Title: Undisclosed Desires

Author: Yoshimara (slavetosuicide)

Rating: M

Pairing(s): ByakuyaxIchigo

Warning(s): AR, possible OOC, spoilers, shounen-ai, language, slight angst

Disclaimer: Tite Kubo owns Bleach and all of its affiliates. Muse owns the lyrics. Yoshimara (slavetosuicide) owns the plot and all OCs (original characters).

Summary: As long as he had Byakuya's heart, he didn't care about what rules to follow.

A/N: This is a "thank you for being so awesome" gift for Haltia! :giggles:

Kurosaki Ichigo was nervous—nervous and excited. He stood at the door of the exquisitely decorated Kuchiki manor, arms holding bags and boxes, and drew a sigh.

A year after the Winter War ended had life pretty much returning to normal. School ended in four months for good for the younger man—as for after that he wasn't sure what he wanted to do. College seemed best, but the offers from the Gotei 13 were appealing as well. To join the squads full-time would be fun, and he'd be allowed to visit the world of the living as often as he wanted.

The front door opened to reveal a young girl in a servants uniform who greeted him and guided him to the main ballroom. Streamers and balloons littered the large room, all framing a large banner that said, "Congratulations Rukia and Hanataro". White and pastel colors painted every surface, giving a unique contrast to all of the black hakamas in the room.

Spotting Rukia immediately, Ichigo made his way over to the smaller woman and gave her a one-armed hug as best as he could before placing the gifts on the long table she stood by. Renji had been laughing with Matsumoto hanging off of his arm, already drunk.

"Glad you could make it, Ichigo!" she cried, already buzzing over the few gifts he set down, careful not to knock the last bag out of his hands as she moved about.

"If it keeps you out of my closet," he replied jokingly, receiving a hearty thump on his arm for the comment.

"Ohayo, Kurosaki-san," a soft voice spoke up causing the orange-haired boy to turn around, facing a meek-looking Hanataro.

"Hey there, Hanataro! Congrats to you both! And call me Ichigo, will ya?"

"Hai."

Hours of fun and laughter passed, leaving Ichigo with a growing nervousness and the feel of that last box in the bag hanging off of his shoulder didn't help settle it. He knew that even though he was here for Rukia, he kept an eye out for someone else.

I know you've suffered

But I don't want you to hide

Speak of the devil! Kuchiki Byakuya snuck past the group and into the adjoining gardens, quiet and stoic as ever. At the sight of the noble, Ichigo's heart leapt. How was he going to be able to do this?

Finishing off the second glass of sake that had been thrust into his hand earlier, he excused himself from the small group of friends that had gathered and out of the same side door the noble took.

The cooling afternoon air hit him gently, caressing his face with a welcoming breeze. The scent of freshness and nature was light, something he could get used to and wouldn't complain. His gaze found the Sixth Division taicho sitting on a well-tended bench underneath one of the many blooming trees.

"Do it, aibou," that warped voice piped up.

Ichigo stepped towards the older man, trying his best to keep a calm façade, the corner of that box digging into his shoulder. "Heya, Byakuya."

Those steel eyes lifted up from their gaze at the floor, reminding Ichigo of all he was going to say, and stopping his breathing for just a moment.

"Hello, Kurosaki," was the calm reply, "thank you for your presence."

"No problem," he managed to say without stuttering, "mind if I join ya?"

The barest of nods was all the response he got, and he took a seat next to the noble, sliding the small bag to his lap.

"Oh, by the way," he said when the strap of the bag slid off of his arm, "Renji mentioned you needed a new set, and we all know how he shops. So, while I was out shopping for Rukia, I saw these and thought…well, you know," he finished lamely, throwing a half-shrug at the end of the sentence as if to say you know what I mean.

Byakuya took the small, simply wrapped box, raising an eyebrow in wonderment. Watching those skilled hands unravel the box made Ichigo smile faintly—those same hands that had almost killed him, those same hands that held a dying woman's hand, those hands that could kill as well as comfort—they spoke of gentle deadliness he had never seen before.

