Sorrow
MelloxNear, mentioned MelloxMatt
Lemon, implied sex, language, yaoi, shonen-ai, AU, OOC, character death.
Mello sighed as he looked over at his sleeping boyfriend. In the light of the full moon, Near looked like a childish angel. Toys, puzzles and robots fell all over the floor around him, bathed in the pale yellow glow. In the center of it all, lay Near, hair spread around him like a halo, covered by a white blanket.
Mello smiled slightly, and lay down beside Near, looking at the glow-in-the-dark stars taped to the ceiling. Near, even at age 19, was as childish as ever.
The blonde stroked the other's white hair, and closed his eyes. Memories flooded his vision, and he sighed.
The image at the back of his eyelids was of a 12 year old Near stacking blocks in a tower the day after the results of an exam came out. As usual, Near was 1st place, and Mello was second.
"You fucking cunt!" 14 year old Mello screamed, slamming the door of the playroom closed as he advanced at Near.
"Please do not call me such a derogatory name, especially when it is what you call females." Near said calmly, his stack of blocks making an impressive tower.
"Bastard!" Mello screamed, knocking over the towers. Most of the blocks hit Near, leaving small bruises. "You're such a fucking pussy, Near. How can someone as pathetic as you be better than me?" he asked rhetorically.
"I hate you, shithead!" Mello slapped him, and stormed out the door, pulling Matt along.
Another memory entered his vision.
It was recent, from half a year ago.
January 26th, the day Mello and Matt carried out their plan to kidnap Takada. Also the day Matt died. A tear rolled down Mello's cheek as he thought of his redhead friend.
"I love you, Mel. See ya soon!" Matt had told him, before kissing his cheek and speeding off.
"Love you too, Mattie!" Mello had yelled back.
Matt had died from gunshot wounds and blood loss. Even Near's attempt to save him was too late. A bullet punctured his left lung, and another grazed his vena cava.
Takada, being a girl who watched too much American shows, had managed to misspell Mello's name. Michael instead of Mihael.
"Mello is crying." A quiet voice interrupted his thoughts.
"Shuddup, Near." Mello muttered, leaning his tear-soaked face against Near's shoulder.
"I miss Matt too. But he is with L and Watari. He wants us to be happy." Near whispered in Mello's ear, and the blonde sobbed again.
"I was remembering how I used to hate you, Near. But I love you now. Funny how these feelings change, eh?" Mello asked, pressing his lips against Near's. Near smiled, and kissed him back, gently, yet passionately.
"He wants us to be happy." Mello agreed, and lay on his back. Near snuggled against him, and they both fell into a deep sleep.
"Get the fuck away from me!" Mello screamed, pushing Near away. "You aren't my Matt! I hate you! You are only my fucking rebound! I ONLY LOVE MY MATTIE!" Mello grabbed his car keys, and slammed the front door shut.
Near closed his eyes, and a few tears rolled down his cheeks. It was true. He had liked Mello since Wammy's House, and Mello and Matt were in love since they first met. When Matt died, Mello was broken. Near remembered how he found Mello.
Outside the burning church, crying and clawing, acting completely unlike himself. His eyes were more wild then usual, an animalistic look in them.
"Matt is dead." He whispered, before passing out from shock, his head on Near's lap.
"Hey, Near. I know you liked me. So, how about it? You wanna be with me?" Mello was the one who proposed the idea, that sexy smirk that made everyone do his bidding on his angel's face.
"Yes." Near admitted. He hoped that Mello would not remember it in the morning, since he smelled like cheap alcohol. Mello was completed smashed. Yet, he remembered the preposition clear as crystal.
"Goodie." Mello said, before pushing Near against the wall, kissing his neck and unbuttoning the white shirt.
"Mihael."
"Mihael, come back." Near said into the small cell phone in his hand.
"A-alright-hic-Nate." Mello whispered, and Near could tell he was crying.
"I will always love you." Near told Mello when the blond got home. He moved his head upwards, and stood on his tippy toes in hopes of kissing the older man. What he got, instead, was a slap in the face.
"Don't." Mello said quietly, as he walked to his room, fresh tears rolling down his cheeks.
What Near heard for the rest of the night was murmurs of 'Matt.' and 'It should have been me.', and prayers.
"Why did you have to die, Matt?" Near asked, his head looking up at the cold night.
It was January 26, 2011. Exactly a year since Matt passed away.
