This story takes place after the Second CCS Movie. It has a lot of S+S angst but it subtly warms up, ending in E+S and T+S as it should be. It also has a few minor spoilers to the movie and the last season but it gets overshadowed by the huge amount of fluff near the end. Yeah yeah cheesy title..with an even cheesier ending :p. This story is also set in Syaoran's POV. Sakura is OOC in some parts for acts of insanity. I apologize ahead of time to all the Meiling lovers out there, don't worry I like her too..but I needed her tragedy for this story. Don't expect her to come back to life anytime soon. This is my second fic so be kind ne ^^
*CCS and anything related is ©CLAMP, Kodansha etc etc*
Fate
By: Nanashi
It was 3 o'clock. I should have been in a happy mood, after all, I was meeting Sakura shortly. I tried to hold back the tears as I turned the corner and saw the approaching park beyond the trees. Balling up my fists, I promised myself I would try to be strong..for her, and there she was.. sitting on a bench without a care in the world. Her face lit up as soon as she saw me and she stood up ready to fling herself at me, but, the smile on her face slowly faded as I came closer. Perhaps it was my expression? cause she looked worried now.
"WHY! WHY!?!?"..how?" she choked clinging onto my shirt, barely able to stand.
The tears came pouring out of her beautiful eyes, that used to be cheerful and clear. I tried not to look at her directly for fear of crying myself. I could only hold her in my arms and hope I could wipe this day from my memory, little did I know it was only the beginning.
"Why Meiling? why so soon? I just wrote her a week ago..We just saw her a few months ago!.. and now we'll never see her again!" she sobbed.
I couldn't help myself anymore, I felt the hot streams running down my cheek now and I grasped her shoulders and looked at my love in the eyes.
"Wei told me the man in the car was drunk, Meiling was on the way to the post office and his car spun out of control as he turned the corner.." I stopped short sparing her the details, "He sent me this..her last letter to you.." I said trying not to stutter as my voice grew weaker.
I handed her the un-opened letter in my pocket and she sniffled as she grasped it tightly.
It was late afternoon now, and the humid air was starting to set in. Summer leaves blew in the breeze and they wiped away the tears from my cheeks. For a while we sat in silence as Sakura read each word of the letter.
"It's like she knew.." she whispered, finally finishing and folding the paper.
"She wrote so many nice things, as if she knew she would never have the chance to write them again.." her voice trailed off and she stood up abruptly.
"I can't take this..this can't be happening!" she screamed.
Like a maniac, she flung open her Sakura book and held the cards in her hands.
"These cards..all this magic..nothing in the world can help bring her back..they are all useless! What good is it being the most powerful magician in the world if you can't even keep those you love safe!"
She flung the cards into the wind and they scattered around. I sprung up, catching what few I could from blowing away. She had snapped. I grabbed her book, finally summoning the cards back into them and closed it tightly asking them to forgive her, it seems they understood. I turned towards her, she was trembling as she stood frozen, with her fist balled up tightly..her head hung low and tears glistening in the now setting sun. In her free hand, she held a single card.
"Hope. I have none of this now.." she said as she threw it into the wind.
I hastily picked up the only card she ever created..our card.
"Sakura.." I whispered softly.
I didn't know what to do, I was torn between crying myself and being strong for her..should I approach her, or leave her be? I had never been in this kind of situation before, a long time ago I would have never thought of anyone close to me dying. Especially not Meiling, she had always been so strong. Sakura was strong too, but right now she looked so weak and helpless. I felt just as helpless. I decided to try to comfort her but as I reached for her she smacked my hand away gently.
"I..I can't Syaoran..please don't come near me.." she said barely audibly.
My heart skipped a beat at those words.
"Sa-Sakura?.." I started, but she stopped me.
"Don't come near me, I don't want you to get hurt too, I couldn't protect Meiling, and I can't protect you..if you stay away from me, it would be best for you..I can't be around anything that reminds me of her..that includes you..Syaoran..I'm.." she took in a pained breath.."so sorry, I can't deal with this, forgive me" she said before turning heel and running.
I tried to dart after her but the shock of what she said had sunk in and my knees were so wobbly that I could barely stagger in her direction.
"SAKURAAAAA!!!" I yelled, but she did not turn.. and I collapsed to the cold pavement in a fit of tears.
I don't know what time it was when I got home. Wei knew something was up but he was smart enough to give me space and let me go to my room. He didn't bother calling me down for the leftovers of dinner, he knew I would not eat. I flopped myself on my bed and buried my head in my pillow. I had no tears left to cry and I was sure my eyes were pretty swollen by now. I lost two people I loved today. One I will never see again, the other doesn't want to see me. My world had come to an end it seemed. The one thing I loved the most, gone, leaving a hole in my chest where my heart had once been. Could anybody here understand me? Is there anyone I can turn to? talk to? no..I was so attached to Sakura, she was the only one I had needed these last few months. Meiling had always supported us and I turned to her for advice when things got confusing sometimes.
"Meiling.." I sighed, closing my eyes.
I turned on my side and my gaze fell upon the cell phone on my night stand. I remember when Tomoyo gave these to us long ago to communicate with each other in case of trouble. I reached for the phone and held it in my hand. Perhaps I could talk to Tomoyo about this? So I dialed her number and waited as the phone rang. Finally I heard her voice.
"Moshi moshi.." she said softly.
"Daidouji-kun.." I started not actually knowing what to say to her.
"Oh..Li-kun.." she whispered almost surprised to hear my voice, and then I heard hers.."Who is that Tomoyo?".
I gasped and nearly dropped the phone, but I recuperated just in time to hear Tomoyo say it was a business call for her mother.
"I'm sorry Li-kun I can't talk to you right now..please understand" she said sadly.
"Ah.." I replied as we both hung up.
I placed the phone back on the stand and caught sight of my jacket hanging lazily off my chair. I sighed as I searched through it finally pulling out the hope card. Sakura was at her house..it seems Tomoyo was already busy comforting her best friend. I started thinking that I really should have made more friends during my time here, but I never thought I would need someone to talk to this badly. I twirled the card this way and that. Was there someone..anyone? Maybe I should go back to China, yes, maybe I should. I shoved the card into my drawer as I returned to my bed and fell asleep to the mental sound of a million thoughts running through my head.