Inside the box were well crafted, ivory lined calligraphy pens laid upon green felt. Also in the box were two glass vials filled with violet ink, sakura petals drawn upon the glass swiftly.

"Now's better than never, ya know," Shirosaki spoke up again.

It's cold and loveless

I won't let you be denied

"There's also somethin' I wanted to tell you," Ichigo said quietly, eyes falling to the grass beneath his feet. He felt his body heat rise and color rise to his face, but he didn't pay it any mind.

"I'm—not like everyone else, Byakuya. I don't see you as a noble, or as less. I also know you've had it rough in life, and I'm not gonna pressure anything on you. I don't even think I could," he smiled faintly again, still not looking at the older man. "I just—I want to be the one who you can let go around. You shouldn't have to be alone anymore, Byakuya."

Soothing

I'll make you feel pure

"I—."

"Don't—say it," that chillingly cool voice interrupted him, making him jerk in surprise. Seeing that the noble's eyes were closed, hands trembling ever so slightly over the box, the substitute shinigami knew…

"You obviously aren't thinking clearly, Kurosaki. I suggest you leave."

Ichigo paused, looking at the man before him as if he had said something outrageous. Leave it to the head of the Kuchiki clan to just be blunt but polite when shooting something down…

"I'm thinking just fine!" he replied, trying to get the man to see he wasn't at all delusional.

"Leave before I make you leave." That tone—just like they first met. Cold…lifeless…

He stared at the noble for a minute longer, mind completely blank of emotion before he shook his head. He then quickly made his way back to the gate between worlds—without saying good-bye to anyone—and back home.

Trust me

You can be sure

The man's reaction made perfect sense. He couldn't have pictured a more accurate response from him, but did it actually have to happen? Ichigo crept into his home, sneaking past his family successfully, and crawled into his bed. He felt so tired, so cold…

"I'm sorry, aibou."

"I told you," he mumbled, "at least he didn't gut me."

"Jus' sleep. Forget 'em and worry 'bout studyin'."

Ichigo sighed, ignoring his twins' antics and rolled onto his back. How could he have been so stupid? At least he didn't get to finish the confession and make himself out to be a complete idiot.

But…

He knew he still wanted to heal the noble's heart, to be his shelter when Soul Society life got in the way. He wanted to feel his hands anywhere and everywhere, and he wanted to have his back in battle.

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart

I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask

The days went slowly at first, the dreams of the raven-haired officer persistent with horrifying endings. He'd wake from the warmth and ice to face the image of his secret love's face—horror and shock in the muted lines of his eyes. For two long years he kept silent and watched as Byakuya suffered inwardly the loss and stress of the world.

A month after he returned from the party, the orange-haired boy lay on the grass in his backyard, staring up at the sky, mindlessly playing that afternoon over and over. Closing his eyes, he suddenly felt the gentle warmth of the clear afternoon turn into a cold and wet downpour. He sat up spluttering, feeling the chill work its way into his bones.

Opening his eyes, he saw he had fallen into his inner world—completely soaked by the rain and depression.

"Oi, aibou!" that warped voice brought his attention to his left to a soaked Shirosaki. The poor guy looked like a drowned rat that wouldn't die. "The hell's the matter with you? This shit's gone on long enough. Get back up or I'll do it for you!"

"But—."

"No buts! Get your lazy ass in gear! It's his loss if he turned you down. So what? You can kick his ass later, aibou."

His twins' words left him speechless. He knew moving on would be hard, but—

"Don't make me kiss ya, aibou!"

"Alright alright! Get off my back!"

And thus he spent his time studying and trying to forget that nasty day.

Still…he couldn't help but dream of possibilities in silk and satin.

I want to exorcise the demons from your past

I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

Graduation day came quicker than expected, along with the after party. Friends and family came to celebrate, but even surrounded by all of his loved ones, his mind wandered to the brunette he cherished and smiled—he'd still love him no matter what.

oOo

The day of his promised trip arrived, and Ichigo managed to leave the house unscathed. Dressed in his casual BEAT shirt with gray jeans, he stumbled out of the house with a stuffed duffel bag over his shoulder.

