Author's Note: I feel like we should have gotten a strong Finn/Rachel moment at the end of the "Sectionals" episode, so here is what I would have wanted to see. Let me know what you think! Thanks in advance for reading and reviewing.
What Comes After
Rachel closed the front door behind her, the click of the lock echoing in her mind, sounding more like the slam of an iron gate. So loud. So final. The sound just served as a reminder that she'd failed. She'd failed to help her friend when he'd needed her most...failed to find him and make sure that he was okay. Emotions had been high all day and everything, everything seemed heightened somehow. "Hi Daddy."
"Rachel, I'm glad you're home," he said, hugging her tightly. "Where have you been?"
"The bus hit traffic on the way home from Sectionals," she fibbed, not up to rehashing the entire story at the moment. "Daddy, is something wrong?" Rachel pulled back, immediately concerned. She was very close with her fathers and could tell when there was a problem. "Is it the Hendersons again? I don't sing at home anymore between the hours of 8 PM and 8 AM, just like the court order said--"
"No, honey, no. It's just, well, you have a visitor."
He suddenly seemed awfully amused about something. "Who is it?" Rachel looked around the living room, but no one was there.
"I told him that he could wait in your room," he responded, not even bothering to hide the grin this time.
Her eyes popped. "Him?"
"Yes...I can't quite recall his name, though..."
"Daddy!" Rachel stomped her foot. He was clearly teasing her now.
"Wait, I remember now! I think it was...hmm...Finn Hudson," he said in a sing-song voice. "Yes, that was it. Do you happen to know a boy by that name? About 6 foot 3, brown hair, brown eyes, has this adorably lost look about him?"
Finn? Here? "How long has he been here?"
"Almost an hour," he said, checking his watch. "There was a lot of pacing going on for the first half hour or so. I thought he might actually march right through the floor." He shot a look at the ceiling. "But it's been pretty quiet since then."
"How--how is he?" Rachel asked, dreading the answer.
"He was pretty upset about something, which is why I told him that he could wait. He seemed... almost desperate. I didn't want him on his own. Did you lose tonight, honey?" He took Rachel's hand. "He's taking it very hard."
"No, no. We won," she said absentmindedly, barely noticing her father's unrestrained joy at the news of her big win. "This is about something else. I'd better to check on him."
"Of course." He paused, shooting her a knowing look. "Rachel, how is it he knew just where to find your bedroom?"
"He came over to rehearse last week, Daddy," she replied without missing a beat.
He lifted his brow, clearly skeptical. "Of course."
She rolled her eyes. "Thank you, Daddy." With this, she shot up the stairs.
Rachel had been worried sick about Finn since he'd disappeared. In fact, while he'd been here, she'd been out searching for him. After New Directions had been announced the winners, Finn had slipped away. Not that she could blame him; he'd learned the truth about his baby--Puck's baby--just days before Sectionals. He'd pulled it together to support the team...to support her, but the emotional fallout had only been postponed, not forgotten.
Upon reaching her room, Rachel took a deep breath, unsure of what she'd find. Would her room be wrecked, with her belongings smashed all over the floor? What if he'd destroyed her pageant trophies? Worse yet, what if he'd found her diary? With that mortifying thought looming, she pushed open the door and was unprepared for what she found. There was Finn. Lying on her bed. Well, apparently, God had finally answered her prayers. Clearly, she should have been more specific about the circumstances that landed him there. She closed the door silently and approached the bed.
"Finn?" He didn't answer and she wondered if he was asleep. With his back to her, she was unable to tell.
She tip-toed closer, not wanting to disturb him. She heard a muffled sound and saw his body shake and knew that Finn was awake. She eased down on the bed beside him and placed her hand lightly on his shoulder. At her touch, he rolled over, suddenly launching himself into her arms. Thrown off balance by the force of his large body knocking into her petite frame, Rachel automatically wrapped her arms around him to steady herself. As she felt Finn's chest heaving violently as he tried to hold back his tears, her arms tightened around him. This time it was solely to comfort.
"I'm here," Rachel whispered. "I'm here."
They'd talked. He'd paced, yelled, and cried. She'd embraced, calmed, and comforted.
Finn felt completely betrayed and heartbroken over the loss of a child he'd never really had. After over an hour, he'd fallen silent, looking completely lost. Finally, she'd convinced him to lie back down and rest. She could see that he was completely drained, emotionally and physically. Finn was too tired to even argue, allowing Rachel to take his hand and lead him back to the bed. He'd fallen asleep almost immediately.
Rachel collapsed beside him, exhausted. Watching Finn, she couldn't help thinking that he looked like a little boy while asleep--so innocent, so peaceful. Unable to resist, she ran her fingers over the side of his face, oh so gently. She'd close her eyes, just for a little while. Finn would need her when he woke, she knew. She'd just rest for a few minutes right beside Finn, feeling his breath against her lips, knowing that this might be her only chance.
