This is sort of an ongoing self-challenge: particular characters narrating short fics that are loosely based off the lyrics of Evanescence songs. All lyrics from the songs on the album Fallen belong to Evanescence and their affiliates. All the Ace Attorney stuff belongs to those awesome people at Capcom/Nintendo. *thumbs up*

Also, please correct me if I make any background errors... you know how OCD I am, but trolling the AA wiki and Court-Records is occasionally just not enough.

(Yet another reason why I'll NEVER finish writing any of my Fire Emblem stories. *sigh*)

~~11.1 Going Under~~

I stared at her, feeling as if I would start shaking any moment. Though, to be perfectly honest, I probably couldn't have: what she'd just said was so horrifying that most of my body was paralyzed. All I could do was gulp. How could one person be so weak?

Dahlia narrowed her eyes, her gaze still shrewdly fixed on my face, those mild brown eyes unduly frightening. "Iris. Did you hear me?"

Somehow I found the strength to nod, very slowly. To hide my trembling lips, I put a hand over my mouth: that also gave me a small excuse not to answer just yet. Just when I thought I'd hit rock bottom, that she couldn't take any more away from me…

"Then answer me." Her voice was light, as usual, and she played with her hair casually. The cool spring air of a city night swirled around us, and I couldn't believe that she wasn't cold, in that ridiculous pink satin fluff of a dress. "Iris. Will you do it?"

I took a deep breath, lowering my hand. I looked out my dormitory window briefly for inspiration, but there was nothing. The gigantic mall across the town glowed softly with sodium lights, reminding me of Hazakura's Lesser Magatama, as it always did, but unfortunately to me it was less inspiring than insipid. As much as I loved and missed Sister Bikini, it was times like these that I wished my training at Hazakura had given me less insight and more backbone. It wasn't like I was even a good spirit medium.

Finally, I couldn't endure her chilly gaze any longer, and stammered, "But… but Dahlia, I've been asking for months. I've done all I could… I don't even know what's real and what's not anymore." That part was a lie. I was in love, but I'd made a firm resolution to die before ever telling her that. Not that I didn't feel like I was dying inside now. "Please don't make me do it."

"I have to get that necklace back!" she hissed suddenly, moving towards me so quickly that I couldn't even dart back. Her hand, as small and delicate as my own, nevertheless grabbed my arm with such strength that I squeaked in pain. "Do you have any idea how important it is to me?"

"No!" I said helplessly. "Dollie, you never told me… every time I ask why it's important, it's like you don't even hear me."

She must have told me a hundred times or more that if I couldn't get the necklace back, at least tell Phoenix to shut up about it. But oh, I just couldn't. Something in my heart warmed and swirled every time he proudly displayed the ugly little thing to a friend or classmate: I knew it had been Dahlia who gave it to him... but I was Dahlia, at least the way he saw it. I'd dyed my hair, worn her clothing, gone to her classes and recited her poetry. And the thought of someone being so madly in love with me…

I'd never been able to figure out, either, why my sister wanted the necklace back so badly. Seeing that I was incapable of answering yet, she sat back and fumed—adorably, of course. I sagged a little, thinking frantically. If she wanted it for a bad reason, I might be able to summon a "no"… but if not I would just drown in my futile arguments again. What possible explanation could there be for wanting back such a hideous little piece of jewelry, anyway?

Something occurred to me faintly, and I asked, "Does the necklace… does it have anything to do with… with you leaving Ivy University for awhile? Are people looking for it?" Another thought popped into my head, and I dared to further add, "Did you steal the necklace?"

It was the wrong thing to say. I instinctively flinched as she flew at me, screaming. "No! No! Don't ever think that I stole it, Iris, that necklace is mine! And if you can't get that stupid fool to give it back I'll just kill him!"

She'd slapped me in the face, and without thinking I'd curled into a ball, her hands still raining blows on my shoulders. I wrapped my arms around myself: I'd cried hundreds of thousands of tears since she'd made me start living her life, and now it seemed like sometimes they just wouldn't come. I'm at Feenie's apartment… we're sitting and watching a movie… that's right, his arms are around me…

"You're so pathetic!" I finally heard, as the daze started to fade. "What's wrong with you? Why can't you just do as I say, like you always used to? What's changed?"