~*~
It's been a week and a half since the incident.. since I've talked to her. I fumbled with the buttons on my shirt, still distraught with the fact I would see her today, what should I say? what will happen? I wish I could see the future like Eriol could. A sudden pang ran through my nerves. Where did that thought come from? I shrugged it off..I had other things to worry about. It was a warm Saturday morning and the sun was shining in the clear sky. At least that was a good omen. I turned a few corners and saw in the distance the familiar blue jackets of the older students heading off to their own summer classes. Two of them were riding a bike and I smiled as I realized one of them was Yuki and scowled as I realized one of them was also Touya. I had ran into Yukito a few times before today. He had been such a great momentary comfort. But because his other form was Sakura's guardian, I knew where his loyalty predominantly went. Plus even as his Yukito form, he was never too far from Touya, which we all know..was not very fond of me still. Worse now since he thinks I am the cause of Sakura's recent moodiness and depression. But I was grateful for Yuki's encouragement and kind words.
The peaks of Tomoeda loomed before me and the closer I got the more intimidating the building was. It's like I could already sense her ki from inside the school. But there was also something else I sensed. Each step made my suspicion grow, until finally I was sure of what I felt and I bolted towards the classroom flying by students, and knocking some of them down along the way. I reached the door of the class and flung the screen wide open. The crowd of girls and boys that had gathered around someone dispersed as they saw the spectacle I had created for myself. And then I saw his smiling face.
"Omae.." I growled.
"Ohayo Li-kun".
"What are you doing here?! Eriol.." I spat as I lumbered over.
But I stopped short, as I noticed who was standing next to him.
"I have a few things to take care of here. I wont be staying long" he chirped.
Tomoyo ran over to me, I guess she saw the way I was gazing at Sakura, and then the way I started seeing red just knowing she was that close to him. She clasped her arm around my own and led me to another part of the classroom, but my eyes never left those two for one second as she tried to calm me down.
"Li-kun! calm down! I see the way you are looking at them, there is nothing to worry about!" she said almost forcefully, which was new for her.
"I thought he was in England with Kaho! Why wont he just leave us alone!" I growled.
"Li-kun.." her voice softened sadly.."there is no 'us' for you and Sakura anymore.."
And reality sunk in as Sakura still wanted nothing to do with me.
"Then..he can have her.." I said resigning to my seat and leaving a worried Tomoyo holding her hands.
Terada sensei announced the meeting had started. He had given us a project to do over the summer which was to participate in the planning of a community event before school began again in the fall. A few students had chosen to volunteer for the Obon festival. We all decided to meet up today, while summer cram classes were going on, so we could use the class to plan. This was our last day for last minute planning and questions. It wasn't required to attend, but it was an easy way of getting our project done and over with. Terada began taking volunteers for different events at the festival from setting up booths and lanterns to being in charge of music. However everything he said came across as coded muffled sounds as my attention wandered over to the seats behind me. And I glared in pure jealousy as I saw them share a book, as she smiled when he gave a great idea and as he shot grins at me every 5 seconds. I slumped in my chair and gawked at the clock in the front of the class, needless to say our meeting went slowly.
After what seemed like an eternity the torture ended and I made my way through the halls, trying to get out of there as quickly as possible. I would pass by the older students talking about the festival going on tomorrow, but I didn't care. I had done my part, I had no one to go with and I was not in the mood. Maybe next year. With just my luck, I happened to take the door leading out of the side of the school and who should I happen to see outside? Sakura, Eriol and Tomoyo chatting by the trees. I tried to sneak past them but Eriol, as keen as always, called out my name. I continued on my way pretending I had not heard him until I felt a hand touch my shoulder.
"Can I walk you home?" he asked.
I turned to where they had been standing and saw that Tomoyo and Sakura had already started walking in the opposite direction. They were chatting and smiling happily with each other, how I wished I was in Tomoyo's place just to see her smile like that at me again, even if I knew it was fake.
"Whatever.." I replied to the taller boy.
Most of the walk home was pretty quiet. I kept looking at his expression through the corner of my eye..god I hated him. How could he walk beside me smirking his head off knowing that he was taking the attention, of the one person I love the most, away from me. A 5 month relationship destroyed in one day, at a stand still for a week, and this guy moves in just when she is vulnerable. I could have clobbered him right then and there but I had no real reason to do it, not to mention he is a lot more powerful than me in more than one way. I guess he knew what I was thinking, but I don't think it worried him too much because he turned to me and spoke.
"You know the festival being held tomorrow..why don't you come with us?".
"Us? Who is us?" I inquired.
"Sakura-san and Tomoyo-san are going aswell..I thought it would be the perfect time for the two of you to talk your problems out.." he replied.
Did Sakura tell him about our problem? I felt embarrassed suddenly. I didn't like him knowing about my life. But the thought of resolving this with Sakura was too overwhelming, so after some pause I agreed.
"Great! then I will pick you up tomorrow at around 8" he said cheerfully as we walked up to my house.
"Whatever.." I said making my way past the gate already decorated with lanterns.
"Mata ashita ne!" he waved running off in the other direction.
The Obon festival huh?..I guess I would go anyway..it is the time of the year when we pay our respects to the dead. I grabbed the materials Wei had set out for me to start my float, it seems he had anticipated my outing tomorrow. The tradition goes that during Obon the spirits of your dead ancestors return to visit for a week. At the end of the week the festival is held to honor and remember them. If you wish you can make a small float that holds a candle in the middle. Some people put a screen around it inscribed with the names or a design representing the spirit you are honoring. At the end of the night you send the boat floating down a river. It is said to carry the spirit of your loved one, returning it safely to the other world.
"Meiling..I'll carry your spirit to the other world.." I said to myself as I worked on building my float late into the night.
