Disclaimer: Don't own Yu Yu Hakusho. So I'm not making money off this fic. I've worked my ass off the plot line though…I guess maybe I can claim that? (Still not any making money…).

Dedication: To my lovely wolf, Ambie-chan. It's sort of a birthday fic..though I probably won't have the chance to finish it by your birthday. I so wanted to, though…

Chapter Warning: Angst. Yaoi. Two-timing. Episode perversion (Ep. 112 is twisted to my purposes for this fic; I'll do this at least two or three more times for the same purpose). AU to an extent (I have my own time line developing…). Lying. Almosts. What-ifs. Love triangle (Yusuke/Hiei/Yusuke/Koenma/Yusuke if you wish to get technical). If I think of something else I'll revise this part…

Rating: This will be Mature overall because I'm very likely to write lemon/lime-ish scenes Part II and Part III.

General Summary: Glimpses into the minds of Yusuke, Hiei, Koenma, and even the gang at different points during Yusuke and Koenma's "wedding" day reveal a dark, dangerous secret with the potential to rupture Yusuke's entire world and perhaps even the people in it…

Author's Notes: Part I is in Yusuke's POV, and it's also written for LJ's sacred_20's theme #7 genesis on the 4th table for the Hiei/Yusuke pairing. This also is written for 7_deadly_sins_ #6 Lust (also Hiei/Yusuke. Part I was also inspired by Creed's song "On My Sleeve." This is a four-chapter prequel to Indomitableand is pre-Francesca. The humans in the show are still alive in this. Don't hit me for making Keiko/Kuwabara a pairing in the timeline. The time period for this specific fic takes place roughly 400 years before the beginning of Indomitable and it's been about ten years since episode 112. Part II will be Hiei's POV, Part III Koenma's POV, and Part IV General (3rd person) POV. You can consider this a psychological (confessional?) fic, where I'm trying to give you the mind of the characters. I'm experimenting a bit with this fic.

Now that I've bored you to death with notes…enjoy!

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Terminal Genesis: The Confessionals
Part I - Before

Chapter finished on 2. 20.10
Chapter word count:Roughly 1800 words
Lightly Edited: 6/27/11

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Every decision you make will affect the countless people who care about you.—Genkai to Yusuke; YYH ep. 52 "The Death of Genkai"

Freedom is strangely ephemeral. It is something like breathing; one only becomes acutely aware of its importance when one is choking.—William E. Simon

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He's been my addiction for so long now even when Keiko and I were still together. Our trysts didn't begin until after the Dark Tournament, but on some level, in some way, ever since I met him for my first case, we've always wanted, lusted after, each other. Nobody else ever seems to notice the dark, heated looks we exchange the rare times we are in a room together with the others. Every touch, however small, however fleeting, starts that fire only he can ignite in my blood.

I think Kurama may suspect something. I don't know what I'd do if he knew the truth. This secret is too…dangerous for the others to know. He even agrees with me.

Though she didn't know it, Keiko lost me to him. I need him in ways she could've never been for me. But I couldn't stand it if she ever found out the truth…

I remember the day I came back from Demon World. That day at the beach. I was coming back to keep my promise, just not in the way she would expect. I'd already thought about what I'd say to end our engagement. I'd have taken her into my arms and said, "Keiko, listen, I've come back, like I promised, but I can't marry you." I'd wait for her to push me away, slap me, then demand to know why. I'd have said, "I saw so much in Demon World, things that change you. It's where I belong, Keiko. Us staying together would only hurt you…I'm not human enough to be with you anymore." My explanation wouldn't have been a complete lie, but it wasn't the entire truth either. I couldn't marry her because I didn't want to lie anymore. I could see him…for the first time without cheating on Keiko.

She surprised me that day, however. Nothing went by the script in my head. She had grown up since the last time I saw her, and, yes, she was beautiful. A woman. Her chestnut locks fell across her shoulders and down her back, glistening in the dying light of the sun against the backdrop of the sparkling ocean. Her face was sharper, paler. Her body had filled out, curved beneath the fabric of her blouse, her skirt. Even then, though beautiful, though woman, she wasn't him. Her body was softer, rounder…more fragile…than his. I noted that difference even standing there gazing at her, my face a mask, my hands jammed in my pockets.

She didn't hug me. She strangely stood one arm length in front of me, barely looking me in the eye. I didn't know what to do or say, especially when she turned the full force of her dark eyes on me. I saw…guilt flooding them, a storm of tears beginning to gather there.

"Keiko?" I asked reaching out a hand toward her, but dropped it when she backed away, shaking her head fiercely.

"No! Don't touch me, Yusuke. I don't deserve it for what I've done…don't comfort me…" Her voice quaked, but still she didn't cry.

I saw Kuwabara shifting toward her out of the corner of my eye. I found that…odd.

"What have you done?" I asked, careful, trying to be as soothing as possible.

"I…you took so long, Yusuke. I had to move on. I…I fell in love with someone else. We…We can't get married." She confessed, staring defiantly at me by the time she finished speaking.

Kuwabara stood closer now, directly behind her by two or three feet. He was in a protective stance, ready to spring at a moment's notice to remove Keiko from harm's way.

I genuinely felt insulted that he'd believe I'd hurt Keiko, and my glare should've told him as much.

"Back off, Kuwabara. You should know I'd never intentionally hurt Keiko." I all but growled at him.

Both Keiko and Kuwabara's eyes widened.

"Ura-Urameshi?" He did back off—slightly.