Dressed in black, Mello and Near walked out of the car, and told Halle to pick them up later. Rester stood near them, making sure no one would hurt the new L.
Mello was crying, as he put the bouquet of red and white roses, lilies and Matt's favourite flowers, sun flowers, on the grave.
"I miss you, Mattie. Are you happy?" Mello whispered, and he continued placing his gifts to Matt on the grave. A video game cartridge, a photo album filled with photos of fast cars, and a picture frame with Matt and Mello. And another with Near, Mello and Matt taken at Wammy's.
"I love you, Mail." Mello said, sitting down on the cold earth, with his knees at his chest. Near stood beside him, and lay a hand on Mello's shoulder.
"Matt, we all miss you greatly. Please be happy and watch over us." Near said, placing down a few gifts of his own. A photo of Matt, Near and Mello taken before Matt died, a pack of cigarettes Matt loved to smoke and a miniature Ashton Martin Vanquish model, Matt's dream car.
"Are you mad at me for taking Mello from you?" Near whispered to the grave stone, so quiet, Mello couldn't hear. "I'm sorry, Matt, but you know I couldn't resist. You are my only friend, but Mello needs someone to hold him together."
"W-we should go before Halle gets pissed." Mello said, standing up.
"Yes. We should." Near said, taking Mello's hand and leading him away from the graveyard.
And behind their backs, standing over his gravestone, was a figure with red and white stripes, orange goggles and a Gameboy. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he looked at his boyfriend(Ex-boyfriend now, really) and one of his closest friends.
"I'm happy, but if you ever hurt my Mello, Near, I will fucking haunt you. And not in the good way." Matt said, smiling as he looked at his presents. He picked them up gently, examining each one carefully.
"I love you guys." he said, as he turned back to Mu, his arms filled with gifts. L and Light awaited him, a sad look on L's face as he watched his living successors.
"I would appreciate it if you didn't work while I was trying to sleep, dammit." Mello glared at Near.
"I didn't realize you were up." Near said, continuing typing.
"Bed. Now." Mello said, snapping the laptop screen down and dragging the younger boy into their bed.
"I'm busy with a case, Mello." Near glared.
"Well I'm trynna sleep here, dumbass. Now," Mello smirked, unbuttoning Near's shirt and tossing it to the floor. Near's face started to heat up when Mello's hands wandered too close to his groin. "Let's get you outta these clothes."
"I can undress myself." Near grumbled, turning his red face away from Mello.
"And what fun would that be?" Mello asked, pressing his lips against Near's neck, sucking and biting the sensitive white skin.
"Ah!" Near moaned quietly, pulling at Mello's hair lightly. Mello smirked against Near's neck as he continued kissing down Near's chest to his light nipples. Mello took a sensitive nub in his mouth, licking and sucking on it until it turned a bright red.
"Mello!" Near moaned, arching his back as the blonde reached a hand down to tease his half-hard erection. Near whimpered as a hand circled him, and started pumping.
"Mello." He whispered, pulling his boyfriend up for a kiss. Mello kissed him, and continued stroking. The white haired boy nearly screamed when Mello's warm mouth engulfed his weeping member. Near moaned as Mello sucked him, licking up around the shaft.
The younger boy ran his hands through Mello's hair, pulling hard as the blond gave quick, sharp nibbles on his oh-so-hard dick.
"I'm going to cum!" Near whispered, yanking harshly on Mello's hair as he came in Mello's awaiting mouth.
"Get ready." Mello said against his ear, blowing a hot spurt of air in the white-haired boy's ear.
"Yes." Near nodded dizzily, a drunken looking smile on his face. He hears Mello moan quietly as he strokes lube on his erect member.
"I'm gonna enter you." Mello whispered in his ear, pushing Near down on his elbows and knees, with his ass in the air. Near closed his eyes, feeling Mello's rather large dick enter his hot, tight hole. He breathed in a bit, getting used to the sensation.
"Move." Near whimpered, as Mello moved out, and thrust roughly back in.
"Aah!" Mello moaned as he continued thrusting. Near moaned and whimpered along. He hated rough sex, but he knew that Matt and Mello liked it rougher then this. Sex, as Mello had once told him, was a way of dealing with pent up feelings. No love or anything.
Near felt tears collect at the corners of his eyes as he thought about Mello. He wasn't fucking the younger boy because he wanted to. Near knew that Mello was imagining Matt instead of him, hallucinating Matt's voice and face.