I woke up the next day groggy but satisfied as I looked at my finished project next to me. I spent the day keeping myself busy, until finally it was time to get ready. I pulled on the yukata Sakura had made for me so long ago, and I sighed as I thought about the first time she had given it to me and how happy she was. Just then the door bell rang and Wei announced that a young boy was here to see me. That must be Eriol. I grabbed my float and headed towards the door where a really well dressed Eriol was waiting for me outside.
"Well well.." he mused as he saw me approaching, "you look very handsome tonight my cute descendant."
I groaned slightly but it seemed my face told a different story as I felt it grow hot.
"Let's go, the girls will be meeting up with us at the festival" he smiled.
Oddly the thought of walking all that way to the festival with him alone, didn't seem as bad as I would have thought. I guess his comment earlier had made me feel a bit better. It's been a while since I have heard something nice said about me, even if it DID come from him. I noticed he was also carrying a float and thought it was probably in memory of Clow. Either way we began walking.
Fireflies glowed as a full moon rose into the sky and the night darkened. The hanging lights of the festival and the commotion of the crowds grew the closer we got to the shrine. Eriol and I waited for the girls by one of the booths. He was chatting cheerfully about something, but I was not paying attention as my eyes searched the groups for Sakura. Just then I heard him exclaim "Ladies! you look lovely tonight!" and I turned in his direction in time to see them walking up with Yukito and Touya. I was mesmerized by how pretty the girls were. Tomoyo was wearing a flowered violet kimono with her hair up in ribbons, while Sakura was standing next to her modeling a pink kimono that Tomoyo probably designed. Her hair was decorated with Nadeshiko flowers and she twirled around in front of Tomoyo's camera and Eriol. Each of them also held a float. Sakura's had her mother's name on it with a flower design, while Tomoyo's had Meiling's name on it. Both also bore each other's names together so that the dedications came from both their parts. Touya and Yuki left them to us, and Yuki greeted me fleetingly as Touya quickly pulled him away.
"Li-kun!?.." Sakura exclaimed as she finally noticed I had come along.
It seems that all this time Eriol had neglected to tell her I was invited.
"So we are back to formalities?" I uttered numbly.
Eriol broke the tension by asking if I was hungry and he said he would go to get some food. Tomoyo said she would help, leaving us alone.
We were quite silent for a while until I decided to pull her to a more secluded area, much to her surprise. I couldn't stand it anymore, we had to resolve things right now!
"Sakura.." I started tucking her hand in my own, but she pulled away.
"I don't know what has happened to us lately. I don't want to let you go..you mean too much to me!" I said as she looked away.
"This is silly, I know you are hurting, I am hurting too! I lost the two people I love the most!".
I searched for her eyes.
"Please don't turn me away, don't you still feel something for me? It can't end like this!".
I opened my mouth to continue my speech near tears, but she stopped me.
"I came here to pay my respects, not to talk about our relationship." she said almost coldly.
"Why? why are you being like this, we can go through this together!" I pleaded.
Everything grew quite as Sakura stood pensively.
She reached into her pocket and took out a few cards. She singled one out. It was the 'Return' card.
"If I use this to return to the past..I can stop everything from happening! I can bring Meiling back, everything can be as it was before!".
Then she pulled another one out, "Or if I use the 'Erase' card, I can erase all memories of you and I meeting and then all this pain will go away!"
A wide grin spread out across her face almost psychotically as she spoke. Tears started to flow out of her eyes and I stood there realizing for the first time how much Meiling's death had impacted her. Almost to the point of insanity. Her mental state was so fragile and I didn't know what to do.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you Sakura-san" said a voice.
We turned to find Eriol standing behind us.
"I'm sorry to interrupt your conversation, and I'm sorry for your loss but.." He switched to a more serious tone, "Playing with the cards for selfish reasons can lead to huge consequences. They were not originally intended to be used to change aspects of things that are already set in motion. Clow, did not intend them to be used that way." he finished looking up at the sky.
"But they are MY cards now! I can do with them what I wish!" she immediately responded almost screaming and holding the cards tightly in her hands.
"Sakura.." Eriol put a hand on her shoulder, "..the cards can read the heart of it's master..remember what happened to the Dash card when it got scared? the cards chose you..but just the same they can choose to leave you." he said with a gentle smile.
"Think deeply and search in your heart, you know it's the wrong thing to do."
She broke down and dropped to her knees sobbing. Tomoyo rushed to her side as she came into the scene.
I admit I was both jealous and in awe of Eriol at the same time. He had the power to calm and soothe tough situations..something I was no good at doing right now, how I wished I was in his place, how I wished I could do what he does. Sakura deserved to fall in love with him, I felt so..worthless. I turned and ran towards the main events at the festival. I just wanted to lose myself..to drown myself out of view among the lights and music. I heard Eriol shout after me, but I didn't care if Sakura herself had called me at that moment. I just..ran.
After an hour or so of wandering among the stands and events I ran into Yukito who was leaning against a tree. I asked him what he was doing there and he said he was waiting for Touya to bring back some food. He was saving the spot cause it was a good view for the Obon Odori that was about to start. I talked with him for a while and he noticed my gloomy mood. He would change the subject to more memorable and happy times. He actually made me feel good for once tonight. Touya returned, and Yuki reminded me that some people were already starting to light their boats and send them down the rivers and in the lakes.
I decided it was about the right time for me to do the same. I left the two and made my way to a nearby pond just beyond some trees. The place was secluded enough and I felt it would be the perfect spot for me to release my boat with no one around, just in case I were to cry..again. But, across the pond a single light was lit. There was someone there, and curiosity got the best of me, so I trekked over to see who it was.
Eriol sat at the edge of the bank. Normally I would have just walked away or maybe taken the opportunity to jump out and scare the hell out of him, but then something caught my eye. The light of his candle reflected off of something on his face. Was it a tear? All the angry feelings of jealousy melted away as I realized I had never seen the boy cry before. Now I felt awkward, I didn't know whether to come out and say something, try to sneak away, or just stay here and say nothing at all. Too late, it seems he sensed my presence cause he wiped his face off quickly.
"It's ok Li-kun..I'm all right" he said motioning for me to come forward without even looking back to see if it was really me; he just knew.