"Alright, I'm goin' already!" he called over his shoulder.

"Bye, Ichi-nii!" both twins cried.

"Be safe, my graduated son!" came the cry of his father.

"Be back in a month!" he called, then closed the front door with a sigh.

His father had promised him the keys to the summer cottage if he graduated with honors—which he succeeded in doing. He had to catch the train to take a two hour trip just to catch a cab to the outskirts of the other town. The house was secluded, the perfect place to just let life roll by him as he caught up with himself.

Walking through the neighborhood, he let his mind wander freely. He was really looking forward to this. No crazy father to punch him awake, no hollows—Renji was covering for him—no drama…just he and Shirosaki to live alone for a month.

And his dreams and desires…

He paused in his steps as his eyes caught sight of one person walking sluggishly ahead of him. Dressed to kill, hair neatly in place, an air of royalty…

"Byakuya?"

The figure ahead jerked—wait, what?—and turned around to face the young strawberry with well-hidden surprise on his face. Ichigo could tell the man was in turmoil, despite hiding it so well. Those sharp steel eyes were dulled with worry and stress, vague wrinkles lined those eyes, and he was even more pale than normal. Had he gotten thinner as well?

"Oh," Byakuya said, bringing his mask back up, "what is it, Kurosaki?"

"You look like shit," was all the substitute shinigami said, moving closer to the Sixth Division taicho.

Without waiting for a reply, Ichigo shook his head, "Ya know, nevermind. You need a place to crash. Luckily I found you."

The noble looked like he was about to object, but the younger man just sighed, "Look, I don't want to end up on Rukia's shit list because I didn't take care of her "Nii-sama" when he looked like he was about to drop, especially in my town."

Ichigo grabbed Byakuya's shoulder gently and slowly guided him down the sidewalk, "Don't worry about lifting a finger or getting in touch with anyone."

'Let me take care of you,' he mentally pleaded.

He was definitely worried about the older man.

Byakuya never let anyone lead him, especially to a place of seclusion…

So Ichigo took the brunette to the train station, thanking the gods he had extra money, and bought them both tickets. They settled into a train car of their own, both sitting opposite of one another and soon were on their way, saying little to nothing to each other.

During the long trip, Ichigo looked up from his notebook to see that Byakuya was staring at him.

"What?" he questioned, fighting the scowl that wanted to form.

"Where are we going?"

Oh, right…

"Dad gave me the keys to our summer cottage for a graduation present. It'll give me time to figure out what all I want to do now that I'm a free man."

"Hm…and why am I coming along?" his tone indicated indifference, despite the haggardness of his face and posture.

"You look like you need a break. Although…it might have been smarter to grab your things first," Ichigo sighed, feeling stupid for forgetting something so trivial.

"If you insist of having my company, I can arrange for my things to be brought there," the nobleman said quietly, not letting his gaze fall from the youth's face.

"Only if you don't answer any calls or accept requests for visits. It's my refuge, so please keep only one person in the loop."

"Hm."

Ichigo looked at the stressed man a moment longer before looking back at his notebook, letting his pen run along the paper smoothly. Gentle rocking of the train lulled his mind into a comforting state, letting him forget about the stiff seats.

You trick your lovers

That you're wicked and divine

Two hours later the orange head looked up at the approaching announcement that almost whispered over the speakers. His gaze fell upon the form of Kuchiki Byakuya across from him, arm leaning against the window with his sleeping face resting upon it. The subtle way his cheek twitched occasionally or how his brow furrowed just as subtly made Ichigo smile. Reaching over, he gentle nudged the man's shoulder.

"Oi, Byakuya. We gotta get goin'."

When those hazy dark eyes opened, the substitute shinigami felt his heart skip once more. Oh boy—he was in trouble. Those eyes focused on his own, letting him step back, "We're almost there. You can get some rest once we settle in."

