Disclaimer: Ah, we meet again my old foe. I own nothing except the many items that I've paid for with my hard earned cash that have Johnny Depp's beautiful face adorning them. So no…I don't own Alice In Wonderland, nor do I own the Mad Hatter. Or Johnny. We've been over this before…

Authors Note: So I'm back with another Johnny character inspired story. And this time the female character has my first name. Why? A couple reasons: One, the name suited her. She's sort of me in a lot of ways if my life was really completely screwed up. Plus the name suits the character. I've never felt right in the world anyway (hence why Strange from the Almost Alice soundtrack is my new anthem) but I think that there are a lot of girls like me out there that feel that same way. So here…live the dream with me.

Let loose with the self insert comments or whatever. I'm ready for it. But I like Jessie, she's like a lot of us and a lot like Alice (which is sort of the point…we'll get to that later on.) I tried other names, but they didn't suit her. So just go with it…let me have my fun.

The Hatter kept jabbering away and I couldn't shut him up…I have other uses for that perty mouth of his. But NOOOOO…he had to keep on and on about this plot…so here Tarrant…you asked for it.

I hope you like this Hatterfic. It can be considered Hatter/Alice. You'll see. So let me know what you think and I'll post more.

Chapter 1

Change

Everyone wanted her to change. It was almost laughable when she thought about it. She'd lived her life for everyone else's benefit and now she'd finally had enough. As she sat in her seat on the plane, flying over the ocean, Jessica Davies gazed down at the blue water and sighed. Over the last two months her life had taken a very different turn. And she was still trying to figure out where it had all gone wrong.

Growing up her parents had been controlling people. Her mother was especially. She'd tried to keep her under her thumb for years and her father was just plain indifferent. He let it go on, which was nearly as bad if not worse. When she'd finally freed herself from that mess, she'd gone right into a marriage that had been just as bad.

At the age of 22 she'd thought she'd found a man who loved her for her. But ten years later she'd realized that was a complete lie. He'd tried to meld her into the person he wanted her to be, just like her parents…just like everyone else. "Really Jess, can't you just grow up?" She was too affectionate; her mind was in the clouds way too often. She had crazy ideas and notions. She spent too much time trying to write a novel he was confident would never be published because who'd want to read about…well…whatever it was she was writing about.

She let her head fall back against the seat. The day she'd come home to find he'd decided to leave her was almost a relief. Jess had a character flaw (one of many she knew) that she didn't give up on lost causes. Her marriage had been one. She was sure Ron had been messing around on her on top of everything else. That whole "be more of a grown up" thing she was sure. It didn't matter now though.

She'd decided in the middle of her life falling apart and the finalization of her divorce to take the trip Ronny never would with her. She was going to England and she was going to enjoy it.

A few hours later Jess realized that the plane would be landing soon. She stood up from her chair, thankful once again she'd picked the aisle when she'd pre-booked the ticket and headed to the tiny restroom in the back of the plane.

When the door shut and the light came on she caught herself in the mirror. "Ugh…" She muttered running her fingers through the tangle of her red hair. She'd been letting it grow out due to just not having the time to get a haircut. And now it set just at her shoulders. Her blue eyes had shadows under them, and her skin was even paler than normal. She'd not been going outside of late…preferring solitude and living inside her head far more than the disappointment that was reality.

She let out a huff of air. "Why does everything have to suck so much?" She asked her reflection. The thirty five year old looking back at her had no answer…anymore than when that same reflection was thirteen or even twenty.

Jess washed her face, reapplied make up in an attempt to look not quite as corpselike and brushed her teeth. Sleep had been difficult on the flight, but she was actually too excited to do much of that anyway. Fear was mixed in there too…being alone on this trip wasn't what she'd dreamed of. She'd wanted someone to enjoy the journey with her, to see all the sights with. But that wasn't the way the cards had fallen. One last look in the mirror and she gave her constant companion a tentative smile that was returned. She'd do this and she'd have fun if it killed her.

She settled back into her seat, buckled the strap across her lap, and stared back out the window across the form of the now asleep elderly gentleman. There was at least another hour before they landed. Maybe she could squeeze in a few minutes, a nap to help lessen the inevitable blow that jetlag would hit her with. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back as well as she could in the planes seat.

When Jess realized she'd actually fallen asleep it was a surprise. But not nearly as much as what her dreaming mind cooked up for her. She was wearing a dress, one that she'd never seen before or much less had worn before. It was the color of violets and there was black lace peeking out just beneath the hem. She didn't own the boots she was wearing either.

She was walking through what used to be a garden, a very beautiful garden at one time. But now everything seemed to be dead or dying. Giant roses and other flowers were decayed, the centers resembled skulls. In her heart she knew this wasn't right…there was color here. Beautiful colors everywhere. And things were full of life…wonder. That's right…Wonderland. Like the book, one of her favorite books of all time actually.

As she turned in a circle she saw that there was nothing like what was spoken about in the stories. It was so lifeless. So dead. Like the soul had been ripped out from it, devoured and spat out.