I gulped and made my way next to him, but just as I sat down I gasped audibly, finally catching sight of the name on his float. He turned to me and smiled, his cheeks still stained with the trails his tears had made.
"Why Eriol? I thought this boat was for Clow..but Meiling?" I asked astonished, barely able to end my sentence.
"I may not have known her directly, Syaoran. But..she was a distant descendant of mine too. Clow loved the Li clan very much..I love the Li clan very much. Even if I didn't know her very well..it still hurts."
Fresh tears made their way down his face, but he never stopped smiling.
He turned away slightly, "I know you loved her too..and it hurts me to see you so sad..".
I was shocked, all this time I had been hating his guts when in reality he was just trying to look out for me. I felt ashamed to be near him now.
We sat in silence for a while by the light of his candle. I pulled my head towards the moon and held my boat closely. Seeing someone like him, who didn't know her very well, cry moved me to no ends. I had held my own tears back as much as I could, but bringing her name up again made them stream out anew. Then he handed me a handkerchief. My heart began to pound. I remember when I had handed a similar tissue to Sakura once, when her heart was broken over Yukito.
"I know you are not just crying over Meiling, Li-kun. You are crying about Sakura too.." he said with a pained look on his face, and I realized he understood me more than I gave him credit.
All this time I had been alone with no one to talk to about my losses and now I started to think I could find common ground with him. So we talked. After a few minutes I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I had barely noticed when something began pinching me from my left pocket. I shifted, pulling it out, realizing I had brought the Hope card along with me.
My expression must have grown a bit somber because Eriol responded reassuringly with "Don't worry Syaoran, you will find love again..".
And the strangest thing happened, I smiled.
Subconsciously putting the card away, I brought my boat out. He held a match for me as I lit the candle and eventually let it sail together with his. I watched it float away along with my grief and at that moment I felt an arm reach over my shoulder. I turned wide-eyed at Eriol who was smiling and watching the boats intertwine down the pond and towards it's connecting creeks. I nearly pulled away, until Yue's distant words from the past echoed through my head. He told me once to search my heart for the one I truly loved. The first person I had thought of at the time was Sakura, and it had all made perfect sense back then. I had never once thought about bringing Eriol into the equation; but now, for some reason, feeling his comforting touch sent my heart fluttering wildly. After some reflecting a peaceful feeling swept over me as I realized I was not alone anymore and no longer confused. I allowed myself to lay my head against his shoulder.
"You know..this feels oddly familiar.." I inquisited after a brief pause, "almost like a deja-vu or a lost memory".
He laughed abruptly almost as if remembering some inside-joke and pulled me closer.
"So.. do you still hate me?" he asked gazing into my eyes.
"I'll think about it" I smiled leveling my own eyes with his.
"Sayonara Meiling..Sakura.." I whispered as we watched the candles fade into the night.
It was getting late. We made our way back to the main festival. Stands were closing and familial lanterns were being taken down. The dancers around the central tower had scattered and the Taiko drumming ceased. All the rivers and lakes were glistening with the lights of the rafts on the water as the festivities came to an end. It was a beautiful sight and who would have thought I would be watching it all with Eriol by my side. There was no longer anything to be jealous about, all along I thought he was after Sakura when in reality, it was me he was worried about. I wrapped my hand around his and he turned towards me mildly surprised. His face softened and he gave my hand a small squeeze before pulling me towards a bridge where we could get a better view of all the lights. Nearing the bridge, he stopped short and grew kind of nervous standing in front of me, almost blocking the way.
"How about we go to another bridge on the other side! that will be a better view and more private too" he said sweatdropping.
But I was not as dumb as I looked, I knew he was trying to hide something. I pushed past him lightly as he turned and held my shoulders gently from behind. On the bridge Tomoyo had her arms around Sakura and they were leaning towards each other in a tight embrace watching the water below them.
"You knew.." I stated searching for the taller boy's eyes.
But he had turned away.
"You came all the way over here from England because you knew this would happen didn't you.." I asked again.
Eriol sighed and I grinned wrapping my arms around him from behind.
"You knew I would fall in love again.." I whispered in his ear, and he turned to me in shock.
"You..are ok with this Syaoran? I don't want to force you into anything..I know you are still hurting..and.."
I stopped him short by putting my finger to his lips. "Shhh you ramble about as much as Yamazaki."
"Syaoran.." he whispered with his lavender eyes glazing over.
He pulled me into a tight hug "..I've been waiting so long for this..".
He buried his face in my hair and I let myself go in his firm grasp. I surrendered to my feelings as we stood in the refreshingly cool night, letting my heart heal and letting it live, again. We broke apart as he smiled and motioned me towards the bridge. I nodded, it was time.
We walked up to the other couple and they hesitantly broke off as they saw us coming.
"A-ano.." started Sakura nervously, but I shook my head and took her hand in mine. Eriol and Tomoyo stood beside each other smiling at the two of us.
"Sakura.." I said softly leading her over to a surprised Tomoyo.
I took Tomoyo's hand in my free hand.
"There is no one I would rather have you with, than Tomoyo. She has cared for you since before I ever appeared on the scene."
Tomoyo blushed furiously and I turned to the long haired girl.
"I'm sorry Tomoyo, all this time I wanted my own happiness so badly that I didn't realize you were losing yours. No matter how pleased seeing Sakura happy made you, I know your biggest dream was to hold her the way I would, and I didn't realize that until just now."
"Syaoran.." she said obviously moved.
"This whole time you helped me get what I wanted, but..I did get what I wanted, I AM content" I said giving Eriol a glance, "Now I want you to be happy, both of you."
Then I pulled their hands together as I finished my speech and took my place beside Eriol.
"And..I'm glad for you too Syaoran." said Tomoyo smirking as she studied me in her usual keen way.
"Ehheeheh well..umm.." I scratched my cheek and turned a bright red while Eriol grinned.
Fireworks exploded in the distance, bringing the festival to a close. I dug through my pocket and pulled out a familiar looking card. Sakura's eyes widened as she saw what it was.
"I believe this belongs to you.." I said handing her the Hope card.
