...I Miss Your Mind the Most

The door of the TARDIS flew open hard enough to bounce off the wall and rattle in its hinges. The redhead responsible for the action didn't so much as pause, rushing into the consul room fast enough that she was practically to the vid screen before the door rebounded shut. She frantically brought the system up, selecting a video with a flurry of practiced commands. Instantly, an image rather lanky, narrow shouldered man appeared on the screen, hair sticking up on end as if he'd been running his hands through it repeatedly and a vaguely rushed air about him, as if he'd been in a hurry to complete the recording. He grinned at his audience, worry creeping ever so subtlety into the lines of a gesture so obviously meant to reassure.

"Hullo, Donna. These are some instruction for after I change. One, make sure I don't hurt-"

Impatiently, Donna spun the knob that controlled the video, skipping past an introduction she had memorized already, into the middle of the clip, distress pinching her features. Her bottom lip disappeared between her teeth, and she twisted harried fingers around the chain attached to her TARDIS key.

"-any big historical events." Skip.

"-like eat a pear, and-" Skip.

"-the House Martins, but-" Skip. Skip. SKIP.

"You didn't say anything about this!" Donna pulled her fingers through her hair, deftly pulling it out of the simple up do she'd twisted it into that morning, throwing her hair clip on the metal grating with a supremely unsatisfying chink of noise. "What am I supposed to do?" She gave a fair impression of a growl and kicked a support beam. "This is All. Your. Fault!" A great huff left her dizzy, the feeling only increasing as she paced furious circles around the consul.

"The TARDIS will take care of everything." She muttered agitatedly, mocking the overly cheerful babble of her Doctor. "Can't do much for you, you'll just have to improvise. I should have enough residual awareness to let you in." She snorted, turned to glare at the frozen image of the Doctor. "Pillock!"

Donna bit down on her thumb, still winding herself 'round in circles, mind drifting to last night, to the disaster waiting for her at the school. She groaned at the thought of returning, at the thought of facing him again, and all the wind abruptly left her sails. Oh, god. What was she going to do?

With a mortified moan, she threw herself into the captain's chair, burying her face in her hands as her cheeks flamed crimson. She'd known those instructions wouldn't be there, because Donna knew that message backwards and forwards, having watched it over and over again after the Doctor had changed, while he lay passed out on the TARDIS's floor from the pain he'd endured. She'd watched it without seeing it, tears obscuring her vision and choked sobs filling her ears, watched it compulsively, because it was all she'd had left besides the watch she had yet to let out of her sight or off her person, even in sleep, the watch that contained everything that was the Doctor.

She shook her head for a long moment, pinching the bridge of her nose and non-too-gently massaging her brow before propping her chin on unturned palms. Her gaze pinned itself to the paused video, mind blanking with too many concerns that canceled each other into white noise. It was ridiculous. Utterly and completely, and Donna was ready to murder that stupid alien. After all his talk about mates and tedious complications, all those squirmingly horrified expressions whenever someone assumed a romantic attachment between them, the babbling speeches about them just being friends, and he went and did this. He turned her into his bloody wife!

"You never said what to do if you got randy and decided you wanted to shag me."

AN: This was originally a "Human Nature"/"Family of Blood" rewrite featuring Rose, but it morphed into a Donna crack-fic. A few people have asked if I will write any more chapters and I have to say: don't hold your breath. This was really meant to be a short, funny fic with no actual plot. Maybe if I get bored or blocked I'll revisit it, but for now I'm going to leave it under the completed category.