She felt tears on her cheeks suddenly, and she was surprised when she wiped them away. This was a beautiful place, what had happened here? Jess didn't have the answer but she walked over to one of the skull faced flowers and placed a gentle finger against one grey petal. Her tear stained touch seemed to have some sort of power and she watched fascinated as color spread from where her finger rested through the petals. Pink and red swirled out, the leaves filled with life, and the skull seemed to fade into a cherubic face whose eyes opened in surprise.

Jessica backed away a step in shock as the flower looked at her and smiled warmly. She swore it spoke next, saying something about "Thank you…your back…oh thank heaven."

She didn't know what to say to that, or do for that matter. She didn't even know how she'd seemingly brought the flower back to life, because that appeared to be what had happened.

She moved away from the flower who seemed to be stretching its leaves like a person would flex their arms after staying in one spot for far too long. The rest of the garden was still quite dead. And it was growing darker. A starless night sky was overhead and the only light came from the moon. Jessica moved cautiously, crossing through a black wrought iron gate she found herself in an even more withered looking forest. This was distinctly scary. It was eerily quiet and the trees looked like skeletons.

"Where am I?" She asked herself aloud, just to hear something familiar.

The sound of something cracking a twig hit her ears. Jessie's steps quickened and she didn't realize she should be more careful till it was too late. She turned and was walking backward, trying to be cautious she tripped over a root she was sure wasn't there before. She fell back into the darkness of the trees, but before she could cry out a hand clamped over her mouth and she found herself held against a chest that smelled like Earl Grey and lemon mixed with the forest.

As she watched from the darkened alcove she saw figures come running by. Horrible looking creatures who looked like a mixture of a pig and what she always thought a troll would look like. Strangely enough they had hearts painted on their foreheads…that looked suspiciously drawn in with blood. Or maybe even carved into their skulls. She couldn't tell from the distance she was at, and didn't really want to get close enough to find out.

When the creatures were gone, and the sounds of their footsteps had disappeared she felt the chest that was pressed against her back un-tense just slightly, as though they were holding their breath. Then she felt lips against her ear. "I'm going to take my hand away…so please please don't scream because they'll hear it…" The voice has a slight lisp and was rough, as though not used to speaking.

She nodded an affirmative. He did as he promised, taking his hand away slowly, still kneeling on the ground. When Jessie turned to see who her possible rescuer was she froze, her eyes widening. She wasn't scared, that was what would have perplexed most people. But Jessie was, as she'd been reminded most of her life, not most people.

The man in front of her looked like something she'd…well…dreamed up. He had huge luminous green eyes. They seemed bigger than any humans eyes could ever be. His eye lids and the skin beneath and around were colored…various shades. And his lips, in what little light there was, seemed to be a shade of pinkish purple. His hair, what wasn't hidden beneath a tattered, yet still beautiful large top hat, was bright, bright red. It stuck out at crazy angles from his head. His skin though was as white as his eyes were green, pale as alabaster.

His clothes were as colorful as his eyes, but they were also tattered and

covered in dirt in spots. His face had some cuts and bruises as well as dirt marks on the perfect white of his cheeks. He'd obviously been out here in the woods for a while, hiding from those things that had nearly found her.

Jessie thought he was beautiful, and she actually was proud of her brain for making up something so lovely in the middle of so much not lovely. She gazed at him; her knees nestled in a batch of dead leaves, waiting for whatever came next. It was a dream after all. Who knew what would happen?

He looked back at her, his head tilted to one side, as if studying her. His bushy red eyebrows narrowed a tiny crease between them. His green eyes were sad and at the same time confused. He frowned slightly, then reached out tentatively with a pale hand coming close to her cheek. She stiffened, and he paused, his fingers hovering close. Then very slowly, very gently he touched her hair, just over her ear. "It's red." He said in a whisper. A small smile touched his lips, just barely there. "Like mine."

Jessie swallowed nervously, giving a slight smile of her own. "Not quite."

At her voice, his gaze came back to hers. "Blue eyes…not green…not brown…but blue." He spoke so softly, as if afraid he'd scare her away. His finger tips trailed down her cheek, and she felt a slight tingle run along her skin where his made contact.

His expression went from one of sadness, to one that suddenly brightened. There was a battle it seemed. As though part of him fought the fact he was trying to be happy. It was, Jessie decided, the most tortured expression she'd ever seen. It made her heart ache and want to comfort him, even though she didn't know him from Adam and she knew this was a dream.

"Are you…you?" He asked her, his voice breaking on the words.

There was so much longing there she felt the tears coming back to her eyes. She wished she was whoever this lovely figment wanted her so badly to be. "I'm me...that's all." She replied, sad that was all she was. Just her.

His eyes then brightened even more, his smile growing wide so she could see he had a gap between his front teeth and a manic bent to his grin. It was at once both endearing and disconcerting. "It is you!" He said, his whisper filled with joy suddenly.