She took it gingerly in her hands and the image on the card changed slightly as she handed it over to her new love.
She turned back to me and smiled, "We'll be all right now..ne?".
It was great to see her smile again.
"Yes..we'll be all right, Sakura" I said, "We are both happy now."
~ Owari
*CCS and anything related is ©CLAMP, Kodansha etc etc*
Fate
By: Nanashi
It was 3 o'clock. I should have been in a happy mood, after all, I was meeting Sakura shortly. I tried to hold back the tears as I turned the corner and saw the approaching park beyond the trees. Balling up my fists, I promised myself I would try to be strong..for her, and there she was.. sitting on a bench without a care in the world. Her face lit up as soon as she saw me and she stood up ready to fling herself at me, but, the smile on her face slowly faded as I came closer. Perhaps it was my expression? cause she looked worried now.
"WHY! WHY!?!?"..how?" she choked clinging onto my shirt, barely able to stand.
The tears came pouring out of her beautiful eyes, that used to be cheerful and clear. I tried not to look at her directly for fear of crying myself. I could only hold her in my arms and hope I could wipe this day from my memory, little did I know it was only the beginning.
"Why Meiling? why so soon? I just wrote her a week ago..We just saw her a few months ago!.. and now we'll never see her again!" she sobbed.
I couldn't help myself anymore, I felt the hot streams running down my cheek now and I grasped her shoulders and looked at my love in the eyes.
"Wei told me the man in the car was drunk, Meiling was on the way to the post office and his car spun out of control as he turned the corner.." I stopped short sparing her the details, "He sent me this..her last letter to you.." I said trying not to stutter as my voice grew weaker.
I handed her the un-opened letter in my pocket and she sniffled as she grasped it tightly.
It was late afternoon now, and the humid air was starting to set in. Summer leaves blew in the breeze and they wiped away the tears from my cheeks. For a while we sat in silence as Sakura read each word of the letter.
"It's like she knew.." she whispered, finally finishing and folding the paper.
"She wrote so many nice things, as if she knew she would never have the chance to write them again.." her voice trailed off and she stood up abruptly.
"I can't take this..this can't be happening!" she screamed.
Like a maniac, she flung open her Sakura book and held the cards in her hands.
"These cards..all this magic..nothing in the world can help bring her back..they are all useless! What good is it being the most powerful magician in the world if you can't even keep those you love safe!"
She flung the cards into the wind and they scattered around. I sprung up, catching what few I could from blowing away. She had snapped. I grabbed her book, finally summoning the cards back into them and closed it tightly asking them to forgive her, it seems they understood. I turned towards her, she was trembling as she stood frozen, with her fist balled up tightly..her head hung low and tears glistening in the now setting sun. In her free hand, she held a single card.
"Hope. I have none of this now.." she said as she threw it into the wind.
I hastily picked up the only card she ever created..our card.
"Sakura.." I whispered softly.
I didn't know what to do, I was torn between crying myself and being strong for her..should I approach her, or leave her be? I had never been in this kind of situation before, a long time ago I would have never thought of anyone close to me dying. Especially not Meiling, she had always been so strong. Sakura was strong too, but right now she looked so weak and helpless. I felt just as helpless. I decided to try to comfort her but as I reached for her she smacked my hand away gently.
"I..I can't Syaoran..please don't come near me.." she said barely audibly.
My heart skipped a beat at those words.
"Sa-Sakura?.." I started, but she stopped me.
"Don't come near me, I don't want you to get hurt too, I couldn't protect Meiling, and I can't protect you..if you stay away from me, it would be best for you..I can't be around anything that reminds me of her..that includes you..Syaoran..I'm.." she took in a pained breath.."so sorry, I can't deal with this, forgive me" she said before turning heel and running.
I tried to dart after her but the shock of what she said had sunk in and my knees were so wobbly that I could barely stagger in her direction.
"SAKURAAAAA!!!" I yelled, but she did not turn.. and I collapsed to the cold pavement in a fit of tears.
I don't know what time it was when I got home. Wei knew something was up but he was smart enough to give me space and let me go to my room. He didn't bother calling me down for the leftovers of dinner, he knew I would not eat. I flopped myself on my bed and buried my head in my pillow. I had no tears left to cry and I was sure my eyes were pretty swollen by now. I lost two people I loved today. One I will never see again, the other doesn't want to see me. My world had come to an end it seemed. The one thing I loved the most, gone, leaving a hole in my chest where my heart had once been. Could anybody here understand me? Is there anyone I can turn to? talk to? no..I was so attached to Sakura, she was the only one I had needed these last few months. Meiling had always supported us and I turned to her for advice when things got confusing sometimes.
"Meiling.." I sighed, closing my eyes.
I turned on my side and my gaze fell upon the cell phone on my night stand. I remember when Tomoyo gave these to us long ago to communicate with each other in case of trouble. I reached for the phone and held it in my hand. Perhaps I could talk to Tomoyo about this? So I dialed her number and waited as the phone rang. Finally I heard her voice.
"Moshi moshi.." she said softly.
"Daidouji-kun.." I started not actually knowing what to say to her.
"Oh..Li-kun.." she whispered almost surprised to hear my voice, and then I heard hers.."Who is that Tomoyo?".
I gasped and nearly dropped the phone, but I recuperated just in time to hear Tomoyo say it was a business call for her mother.
"I'm sorry Li-kun I can't talk to you right now..please understand" she said sadly.
"Ah.." I replied as we both hung up.
I placed the phone back on the stand and caught sight of my jacket hanging lazily off my chair. I sighed as I searched through it finally pulling out the hope card. Sakura was at her house..it seems Tomoyo was already busy comforting her best friend. I started thinking that I really should have made more friends during my time here, but I never thought I would need someone to talk to this badly. I twirled the card this way and that. Was there someone..anyone? Maybe I should go back to China, yes, maybe I should. I shoved the card into my drawer as I returned to my bed and fell asleep to the mental sound of a million thoughts running through my head.
