Disclaimer/Notes: I don't own these characters. Sirius's behavior in this story is based off that of my dog's. Except, of course, my dog has never turned into a person. Be warned, this is the most screwed up story I've ever written.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Harry woke up to a pounding on his door. It took him a minute to remember where he was.
"Where am I?" he asked. "And why am I so incoherent?"
It was the summer after his fourth year, and Harry had been demoted into his cupboard. The only reason his uncle had given for this was because Harry's father "was a no-good bum". Harry was rather disgruntled about this, but with Voldemort rising to power, he had things on his mind other than the size and location of his room. The pounding on the door continued.
"Harry! Wake up you lazy good-for-nothing and fix the breakfast!"
"Yes, Aunt Petunia."
*holy crap, when did i become so whipped?* Harry thought. Suddenly, a crazed sock jumped out from under the bed and started to gnaw on his arm. "Ah! Get off me you lousy sock!" Harry yelled and put the sock on his foot, because everyone knows the best way to sooth and irate sock is to wear it. (A/N: this needs some explaining. if you've never read any of my stories before, in Harry-Potter-Land, socks are evil and conniving and are plotting doom and demise for all. Read my other stories for more information)
Harry opened his door and found himself in a stampede of wild rhinoceri. (A/N: yes, rhinoceri. it's the plural for rhinoceros, at least it is in my little world. so there) Never mind, it was just his porker cousin, Dudley.
"Get out of my way, brat! And make my breakfast, I'm starving!" Dudley shoved him into a wall.
Harry muttered a few things under his breath that I can't say in a PG-13 story and didn't for a moment overlook the fact that it was nearly impossible for Dudley to starve, as he would be able to live at least three months off of his own body fat. He went into the kitchen and commenced with the breakfast making.
While scrambling the eggs, Harry thought he heard a scratching at the front door. He stopped to listen and was hit up-side the head. As he turned back to the egg scrambling, Harry heard the scratching again, this time accompinied by an odd sort of knocking. Uncle Vernon lowered his paper.
"Boy! See what's at the door!" he said.
Harry did some more obsene muttering as he walked down the hall to the door. He opened the door, and was shocked to see - - - absolutely nothing. He slammed the door and turned away.
"BARK!" said the door.
Harry turned around and gave the door a very bemused look (understandably).
"BARK BARK!" said the door.
It was then that Harry realized that the barking was coming from outside the door. He looked out the door once again and saw - - - nothing. Then it occurred to our young hero to look down. A big, black, shaggy dog was on his doorstep.
"Siri-, I mean, Padfo-, I mean, SNUFFLES!" Harry yelled and opened the door so his godfather could come in. Sirius offered him a note that was sticking out of his mouth and Harry took it. "Ew, you drooled on it." Sirius gave a grunt that let Harry know he didn't care. Harry read the note.
"Harry,
Hi! I'm a lovable stray that has come to live with you for the summer! Don't worry about what your relatives will say. They got a letter from Dumbledore saying that if they don't let me live here, a plague worse than that which fell upon Egypt will haunt their legacy. Okay, so I forged it, but sounds good anyway, right?"
"I told you if you kept watching `The Ten Commandments' it was going to go to your head," Harry said. Sirius growled. Harry kept reading.
"I know I was supposed to stay with Remus, but he's no fun. He gets really cranky when he's sleepy. Okay, you caught me, I really left because I worry everyday about your life, but let's not allow that to spoil our fun! There are a few things you should probably know... The first is that I can talk to you telepathically while I'm a dog."
"Bulls---," Harry said.
*watch your langauge, young man!* Sirius thought-said.
Harry decided to deal with this trauma later and kept reading.
"You have to talk outloud, and I reply by mind. I don't understand it either; Remus did it. The second thing is that while I'm a dog, I'm going to act like a dog. It's not my fault, it just seems natural to my canine form. So don't be disturbed by that. I eat dog food. I'll sleep on the end of your bed. I'm a good boy."
"Oh no, that's not disturbing at all," Harry said cynically. Sirius smiled up at him, the way dogs have a habit of doing. "Please tell me you're house trained," Harry begged.
*well...um...kind of..." Sirius thought-said.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
*i know enough to go outside!* Sirius thought-said proudly.
"Oh for the love of Pete," Harry sighed and walked back into the kitchen, motioning for Sirius to follow.
"Oh, that filthy beast is here?" Aunt Petunia asked, her nose turning up in dislike.
Harry felt himself getting angry, but didn't do anything about it. "Yeah. I guess he's staying for a while."
"Fine, but you just better keep him under control. Or else," she hissed.
*what a bitch* Sirius thought-said.
Harry finished making the breakfast and sat down at the table with the rest of his family. Sirius sat at his feet.
*can i have some sausage?*
Harry didn't reply.
*please*
Harry didn't say anything, as not to arouse suspicion from his aunt and uncle.
*c'mon man, i'm HUUUUUUUUUNGRY!*
Harry stuck his head under the table. "Would you wait a minute!" he hissed and pulled his head out again, banging it against the bottom of the table on the way up.