She couldn't help but smile back at him, even with the strangeness of the situation. Suddenly he pulled her into his arms, so quickly she hadn't seen it happen. Her face was pressed into the velvet of his tattered coat and she was surrounded by that tea and lemon scent. His arms were surprisingly strong, and she found her own had wrapped around him out of instinct.

"You've come back to me…you've come back." He whispered into her hair. "Different but the same…I can see it you know. You can't hide from me…but you have to hide from her." He pulled back enough to gaze at her, still holding onto her arms. "Yes yes, we must keep you safe. Nothing is more important than that…" He was babbling, and something told Jessie it was something that one often experienced when around him.

"Can't lose you again…no I can't…" His face took on that sad look once more, the smile falling from his lips, his eyes filling with pain. "T'will be the end of me I know it…but it will be for all of us. No hope, none at all."

Jessie was confused. "I'm sorry…I don't know what you're talking about." She said with a sympathetic shake of her head, making his eyes regain their focus, looking into hers once more.

"You don't remember…of course you don't. You're you, but not quite. Or at least a new you…but you just the same." His smile returned, but still sadness lurked there in his gaze. "So many times I thought I had you back to stay, but she…she…I always lost you in the end."

Jessie's confusion wasn't getting any better. Although she knew for certain that something had hurt this man, hurt him terribly. She wanted to help him. No, she needed to help him. "I'm sorry…" She said again. "But I've never met you before." This was a dream, but she didn't have it in her right then to tell him such.

He laughed, but it was only a hairsbreadth from being a sob. He touched her cheek again, the thimble on his finger cold against her skin. "You always say that…every time. And I always tell you that a cup of tea will put it right. So much tea…so many times…a cup for every lifetime. So many broken saucers…broken promises….broken…just like me."

His eyes were swimming with tears, unshed. He seemed to be fighting himself again. "But I'm afraid I've no more tea. No more me…or just about. She's nearly won you see…taken the tea and what makes me me." He laughed again. "I made a rhyme."

Jessie out of some strange instinct touched his hat, her fingers alighting on the brim and then down to his face, the first time she'd actually touched him. He was chilled to the touch. She realized then she was still embracing this man, who she didn't even know. But he seemed to think she did. "But you're you." She told him, not sure why…but it seemed the right thing to say.

"Only just…" He said softly. "I'm very nearly gone, gone as gone can be…as I said she's taken what makes me me."

Jessie smiled. "You made a rhyme again." She said hoping to make him smile, for real this time. She was getting used to how he talked.

His lips quirked up at the corner, his green eyes less sad. "I guess I did." He touched her nose with the tip of a finger. "But that's just it you see…I've gotten back what makes me me."

She shook her head slightly again, still not sure what he was getting at. "I'm sorry…" Why did she keep apologizing? This was her dream wasn't it? "But…I don't understand…"

The man with the green eyes grasped her chin in his fingers, some of which were bandaged but all had fingernails that matched his eyes in color. He held her gaze steadily, and the voice that came from his mouth was different this time, it was thickly Scottish, harsher…deeper. It made her take notice as did the tinge of red that seemed to leak into the bright green of his iris. "You lass…you make me me. Tis no other that can bring me back from the edge, tis no other that can heal this place, that can heal me. An'na will naught let her win this time. I can naught…will naught lose you again."

As he spoke he was leaning closer to her and Jessie felt herself shiver at not only the proximity of him, but the change that seemed to come over him. He was almost a different man. "But I've never seen you before…" She spoke in barely a whisper. He was so close she felt like she was drowning in those eyes.

"Ye have lass…so many times…so many…" His voice was changing back, softer again, not as harsh. His nose was nearly brushing hers. "You know my name…you know me…you just don't know it yet."

From far away there was a sound…a whirring maybe or a buzzing…it was growing louder. It broke the moment or whatever was about to happen in half. The man turned towards the noise. It was coming from the edge of the forest and was heading towards them.

"They're coming back." He said quickly, fear crossing his pale features.

Jessie looked down, suddenly feeling very strange. Much to her horror she was fading. She could see the cracked dirt through her legs. The man saw this too and realization seemed to dawn on him. "You're not quite here yet…" He actually seemed relived. "But you will be soon."

He must have seen the fear in her eyes. He touched her cheek again, still able to feel her, but knowing she was slipping away. "Don't be afraid. They'll not catch me. Not now…I've got a reason to keep going."

She tried to touch his hand, but her fingers went through his like air. She'd soon be faded away to nothing. Sadness flickered in his eyes for a moment when he realized it too. But resolve filled his face once more. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to her forehead. She felt them, real…alive. He moved his mouth close to her ear and whispered quickly. "It's not a dream…" And then she was gone.

The plane hit the runway hard, and Jessica was awake, nearly bolting out of her seat. If it hadn't been for the seatbelt she'd have fallen off the hard cushion. Her eyes were wide and the old man next to her was looking at her like she'd grown a third head. Out the window the city of London waited.