~*~
It's been a week and a half since the incident.. since I've talked to her. I fumbled with the buttons on my shirt, still distraught with the fact I would see her today, what should I say? what will happen? I wish I could see the future like Eriol could. A sudden pang ran through my nerves. Where did that thought come from? I shrugged it off..I had other things to worry about. It was a warm Saturday morning and the sun was shining in the clear sky. At least that was a good omen. I turned a few corners and saw in the distance the familiar blue jackets of the older students heading off to their own summer classes. Two of them were riding a bike and I smiled as I realized one of them was Yuki and scowled as I realized one of them was also Touya. I had ran into Yukito a few times before today. He had been such a great momentary comfort. But because his other form was Sakura's guardian, I knew where his loyalty predominantly went. Plus even as his Yukito form, he was never too far from Touya, which we all know..was not very fond of me still. Worse now since he thinks I am the cause of Sakura's recent moodiness and depression. But I was grateful for Yuki's encouragement and kind words.
The peaks of Tomoeda loomed before me and the closer I got the more intimidating the building was. It's like I could already sense her ki from inside the school. But there was also something else I sensed. Each step made my suspicion grow, until finally I was sure of what I felt and I bolted towards the classroom flying by students, and knocking some of them down along the way. I reached the door of the class and flung the screen wide open. The crowd of girls and boys that had gathered around someone dispersed as they saw the spectacle I had created for myself. And then I saw his smiling face.
"Omae.." I growled.
"Ohayo Li-kun".
"What are you doing here?! Eriol.." I spat as I lumbered over.
But I stopped short, as I noticed who was standing next to him.
"I have a few things to take care of here. I wont be staying long" he chirped.
Tomoyo ran over to me, I guess she saw the way I was gazing at Sakura, and then the way I started seeing red just knowing she was that close to him. She clasped her arm around my own and led me to another part of the classroom, but my eyes never left those two for one second as she tried to calm me down.
"Li-kun! calm down! I see the way you are looking at them, there is nothing to worry about!" she said almost forcefully, which was new for her.
"I thought he was in England with Kaho! Why wont he just leave us alone!" I growled.
"Li-kun.." her voice softened sadly.."there is no 'us' for you and Sakura anymore.."
And reality sunk in as Sakura still wanted nothing to do with me.
"Then..he can have her.." I said resigning to my seat and leaving a worried Tomoyo holding her hands.
Terada sensei announced the meeting had started. He had given us a project to do over the summer which was to participate in the planning of a community event before school began again in the fall. A few students had chosen to volunteer for the Obon festival. We all decided to meet up today, while summer cram classes were going on, so we could use the class to plan. This was our last day for last minute planning and questions. It wasn't required to attend, but it was an easy way of getting our project done and over with. Terada began taking volunteers for different events at the festival from setting up booths and lanterns to being in charge of music. However everything he said came across as coded muffled sounds as my attention wandered over to the seats behind me. And I glared in pure jealousy as I saw them share a book, as she smiled when he gave a great idea and as he shot grins at me every 5 seconds. I slumped in my chair and gawked at the clock in the front of the class, needless to say our meeting went slowly.
After what seemed like an eternity the torture ended and I made my way through the halls, trying to get out of there as quickly as possible. I would pass by the older students talking about the festival going on tomorrow, but I didn't care. I had done my part, I had no one to go with and I was not in the mood. Maybe next year. With just my luck, I happened to take the door leading out of the side of the school and who should I happen to see outside? Sakura, Eriol and Tomoyo chatting by the trees. I tried to sneak past them but Eriol, as keen as always, called out my name. I continued on my way pretending I had not heard him until I felt a hand touch my shoulder.
"Can I walk you home?" he asked.
I turned to where they had been standing and saw that Tomoyo and Sakura had already started walking in the opposite direction. They were chatting and smiling happily with each other, how I wished I was in Tomoyo's place just to see her smile like that at me again, even if I knew it was fake.
"Whatever.." I replied to the taller boy.
Most of the walk home was pretty quiet. I kept looking at his expression through the corner of my eye..god I hated him. How could he walk beside me smirking his head off knowing that he was taking the attention, of the one person I love the most, away from me. A 5 month relationship destroyed in one day, at a stand still for a week, and this guy moves in just when she is vulnerable. I could have clobbered him right then and there but I had no real reason to do it, not to mention he is a lot more powerful than me in more than one way. I guess he knew what I was thinking, but I don't think it worried him too much because he turned to me and spoke.
"You know the festival being held tomorrow..why don't you come with us?".
"Us? Who is us?" I inquired.
"Sakura-san and Tomoyo-san are going aswell..I thought it would be the perfect time for the two of you to talk your problems out.." he replied.
Did Sakura tell him about our problem? I felt embarrassed suddenly. I didn't like him knowing about my life. But the thought of resolving this with Sakura was too overwhelming, so after some pause I agreed.
"Great! then I will pick you up tomorrow at around 8" he said cheerfully as we walked up to my house.
"Whatever.." I said making my way past the gate already decorated with lanterns.
"Mata ashita ne!" he waved running off in the other direction.
The Obon festival huh?..I guess I would go anyway..it is the time of the year when we pay our respects to the dead. I grabbed the materials Wei had set out for me to start my float, it seems he had anticipated my outing tomorrow. The tradition goes that during Obon the spirits of your dead ancestors return to visit for a week. At the end of the week the festival is held to honor and remember them. If you wish you can make a small float that holds a candle in the middle. Some people put a screen around it inscribed with the names or a design representing the spirit you are honoring. At the end of the night you send the boat floating down a river. It is said to carry the spirit of your loved one, returning it safely to the other world.
"Meiling..I'll carry your spirit to the other world.." I said to myself as I worked on building my float late into the night.
I woke up the next day groggy but satisfied as I looked at my finished project next to me. I spent the day keeping myself busy, until finally it was time to get ready. I pulled on the yukata Sakura had made for me so long ago, and I sighed as I thought about the first time she had given it to me and how happy she was. Just then the door bell rang and Wei announced that a young boy was here to see me. That must be Eriol. I grabbed my float and headed towards the door where a really well dressed Eriol was waiting for me outside.
