The Lovely Loveless Marriage
by
Nin Tendo
Prologue:
X-ello the Grape Fruity Flavoured Gelatin After School Snack
OR
Xellos Asks Zelas a Funky Question and the Monster Race is Scarred for Eternity
~ Disclaimer ~ I don't own Slayers, and (looks at title A) I don't own J- ello either. n.n Or the radio dude for that matter! (sees a pack of blood- thirsty lawyers advancing) Um...would you like some X-ello? (gets mauled) BWAH!
Warnings:
1. I'm missing a few tapes of Next and Try (two tapes of each, actually), so please correct me if I make ANY mistakes (ESPECIALLY spelling errors...my spellcheck program is busted. ;_;). I will be very grateful! (Though I seem to be doing a semi-okay job, considering that there were no complaints about my other Slayers ficcie.)
2. Although it will not seem that way for quite a while, this is most definitely a Xelfi fanfiction series (aka X/F). It's also possible that I'll add in L/G and Z/A, but try not to get your hopes too high, since I'm currently trying to figure out a role for all the characters to play in the fic, all romance aside. (sweatdrop) Any ideas will be appreciated!
3. The fic starts off a little dark (eensy weency...ok, fine, FULL BLOWN DARKISHNESS!), but dissolves into humor near the end of the prologue. The humor will rule the fic for...say...ten or so chapters, then the lightheartedness will be abruptly cut off to make room for the DRAMA! (Drama is gooooooooood... n_n) However, the commercials and titles will ALWAYS be humorous, acting as comedy relief.
4. I'm one of those people who use the dub language. ex) 'monster' race. I do this because newbies generally won't know what the 'mazoku' race is, ect, so please don't be offended by the termanology. n_n (And that includes no Japanese whatsoever...tell me if I accidently add in some Japanese. (sweatdrop)
Well, now that I've weeded out all the people who may be affended by the following... (with a huge lisp) ON WITH THE SHOW!
=========================
(Xellos' point of view)!!!
Finally, after over one thousand years, the dark lord Shabranigdo has been resurrected.
It was currently mid-day, but the sky had gone black, and the sun, moon, and stars were blood red, no longer competing to be seen.
I am standing before a town. Fire danced upon the rooftops like a live thing feasting upon the destruction of hopes and dreams, and the villagers fled in panicked terror. Incompetent humans-you may escape the flames but Lord Shabranigdo will consume you all.
I felt giddy just by watching all this, and I could barely resist the urge to close my fingers around a human throat, so I did. It was beautiful, so beautiful. All the emotions-what a variety! I shook in sheer pleasure as a child turned to the east looking for her mother,and, instead, saw my master in the distance.
Throwing the corpse to the side, I, too, turned to the east, where the last remnants of opposition clashed against my master. The battlefield was littered with the bodies of humans and dragons-blood soaked the ground for miles.
There, near the center, stood my favorite band of do-gooders: Lina, Gourry, Amelia, Zelgadiss, and not to mention Filia, the last remaining member of her clan, though, looking at all the bodies, she could very well be the last remaining golden dragon altogether. I noticed the bodies of two beastmen behind her.
Lord Shabranigdo was playing with them. Smirking in interest, I teleported over for a better view.
Lina began with a Ragna Blade, which did little more than tickle my master. His booming laughter filled the land, and I could not help but laugh along with him. Imagine-a Ragna Blade harming Lord Shabranigdo! Lina, Lina, Lina. Don't you remember that the spell failed to dispose of the Demon Dragon King? Surely you don't think that Gaav was more powerful than Shabranigdo!
Swept aside by a single swipe of the dark lord's hand, Lina crashed against a cliffside and fell limp. Her blood stained the already blood-stained rocks.
Gourry cried out, "LINA!" and attacked fiercely, and in vain. Again, laughter boomed, and thousands of black tendrils of energy coiled around him, tearing his body to shreds.
Amelia, who had been in the process of casting a spell, screamed in mortification as two of her best friends were killed within moments of each other. Terror overcame her young mind, and panicking, she turned to flee.
Well, that was one way to get Lord Shabranigdo's attention, I thought, grinning in anticipation.
Zelgadiss must have noticed that, too. "AMELIA!" he shouted, running toward her, casting a ray wing even as he sprinted.