Byakuya nodded and straightened up, staying silent as he watched the younger man pack things away into the duffel bag. After a few minutes, both men were on their way through the terminal and into a cab and before they knew it, they arrived.

The cottage itself, facing the lake, was well-tended to and small. It definitely earned the title of "summer cottage", with its little bushes lining the porch rails and a paved path leading to the steps. The early evening light gave a rather comforting feeling to the area as they made themselves home inside.

The inner décor was simple and quaint, the scent of fresh sheets and clean rooms lingering in the air. Ichigo led the Sixth Division taicho up the stairs and to the first room in the upper hallway.

"Go ahead and sleep," the youth quipped as he let Byakuya into the room, "Do you want me to wake you for dinner?"

Byakuya nodded and wordlessly made his way to the large double bed. Ichigo waited in the doorway, watching his secret love make himself comfortable underneath his mother's hand-stitched blankets with a heavy heart. This man—the same man who would rather be known as a traitor than ask for help—had barely uttered anything; which was stranger than normal for him.

"What is it, Kurosaki?" that soothing voice broke his thoughts, making him focus on how Byakuya looked so lost and little in those thick sheets.

"Did you want me to lend you some clothes?" the youth asked, being quick to hide his worry.

"Later, if that's alright."

"Yeah, sure." Ichigo turned to the door, only to pause. "I'll come get you when dinner's ready." He then left and shut the door, trying to ignore the feel of those tired eyes on him the entire time.

You may be a sinner

But your innocence is mine

A week since their arrival, and a squad member of the Sixth Division had shown up to give Byakuya clothes and non-work related items. Color had begun to return to his complexion and they even had a conversation about music. The nobleman still kept the worries and troubles to himself, but he didn't complain about the lack of servants or expensive tastes.

Currently, it was late at night and the youngest was quietly sitting in the living room, Ichigo curled up in the corner of the couch with an old-looking leather bound book. The faint sound of music went unnoticed as his brown eyes widened the deeper he read. Byakuya entered the room to see the title "Complete Works of Edgar Allan Poe" and moved to sit down, holding a stack of paper and a small box.

The moment his weight shifted the cushions, Ichigo jerked up with a sudden cry, the book almost falling from his hands. Wide honey eyes met cool steel, the only sounds in the room being the music and Ichigo's panting breaths. The taicho quirked his eyebrow causing the youth to blush and cough in an attempt to cover up his embarrassment.

"Sorry. Tell Tale Heart," the orange head muttered, shifting so he could see what his guest brought. His eyes fell on that familiar box and the surprise broke out on his face again.

"You still have those?" he asked quietly, slowly marking his place in the book with the ribbon and unfolding his legs.

"Yes. I never did get to thank you for the gift. They write perfectly," the nobleman responded, carefully unlatching the box and lining up the royal purple ink bottles and the ivory pens. Ichigo leaned in closer and watched the swirling calligraphy guided by a slender hand.

"Kurosaki," Byakuya uttered, no hesitation found in his hands' fluid motions.

"I—appreciate what you've done for me here," he began steadily, "and your visit a few months ago had thrown me off guard."

"Byakuya," Ichigo said, beginning to sit back, "you don't have to—."

"Let me finish, please."

Ichigo stopped and looked at the older man, quieting down like he was told. He didn't want to hear how his confession was horrible, but he couldn't move. The younger man just watched the taicho set the pen aside and fold those delectable hands in his lap. Silence spread between them for almost three minutes when Byakuya finally spoke up.

"I had been thinking about what you said, Kurosaki. And I—I have to say that I feel the same. I never thought that I would find myself acting so foolish over someone ever again," Byakuya paused to face his host, seeing the surprised look on his face. Hesitantly, he reached up and cupped Ichigo's cheek, feeling the warmth and silkiness of his skin.

Please me

Show me how it's done

"Arigato, Kurosaki—for opening my eyes yet again," Steel eyes met golden, shock meeting serenity. Ichigo blinked a few times, trying to get his head wrapped around what he just heard.