"Well well.." he mused as he saw me approaching, "you look very handsome tonight my cute descendant."
I groaned slightly but it seemed my face told a different story as I felt it grow hot.
"Let's go, the girls will be meeting up with us at the festival" he smiled.
Oddly the thought of walking all that way to the festival with him alone, didn't seem as bad as I would have thought. I guess his comment earlier had made me feel a bit better. It's been a while since I have heard something nice said about me, even if it DID come from him. I noticed he was also carrying a float and thought it was probably in memory of Clow. Either way we began walking.
Fireflies glowed as a full moon rose into the sky and the night darkened. The hanging lights of the festival and the commotion of the crowds grew the closer we got to the shrine. Eriol and I waited for the girls by one of the booths. He was chatting cheerfully about something, but I was not paying attention as my eyes searched the groups for Sakura. Just then I heard him exclaim "Ladies! you look lovely tonight!" and I turned in his direction in time to see them walking up with Yukito and Touya. I was mesmerized by how pretty the girls were. Tomoyo was wearing a flowered violet kimono with her hair up in ribbons, while Sakura was standing next to her modeling a pink kimono that Tomoyo probably designed. Her hair was decorated with Nadeshiko flowers and she twirled around in front of Tomoyo's camera and Eriol. Each of them also held a float. Sakura's had her mother's name on it with a flower design, while Tomoyo's had Meiling's name on it. Both also bore each other's names together so that the dedications came from both their parts. Touya and Yuki left them to us, and Yuki greeted me fleetingly as Touya quickly pulled him away.
"Li-kun!?.." Sakura exclaimed as she finally noticed I had come along.
It seems that all this time Eriol had neglected to tell her I was invited.
"So we are back to formalities?" I uttered numbly.
Eriol broke the tension by asking if I was hungry and he said he would go to get some food. Tomoyo said she would help, leaving us alone.
We were quite silent for a while until I decided to pull her to a more secluded area, much to her surprise. I couldn't stand it anymore, we had to resolve things right now!
"Sakura.." I started tucking her hand in my own, but she pulled away.
"I don't know what has happened to us lately. I don't want to let you go..you mean too much to me!" I said as she looked away.
"This is silly, I know you are hurting, I am hurting too! I lost the two people I love the most!".
I searched for her eyes.
"Please don't turn me away, don't you still feel something for me? It can't end like this!".
I opened my mouth to continue my speech near tears, but she stopped me.
"I came here to pay my respects, not to talk about our relationship." she said almost coldly.
"Why? why are you being like this, we can go through this together!" I pleaded.
Everything grew quite as Sakura stood pensively.
She reached into her pocket and took out a few cards. She singled one out. It was the 'Return' card.
"If I use this to return to the past..I can stop everything from happening! I can bring Meiling back, everything can be as it was before!".
Then she pulled another one out, "Or if I use the 'Erase' card, I can erase all memories of you and I meeting and then all this pain will go away!"
A wide grin spread out across her face almost psychotically as she spoke. Tears started to flow out of her eyes and I stood there realizing for the first time how much Meiling's death had impacted her. Almost to the point of insanity. Her mental state was so fragile and I didn't know what to do.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you Sakura-san" said a voice.
We turned to find Eriol standing behind us.
"I'm sorry to interrupt your conversation, and I'm sorry for your loss but.." He switched to a more serious tone, "Playing with the cards for selfish reasons can lead to huge consequences. They were not originally intended to be used to change aspects of things that are already set in motion. Clow, did not intend them to be used that way." he finished looking up at the sky.
"But they are MY cards now! I can do with them what I wish!" she immediately responded almost screaming and holding the cards tightly in her hands.
"Sakura.." Eriol put a hand on her shoulder, "..the cards can read the heart of it's master..remember what happened to the Dash card when it got scared? the cards chose you..but just the same they can choose to leave you." he said with a gentle smile.
"Think deeply and search in your heart, you know it's the wrong thing to do."
She broke down and dropped to her knees sobbing. Tomoyo rushed to her side as she came into the scene.
I admit I was both jealous and in awe of Eriol at the same time. He had the power to calm and soothe tough situations..something I was no good at doing right now, how I wished I was in his place, how I wished I could do what he does. Sakura deserved to fall in love with him, I felt so..worthless. I turned and ran towards the main events at the festival. I just wanted to lose myself..to drown myself out of view among the lights and music. I heard Eriol shout after me, but I didn't care if Sakura herself had called me at that moment. I just..ran.
After an hour or so of wandering among the stands and events I ran into Yukito who was leaning against a tree. I asked him what he was doing there and he said he was waiting for Touya to bring back some food. He was saving the spot cause it was a good view for the Obon Odori that was about to start. I talked with him for a while and he noticed my gloomy mood. He would change the subject to more memorable and happy times. He actually made me feel good for once tonight. Touya returned, and Yuki reminded me that some people were already starting to light their boats and send them down the rivers and in the lakes.
I decided it was about the right time for me to do the same. I left the two and made my way to a nearby pond just beyond some trees. The place was secluded enough and I felt it would be the perfect spot for me to release my boat with no one around, just in case I were to cry..again. But, across the pond a single light was lit. There was someone there, and curiosity got the best of me, so I trekked over to see who it was.
Eriol sat at the edge of the bank. Normally I would have just walked away or maybe taken the opportunity to jump out and scare the hell out of him, but then something caught my eye. The light of his candle reflected off of something on his face. Was it a tear? All the angry feelings of jealousy melted away as I realized I had never seen the boy cry before. Now I felt awkward, I didn't know whether to come out and say something, try to sneak away, or just stay here and say nothing at all. Too late, it seems he sensed my presence cause he wiped his face off quickly.
"It's ok Li-kun..I'm all right" he said motioning for me to come forward without even looking back to see if it was really me; he just knew.
I gulped and made my way next to him, but just as I sat down I gasped audibly, finally catching sight of the name on his float. He turned to me and smiled, his cheeks still stained with the trails his tears had made.
"Why Eriol? I thought this boat was for Clow..but Meiling?" I asked astonished, barely able to end my sentence.