The two were a fraction of an inch apart when Lord Shabranigdo's spell overcame them. Zelgadiss' shield collapsed faster than a paper bag beneath a foot, and they both simply ceased to exist.
Only Filia remained, her back to me. After a few moments of watching her, I wondered why she didn't move. Why didn't she attack? Her holy magic stood a small chance against my master, so why was she just standing there like a statue?
Abruptly, she spun around to stare me straight in the eye, and I noticed that she was holding a baby dragon in her arms. Ah, so the reborn Valgaav has finally hatched, has he?
"You," she said, in venom.
I held my hand over the place my heart should have been (if I'd been borne human, anyway) in mock pain. "Oh, Filia!" I exclaimed. "That really hurts! I thought we were friends!" I opened my eyes and smirked as my hand returned to my side.
She shook, but somehow, her temper was held in check. "You," she repeated. "Don't you realize what you've done?"
I bowed my head with a chuckle. When Valgaav began to make pitiful squeaking noises, I looked back up and mocked, "What I've done, Filia? Oh, of course! You mean resurrecting the five remaining pieces of Lord Shabranigdo and fusing them back together, don't you? Yes, Filia, I realize what I've done. My master will return this world to chaos, just as the Lord of Nightmares desires."
Filia held Valgaav closer and just stared at me, shaking her head. "No, Xellos," she whispered. "No. Shabranigdo isn't carrying out the wishes of the mother of all things--he is here to destroy, destroy, destroy."
"It's the same thing," I retorted, and Lord Shabranigdo captured her in massive fist. She only stared at me with an odd look on her face as my master crushed her and her adopted son in the same instant, not even attempting to fight back.
I watched her remains fall to the earth with a bittersweet smile. The last of the golden dragons, my biggest enemy, was dead.
But, how I would miss that temper. A single snarl would satisfy me for days--now there will be no more easy meals. Well, once all the humans were dead, anyway.
Then something came at me and I barely managed to escape with my life. Teleporting to what I thought was a safe distance away, I fell to my knees, and saw only black, swirling energy where my arm and torso used to be.
I turned just in time to see Lord Shabranigdo crush my staff beneath his foot.
And, powerless, unable to even summon the strength to teleport away, I watched as the jaws decended, madness and bloodlust gleaming in his eyes, and I could only protest with a single "but..." before my life, screaming, was torn from my body and consumed by the one I thought I served.
And then I woke up. Well, more like snapped out of it, since it was a vision, not a dream. Everyone knows that monsters don't dream (or even sleep, for that matter).
-----------------------------------
BEGIN COMMERCIAL BREAK
(Scene: An ordinary looking kitchen, except for the fact that the Lord of Nightmares is sitting at the table...)
LoN: When I go shopping, I have to find the perfect after school snack for my little children. It can't just be any snack, either. It must be fun, tasty, and full of lovely vitamins so my babies may eat it and stay healthy. I had a hard time finding this perfect snack, but then...
(A mini Shabranigdo enters)
Lil Shabby: Momma! Where's my X-ello?!
(The Lord of Nightmares opens a little container and a little Xellos figured piece of purple gelatin runs around the room, shrieking. Lil Shabby gives chase, giggling)
LoN: Then I found X-ello, the grape fruity flavoured after school snack, and all my problems were solved!
(Lil Shabby attacks X-ello with a spoon, removing its arm and a portion of its torso, and eating it.)
Lil Shabby: Mmm!!! X-ello rocks!
(He lunges at the remaining X-ello head first, swallowing it whole.)
Lil Shabby: Can I have another one, Momma?!
LoN: (giggles) Oh, you're so silly, Lil Shabby!
(Corny music plays as the scene fades into a pic of a X-ello container)
Anonymous Little Children: Ex Ee El El OH!
(Scene darkens. Radio Dude enters darkened scene)
Radio Dude: And now you know...what possessed Nin Tendo when she thought up the title.
END COMMERCIAL BREAK
---------------------------------
The first thing that Greater Beast Zelas Metallium noticed about her priest was that he didn't have the normal self-satisfied look on his face. Moments later, she realized that his color appeared a notch paler than usual, and his gaze seemed a tad concerned.