With the sudden clarity that occasionally and miraculously descended upon me in these kinds of situations, I became conscious of the fact that she was going to figure it out in a minute. That I couldn't obey her tormenting commands because I was really in love. "I…I just c-can't…" I stuttered, trying to find words, any words, anything that would distract her from seeing the truth. "Dollie… all these things I've done for you… I just can't face leaving this life yet." There. That was better than nothing: let her think I didn't want to hurt Phoenix because it would be hurting me. "I like it here at Ivy University, please don't make me leave."

She snorted, standing over me. I sniffled and sat up on the bed some. "Please don't make me leave your life, oh, Dollie, I love being youuuu…" Her voice, a mockingly shrill version of mine, hurt almost worse than anything yet. It was unbearable only because it was true, I realized. Even leaving out Phoenix, I did love her life, the normality and innocuous variation of it, talking about literature with the other students and learning about histories that didn't involve chanting ancient prayers in the freezing cold.

Inside of me, something hardened as it usually didn't, and I became calm again, wiping my tears. I couldn't do what she asked, after all. I couldn't break up with Phoenix and leave her life, go back to Hazakura without a word of explanation: I would rather just die right now. "Dollie, please don't scream at me: or rather, you can scream at me all you want, but I won't do it. Please, just give me more time with Feenie and I promise I'll get the necklace back for you."

She didn't answer for a moment, her eyes locked on mine, and after a short silence I understood my horrifying mistake. "Feenie?" Dahlia asked, incredulously. Her face was wavering somewhere between amusement and disgust. "Oh, Iris… don't tell me you actually love him." The disgust won out, and she made a face.

What could I do? Panic was quickly setting in. Lifting my chin, I asserted as firmly as I could, "N-no, I just… I just got used to calling him that. Um…" Inspiration struck and I added, "All the other girls give their boyfriends nicknames, you know." It was sort of true, after all: they did, but it wasn't why I'd done it.

Fortunately, Dahlia was one of those people who took things lightly. She truly didn't care about my feelings for Phoenix, and probably didn't even consider the fact that he might be a human being. He was a tool whose usefulness had ended. She flipped a hand. "Whatever. I guess. Okay, I'll give you some more time. But Iris, they're bearing down hard, the people who want this necklace." Pausing for a moment, she let me get good and confused about that, then continued, "They're thieves. They think I was mean to that kid, giving him a necklace and then wanting it back, so they want me to give it up altogether." Her brows drew together, and she finished darkly, "But it's mine."

I couldn't argue with her anymore: the year was pulling on towards finals week, and in all honesty I hadn't slept very well, studying and helping others with their work. Tiredly, I said, "Thank you, Dahlia. I promise… I promise I'll get it back from him." The thought completely sickened me, and I wondered if I would have to eventually just steal it when he was sleeping. Every day was a torment already, deceiving Phoenix into thinking I was someone else: this would only make it more torturous.

When she finally left, on the train back to Valerie's apartment, I sat for awhile, unable to even think about my haiku analysis due the next day, or even about helping Phoenix studying for the law school admission test. It felt like I was falling down a rabbit hole: except instead of expecting wacky adventures when I landed, I would probably just die when I hit bottom.

There had to be a way to break out of this torture. Without thinking much, I dressed warmly and followed my feet across campus. I didn't have a key to Phoenix's studio apartment—what good girl would go into her beloved's apartment without asking first, anyway?—but at when I knocked lightly, the door swung open.

I went in: the time had never occurred to me, and the digital lights blinking midnight on the microwave startled me. A faint buzzing noise led me through the tiny hall, to the space that was both his office, bedroom, and living room. He was asleep on the couch, snoring atop the admissions test book; tears pricked my eyes.

I didn't want to wake him up. Being in the apartment was enough. Dahlia always filled me with a choking, drowning sensation: whenever I was with Phoenix, it was always the opposite, a sensation of utter freedom, of flying while holding hands with a kindred spirit. I took a deep breath and leaned down to kiss his forehead. It might just be possible that I could save myself and my love from this. I had to… no one else could, after all.