*haha, loser.* Sirius thought-said as he started to gnaw on Harry's ankle.
Harry sighed. This was going to be a long summer.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Harry woke up to a pounding on his door. It took him a minute to remember where he was.
"Where am I?" he asked. "And why am I so incoherent?"
It was the summer after his fourth year, and Harry had been demoted into his cupboard. The only reason his uncle had given for this was because Harry's father "was a no-good bum". Harry was rather disgruntled about this, but with Voldemort rising to power, he had things on his mind other than the size and location of his room. The pounding on the door continued.
"Harry! Wake up you lazy good-for-nothing and fix the breakfast!"
"Yes, Aunt Petunia."
*holy crap, when did i become so whipped?* Harry thought. Suddenly, a crazed sock jumped out from under the bed and started to gnaw on his arm. "Ah! Get off me you lousy sock!" Harry yelled and put the sock on his foot, because everyone knows the best way to sooth and irate sock is to wear it. (A/N: this needs some explaining. if you've never read any of my stories before, in Harry-Potter-Land, socks are evil and conniving and are plotting doom and demise for all. Read my other stories for more information)
Harry opened his door and found himself in a stampede of wild rhinoceri. (A/N: yes, rhinoceri. it's the plural for rhinoceros, at least it is in my little world. so there) Never mind, it was just his porker cousin, Dudley.
"Get out of my way, brat! And make my breakfast, I'm starving!" Dudley shoved him into a wall.
Harry muttered a few things under his breath that I can't say in a PG-13 story and didn't for a moment overlook the fact that it was nearly impossible for Dudley to starve, as he would be able to live at least three months off of his own body fat. He went into the kitchen and commenced with the breakfast making.
While scrambling the eggs, Harry thought he heard a scratching at the front door. He stopped to listen and was hit up-side the head. As he turned back to the egg scrambling, Harry heard the scratching again, this time accompinied by an odd sort of knocking. Uncle Vernon lowered his paper.
"Boy! See what's at the door!" he said.
Harry did some more obsene muttering as he walked down the hall to the door. He opened the door, and was shocked to see - - - absolutely nothing. He slammed the door and turned away.
"BARK!" said the door.
Harry turned around and gave the door a very bemused look (understandably).
"BARK BARK!" said the door.
It was then that Harry realized that the barking was coming from outside the door. He looked out the door once again and saw - - - nothing. Then it occurred to our young hero to look down. A big, black, shaggy dog was on his doorstep.
"Siri-, I mean, Padfo-, I mean, SNUFFLES!" Harry yelled and opened the door so his godfather could come in. Sirius offered him a note that was sticking out of his mouth and Harry took it. "Ew, you drooled on it." Sirius gave a grunt that let Harry know he didn't care. Harry read the note.
"Harry,
Hi! I'm a lovable stray that has come to live with you for the summer! Don't worry about what your relatives will say. They got a letter from Dumbledore saying that if they don't let me live here, a plague worse than that which fell upon Egypt will haunt their legacy. Okay, so I forged it, but sounds good anyway, right?"
"I told you if you kept watching `The Ten Commandments' it was going to go to your head," Harry said. Sirius growled. Harry kept reading.
"I know I was supposed to stay with Remus, but he's no fun. He gets really cranky when he's sleepy. Okay, you caught me, I really left because I worry everyday about your life, but let's not allow that to spoil our fun! There are a few things you should probably know... The first is that I can talk to you telepathically while I'm a dog."
"Bulls---," Harry said.
*watch your langauge, young man!* Sirius thought-said.
Harry decided to deal with this trauma later and kept reading.
"You have to talk outloud, and I reply by mind. I don't understand it either; Remus did it. The second thing is that while I'm a dog, I'm going to act like a dog. It's not my fault, it just seems natural to my canine form. So don't be disturbed by that. I eat dog food. I'll sleep on the end of your bed. I'm a good boy."
"Oh no, that's not disturbing at all," Harry said cynically. Sirius smiled up at him, the way dogs have a habit of doing. "Please tell me you're house trained," Harry begged.
*well...um...kind of..." Sirius thought-said.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
*i know enough to go outside!* Sirius thought-said proudly.
"Oh for the love of Pete," Harry sighed and walked back into the kitchen, motioning for Sirius to follow.
"Oh, that filthy beast is here?" Aunt Petunia asked, her nose turning up in dislike.
Harry felt himself getting angry, but didn't do anything about it. "Yeah. I guess he's staying for a while."
"Fine, but you just better keep him under control. Or else," she hissed.
*what a bitch* Sirius thought-said.
Harry finished making the breakfast and sat down at the table with the rest of his family. Sirius sat at his feet.
*can i have some sausage?*
Harry didn't reply.
*please*
Harry didn't say anything, as not to arouse suspicion from his aunt and uncle.
*c'mon man, i'm HUUUUUUUUUNGRY!*
Harry stuck his head under the table. "Would you wait a minute!" he hissed and pulled his head out again, banging it against the bottom of the table on the way up.
*haha, loser.* Sirius thought-said as he started to gnaw on Harry's ankle.
Harry sighed. This was going to be a long summer.