Whispers from a Diary

Summary: When Kendall comes across James's Diary what big secret does he find? And how will they both deal with the aftermath?

Pairings: James/Kendall & Carlos?/Logan?

Author Note: Oh I am a bad, bad, bad, bad, writer. I've left ya'll hanging for more than I wanted to. But I had been so busy with looking for a job and stuff, plus I had a little bit of writers block, but that's all gone now. I just want to thank you call also from those who have read the story, comment, and added to your favorites. It really means a lot to me to see all of you enjoy my story. I pride myself in making sure that the things I write are entertaining, funny, interesting and keep readers wanting more so thank you from the bottom of my heart. ^_^

5.

Logan watched as Kendall went the other direction. He frowned not understanding how he could just leave a friend hanging like that. He would have gone after him if it were for the urgent sound of his name being called. He would have to deal with Kendall later.

Kendall made sure he was the only one in the elevator, he completely ignored the calls from Logan and anyone else for that matter. He let out a shaky sigh. How is it that this whole amazing opportunity turned into complete shit so fast. They hadn't even completed their whole album yet and already there were band mate melt downs. Wasn't this suppose to happen to bands that had been going strong for the past ten years or so?

All it had took was one look, one simple little glance and everything had just broken. Whatever ounce of sanity or comfort that James had was gone. Kendall saw it, the small light that was burning in James had been snuffed out thanks to him.

Something in James broke.

James's heart, maybe.

James's trust.

James's hope.

Whatever it was, it snapped, it shattered, and fell to ground in a million pieces.

And Kendall was the one to thank for that.

James rested his head against the cool rim of the toilet bowl, if it weren't for the certain situation he would normally never place his head anywhere near a toilet, but at this point he didn't care. And he is pretty sure he probably looks like hell, because he felt like hell. He let out a small groan, when he felt his stomach turn, he bit down on his bottom lip, closing his eyes tightly until he could see little spots of white dots behind his lids.

He began taking in deep breaths, trying to push down the thought of throwing up again.

He didn't move once when he heard the door to the bathroom open and he didn't even flitch when he felt soft warm fingers touch his forehead. "Hey, James?" said the voice.

James slowly opened his eyes, slightly surprise to see Carlos standing over him, blocking out the bright shine of the cheap lighting. His brow was deeply frowned and his eyes had glint of worry in his usually playful brown eyes. It was strange to see Carlos so serious, so morbid. James reached out a shaking hand, he extended his pointer finger, reaching out until it lightly poked Carlos in the left side of his face.

Carlos moved away, raising an eyebrow. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Your face…." James winced at the sound of his voice, usually it was smooth and held strength to it, but now it was raspy and small, so fragile, like a baby fawn just born.

He cleared his throat before speaking again. "Your face, fix it. You shouldn't be making faces like that. Looking so fucking serious. Its weird."

Carlos shoulders slump a little. "Well, excuse me for being worried about friend that just puked up his morning breakfast. How do you feel by the way?"

"Like an elephant sat on me."

Carlos reached over to the side of toilet and pulled some paper tissue for James, he began wiping up the sweat that formed on his forehead and neck. He made sure to remove any traces of vomit that was still smeared on his lips. "What happen man? I mean, one minute your fine, the next…this." he said waving his hand towards the toilet.

James was about to answer when Logan came busting through, the door. "James?" He moved next him, crouching down to his level. "Are you ok?"

"I was just asking that." said Carlos, to sat on the floor, not caring one bit about sitting on a public restroom floor. "You were with him all day, was he ok before?"

"Well, yeah, he was fine. He didn't look at all like his was under the weather. James what happen?"

James sighed, staring down at his lap. "It must have been something I ate. It probably didn't agree with me." He brushed his hands over his knees, trying to remove invisible lint that was there. He started to push himself up when he felt hands hold him down. "Whoa, where do you think your going?" asked Logan.

"Yeah, maybe you should give yourself about ten minutes before trying to get up." said Carlos.