"AAH!" The sheep-like boy screamed as Mello brushed against the sensitive nerves.
"Found it." Mello smirked, kissing Near's shoulder and rubbing at his now-hard dick. The blond continued thrusting, letting out occasional moans and screams himself.
"Mello." Near moaned the blond's name as he came all over Mello's hand and the sheets.
"Ma-Near!" Mello caught himself as he came a few thrusts later, spilling hot liquid in Near's now-sore ass.
Mello smiled at Near, turning him over for a quick kiss before lying down, falling into an exhausted sleep.
"Goodnight." Near smiled, lying down beside Mello.
"G'night." Mello muttered, and he turned his back to Near. "I'm sorry Mattie, forgive me. I'm so sorry."
Near pretended not to hear the whispered apologizes coming from the blond's lips.
February 1st, 2012. Matt's would-be 21st birthday.
Mello was in his room, crying and praying, until noon. Near pretended that he was busy with the newest case (Kidnappings that had nothing in common, only the victim's left shoe left behind where they were taken).
When noon came, Mello walked out, dressed in a baggy red and white stripped shirt, like he did on every February 1st. "We're going to visit Mattie's grave." he said, wiping his slightly red eyes with the sleeve of Matt's shirt.
"Alright. But Mello, put on some pants." Near said, smiling slightly at the heartbroken blond.
"Um-hm." Mello nodded, and walked back into his room, emerging a few minutes later. He was dressed in baggy jeans, Matt's, and his rosary was slung around his neck.
"I'll get Gevanni to pick us up in a few minutes. What do you want for breakfast?" Near asked, quickly texting Gevanni to pick them up.
"Can we go that cafe that we liked?" Mello's voice was just above a whisper.
"Of course." Near nodded, picking up his phone. "Yes, we'll be down in a second." he hung up the phone.
"I'll get the present." Mello muttered, getting his jacket and a bright orange box with a big bow on it.
"Let's go." Near said, as they both walked downstairs to the limo.
"To the cemetery, I presume." Gevanni faked a smile.
"Yeah." Near nodded, as he continued typing on his laptop, and Mello was looking outside, close to crying again.
They arrived shortly after, and they made the short walk to Matt's grave.
The grave was small, marked only with 'Mail Jeevas, Feb.1, 1990 - Jan.26, 2010. Gamer, dork, great friend and amazing boyfriend.'
"I love you, Mattie." Mello smiled, placing his gift on the tomb. "I love you so much. Please, don't be mad."
"I'll give you some privacy." Near said, walking away a bit, still holding his laptop. He walked a short distance to the grave of L.
It had taken a great deal of privacy and money to get L, Watari and Matt's bodies flown to Winchester, where they now lay. The funeral was a mass turnout, everyone who was a part of Wammy's House gathered to say their goodbyes.
And no one cried over Matt as much as Mello did. "It should have been ME!" the blond had yelled, tears flowing down like mini rivers down his cheeks.
"Mello, calm down." Roger had tried to restrain the boy.
"Roger, let me." Near had said, as he hugged Mello tightly. "Calm down Mello, Matt would not have liked to see you cry like this."
"Mattie, my Matt." Mello had whispered, as he clung to Near like a lost child.
"Hey Near." A soft female voice said beside him.
"Hi Linda." Near looked at the blonde girl, who sat beside him.
"I wanted to visit Matt, but Mello is there. I'll come back when he leaves." She said, looking at her sketchpad.
"I see." Near nodded, and he continued typing.
"New case?" Linda asked, peering over Near's shoulder.
"Yeah. Kidnappings all over France, Spain and Portugal. All connected with the mysterious shoe. You probably heard of it." Near explained briefly.
"Yes." The blonde smiled, and she started drawing.
They sat there, in the quiet for another hour. Finally, Mello walked towards them, his eyes red.
"We're leaving." He said, yanking Near's hand.
"Hi Mello." Linda said, smiling gently at the older boy.
"Hi." Mello said annoyedly, as he walked off, Near behind him.
"Bye!" Linda called after them. All she got was a wave from Near, and the middle finger from Mello.
"Somethings never change, huh, Matt?" She said to the gravestone, as she sat down beside it on the cold earth. "Here, I drew this for you. I hope you like it." She put the picture down. It was of Mello, Near and Matt, smirking and the latter smiling.
"They all miss you. I hope you know that." She said and left.