When he kneeled before her, Zelas announced, "Stand, Xellos, and explain that suffering look on your face. Did Lina Inverse exile you from her little traveling group again?"
A small smile of gratitude appeared on his face in response to the little joke. "No, Lord Beastmaster, it has nothing to do with Lina or her companions..." The smile faded. "But, it has everything to do with...destiny."
Zelas' eyebrows rose. "'Destiny', Xellos?" she asked, wondering when Xellos' reports had disolved into fantasy adventure stock dialogue.
Xellos nodded, gravely. "Yes...destiny. Particularily...the destiny of the monster race."
"Hmm," Zelas brooded. "Just what are you trying to get at?"
"I have a question, Lord Beastmaster."
"Shoot," she replied, starting to get frustrated.
"What will the resurrection of Lord Shabranigdo accomplish?" he asked, hesistantly.
A frown appeared on Zelas' face. "Why, Xellos, how could you forget something that I'd personally drilled into your mind when you were a mere child?"
Xellos began to sweat. "No--I didn't mean it like that, Lord Beastmaster-- I know that Lord Shabranigdo's resurrection would mean another step toward the resoration of ultimate chaos. But...what if he doesn't stop there? What if he destroys the astral plane along with this world? If his power corrupts him, he could become just like Darkstar. If that happens, all of us will die. Is that our destiny, Lord Beastmaster?"
Zelas and Xellos stared at each other for a long moment.
Finally, Zelas cleared her throat and asked, "Just where did you come up with such an idea, Xellos?"
"I...had a vision just a few moments ago. I had resurrected Lord Shabranigdo, and he was destroying everyone and everything, but then...he turned on me." He deliberately left out Filia's role in the vision. After all, he was a monster, and she, a dragon. Would he ever admit that she was right and he was wrong? Not over his dead body.
Another silence seized the room.
With a wave of her hand, Zelas announced, "You are dismissed, Xellos, but I will think about this little revelation of yours. Visions don't occur very often, especially in the monster race, and they are not to be taken lightly. In the meantime, however, keep travelling with Lina. Whether this is truly a vision or simply a ruse created by our enemies, they'll most likely have a role in it, if they don't already, as always." Especially since they were being manipulated half the time, she added mentally. No, wait, scratch that--they were being manipulated ALL the time, which is exactly why I always assign Xellos to them--he being a master of deception. Hehe. Puppets.
When Xellos saw the self-satisfied look on his mistress' face, he took it as a sign to leave. After all, no one could snap her out of her personal thoughts until they'd run their course. With a small smile, he teleported back to his previous location (and realized his error when the first thing he saw were the astonished faces of Lina, Gourry, Amelia, and Zelgadiss, who had witnessed him spacing out in the middle of a sentence, only to fade out a few minutes later. The usual conversation of "What the hell just happened to you?!" and "That is a secret!" resulted in the complete and utter annihilation of the restaurant that they'd been dining in. However, since no animals were harmed in this destruction, it's all well and good.)
However, standing in the back of Zelas' throneroom, in the darkest corner, stood an extremely low-class and cowardly monster, who went by the name "Chicken" (his real name had been lost in the sea of time, and even "Chicken" could not recall it). This monster was unique of all the others, as you can see--no self-respecting monster would run around screaming that Lord Shabranigdo liked monster essense on his ham and cheese pizza (whatever 'ham and cheese pizza' was, anway).
Needless to say, the revolt began with the little people. When they went on strike (it was right there in the monster union's handbook 'Monsters have the right to deny any mission that endangers their lives'), the higher- ups decided to simply drop the Ressurection Project, since the dirty work would sully their hands if they, LoN forbid, did it themselves (of course, that's what they SAID. We ALL know that their sense of self-preservation had befallen them).
And so is the fact that Xellos ended up scarring the monster race for eternity (even though he didn't realize it at the time).
Author's Notes:
1. Just to make it clear: I absolutely love all the characters in Slayers. Any bashing is lighthearted and not to be taken seriously. (I say this because character-hating makes me EXTREMELY angry!)