James would have rolled his eyes if it weren't for the fact that he was a little too tired to do so. He slowly pushed Logan and Carlos from himself and started to get up. "Guys, I'm fine. Its not the first time I've thrown up. Look if anything, I'll tell you if something is wrong. But right now I want to get some rest."

"But James…." Logan began to say, but James had left the room. Leaving Logan and Carlos behind.

A week passed. Then another.

Carlos sat down on the floor in the dance rehearsal room, watching Mr. X go over the dance routine with Kendall for the sixth time that day. James was sitting in the corner talking to Kelly, she had come over to see how everything was going and James seem to be eager to talk to someone that wasn't him, Logan or Kendall for that matter and Logan was chugging down a cool bottle of water.

His attention went back to Kelly and James, he watched the way he interacted with her. He seemed fine, but there was something off. He could tell, he knew Logan could tell, and probably Kendall, but he wasn't so sure about that since Kendall had seem to put up this invisible wall that none of them could get pass. Kendall had pretty much mentally removed himself and was going on autopilot. Acting as though everything was peachy kin, the world is made of gold and every time a cat sings a bird shits out gold. But it wasn't.

So he continued to watch James, but this wasn't the same James that was there a month ago, joking, laughing, coming up with some way to piss off Gustavo. No, this was someone completely different. He was so stand offish, he didn't really interact with anyone else unless it was during rehearsals. He didn't hang by the pool or he wouldn't dare step foot in the game room. And god forbid if Kendall was anywhere in a two feet radius of him.

Something was going on between Kendall and James.

He knew that, Logan knew that.

It wasn't that hard to figure out that something had gone down that wasn't pretty. Which is weird because even though James and Kendall are complete opposites, they still manage to get along really well.

Yeah this whole, avoiding each other crap was not working well. Not well at all.

Carlos sighed loudly, leaning against Logan's leg. Logan looked down at him, raising an eyebrow.

"Can I help you with something?"

"How long do we let this go on before we smack their heads together?"

Logan frowned a bit, before looking up at were Carlos's eyes where trained on. Logan shrugged.

"Who knows. Maybe we just need to give them time?"

Carlos raised any eyebrow. "Its been weeks and they still haven't said one word to each other. If Mrs. Knight was here, she would have already figure something out."

"How long does it take to handle a family crisis?" Logan wondered out loud.

Carlos clapped his hands together, quickly getting up from his spot on the floor. "I says we should pretend we're on a sitcom and lock them in a closet together until they make up."

"I don't know, sounds a little dicey. Maybe we should butt out of this."

"We can't Logan, can't you tell that this is a big issue?"

"It doesn't have anything to do with us."

"But that's the problem, it does. This is a band, we are a unit, when one man goes down, we all go down. We are being effected by this, you just don't realized it. When is the last time we all actually hung out together?"

Logan stood quietly. He looked down, almost in shame.

"See, it does have something to do with us. So now we have to fix it. Now, how does locking them in a room together forcing them to make up sound to you?"

"Sounds good. I guess"

"Excellent, Tonight?"

Logan sighed. "Tonight."

Carlos grinned.

"You know, you look a little like a mini demon right now?"

"That's because I am one, Logie."

He should have saw it coming, the evil smile that was planted on Carlos and Logan's face should have been the tip off, but of course he let it go, thinking nothing of it. Carlos was always smiling about something, he figure that he was probably going to try jumping out of the window into the palm woods pool again. And he thought maybe Logan had gotten some new math book or something. Kendall kind of wishes that was the case. Instead of him being man handled by Carlos and Logan, who were surprisingly a lot stronger then Kendall wanted to give them credit for.

He had been tackled from behind while he was heading to the Palm Woods park, a large brown shack was placed over his head and he was lifted off the ground, and carried through the park.

He is pretty sure that they got some strange looks from on lookers, but they've been in LA for eight months now and people have gotten use to their weird antics. Even Mr. Bitters, who was probably stuffing his face full of jumbo shrimp.

