Piper: Hullo, my fellow fanfiction-reader-people! ^-^ New stories are fun, aren't they?

WARNINGS: Blood, Violence, Self harm, dark, Gory/Slightly twisted, Cussing (not all in this chapter)

Chapter 1 - The Beginning

Bella Swan

How is this possible? How can a mental pain be so...physical? I remembered a time when I was numb, hollow, and content. I may not have been the liveliest, but I was content with life. That was back in Phoenix. Then, I had to royally screw my self over by coming to the damned rainy town of Forks. It wasn't so bad at first. Sure I was upset, but I was kind of happy to see Charlie again. Then...Edward Cullen happened.

A moan of agony came from my chapped lips, and one of my shaky arms wrapped around my stomach, as if trying to keep everything inside. My heart was throbbing so painfully I thought that it just might burst from my chest and fall onto the forest floor before bursting into black flames and dieing right there. It seemed realistic enough, what with the hurt and pain I was feeling.

Edward told me that he didn't want me. That his family didn't want me. I was a toy, and mere distraction they laughed at in the shadows, when I thought I was alone. I should've known I would never be good enough for him and his family. He was so perfect and I was so...Bella. I was worthless and unworthy of anything he and his family had to offer. Now that I reflect on that thought, I probably should have told Edward I was sorry for wasting his time before he disappeared, leaving me in the middle of the woods whilst he ran off to his family, who were all probably laughing at the cruel joke they had pulled.

That was hours ago, and now I was sitting on the forest floor, completely broken to pieces. I had been running after Edward, and I had put up a good fight against the foliage until it had begun to pour, making the ground all muddy. I had slipped and fallen, and a fallen piece of timber impaled my hand as I flung it out blindly to cushion my fall. I had to forcefully pull my hand off of the decaying wood with a lot of difficulty, crying from not only mental pain but physical. I pulled out all splinters that I could find through the blood.

Blood. It didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. In fact, I didn't try to stop my hand from bleeding. I rested my wrist on my bent knee so that my hand dangled in between the space of my legs, watching as the blood dripped from my wound, hoping that maybe, just maybe, if Edward hadn't gotten far he would smell my blood and come back to suck me dry. It wouldn't matter. It would be a very kind thing, to end me and strip this pain from my status.

A sudden pain lashed at my heart and I groaned in agony. I hurt so much I could barely feel anything but the pain. It was like my body was dead, but my soul was alive and on fire. I tried to make a part of me move, and I could only get a small twitch from my blood stained and still bleeding hand. The hole looked nasty, and would most likely get infected. Who cares?

I want this pain gone. Now. I hate this pain ripping at my soul, leaving me this shell. The pain in my hand provided a very small distraction from my mental pain. Maybe... just maybe physical pain would be my answer. So focused on the physical pain, I would forget all about the pain of Edward leaving me. Yeah, that's it.

Trying to get my body to cooperate, my uninjured hand mechanically lifted and grasped the piece of wood that had pierced my hand, dry blood staining it. I used all the strength I could put into it and soon the piece of wood broke off from the rest of the fallen log. I felt a hollow upturn of my lips, satisfaction bubbling in me as I raised my hand above my head, the wood clasped in my hand like a knife. With enough force, it would be my knife.

And then, I brought my hand down full force towards the exposed skin of my arm.

I closed my eyes as the noise of my skin tearing entered my ears and I relished in the pain and cold shiver the pain and noise brought. I felt the warm crimson blood begin to ooze from my arm and the pain flowed through me so vibrantly a small gasp of pain left my lips. I grasped onto the pain, and flowed with it. Soon, all mental pain was banished as I focused on this pain in my arm.

The smell of my blood was very strong in my nostrils, though most people claim to be unable to smell the red substance.

Drip...

Something wet suddenly hit my cheek and trailed down my face. Oddly enough, it wasn't cold; it was warm, very warm. My eyes fluttered open, and I was shocked to see a man crouched over me, drool leaking from his mouth. That's when I noticed his eyes. They were black with a fading red tint. That's when I realized this was not a man, but a vampire, and the substance leaking from his mouth and onto me wasn't drool, but venom.

"You offer your self on a silver platter," He purred in a thick Russian accent, his eyes slipping closed for a few second as his nostrils flared, greedily taking in the scent of my blood. His black hair was falling in front of his eyes, in a messy fashion that was so similar to Edward's.

The mental pain was back.

"Kill me," I whispered, so quietly I knew that a human wouldn't have heard me.

His eyes opened again and there was no longer a hint of red in his eyes, the whole color as black as my heart, "Gladly," He breathed, his sweet scented breath fanning against my face.

Cold hands wrapped around my injured arm, and the man brought it to his lips. He squeezed the area around the wound, making the blood ooze out faster. He took one sniff before latching onto my arm, taking in my blood greedily and happily. I could hear him take big gulps, before he began to slow to make it last.

I could feel my self become light headed and I could feel myself beginning to slip away. I felt all pain begging to fly away, and I sighed happily as I felt tranquility take over. Finally. I hadn't lived with the pain that long, but it had already driven me to the brink of insanity. Now, I knew I wasn't going to suffer.

My tranquility ended quickly when suddenly, the cold grip of the vampire above me was torn away harshly. I wanted to snap my eyes open and shout at who ever was denying me my death, but I couldn't. To weak, to much blood loss. I felt a dizzy spin in my head and groaned as pain, physical and mental, began to circulate through me. I could feel my arm terribly well, and I cringed as the sound of metal being torn apart sounded in the back round dully. I could faintly hear a familiar voice talking, but it seemed so far away.