2. Flames are just as welcome as praise, comments, and criticism, although I would prefer that you send flames to: [email protected] because I'm the only one that should read them--not my friends or any people reading my reviews. (I won't reply unless you want me to)
3. Chapter 1 will be out soon--I've written it, I just need to type it up (and revise it as I go along!) n_n
by
Nin Tendo
Prologue:
X-ello the Grape Fruity Flavoured Gelatin After School Snack
OR
Xellos Asks Zelas a Funky Question and the Monster Race is Scarred for Eternity
~ Disclaimer ~ I don't own Slayers, and (looks at title A) I don't own J- ello either. n.n Or the radio dude for that matter! (sees a pack of blood- thirsty lawyers advancing) Um...would you like some X-ello? (gets mauled) BWAH!
Warnings:
1. I'm missing a few tapes of Next and Try (two tapes of each, actually), so please correct me if I make ANY mistakes (ESPECIALLY spelling errors...my spellcheck program is busted. ;_;). I will be very grateful! (Though I seem to be doing a semi-okay job, considering that there were no complaints about my other Slayers ficcie.)
2. Although it will not seem that way for quite a while, this is most definitely a Xelfi fanfiction series (aka X/F). It's also possible that I'll add in L/G and Z/A, but try not to get your hopes too high, since I'm currently trying to figure out a role for all the characters to play in the fic, all romance aside. (sweatdrop) Any ideas will be appreciated!
3. The fic starts off a little dark (eensy weency...ok, fine, FULL BLOWN DARKISHNESS!), but dissolves into humor near the end of the prologue. The humor will rule the fic for...say...ten or so chapters, then the lightheartedness will be abruptly cut off to make room for the DRAMA! (Drama is gooooooooood... n_n) However, the commercials and titles will ALWAYS be humorous, acting as comedy relief.
4. I'm one of those people who use the dub language. ex) 'monster' race. I do this because newbies generally won't know what the 'mazoku' race is, ect, so please don't be offended by the termanology. n_n (And that includes no Japanese whatsoever...tell me if I accidently add in some Japanese. (sweatdrop)
Well, now that I've weeded out all the people who may be affended by the following... (with a huge lisp) ON WITH THE SHOW!
=========================
(Xellos' point of view)!!!
Finally, after over one thousand years, the dark lord Shabranigdo has been resurrected.
It was currently mid-day, but the sky had gone black, and the sun, moon, and stars were blood red, no longer competing to be seen.
I am standing before a town. Fire danced upon the rooftops like a live thing feasting upon the destruction of hopes and dreams, and the villagers fled in panicked terror. Incompetent humans-you may escape the flames but Lord Shabranigdo will consume you all.
I felt giddy just by watching all this, and I could barely resist the urge to close my fingers around a human throat, so I did. It was beautiful, so beautiful. All the emotions-what a variety! I shook in sheer pleasure as a child turned to the east looking for her mother,and, instead, saw my master in the distance.
Throwing the corpse to the side, I, too, turned to the east, where the last remnants of opposition clashed against my master. The battlefield was littered with the bodies of humans and dragons-blood soaked the ground for miles.
There, near the center, stood my favorite band of do-gooders: Lina, Gourry, Amelia, Zelgadiss, and not to mention Filia, the last remaining member of her clan, though, looking at all the bodies, she could very well be the last remaining golden dragon altogether. I noticed the bodies of two beastmen behind her.
Lord Shabranigdo was playing with them. Smirking in interest, I teleported over for a better view.
Lina began with a Ragna Blade, which did little more than tickle my master. His booming laughter filled the land, and I could not help but laugh along with him. Imagine-a Ragna Blade harming Lord Shabranigdo! Lina, Lina, Lina. Don't you remember that the spell failed to dispose of the Demon Dragon King? Surely you don't think that Gaav was more powerful than Shabranigdo!
Swept aside by a single swipe of the dark lord's hand, Lina crashed against a cliffside and fell limp. Her blood stained the already blood-stained rocks.
Gourry cried out, "LINA!" and attacked fiercely, and in vain. Again, laughter boomed, and thousands of black tendrils of energy coiled around him, tearing his body to shreds.
Amelia, who had been in the process of casting a spell, screamed in mortification as two of her best friends were killed within moments of each other. Terror overcame her young mind, and panicking, she turned to flee.
Well, that was one way to get Lord Shabranigdo's attention, I thought, grinning in anticipation.
Zelgadiss must have noticed that, too. "AMELIA!" he shouted, running toward her, casting a ray wing even as he sprinted.