Kendall continued to struggle, even though it was completely useless, but he was a fighter and he wasn't one to give up on things.

Just as he was about to give one finally fight, he was dumped on something soft. The shack was then removed from his head and he was welcome by harsh cheap lighting. He then realized that he was back home in apartment 2J, but he wasn't in his room.

It took in him about 4.2 seconds to realizes that he was in fact in Carlos and James's room. He growled under his breath, quickly getting off the bed, he rushed the door. He grabbed hold of the knob and tried to turn. But of course being that his luck was completely screwing him, the door wouldn't open.

"Carlos! Logan! Open this damn door!" he shouted.

"No can do, buddy." cried out Logan. Normally, the idea of keeping a friend hostage in a room would be something that he would be totally against. But desperate times, call for desperate measures. He turned to Carlos, a frown appearing on his face. "Are you sure this is going to work?" he asked in a whisper.

"Hey, if its good enough on TV, then its good enough for real life." Carlos was so sure this was a full proof plan. He was sure of it.

Kendall stood in the middle of the room, not really knowing what to do. This wasn't his room, it felt like a foreign place to him. He notice that the bathroom door was open and steam was pouring out.

He had been so concerned about being locked in a room that wasn't his, that he hadn't even notice that he wasn't even alone. He could hear the sounds of the shower. Which meant that James was in there. He had been the first one to live rehearsals. So it only made sense that he would have gotten back to the room first and washed up.

Kendall now felt kind of awkward. He was standing in the middle of the room, a few feet away from a naked James.

He should be saying something. To make his present known so it isn't even weirder when James comes out of the bathroom and he see Kendall standing there looking like some kind of freak.

Kendall began to open his mouth when he heard a strange noise. He knew that it couldn't have come from him so the only person it could have been was…in the shower. Kendall had first confused the sounds of moans and gasps as pains, but was proven wrong with the second moan.

Followed by his name. More sweet, sweet gasps, more shuddering moans, and then his name again.

Kendall stood paralyzed, his heart beating painfully in his chest. He was afraid that it would come busting out. He could feel sweat form on his brows. He jumped when his heard the mixture of moans and whimpers as one and then his name again.

That got him moving. He rushed to the door, desperate to get as far away from James and his little escapades as soon as possible. But in his moment of stupor Kendall had forgotten that the door was locked. He began banging on the door like a mad man. Kicking and screaming.

James was…he was doing….he was touching himself….masturbating….in the shower…in the fucking shower….

He knew at this point James had to know he wasn't alone, not with Kendall going eight octaves high.

He started ramming his body against the door, he had to get out, break free. He needed to before…. As though someone had heard his silent cries, the door was quickly ripped open, giving Kendall the opening that he needed.

Kendall shot out of the room like a bat out of hell.

Logan and Carlos actually did a double take, confused as to what just happen.

It didn't take Carlos too long to figure out that Kendall had just escaped. Without having to say a word to Logan, Carlos rushed out the now open door of the apartment and followed after Kendall.

Another thing that Kendall had to give Carlos credit for is his crazy speed. The boy was quick when he wanted to be. Kendall had just made it down to the lobby, pushing past some people, when he was completely tackle from behind.

They both hit the floor hard. Kendall struggled to get Carlos off him, while Carlos took the time to take a seat right on Kendall's back.

"Get the fuck off me!" growled Kendall.

"Not until you calm down and come back upstairs."

"What in the world is going on here?" asked a female voice.

Carlos looked up to see both Camilla and Jo standing in front of him with confused looks.

"Nothing much, just you know, boys being boys." he offered a bright smile.

"This whole thing, makes me glad to have been born a girl." said Camilla.

Carlos laughed. He got up, grabbing Kendall by the back of his shirt. He pulled him on to his feet, and made sure to keep a good grip so he didn't loose him.

"Are you alright? You look like hell?" asked Jo.

"Oh him? His fine. Just you know, got into the coffee and little hyper right now, but we're gonna head back upstairs and wash that nasty stuff right out his system. Come on Kens, let's go."

