Hi. Just so you know this is the first twilight fic I have ever attempted and to be honest I never thought I would, much less a femslash one. I was inspired to write this after I watched the New Moon movie and I am determined to complete it. This is also a birthday present to my friend Jesus-of-suburbia2o2o who despite not liking Twilight actually likes this. Anyway I hope you like the first chapter.

***

It was not long after she left the small town she had been staying in for the last few months sadness once again swept over her. As far as she knew, she had no true home, though the place she just left was probably the closest thing she had ever had to one. It was there that she was first given what could have been called a family, they probably loved her. They named her too, half her own, half theirs forever labelling her as belonging to them. She couldn't stand it. Though it was a custom for parents to name their children, she hadn't been a baby, nor even entirely a child and the name they gave her grated on her ears every time she heard it. It only served as a reminder of what she didn't have; a past, a family.

So she left. She left to find her own name. Her own identity and when she met people she would tell them just who she was. Then when and only when she decided she was ready she would once again be connected to everyone else. Have a family of her choosing. She would no longer feel this forced to connect with those around her. She could just… be.

***

Alice sighed as she pushed the paper away. She had never been one to sit down for too long. Besides she felt the sudden urge to change the flowers in her room. Daisies were nice but they got a bit boring after a while. Before daisies it had been blue roses and before that lilacs, and daffodils… Maybe she should have lilies this time and redecorate her room completely. It had been the same for almost six months now.

Edward was right she thought glumly, she DID have too much time on her hands. If only he… She frowned, the catchy pop song that had been running through her mind since Friday now becoming irritating as her mood darkened. Edward… For a split second she was tempted to throw something, before realising what a waste of a perfectly good antique vase it would be. Weighing the fragile piece in her hands, she paused for a mere second and with the speed of a bullet pelted it at the far wall. It was a rather ugly piece anyway.

Nodding with a brief flash of satisfaction she grabbed a nearby shopping bag and proceeded to clean it up. Esme would be on her back about it otherwise. It didn't take long and fortunately for her the others had gone hunting and wouldn't be back for a few more days. Well except for Edward who was probably still sulking in Alaska. With a huff she walked out of her room and headed to the green house out back. Edward was only lucky that he had left or else he would have been copping a mindful.

Even though she had been told not, even though her own mind pleaded with her not to continue to do so; Alice had been watching over Bella since she left. At first it had been difficult considering that Bella was human, but within a month she was able to concentrate her powers on her. Each time Alice looked she almost felt ill and her anger at her brother increased. The first time she saw Bella she was shocked by how much she had changed, the image burned into her mind. After a week she nearly went to Edward, her mind an arsenal of imagery. Esme had been the one to stop her that time. Her words dousing the rage Alice felt…

***

"Alice, dear, what's the matter?" Esme asked, her eyes full of concern as Alice crouched in the corner, her black eyes staring absent-mindedly out the window. She hadn't feed in the past two weeks and a constant strain from using her abilities was taking its toll. "You have been watching Bella again haven't you…? Oh Alice, I thought you promised Edward that you wouldn't. He wanted us to stay out of her life."

"Since when do I listen to what Edward tells me to do anyway," Alice said bitterly, part of her mind registering Rosalie's awful piano playing upstairs. It would sound phenomenal to human ear, but then again Alice couldn't remember being human and wasn't in a particularly kind mood.

"This time it is truly for the best…"

"…The best for who? For Bella…? For Edward…? For me…? For you…? Who is this better for…? Tell me so I can tell them what it's like to hear Bella wake up screaming every night. To watch as she isolates herself from everyone she cares about. This is killing her and you just expect me to sit around and watch it happen," Alice said her voice demanding and had she been human she would have been crying at the unfairness of it all. Esme sat down next to her and pulled Alice up against her, cradling her. Whispering soft hushing sounds, Esme kissed Alice's temple gently.

"Then tell me, please Alice. If it will help tell me," Esme pleaded and Alice felt guilty for causing Esme so much distress.

"I-it's like we're killing her," Alice whispered, seeing Bella scream in her head. "And I don't if it's worse when she screams or when she's silent."