The two were a fraction of an inch apart when Lord Shabranigdo's spell overcame them. Zelgadiss' shield collapsed faster than a paper bag beneath a foot, and they both simply ceased to exist.
Only Filia remained, her back to me. After a few moments of watching her, I wondered why she didn't move. Why didn't she attack? Her holy magic stood a small chance against my master, so why was she just standing there like a statue?
Abruptly, she spun around to stare me straight in the eye, and I noticed that she was holding a baby dragon in her arms. Ah, so the reborn Valgaav has finally hatched, has he?
"You," she said, in venom.
I held my hand over the place my heart should have been (if I'd been borne human, anyway) in mock pain. "Oh, Filia!" I exclaimed. "That really hurts! I thought we were friends!" I opened my eyes and smirked as my hand returned to my side.
She shook, but somehow, her temper was held in check. "You," she repeated. "Don't you realize what you've done?"
I bowed my head with a chuckle. When Valgaav began to make pitiful squeaking noises, I looked back up and mocked, "What I've done, Filia? Oh, of course! You mean resurrecting the five remaining pieces of Lord Shabranigdo and fusing them back together, don't you? Yes, Filia, I realize what I've done. My master will return this world to chaos, just as the Lord of Nightmares desires."
Filia held Valgaav closer and just stared at me, shaking her head. "No, Xellos," she whispered. "No. Shabranigdo isn't carrying out the wishes of the mother of all things--he is here to destroy, destroy, destroy."
"It's the same thing," I retorted, and Lord Shabranigdo captured her in massive fist. She only stared at me with an odd look on her face as my master crushed her and her adopted son in the same instant, not even attempting to fight back.
I watched her remains fall to the earth with a bittersweet smile. The last of the golden dragons, my biggest enemy, was dead.
But, how I would miss that temper. A single snarl would satisfy me for days--now there will be no more easy meals. Well, once all the humans were dead, anyway.
Then something came at me and I barely managed to escape with my life. Teleporting to what I thought was a safe distance away, I fell to my knees, and saw only black, swirling energy where my arm and torso used to be.
I turned just in time to see Lord Shabranigdo crush my staff beneath his foot.
And, powerless, unable to even summon the strength to teleport away, I watched as the jaws decended, madness and bloodlust gleaming in his eyes, and I could only protest with a single "but..." before my life, screaming, was torn from my body and consumed by the one I thought I served.
And then I woke up. Well, more like snapped out of it, since it was a vision, not a dream. Everyone knows that monsters don't dream (or even sleep, for that matter).
-----------------------------------
BEGIN COMMERCIAL BREAK
(Scene: An ordinary looking kitchen, except for the fact that the Lord of Nightmares is sitting at the table...)
LoN: When I go shopping, I have to find the perfect after school snack for my little children. It can't just be any snack, either. It must be fun, tasty, and full of lovely vitamins so my babies may eat it and stay healthy. I had a hard time finding this perfect snack, but then...
(A mini Shabranigdo enters)
Lil Shabby: Momma! Where's my X-ello?!
(The Lord of Nightmares opens a little container and a little Xellos figured piece of purple gelatin runs around the room, shrieking. Lil Shabby gives chase, giggling)
LoN: Then I found X-ello, the grape fruity flavoured after school snack, and all my problems were solved!
(Lil Shabby attacks X-ello with a spoon, removing its arm and a portion of its torso, and eating it.)
Lil Shabby: Mmm!!! X-ello rocks!
(He lunges at the remaining X-ello head first, swallowing it whole.)
Lil Shabby: Can I have another one, Momma?!
LoN: (giggles) Oh, you're so silly, Lil Shabby!
(Corny music plays as the scene fades into a pic of a X-ello container)
Anonymous Little Children: Ex Ee El El OH!
(Scene darkens. Radio Dude enters darkened scene)
Radio Dude: And now you know...what possessed Nin Tendo when she thought up the title.
END COMMERCIAL BREAK
---------------------------------
The first thing that Greater Beast Zelas Metallium noticed about her priest was that he didn't have the normal self-satisfied look on his face. Moments later, she realized that his color appeared a notch paler than usual, and his gaze seemed a tad concerned.
When he kneeled before her, Zelas announced, "Stand, Xellos, and explain that suffering look on your face. Did Lina Inverse exile you from her little traveling group again?"