Carlos quickly rushed Kendall out of the lobby, the last thing he needed was people asking anymore questions. Not like he would know how to answer them, it was just best that whatever was going on with the group, stayed within the group.

He pushed Kendall in the elevator, pressing the second floor.

Once back upstairs, Carlos pushed Kendall into apartment 2J, where Logan was waiting for them over back stools.

"That was quick."

"He didn't get really far." Carlos pushed Kendall forward. He felt kind of like his father whenever he caught a criminal.

"Hey, what happen after I left?" asked Carlos.

"Nothing all that major, except that once you guys left James quickly got into bed soak naked to the bone. I had to convince him to towel off or he would catch a cold. Good thing James hates being sick or he probably would still be buck ass naked."

Kendall hadn't spoken one word. He stood still, looking passed Logan.

"Alright, so are you going to go back in there? Or just tell us what's been going on? Asked Logan.

"At least we're giving you a choice," Carlos said.

Logan nodded. "Its either or."

"You can go in there and kill each other, talk, make up, ignore each other, but you're not coming out again until we let you out in the morning,"

Logan got a slightly frighten look on his face. "Please don't kill each other, I really don't want to explain that to Gustavo or your mother and between those two, well I would consider that a fate worse than death itself."

Kendall knew that they weren't going to let this one go. It would just be out of character for them. He wasn't one to give in to things, but he also wasn't the type of person that like to see his friends upset. Biting the bullet, he let out a sigh before slowly heading back to the room.

Once inside the room, he close the door behind him, not caring one bit if it was a little rude that he slammed the door on them.

He was back, right back at the scene of the crime. He rolled his eyes at that. There wasn't a crime committed here, just a young guy helping himself release some tension. If only that tension had been to another inspiration and not him.

He was still by the door, staring at the bed. He could easily make out the lanky figure that was hidden away underneath the covers.

Kendall sighed, scratching the back of his neck. "Hey, you awake?"

He didn't get a responses back.

He tried again. "I said are you awake?" he called out a little louder.

"No." came a sourly voice.

Kendall rolled his eyes. "Look, they aren't going to letting me out of here until the morning."

"So? You want a medal or something?"

No need to be a smart-ass, thought Kendall.

"I'm going to need to sleep." he was trying to be subtle about this.

All he got was a muffled responds. Kendall frowned. "I didn't hear you?"

James growled. He moved the covers away from his head, talking at the top of his lungs, making sure to pronounce each word as he spoke. "THERE ARE PILLOW IN THE CLOSET, THERE IS THE FLOOR, GOOD-NIGHT!"

"What?"

"Are you hard of hearing? Sleep on the damn floor!"

Kendall snorted. "Like you wouldn't want me in your bed."

James sat up in bed so quick that Kendall was pretty sure he would get a head rush. He heard a clicking sound, and then the room was engulfed in a pure light. Kendall winced a bit, not excepting the light. He blinked a couple of times until the light didn't hurt anymore.

Kendall mother once told him that he sometimes didn't think before he spoke, which was never a good thing. He was a blunt person, he called it being honest. His mother told him that there is a difference between people who are honest and people who are blunt. Honest people think before they say something, their words are meant to heal and inform, while blunt people have a tendency to say whatever words come to them without thinking about what the other person may think or feel. And it would wind up hurting that person dearly. His said he had his moments when he was honest, but they were over shadow by the bluntness.

He got that from his father apparently.

This was one of those moments that being blunt would bite him right on the ass.

"Don't you dare." James spoke in an eerie calm voice, but it still held a viciousness to it. It was low, deep and menacing, completely the opposite of who and what James was as a person. "Don't you fucking dare throw that in my face."

"Its true isn't it?" Why couldn't Kendall just keep quite for a second.

