just scream at her to leave you alone! And she looks at you hurt but walks away. And you're crying and shaking, curled in a ball in the middle of the footpath and fuck... why didn't you tell her you loved her too?

End.