And at the gravestone, stood the figure of Matt, a sad smile on his face. "I know, Linda, I know. I miss that all so much." he said, picking up the presents and walking back to Mu, wiping tears fro his eyes.
"Hey L, Hey Light." Matt said, as he sat down beside the two. He sighed, pulling his goggles over his eyes.
"Hi." Light said. After Light and Matt were 'officially' introduced, they became somewhat non-enemies. Matt resented Light for getting him killed, and Light vresented Matt for being friend with someone who brought down Kira's reign.
"What's the matter?" L asked, peering at Matt with his owl-like gaze.
"Nothing. I just miss Mel and Near, you know?" he said, taking out his Gameboy.
"Yeah." L nodded. Light glared at the mention of Near, but was hit by L before he could voice his opinion.
"But they miss you greatly. You have eternity with them after they die." L said.
"Yeah, but, L, you don't see the bigger problem, do you?" Matt asked, looking at L. "Mello and Near. Me and Mel. When they die, who'll be with Mel?"
"That, Matt, is for Mello to decide." L said, chewing a mouthful of cake.
10 years have passed since Matt died.
Dear Mello,
I just got an urgent message from Rester, and I'll be in the United States for a few days.
Take care,
Love,
N
Mello re-read the note, and sighed, climbing out of bed. It was 10 am on June the 3rd, year 2020.
"I'm sorry, but I have to do this." He said, as he walked into the bathroom, pulling out his gun.
"Sorry." And, he pulled the trigger.
"Mello?" Near asked, as he walked into the apartment. "Mello?" he called again. "Mihael?"
"MIHAEL!" He said loudly, flinging open the door to the bathroom. Near nearly threw up as he looked at the sight in front of him. Mello, with his brains and blood splattered all over the floor, mirror and walls, and a gun in his hand.
"Gevanni. Come here. Now." The younger man said into his phone, tears rolling down his emotionless face.
"Near! What's the matter?!" Gevanni ran to him, a frantic look on his face. Halle and Rester followed Gevanni. Halle gasped, a few tears rolling down her cheeks. Rester called the police, and Gevanni looked at Near. The boy was sitting against the wall, crying.
"It'll be alright, Near. You knew Mello loved Matt, so this isn't that big of a surprise." Gevanni said quietly. Near looked at him through his tear soaked eyes, and nodded, handing Gevanni a small piece of paper.
'Dear Near,
Sorry, but I can't live like this anymore. You mean so much to me, but I want to be with Matt.
I love you, Near. And I'm so sorry.
-M'
"You are an asshole, you know that, Mel?" Matt asked, glaring at the blond.
"Yeah, nice to see you too, Mattie. I love you." Mello rolled his eyes, pulling his best friend into a hug. "I missed you so much."
"Me too, Mihael." Matt smiled, kissing the blond passionately. "But still, bitchy thing to do to Near."
"I can't live without you, Matt. I'm so sorry." Mello smiled apologetically, wrapping his arms around the redhead's waist.
"Same. I love you so much, Mel." Matt said, moving his goggles out of his eyes. He locked eyes with Mello, and the two leaned forward, their lips meeting. They kissed gently, but roughly, sweetly, yet demanding and like they never saw each other all their lives. The reunited lover broke apart for air a minute later, arms tight around the other.
"I miss you, Mello. I hope you are happy with Matt. Don't feel bad for killing yourself. I just want you to be happy. They say that if you really love somebody, you have to let them go. I'll see you in a few decades." Near said, placing a box of chocolates on Mello's grave.
"I love you, Mihael." Near said, walking away.
"I love you also, Nate." Mello said, smiling at the white haired boy as he walked away.
"As do I." Matt smiled, leaning his head against Mello's.
"He'll be fine. Near's tough as a rock." Matt said, kissing his boyfriend's cheek.
"Yeah." Mello agreed, holding Matt closer.
"See you in a few decades, Near." Matt said, as he and Mello walked back to Mu.
A/N: The product of me writing a songfic, then realizing it's not meant to be a songfic.
It's more like a series of connected drabbles, each dealing with Mello trying to cope after Matt died, and Near trying to help Mello out.
I really like how Near turned out. He doesn't care if Mello still loves Matt, but he only wants Mello to be happy. I find it beautiful, and it's so painful. *sigh* I needed to compensate for making Near a manipulative bitch in Backstage. Now you got caring Near. Cute.
A bit angsty, please don't kill me about the ending! I always seem to be mean to Near in my fics, even though I actually like the guy.
So, review, please?