James's hazels eyes turn a warm brown, to blazing green. "Your lucky that there aren't any windows in here, because I would have thrown your stupid ass out one. Now I'm not talking about this anymore. You either get washed up and get in this bed, or you could stand the whole fucking night for all I care. But either way, I'm getting some damn sleep." As soon as those words left his lips, James resumed hiding underneath the covers, not waiting to hear Kendall's response.

Kendall sighed, feeling drained, he dragged his body to the bathroom. After a quick use of the toilet and a hot shower. He came out wearing just his boxers and shirt he had underneath his plaid shirt. He placed his pants on top of the medium dresser.

He walked slowly to the other side of the bed, not wanting to bump into anything since the light had been turn off the moment he went into the bathroom. He slowly got in, as if any sudden movement would have made a loud noise.

He rested on his back, looking up at the ceiling.

He glanced at the clock, groaning when he saw that it was only 10:45, so freaking early to be going to bed. Sighing he began to hum to himself, it started off really low, but started to raise ever so softly.

He jumped when he felt a boney elbow slam into his sides.

"Ow-the fuck? James! That hurt!"

"Shut up, I'm trying to sleep."

Kendall glared at the back of James's head.

Kendall stayed still, he rested his arms behind his head, he began to get antsy in that position so he turned on his side, his back facing James. James and him had shared rooms before, back in Minnesota when James's parents would have to work late and he would spend the night or vice versa.

They would stay up later than they were suppose too and just talk about random things. Or problems that they may had been having that day. It was totally out of character to just not say anything to each other.

But they had been doing that for weeks now, and Kendall would be lying if he said that he didn't miss talking to James because that was a bold face lie.

"James?"

"Go to sleep."

Five minutes later.

"Kendall?"

"You told me to go to sleep."

"Kendall."

"I'm asleep."

He heard a soft sigh, and then a sniffle.

"Are you crying?" asked Kendall.

"No, jerk-face."

"You're a jerk-face."

"Idiot."

"Dog-breath"

"Numb-nuts"

"He-she."

That earn him a swift punch on his back.

He hit back.

They both remained silent. All that could be heard was the soft sounds of breathing and the noise of the clock.

"James."

"I'm not playing this game again."

"I'm sorry."

James didn't say anything. So much for taking the high road, thought Kendall. He exhaled from his nose.

"For what?" came a meek sounding James.

Kendall rolled over, this time facing James, but not really since James still had his back turned towards him. "For everything." Kendall responded. "For hurting you, destroying your trust. I had no right, no right to look through your things."

James flinched a little, but it subsided as soon as it came. He slowly sat up, facing Kendall. He reached over to his nightstand and turned the lamp on. He didn't care that the moment there was light it made his eyes wetter ever so slightly. Kendall placed a hand over his eyes, blocking the light out as best he could.

"Then why did you?"

Wasn't that the million dollar question of the centaury? Kendall, himself wasn't exactly sure what possessed him to go through his friends things. He didn't even do that to Katie, and that was one of the unwritten rules of a sibling, to go raffling through younger or older sibling valuables. It was the only way a sister or brother could cause any kind of mental harmed to said person without it being physical.

But that only applied to siblings, not when its your best friend. Some can argue what was the differences? But it was the principle of the matter.

"Because, because I'm a stupid human being that doesn't know how to treat a friend. I really don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't even looking around for anything scandalous, I only wanted my stupid Ipod and then I saw it, which by the by, horrible place to keep anything important, just saying and then I winded up looking in, even though I knew it was a bad idea, and yeah. I'm gonna stop rambling now."

James moved up more on the bed, resting against the headboard. He pulled his knees to his chest, resting his chin on top of his knees. "I hate you." he said softly.

Kendall frowned, closing his eyes. "I know, its ok."

"You invaded my privacy."

"I know."

"Then lied to me about it when I asked you."

Kendall flinched, feeling invisible punches hit his body each time James spoke. "I know, and I'm sorry about that."

"I really do hate you, but…" James hesitated. He could feel tears form in his eyes. He wasn't going to cry about this. He wasn't. "But, I still love you."