A small smile of gratitude appeared on his face in response to the little joke. "No, Lord Beastmaster, it has nothing to do with Lina or her companions..." The smile faded. "But, it has everything to do with...destiny."
Zelas' eyebrows rose. "'Destiny', Xellos?" she asked, wondering when Xellos' reports had disolved into fantasy adventure stock dialogue.
Xellos nodded, gravely. "Yes...destiny. Particularily...the destiny of the monster race."
"Hmm," Zelas brooded. "Just what are you trying to get at?"
"I have a question, Lord Beastmaster."
"Shoot," she replied, starting to get frustrated.
"What will the resurrection of Lord Shabranigdo accomplish?" he asked, hesistantly.
A frown appeared on Zelas' face. "Why, Xellos, how could you forget something that I'd personally drilled into your mind when you were a mere child?"
Xellos began to sweat. "No--I didn't mean it like that, Lord Beastmaster-- I know that Lord Shabranigdo's resurrection would mean another step toward the resoration of ultimate chaos. But...what if he doesn't stop there? What if he destroys the astral plane along with this world? If his power corrupts him, he could become just like Darkstar. If that happens, all of us will die. Is that our destiny, Lord Beastmaster?"
Zelas and Xellos stared at each other for a long moment.
Finally, Zelas cleared her throat and asked, "Just where did you come up with such an idea, Xellos?"
"I...had a vision just a few moments ago. I had resurrected Lord Shabranigdo, and he was destroying everyone and everything, but then...he turned on me." He deliberately left out Filia's role in the vision. After all, he was a monster, and she, a dragon. Would he ever admit that she was right and he was wrong? Not over his dead body.
Another silence seized the room.
With a wave of her hand, Zelas announced, "You are dismissed, Xellos, but I will think about this little revelation of yours. Visions don't occur very often, especially in the monster race, and they are not to be taken lightly. In the meantime, however, keep travelling with Lina. Whether this is truly a vision or simply a ruse created by our enemies, they'll most likely have a role in it, if they don't already, as always." Especially since they were being manipulated half the time, she added mentally. No, wait, scratch that--they were being manipulated ALL the time, which is exactly why I always assign Xellos to them--he being a master of deception. Hehe. Puppets.
When Xellos saw the self-satisfied look on his mistress' face, he took it as a sign to leave. After all, no one could snap her out of her personal thoughts until they'd run their course. With a small smile, he teleported back to his previous location (and realized his error when the first thing he saw were the astonished faces of Lina, Gourry, Amelia, and Zelgadiss, who had witnessed him spacing out in the middle of a sentence, only to fade out a few minutes later. The usual conversation of "What the hell just happened to you?!" and "That is a secret!" resulted in the complete and utter annihilation of the restaurant that they'd been dining in. However, since no animals were harmed in this destruction, it's all well and good.)
However, standing in the back of Zelas' throneroom, in the darkest corner, stood an extremely low-class and cowardly monster, who went by the name "Chicken" (his real name had been lost in the sea of time, and even "Chicken" could not recall it). This monster was unique of all the others, as you can see--no self-respecting monster would run around screaming that Lord Shabranigdo liked monster essense on his ham and cheese pizza (whatever 'ham and cheese pizza' was, anway).
Needless to say, the revolt began with the little people. When they went on strike (it was right there in the monster union's handbook 'Monsters have the right to deny any mission that endangers their lives'), the higher- ups decided to simply drop the Ressurection Project, since the dirty work would sully their hands if they, LoN forbid, did it themselves (of course, that's what they SAID. We ALL know that their sense of self-preservation had befallen them).
And so is the fact that Xellos ended up scarring the monster race for eternity (even though he didn't realize it at the time).
Author's Notes:
1. Just to make it clear: I absolutely love all the characters in Slayers. Any bashing is lighthearted and not to be taken seriously. (I say this because character-hating makes me EXTREMELY angry!)
2. Flames are just as welcome as praise, comments, and criticism, although I would prefer that you send flames to: [email protected] because I'm the only one that should read them--not my friends or any people reading my reviews. (I won't reply unless you want me to)
3. Chapter 1 will be out soon--I've written it, I just need to type it up (and revise it as I go along!) n_n