His heavy, swollen lids protested as Finn attempted to open his eyes. They opened a bit wider, seeing Rachel asleep, her face inches from his. She looked really pretty while she was asleep. She looked really pretty all the time, but this was different. She was quiet and calm, two words that could never be used to describe Rachel Berry he thought, his lips twitching. Rachel was always filled with more energy than any five people put together, so seeing her like this was pretty cool, Finn decided. It was private; they were the only two here and he wished that it could stay that way.
Finn stretched his back, careful not to wake her. It was then he noticed that they were holding hands. Had she taken his hand, or had he reached out for hers in his sleep? It didn't really matter, but his eyes locked on their entwined hands, unable to look away. Look how tiny her hand is. It's almost completely swallowed by my huge bear paw. Something about it, though, just looked right.
As the fog of sleep lifted, reality set in. God, what a nightmare this week had turned into! On Monday morning, he'd woken up, nervous and excited for Saturday's up-coming performance at Sectionals. By the time he'd taken the stage less than a week later, he'd lost his girlfriend, his best friend, and his baby. The baby that had never really been his at all. He'd totally freaked out in the chorus room when he'd found out the truth. He knew that everyone had been scared by his reaction. He'd even scared himself; it was like he'd left his body and was watching someone else yell and pummel Puck like a crazy person. He'd completely lost control.
Wearily, Finn rubbed his eyes with his free hand. Quinn's hot tub story had seemed strange from the start, but he'd believed her. He'd been too stunned and far too trusting to doubt her. Quinn had been right; he was a moron. How different his life would be right now if only he had talked to someone, anyone, and had been set straight. He looked over at the girl beside him. Where would he and Rachel be right now if he'd known the truth from the start? He might be lying right next to her in bed, just like this...but they'd both be smiling.
He was just so confused. Finn knew that he'd had feelings for Rachel for months now. He'd spent many sleepless nights torturing himself over his growing feelings for someone other than his pregnant girlfriend. What a joke! He'd been drowning in guilt and Quinn had been the one who'd slept with someone else. He had to wonder if Quinn had never slept with Puck and gotten pregnant, would they still be together now? Or would he have broken it off because it was Rachel he really wanted?
Finn shook his head, knowing he would find no answers. Plus, all of this deep thinking was making him hungry. The bottom line was that Quinn had cheated and lied, letting him fall in love with a child that was never his. He had loved Quinn, too...or thought he had. Was it possible to love someone you never knew? In the end, it didn't matter. She'd still broken his heart.
Rachel began to shift and stretch, her eyes blinking like an owl as she woke. "Finn?"
"Hi," he said, trying to smile.
"How long have you been awake?"
"Just a couple of minutes. How long have we been sleeping?" He shifted, looking for a clock.
She glanced at the alarm clock next to her. "About three hours. It's two-fifteen." Suddenly, she shot up in bed. "Oh my God, it's two in the morning!"
Finn watched, fascinated by Rachel's sudden shift in mood. Surprisingly, he felt no urge to worry. She'd freak out enough for them both.
"Finn, this is serious. Your mother must be panicking!"
That worried him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. He powered it on and saw fifteen missed calls and five voice mails from his mom. "I'd better call her back," he told Rachel, who was busy biting her lower lip. Huh. That was kind of hot.
"Mom? I am so sorry--"
"Where are you?" His mother demanded, cutting him off.
"I'm at Rachel's. We fell asleep."
"What? You fell asleep?" She paused. "Why are you at Rachel's? Is Quinn with you? I was worried sick!"
"Look, I'm really sorry, Mom. I had a really awful day and needed a friend." He looked at Rachel then, who offered him an encouraging smile.
"Finn, you're scaring me. Look, I'll pick you up and we'll talk. Where does Rachel live?" He could hear her keys jingling in her hand.
No! He couldn't leave, not yet. Rachel was the only thing keeping his form losing his mind. Besides, there was so much he had to tell her, so many things he needed to say. "Um, Mom, can you wait just wait a little while? I really need to talk to Rachel about some stuff before I go."
"Finn, it is the middle of the night and I am trying very hard not to lose my temper, here."
"Mom, please. It's very important. I wouldn't ask, but--" Finn paused as Rachel held out her hand, silently asking for the phone. He shot her a look of uncertainty, but she nodded, mouthing the words "Trust me." With that, he handed her the phone.
"Hello, Mrs. Hudson? This is Rachel Berry, a friend of Finn's," she began, sounding far more confident than she looked. Finn leaned close to Rachel, wanting to hear the conversation. Rachel put the call on speaker phone.
There was a pause and a sigh. "Hello, Rachel. Look, thank you for being such a good friend to Finn. He's always talking about you." Rachel looked at Finn, who looked away, embarrassed. "But, it is very late...or I guess, very early, and I think that I should pick him up now." She hesitated, before continuing. "Finn won't tell me anything. Is he okay? What happened?" His mom had tried to stay strong on the phone with him, but she was cracking now.