"I didn't expect you to wait, Keiko, but I kept my promise by returning. I just…love whoever you want. Just be happy." I turned away from them both, away from Shizuru, Yukina, Botan, and Kurama.

I couldn't let them see how…happy I was. I tried to fight the big smile trying to spread across my lips. I tried to pummel down the warmth bubbling in my chest. I was finally free to go to him.

"Yusuke?" I heard the uncertainty in her voice, but beneath it—disbelief, happiness, gratefulness.

I made sure I'd fought back my emotions before I turned to smile at her softly, almost even sadly.

"Yes?" I asked.

She tackled me into the sand, her tears giving way to something joyful. And she was kissing my cheeks and forehead, murmuring over and over again "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" The others were laughing, even Kuwabara.

He, Keiko, Yukina, Botan, and I had eventually started playing in the water, splashing each other, like kids, like the old, old friends we were. We were there in that moment like those who had been through hell and back together, but could now enjoy a moment's peace. And feel together what the hope of the future might bring.

She was happy that I accepted her and Kuwabara's relationship. I was glad I didn't have to lie anymore…

Or the latter had been what I'd thought that day.

It's been about ten years since then. I had no idea Koenma had been waiting in the wings for Keiko and I to end our relationship. Nor had I known that I'd fall in love with him so completely, so irrevocably. I had no idea I'd have to continue to lie, to hide my addiction for Hiei.

Koenma may have been waiting in the wings, but Hiei had waited years and years in the shadows. I can't choose between them. Too many lies. Too many hearts connected. Too much so easily broken. I keep from hurting them all by this deception, and only he knows this truth.

I don't know why I'm thinking about all of this on the day I'm to be bound to Koenma. It's supposed to be my "wedding" day. I should be the happiest I've ever been, but tears are falling...

I look into the mirror and I see someone I've never met before. I see a stranger. The water from the faucet runs as I cry. I can't help it. I punch the mirror with my fist because I don't want to see that liar.

"Detective." He's right there beside me, taking my hand away from where the mirror used to be.

With his free hand, he turns the faucet off and then wipes the tears away. My injured hand's bleeding, throbbing, until he brings my knuckles to his lips, kissing the flesh, pulling out each broken shard gently with his teeth and spitting them on the floor. He then licks the blood away. I gasp, and the fire once again takes over me. The warmth. The wetness of his tongue. The velvet of his lips. The nip of his teeth. My knees start giving out, yet he holds me steady.

"Don't be a fool." He whispers, warm, dark, silken breath against my ear.

Then, he's gone.

"Yusuke! Wha—Oh my goodness! Are you alright?" Botan's worry helps me to sober myself.

"Heh. Just—just nervous, you know? I'm gonna be pissed if I make an ass of myself." I laugh in a self-defeating way. Gods, how the hell can she believe such a stupid lie?

"Oh, shut up, Yusuke. Let me see your hand." I give it to her, and she heals it.

"Thanks, Botan. I don't know what I'd do without you." Really I don't know what I'd do if she wasn't so…gullible.

"I know. Now get your rear in there, so we can put on your robes! We're going to be late if we don't hurry!" As she says that, she shoves me toward the bedroom I share with Koenma.

"I'm just so glad Lord Enma approved everyone to attend the Bonding in Spirit World!" She starts gushing almost as soon as she begins pulling me out of my bath robe and into the dress robes.

"Well, I guess he's really happy and proud. It's not everyday your son gets bonded." She is still rambling even as she is twisting and turning my body, placing the robe on the way it needs to go.

"Just wait until the day he gets his first grandson!" I nearly choke when I hear that, but she doesn't seem to notice.

"Lord Enma won't know what to do with himself!" Oh, gods, shut up, Botan.

That's what I want to tell her, but I don't. She keeps jabbering, and I zone out. I don't come to until she has stopped and is looking at me expectantly.

"What?" I ask, irritable and on edge.

"I said, 'You look handsome. Now, if I could trust you around mirrors, I'd let you have a look-see. But we're almost late. Are you ready?'" She repeated, not too far from sounding irritated herself.

"No, let me have a 'look-see.' I promise to behave…not break anything." I mutter to the blue-headed ferry girl wonder.

Botan grins and tugs me toward the full length mirrors in front of the bed, which lead into the spacious closets. I stop in front of them and almost fall over. I see the stranger again, a…beautiful stranger. A beautiful lie.

The robes are white and silver, with the phoenix as a running theme. The silver birds are finely embroidered on each sleeve and silky under my fingertips. I turn around and I see another phoenix there, covering nearly the entirety of the upper back of the robes. It's too beautiful…for someone like me.

My eyes come back up to my face, and I see she's done my hair as well, tying the shoulder length raven tresses at the nape of my neck with a silver piece of silk. A diamond stud is in each of my ears. Shadows dance in my eyes before I raise my mask again. I turn my back fully to the mirrors, smiling at Botan.

"Ready! Don't want the keep the Diaper King waiting." I joke and hold out my arm to her.

She takes it, dragging me toward the celebration hall, dragging me away from the last of my freedom.

Don't be a fool. Hiei's words echo in my mind, the fluttering promises in his breath, the fire he awakens in me all over again.

I know it will never end between us. The lies will merely begin tangling this new dimension of my life and more of those I love into our web. I'll soon belong to Koenma "forever," that's all. He just doesn't know he has to share me. My heart, my body…half my soul. I love Koenma. I do. Just not enough to give up my addiction.

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To be continued…