"I may not have known her directly, Syaoran. But..she was a distant descendant of mine too. Clow loved the Li clan very much..I love the Li clan very much. Even if I didn't know her very well..it still hurts."
Fresh tears made their way down his face, but he never stopped smiling.
He turned away slightly, "I know you loved her too..and it hurts me to see you so sad..".
I was shocked, all this time I had been hating his guts when in reality he was just trying to look out for me. I felt ashamed to be near him now.
We sat in silence for a while by the light of his candle. I pulled my head towards the moon and held my boat closely. Seeing someone like him, who didn't know her very well, cry moved me to no ends. I had held my own tears back as much as I could, but bringing her name up again made them stream out anew. Then he handed me a handkerchief. My heart began to pound. I remember when I had handed a similar tissue to Sakura once, when her heart was broken over Yukito.
"I know you are not just crying over Meiling, Li-kun. You are crying about Sakura too.." he said with a pained look on his face, and I realized he understood me more than I gave him credit.
All this time I had been alone with no one to talk to about my losses and now I started to think I could find common ground with him. So we talked. After a few minutes I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I had barely noticed when something began pinching me from my left pocket. I shifted, pulling it out, realizing I had brought the Hope card along with me.
My expression must have grown a bit somber because Eriol responded reassuringly with "Don't worry Syaoran, you will find love again..".
And the strangest thing happened, I smiled.
Subconsciously putting the card away, I brought my boat out. He held a match for me as I lit the candle and eventually let it sail together with his. I watched it float away along with my grief and at that moment I felt an arm reach over my shoulder. I turned wide-eyed at Eriol who was smiling and watching the boats intertwine down the pond and towards it's connecting creeks. I nearly pulled away, until Yue's distant words from the past echoed through my head. He told me once to search my heart for the one I truly loved. The first person I had thought of at the time was Sakura, and it had all made perfect sense back then. I had never once thought about bringing Eriol into the equation; but now, for some reason, feeling his comforting touch sent my heart fluttering wildly. After some reflecting a peaceful feeling swept over me as I realized I was not alone anymore and no longer confused. I allowed myself to lay my head against his shoulder.
"You know..this feels oddly familiar.." I inquisited after a brief pause, "almost like a deja-vu or a lost memory".
He laughed abruptly almost as if remembering some inside-joke and pulled me closer.
"So.. do you still hate me?" he asked gazing into my eyes.
"I'll think about it" I smiled leveling my own eyes with his.
"Sayonara Meiling..Sakura.." I whispered as we watched the candles fade into the night.
It was getting late. We made our way back to the main festival. Stands were closing and familial lanterns were being taken down. The dancers around the central tower had scattered and the Taiko drumming ceased. All the rivers and lakes were glistening with the lights of the rafts on the water as the festivities came to an end. It was a beautiful sight and who would have thought I would be watching it all with Eriol by my side. There was no longer anything to be jealous about, all along I thought he was after Sakura when in reality, it was me he was worried about. I wrapped my hand around his and he turned towards me mildly surprised. His face softened and he gave my hand a small squeeze before pulling me towards a bridge where we could get a better view of all the lights. Nearing the bridge, he stopped short and grew kind of nervous standing in front of me, almost blocking the way.
"How about we go to another bridge on the other side! that will be a better view and more private too" he said sweatdropping.
But I was not as dumb as I looked, I knew he was trying to hide something. I pushed past him lightly as he turned and held my shoulders gently from behind. On the bridge Tomoyo had her arms around Sakura and they were leaning towards each other in a tight embrace watching the water below them.
"You knew.." I stated searching for the taller boy's eyes.
But he had turned away.
"You came all the way over here from England because you knew this would happen didn't you.." I asked again.
Eriol sighed and I grinned wrapping my arms around him from behind.
"You knew I would fall in love again.." I whispered in his ear, and he turned to me in shock.
"You..are ok with this Syaoran? I don't want to force you into anything..I know you are still hurting..and.."
I stopped him short by putting my finger to his lips. "Shhh you ramble about as much as Yamazaki."
"Syaoran.." he whispered with his lavender eyes glazing over.
He pulled me into a tight hug "..I've been waiting so long for this..".
He buried his face in my hair and I let myself go in his firm grasp. I surrendered to my feelings as we stood in the refreshingly cool night, letting my heart heal and letting it live, again. We broke apart as he smiled and motioned me towards the bridge. I nodded, it was time.
We walked up to the other couple and they hesitantly broke off as they saw us coming.
"A-ano.." started Sakura nervously, but I shook my head and took her hand in mine. Eriol and Tomoyo stood beside each other smiling at the two of us.
"Sakura.." I said softly leading her over to a surprised Tomoyo.
I took Tomoyo's hand in my free hand.
"There is no one I would rather have you with, than Tomoyo. She has cared for you since before I ever appeared on the scene."
Tomoyo blushed furiously and I turned to the long haired girl.
"I'm sorry Tomoyo, all this time I wanted my own happiness so badly that I didn't realize you were losing yours. No matter how pleased seeing Sakura happy made you, I know your biggest dream was to hold her the way I would, and I didn't realize that until just now."
"Syaoran.." she said obviously moved.
"This whole time you helped me get what I wanted, but..I did get what I wanted, I AM content" I said giving Eriol a glance, "Now I want you to be happy, both of you."
Then I pulled their hands together as I finished my speech and took my place beside Eriol.
"And..I'm glad for you too Syaoran." said Tomoyo smirking as she studied me in her usual keen way.
"Ehheeheh well..umm.." I scratched my cheek and turned a bright red while Eriol grinned.
Fireworks exploded in the distance, bringing the festival to a close. I dug through my pocket and pulled out a familiar looking card. Sakura's eyes widened as she saw what it was.
"I believe this belongs to you.." I said handing her the Hope card.
She took it gingerly in her hands and the image on the card changed slightly as she handed it over to her new love.
She turned back to me and smiled, "We'll be all right now..ne?".
It was great to see her smile again.
"Yes..we'll be all right, Sakura" I said, "We are both happy now."
~ Owari