"He's had a very tough week. I know that he wants to be the one to tell you all about it. I know how close the two of you are." Finn grinned briefly at this. Rachel really did know how to handle adults. "I would truly like to apologize for both of us falling asleep. We were talking for so long, we must have worn ourselves out. I can assure you that nothing unseemly occurred."
He heard his mom sigh heavily. "I appreciate that, Rachel. So, where do you live?"
Finn looked at Rachel, shaking his head. "Mrs. Hudson, we fell asleep before we finished talking. I understand that it is very late and an unusual request, but could Finn stay for just another hour? I really feel that it would benefit his emotional well-being if we could finish our talk. It's not a school night, so we don't need to get up early. Also, I'd be happy to drive Finn home myself. I can assure you that I am an impeccable driver, well acquainted with all road regulations and procedures."
"Rachel, I appreciate your concern for Finn, but I am concerned for him right now. I want to know what is going on!" He'd never heard his mother so freaked out.
"I understand. Finn is physically fine, I assure you. But, he received some...shocking news and really needs a friend to help him deal with it. I honestly would not ask if it was not important." Rachel paused, looking Finn in the eye. "I think he really needs me right now."
Another pause. "It's about Quinn, isn't it?" Rachel didn't answer, and his mother seemed to take that as a "yes."
His mom was breathing heavily into the phone, as if trying to slow her heart-rate. "Okay, Rachel. One hour. Tell Finn that I'll be waiting up. With hot cocoa," she added in a way that made Finn wonder if she knew that he was listening.
"Thank you, Mrs. Hudson," Rachel said as she ended the call.
Finn let out a sigh of relief. "You're amazing," he told her. She offered him a small, half smile. He watched her look away, as if she were suddenly nervous. "Rachel, I..." He knew he had to talk to her, to let her know how that he could never get through any of this without her, but it just wasn't enough.
"It's okay, Finn. You've been through a lot today, so just give yourself a break." She took his hand and squeezed. He felt the same exact pressure on his heart, as if she held it in her hand.
Still, he had to make her understand. "I--I'm just feeling so much right now. When I found out, I didn't believe it. Then, I felt like someone had cut my heart out, you know?"
"Then you got angry?" Rachel asked knowingly.
"Yes, yes! Exactly." He shot her a look. "I had this...rage. I've never been so angry in my entire life! How did you know?"
"You're going through the Seven Stages of Grief, Finn," she said with a comforting smile. "When you go through a life-changing event, there are seven steps you go through before you can move on."
His brow crinkled. "What stage am I on now?"
"I think Stage Four: Depression and Reflection. This is when you look back and try to figure everything out. You also start to realize just what you've lost."
"How long does it take to get to Step Seven?" Stage Four sounded like a major downer.
"There's no timeframe. It takes as long as it needs to take." Rachel tilted her head, studying him. "But Step Five is The Upturn. That is when things begin to look up. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but things will get better."
Looking at Rachel, he could almost believe it. Still, he couldn't imagine how things would ever get better. She was right; his entire life had changed today. On Monday, everything at school would be different, too. He'd be a total joke: the idiot that thought he could get his girlfriend pregnant without actually having sex. With that thought fresh in his mind, Finn knew it would take a long time to get to Step Five.
But, watching her, Finn couldn't help wanting to ask--no beg--Rachel to wait for him. It was a totally selfish move, but didn't he deserve to be happy after all of this was over? He wanted to tell her that he'd had feelings for her for a long time and that they belonged together. Most of all, Finn just wanted to grab her, kiss her, and forget the crap-fest that was his life. That option might just send him torpedoing straight to Step Five.
All he had to do was move forward, just a bit and...damn it! Seeing her concerned face across from his, Finn knew that his life was a big enough mess and adding Rachel to the mix now might mean losing her later. For good. "Rachel, please remind me that I'm a complete mess and should not be making decisions right now," he begged, beginning to crumble as his eyes zeroed in on her lips. "Because all I want to do right now is kiss you."
She took a deep breath. "It's a terrible idea to jump into anything now." With that, she leaned forward, her lips meeting his in a soft, achingly short kiss. She pulled back and Finn's eyes remained closed for several moments, trying to catch his breath. His heart knocked sharply against his ribcage, reminding him that he was still capable of feeling something other than rage and bitterness.
His eyes slowly opened, and the first thing he saw were Rachel's slightly curved lips, her eyes warm and knowing. What did she know? And why did she always have the answers when he barely knew the questions? Finn reached blindly for her hand, emotions spinning out of control. He wanted to jump her right then, bury himself deep inside her, not caring that her parents were probably just down the hall. He also wanted to bolt out the door, sure he'd never felt anything this huge and terrifying in his entire life. It was too much, too soon, and Finn was pretty sure that if he felt anything else today, he'd explode.
"Shh," she whispered, pulling him close. "It's okay. That was only a preview of what comes after Step Seven."
***The End***