To: gwencooper
From: teaboy
Subject: None
I hate you.
I hate the way you seem to think that you deserve him. Because you don't. You – the bored little girl from the police station who just wants to play with him, like a stupid fucking puppy who's never really understood the meaning of a swift kick to the ribs? You know nothing. Nothing of him. Nothing of love. You are nothing. Nothing.
I hate you because you can just waltz in here – how long have you been here? Two months? – and claim that you and you alone hold the key to Jack's heart. If you weren't so blunt with your naivety – if you learnt, perhaps, the definition of the word consequences - I would pity you. You, who claim to love Rhys, when you spend most of your time in Owen's bed – you, who claim to have feelings for Owen when you spend the rest of your time pining after Jack – you, who claim to love Jack but you won't turn your back on Rhys, the doting little puppy dog.
I hate you because he loves you. He will always love you. But not in the way he loves me.
To: gwencooper
From: teaboy
Subject: None
I pity you.
I pity you because you seem to think you're special. Something unique. Sure. After everything we've seen out there, do you honestly believe you've got what it takes to make Jack settle down? To make Owen fall in love with you? To still have the power left over to make sure that Rhys forgets that you never call – that you abandon him each day like a child to play with her shiny new toy? To have Tosh – gentle, undeserving Tosh – overlook your sabotage of her fragile love? And I… you believe that I will forgive you for your sins?
I pity the way you stumble after him like a small child who's been abandoned by her only friend, and can't bring herself to go and play another game. He always comes back, and you say it's because you're special. It's not. It's because you're so caught up on him, he pities you, just like the rest of us. All of us.
I pity you because you think that he's yours. He will never be yours. Never.
To: gwencooper
From: teaboy
Subject: None
I fear you.
I fear you because you hold so much command over him. You walk all over him – dance, jump, stomp on his abused soul – and he'll keep coming back for more. The way that he looks at you sometimes, it's as though he's never seen anything quite like you… and that he likes what he sees.
I fear your confidence. The confidence to reach out and hold his hand, to dance with his heart in ways that I never could. The way he looks at me sometimes… why can't you be more like Gwen? The standards are set so high, because of you. The bar has climbed so high into the sky, I can't even see it. You're the high jumper.
I fear you because you are powerful. You have power even over Jack, and you have no idea how frightening that is. That is why I fear you.
To: gwencooper
From: teaboy
Subject: None
I submit to you.
I submit because I know that I will never be as much to him as you are.
I submit because I know that you will always win.
I submit because you have him, and always will.
To: gwencooper
From: teaboy
Subject: None
I fight you.
I will fight you for him – no matter how long it takes, or how much I lose along the way. It doesn't matter, as long as he is mine. I love him, Gwen Cooper. Love. Do you even know the meaning of the word? I bet you'd say you do. But you're wrong. You've always been wrong. Love has no boundaries, no explanation – not one that you could understand, anyway. Love isn't something you know – not intellectually, at least. Love is more powerful than you will ever be, and I love him more than you could ever love. I can give him more. Faith, for one. Trust, for another. I won't walk on him or dance or scream and stomp when I don't get my way – I'll always be there, fighting my corner, because I know that one day soon, he will see through you and you will fall through all the layers of hate and deceit that you have constructed out of paper lies. I just hope I'm there to see it.
There is so much to say… and then so much more. But I won't say it. Because you could never, ever understand.
To: gwencooper
From: teaboy
Subject: None
Coffee's ready.
Ianto x