Kendall was shocked by his confession. After everything Kendall did to him, after the lies and the neglecting, he still….

Why? "Why?"

"Because.." James lightly began to trace his finger across Kendall's arm, sending small shivers down Kendall's spine. "Your Kendall. I guess no matter what I will always really love you. God I sound like such a fucking chick right now. Look I'm crying like one too." He wiped tears out from his eyes.

"Hey." Kendall sat up on the bed, moving James's hand out of the way. He began wiping the tears for him. "No crying, huh?"

"I'm sorry, they won't stop falling."

"Your not the one who needs to be sorry. I'm the one that did this too you." He pulled James close to him, hugging him. James tensed up a bit, not knowing what to do. He lifted his hand and grabbed hold of the front of Kendall's shirt and buried his face into neck. "Its ok James, cry, just let it out. I know that you've been hold it in. Its ok."

And let it out James did. He cried for the loneliness he felt when he and Kendall stopped talking, he cried for the lies that were fed to him, he cried for hating Kendall, he cried for loving Kendall. He cried until there was nothing left in him to cry about.

Kendall pulled away from him, he got out of bed, and walked to the bathroom, he came back with a handful of tissue. He gave some to James, letting him blow his nose. "So now that all the crying it out of the way. I have to know one thing."

James sniffed. "What's that?"

"When were you going to tell me about your feelings?"

James laughed a bit, knowing full well that he was going to have to answer that question eventually. "Well, I had plan to tell you when were you at least 80 something years old, dying of Alzheimer's in a nursing home in Southern California."

Kendall raised an bushy eyebrow. "You had that all planned out, huh?"

James gave him a tired smile. "To the T."

James sighed. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"What exactly did you look at when you had my stuff?"

"If we are being honest, I saw an old bracelet that I thought I lost, pictures and some of your journal entries."

"Ok, did you read them?"

"Yes, but only two."

"Which ones?"

"Um, one was dated back in February and the other in March."

"Ok, that isn't too bad. Because the other entries are, well a lot worse."

"Worse?" asked Kendall.

James looked away, his face turning a light pink. "Yeah, they um, are pretty sexual."

Kendall didn't need to hear anymore, he understood. "Oh."

"Yeah."

They sat there in silence. Neither one not knowing what to say to the other. "James, I'm sorry…"

James held up a hand. "Don't. I know what your going to try to say. I came to terms with the fact that there would be a chance that you weren't in love with me. I'm fine with that. I just wish, that I had been able to tell you all this without the dramatic events that took place before this."

"Yeah, I was a real asshole to you."

James shrugged. "Its understandable. I mean how many straight guys have a male best friend in love with them. It only makes sense you would act that way."

Kendall was getting frustrated. Wasn't James taking this whole thing a little to easy. If it had been him, he would have been yelling his head off, using every curse word under the sun and damning his future family members to hell and back.

"You are too good of a person, you know that. I would be cursing me out right now."

James smiled. "That's the difference between you and me. I take the high road. But that doesn't mean I got for *yawn* get." James settled back down in the bed. It was getting late and he was ready to get some sleep.

Kendall followed suite, resting next to James, facing him this time. He took James's hand in his, giving it a squeeze. "I'm glad that I had this talk with you. Maybe Carlos and Logan had the right idea to do this."

James hummed in agreement, too tired to respond back with words. Kendall felt a small smile form on his face. He reached over James, clicking off the lamp. He settled back down in bed, letting out a deep breath. Kendall watched James for a bit, before feeling the pulls of sleep take over his body.

As they fell asleep, the two boys laid facing each others, hands still entwined.

TO BE CONTINUED….

Author's Note: Ok, that took a lot longer to write then I was excepting. But its all good. This chapter is done, yay. And it seems that all the drama and fight is done…oh not by a long shot. it's the eye before the storm, the drama is just getting started with this group.

So Review: Tell me if you like it, what you think will happen in the next chapters to come, if you have any favorite quotes, anything. I read all reviews so, yeah. Bye for now ya'll night.