"Are—you shittin' me?" Ichigo said, a smile breaking out on his face, "please tell me you're not just playing around."

"Iie." The clan leader replied, having Ichigo close his eyes and touch the pale hand on his cheek. Silence spread again until Ichigo spoke up this time.

"First things first," warm brown eyes opened to look at a serene pallid face, "quit calling me Kurosaki. We've known each other for far too long for that."

"Only in private," Byakuya replied and Ichigo nodded.

As long as he had Byakuya's heart, he didn't care what rules he had to follow.

Tease me

You are the one

They spent the rest of the night talking with one another, getting to know secrets and promises. Ichigo learned that being the head of the Kuchiki clan had its perks, but lately it had been a hassle. As to the specifics, he didn't know just yet but at least the man was beginning to open up. They talked about how to go about and decided they'd keep the relationship on the younger's comfort level—and in the world of the living.

The remaining weeks were spent in amazing isolation. Byakuya's health improved, which put Ichigo at ease. The last day of their vacation was spent on the back porch, watching the sunset with Ichigo on the floor, his head on Byakuya's lap and Byakuya sitting on the long chair with a cooling cup of tea on the arm rest. Slender fingers combed through bright hair soothingly, music playing in the background inside the house.

"Hey, Byakuya?" Ichigo asked with his voice low—like if he spoke too loud, the calming aura would break, "Do you regret coming here?"

A tap on his head made him look up at the taicho who was looking down at him. Slowly, Byakuya slid to the floor next to the youth—surprising them both—and touched his cheek. Their eyes met and nothing else mattered, it seemed. Their final hours were dwindling, the air was cooling, but all that existed was the diminishing space between them.

"I regret nothing," he breathed before planting a soft kiss on those lips. As he pulled away, Ichigo moved closer and held onto those lips with his own, holding Byakuya's hand gently.

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart

I want to recognize that your beauty is not just a mask

"Do you regret our decisions?"

"Hell no."

Ichigo smiled as he gave another kiss to the man before him. He knew that tonight would be hard, knowing that in the morning they'd have to depart, but he kept that smile until the next day when Byakuya returned to the Sereitei.

I want to exorcise the demons from your past

I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

Three months later had Ichigo, in his own apartment and surrounded by books and papers for college, listening to his headphones on high volume. Orange hair bobbed in time with the beat, oblivious to all but the literature before him.

A small photo box, openly showing stacks of stationary, sat on the corner of the desk. Beautiful purple ink in perfect kanji stained the thick pages, the scent of fresh gardens slowly fading from them. Each note held words of love and desire from the Sereitei, from the man he would sacrifice everything for.

His headphones kept him from hearing the window slide open, but he immediately smelled that freshness that always made him smile. He didn't hear the careful footsteps walking towards him, but that reiatsu was unmistakable.

Please me

Show me how it's done

Warm arms wrapped around him from behind, causing him to look up and over his shoulder, black hair tickling his face. He felt lips run down his neck, softly and suggestively. Honey eyes closed when he pulled the ear buds out of his ears.

"Figures you'd show up in time for studying," the younger remarked, leaning his head to the side. Teeth scraped his flesh, making him hiss.

"Didn't you know that Kuchiki's have impeccable timing?" that voice whispered, sending shivers down the boy's spine.

Trust me

You are the one

The kisses froze, causing the orange head to open his eyes and look up. Byakuya's gaze was focused on the box, eyes soft with a vague smile on his lips.

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart

"What's wrong, Byakuya?"

I want to recognize that your beauty is not just a mask

Cool eyes met warm ones, compassion and devotion reflecting in both of them

"Nothing, Ichigo."

I want to exorcise the demons from your past

Arms tightened their hold

"Nothing could ever be wrong again."

I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

The rain finally stopped that night…

A/N: I finally got bit by the muse bug! After R/L decided to mess with me, I lost interest in trying to be productive except for my schoolwork (which hasn't gone all that well). For those of you who have been waiting patiently for updates on stories, I give my sincerest apologizes for my tardiness and I will be working on them as soon as possible!