A burning sensation began to irritate my arm, and I wondered what it was for a moment before realization hit me. The vampire had let his venom dwell and didn't finish after being so harshly ripped from me, and now I was turning into the very last thing I didn't want to be. A vampire. I wanted to scream in terror at the thought of living with this forever, and I felt hot tears pour from my eyes. I didn't want this.

Ironic. I wanted vampirism for Edward, and now that I no longer want it I get it.

"Bella? Bella! Jasper, she's lost a lot a blood."

"I know."

"Oh, right, sorry."

"Does she have enough venom in her system to get through the change?"

"Yeah, hurry, let's go. We have to get there before she completes her change!"

The voices created an irritating buzz in my head through the dizzy feeling swirling through me, and I felt cold arms wrap around me securely, but gently. I knew who was holding me now. It was Alice, and Jasper was with her. Soon, I could feel a giant shift in atmosphere, and I knew that Alice and Jasper were running now. Where? Where are they taking me? Why did they stop my death? They were supposed to be with the rest of the Cullens, living with out me happily.

"Alice, she's very angry with us."

"I know, Jasper, but this if for the best. Bella? Bella can you hear me?"

The burning was worse. It had spread into my other arm and into my legs. My skin felt as if it were sizzling in a frying pan, and I could do nothing my squint my eyes in pain and shift my body slightly in Alice's hold, trying to get away from her. My chest was now heaving, falling and rising in heavy, irregular patterns. Everything hurt.

"Bella, trust me. I'm doing this for you. I'm taking you some where for the good of your future. Maybe...when the future is clearer, we can be friends again if you will forgive me. Maybe even sisters."

I felt tears prickle at my shut eyes, and felt the urge to scream. I was so confused. Edward told me that all his family thought I was a distraction and just a toy, so why was Alice doing this? Why did she save me? I wanted to die and she stripped that right from me just like Edward had stripped my capability of functioning properly, along with my heart. Why was life so fucked up? Or was it just me?

I wanted to yell and be mad at Alice, not only for denying me the fate I wanted, but for allowing Edward to break my heart in the forest, but I couldn't. Alice had reasons. I knew, deep down in my heart that Alice would only let Edward do that if she saw something good coming from it. Despite my hatred for living and being in pain right now, I couldn't help but not blame Alice or Jasper. I blamed them for this fate I was going to have to endure without the possibility of suicide, but I could not be mad at them.

My dry lips opened, and I fought control over my body as spasm of pain began to rock my nerves so hard that my joints were convulsing. Finally, I managed to choke out as tears slipped from my squeezed eyelids, "Th-there i-i-is n-n-nothing t-t-to f-f-forgive!" I had to shout it, having no other way. As soon as I had forced that out I clamped my mouth shut to fight back a scream.

"So self less... you loved us unconditionally, Bella. I know that. Jasper told me what you felt that night when he lunged for you. Even as things unrolled themselves out, revealing terrible events, you felt deep love, forgiveness, and sorrowful. The sorrow wasn't for your self, I know that. You were sorry for Jasper and sorry for us because you thought it was you who did wrong. You did nothing, Bella, nothing!!

None of this is your fault, and as you will go through pain, you will find something to be happy for along the way, I promise. I know you think that you will be eternally in pain and depressed now that you are changing, but you won't. I promise."

I promise. Edward promised. He broke his promise. I'm sorry Alice, but I don't trust any one with the last name Cullen, at least not now.

With those last few thoughts, I began to loose my self to the pain, and fell into a pain induced slumber, thinking about everything Edward had screamed at me with such clarity in the forest.

Edward walked a few inches ahead of me, guiding me with his hand. Despite his cold skin my hand felt warm from his touch. He had been so distance lately, and the contact was reassuring. Everything was going to be fine; I thought to my self happily, I was worried over nothing.

My thoughts were cut off when Edward's hand left mine and he turned to face my. My life shattered when I saw the look on his face. Devoid of any emotion and stone hard, carved like a statue with no heart.

"Bella, we are leaving," He proclaimed suddenly, his smooth, velvet voice gliding past my ears with the wind.

This is sudden, I thought foolishly.

I smiled a small smile, "I'll have to come up with a good excuse for Charlie."

Edward's eyes hardened and he all but growled at me in a blunt statement of, "You are not coming."

"Wh-...What?" I asked in barely a whisper, my voice cracking at the realization of what was happening.

"I don't want you, Bella. You were a fun toy, a nice distraction for me to share with my family, but I don't love you. I wish to carry on with my life, as you will do with out me," He said, and something flashed in his eyes but he quickly stomped it out, to fast for me to recognize what emotion had passed.

My lip gave a tremble and a tear spilled from my eyes, "E-Edward...," I went to beg, but mentally shook my head. It was no use. I always knew they were better then me. I should've known that they never thought of me as I thought of them, "...Okay...L-Leave then!" I shouted brokenly, "Just go!"

The emotion flashed through his eyes again, but he quickly hid it before nodding and turning, hands in his pockets. He took a few human paced steps, before disappearing from my sight.

Realization of what just happened and what I had said hit me, and I sobbed out, "Edward!" And pulled my self forward, running in the direction he had as fast as my unsteady legs would take me.

The nightmare ended, but I didn't wake up, and to my horror it began to replay its self again, and again, and again.

Piper: Please give me some feed back on this, because I started to get a little discouraged and unhappy with it at the end. I want to find a new story starter, and I hope this one's it. Please tell me if I should start over and try again or if this is good enough for all of you.

I HAVE A POLL ON MY PROFILE FOR MY NEW STORY! CHOOSE WHO YOU WANT BELLA TO BE WITH IN MY STORY!!!

Please review.