Disclaimer: Do not own Glee or any of it's characters. They belong to someone else.

Beta-d by the wonderful Lezi :) Thanks!

A/N: Sorry dudes and dudettes for the looooong wait. I had an epic case of writers block with this fic and I had to let it sit on the backburner for a while. Fortunately, I now have my direction back and I will attempt to update fortnightly! Huzzah! Are we excited? So again I hope you guys enjoy this chapter – even though it is slightly fliller-ish. All feedback is appreciated and encouraged so let me know what you think, what you want to happen etc. Enjoy!

Chapter Five: Making Plans with Puckerman's

"Mom?" Noah asked again, hoping his mind was playing tricks on him. Kurt's head shot up, his eyes like a deer's caught in headlights, looking at Noah from across the room. It was bad enough that their friends knew, but their families knowing? Kurt was about to die from embarrassment.

"Noah, honey," Miriam Puckerman started, "Why didn't you tell me that you were seeing someone?"

Puck opened his mouth to reply, but as if his mother was reading his mind, she continued, "I know he's a boy, honey, and that doesn't matter--I can get grandchildren out of your sister--I'm more disappointed that I couldn't be there to see my only son get married!"

"Ma, it was kind of - "

"Don't you 'Ma' me in that tone, Noah Isaac Puckerman!" She chastised. "You didn't even have the decency to hold a traditional Jewish wedding, either! You getting married by a man dressed as Elvis--not even the handsome Elvis, mind you--is dismissing everything our ancestors died for. Has everything I've ever said to you--all those Schindler's List showings--taught you nothing?"

"Ma, I'm sorry for the disgrace I've imposed on you," Puck, exasperated, began. He paused as his mother harrumphed in indignation. "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you – make sure I stay the favourite?"

"Who say's you're the favourite?" his younger sister's voice echoed through the phone.

"Sara Puckerman!" his mother screeched. "You get off the extension this second. I am trying to have an adult conversation with your brother, which you have proven you are not eligible to be apart of, as eavesdropping is not an adult thing to do!"

"Then what do you call conveniently pruning your rose bush by the back fence whenever Mrs. Higgins is arguing with her husband? I'd call that eavesdropping, mother," Sara bit back.

Puck bit back a laugh at his sister's willingness to rile up their mother; he was thankful she was taking the heat off of him (not for long, though). When he heard his sister hang up the extension, followed by his mother yelling, "You're grounded!" he brought up his previous offer.

"Ma, I'll say it again, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

"Well, there is one thing…" she said slowly. The venturing tone of her voice made Puck uneasy, and he wasn't so sure he wanted to know what that 'one thing' was.

"What?"

"You could bring that lovely boy – what's his name?"

"Kurt."

"Yes, Kurt, over for dinner so I can get a chance to meet my new son-in-law."

"You want me to bring Kurt over for dinner?"

At the mention of his name Kurt, listened into the conversation. When he heard what Puck's mother had asked, he blanched and shook his vehemently from side to side. Puck shot him a "what can I do?" look and shrugged his shoulders, ignoring Kurt's silent protests.

"Sure, Ma," Puck said. "What time do you want us over?"

Kurt threw his hands up in exasperation at Puck's answer and flopped backwards onto the nearest bed. He wished it would just swallow him whole, to take him away from all of this embarrassment. What the hell was Puck thinking, telling his mother that they would be coming over for dinner as husband and husband? He did not want his dad finding out about this, and Miriam Puckerman was one of the biggest gossipmongers he knew. His dad would know in no time and Kurt would be forced to explain his stupid mistake. Great.

Noah Puckerman was dead the moment he hung up that phone.

"Good-bye, Ma–-I love you too, Ma. Yes, I'll make sure to wash… Good-bye, Ma." Puck closed his phone and turned to a now-steaming Kurt.

"Why in the hell did you just tell your mother that we'd have dinner with her?" Kurt snapped. "Didn't we--" he gestured between them, "--just agree that we would keep this whole thing as much of a secret as possible? That we were going to sign the divorce papers and pretend that this whole thing never happened!?"

With each question Kurt's voice rose in volume, and Puck was sure if Kurt kept going, only dogs would be able to hear his bitching. He tried to calm the other boy down.

"Noah," Kurt continued, "Would you care to explain?"

"Well, Kurt," Puck explained, "My Ma was really excited, you see, and I didn't have the heart to tell her that this whole thing was a mistake. She was so happy that I was married and wanted to meet you, so I had to say yes. You would have done the same if it was your dad."

"Well, Puck," Kurt scathingly mocked, "I wouldn't have been stupid enough to have my mother--or my friends, mind you--find out in the first place! Now that your mother knows--how in the freaking hell does she know how to use a computer, it takes my dad a week to send an email--oh god, my dad!" Kurt began his erratic pacing once more. "Now that your mother knows, Puck, the whole town is going to know. There is no way we're going to be able to handle this quietly anymore. I am never going to be able to show my face in Lima again!" He paused. "Not that I really want to go back to that hell-hole."

"Kurt, dude, just chill," Puck raised his hands palms-open towards Kurt.

"I am no dude," Kurt snapped, "and I will not just chill! I'll have you know--"

"Kurt!" Puck cut him off. "Seriously, just listen." Kurt opened his mouth again in protest but Puck held up a silencing hand.

"Don't think you can dismiss me with a hand gesture, you chauvinistic pig," Kurt continued to rant, and Puck had had enough of this.

"KURT!" Puck grabbed Kurt by the shoulders, shaking him slightly. "Just listen, okay? All we have to do is pretend to be a lovey-dovey newlywed couple for one dinner," he held up one finger in emphasis, "that's all--one night with my mother--and then we're home free. Just one night," he begged. "That's all I'm asking, for my poor mother's sake."

Puck was making it very, very hard for Kurt to say no, and when Puck made a pleading face of epic proportions, Kurt relented. He found himself sighing and nodding his head in reluctant acceptance.

"Okay, okay, fine." Kurt sighed. "But only one night. Then we're getting a divorce: no if's, and's or but's."

Puck grinned, and let out a sigh of relief. "Thanks, Kurt. You have no idea how much this'll help me out."

"You owe me big time, Noah Puckerman--actually," he muttered, "I take that back. You've done plenty for the time being." He began to gather his belongings from the night before. "You can book the flights for tomorrow and get everything organised. I'm going back to my room to get some sleep. It's been a… rather eventful twenty-four hours."

"Yeah, sure thing."

Puck and Kurt walked over to the door, Kurt making sure they had an arm's-length distance between them. He still couldn't get over the tension this whole torrid affair had brought to their friendship. When they said their good nights, it was awkward, to say the least.

While Puck booked the flights, he had a good think about what his game plan would be. He agreed to dinner, not only to appease his mother, but to win Kurt over. Puck saw this as his only chance to convince Kurt that he could be a good spouse: what better way than a family dinner, where he could show the boy just how much of a family man he could (and would) be?