"Please don't watch her anymore. It's hurting you and it's not helping Bella. Please Alice, for me?" Neither of them spoke again that night and when Esme left to do some reading, she was thinking about becoming a florist, Alice returned to her room, her eyes glazing over. She refused to abandon Bella like the rest.

***

Like always the green house was brightly lit as they had to rely on heat sources other than the sun due to the limited amount in Forks. Esme had taken it upon herself to get one and take care of it herself when she discovered that it would be impossible to grow her favourite flowers otherwise. All through the room was a huge variety of flowers lined from wall to wall as Esme had tried to use as much space as possible. Picking up some sharp scissors she barely realised herself slipping into a trance as she sought Bella's future with her mind and she walked towards the lilies. Before she reached them though her eyes widened as she found what she had been looking for.

Every day she saw variations of the same thing. A zombielike Bella, a worried Charlie and a scream that had Alice slept she would have had nightmares about. She had heard people scream before, but not like this. Not like their heart was being slowly torn from their chest.

Once more the beginnings of an idea began to worm their way inside her head and she shook herself clear of them before she decided on anything. She didn't want to see the consequences for such thoughts… Not yet.

Taking in her surroundings she tilted her head to look at the flowers she collected only to realise something was wrong. The flowers in her basket were not the bright orange and red of the lilies she had decided on, but instead there was a pile of bright purple freesia. Frowning, she slowly lifted one up so she could smell it. Closing her eyes she breathed in deeply only for them to flash open again as an almost familiar scent hit her senses. Putting down the scissors she darted upstairs her mind already running through arrangements and complementary colours.

***

On the way to the city to get the paints she would need she passed by a bright yellow car and though she knew her car was a far superior model… A yellow car really would suit me. Maybe I should get Edward to buy me one, she thought with a grin. Now all I need to do is work out what model…

***

For years she wandered, rarely staying in the same place for longer than a few weeks. She was disconnected from the world, but she didn't mind. She was free. At times others would try to bring her back into the fold. They had different names and faces, ages and genders, but to her they were the same and she was not ready to go back to how she was.

Finally the day came when she realised she was lonely. Over the time she had been so focused on running that when she finally stopped to look at herself she did not find what she had expected. It was then on that cold night that she found herself in a bar. Ever since she was little people had always admired her intuition and sought her judgement for any major decision they should make. That only made her feel more isolated and began to doubt the sincerity of the people around her. Yet her intuition brought her here and she would not doubt it now.

Looking around she saw the bar wasn't a particularly nice looking one, with cheap neon signs and dim hanging lights illuminating the room. She guessed that the bar was only left so dark to hide the dirt and dust that she could vaguely make out in one of the corners. The owners probably thought it added a bit of mystery to the place as well, like something out of a bad detective movie. It didn't matter though and so she got a job there.

***

Alice frowned as she put down the pen once again realising that she had continued to write the story she never planned on setting down. She had just come upstairs for a moment to rearrange her furniture so that she could bring the new paints upstairs, only to find herself back at the desk a minute later, pen in hand as it darted across the page. Standing up she went back over to her shelves and began to remove the CDs from them and placing them in neat piles. Next to them lay the mountain of books that she had forgotten to put back in the family library.

Gently she moved her long glass bookcase from against the wall and also into the centre of the room. For only a moment she found her eyes once again on the sheets of paper lying innocently on her desk and she bit her lip as the sudden urge to continue writing swept through her. Shaking her head she moved her desk as well as a few sketches from the wall and she was done.

Standing in her room now with bright white sheets lining the floors… Just in case, Alice set to work, humming a j-pop in an attempt to get an annoying song out of her head. She hardly noticed when she began to hum the other song instead less than five minutes later.

***

So what did you think so far? I hope you like my idea to have Alice write a story of her own as well as I am trying to give Alice's view on her past as well as her present… and future. Lol The bit at the end of the first paragraph about the girl not having a home or a family was semi inspired by the ending of Bioshock (awesome game) Thanks for reading.