First of all I would like to thank SpunkyOne for giving her thoughts about this chapter and proof reading it for me. I didn't change much from the draft but I've decided to do something about the later chapters. Thank you for giving your valuable input that helped balance out my thoughts and ideas. I am truly grateful.

Sorry for the delay…

Please enjoy reading..

He knows. My most guarded secret.

Renji stopped struggling against Byakuya's firm grip.

"You…" Renji said with his head hung low. "You already know?"

"Yes, Renji, I do." Byakuya said as he slowly lifted Renji's eyes to meet his.

Hearing those words, Renji felt his world crumble. The secret he was trying so hard to keep was already known to the person he was keeping it from. He felt weak in the knees, and the only thing holding him up was Byakuya's grip.

It's over, he thought.

He was at a loss for words. Looking at those slate gray eyes, he felt a chill pass through him. He could not hide his fear and his eyes told him everything Byakuya wanted to know.

"No! NO! NO!" Renji shouted as he looked away, "This can't be happening!" he said more to himself than to Byakuya.

He shook his head violently as he tried to get away from his former captain.

"Renji! Calm down! Listen to me!" Byakuya told Renji in a firm voice as he shook the other man's shoulders.

"No! Are you gonna take him away from me?" Renji said, "I won't let you. Never!"

"Renji, I assure you, I will never take him away from you. We're going to be a family, after all." Byakuya said in his softest voice as he held Renji close to his chest.

Renji stopped resisting at hearing the word 'family.' It was what he always wanted since he was a child, something he always longed for; a place he could call home, a place where he felt safe.

"Give me a chance, Renji." Byakuya said softly in his ear.

Renji fell silent, just clinging to Byakuya for support.

Can I really trust this man?

After a long silence Renji finally replied, "No. I can't."

Renji paused and Byakuya waited patiently for his explanation.

Renji pulled away from Byakuya's embrace.

"I can't because Shuuhei's the father now. He promised to take care of my child and me."

"I can take care of both you equally, if not more."

"Byakuya, you don't get it."

"Then explain it to me. What do you think I don't understand?"

"Are you here just for the child, or are you here because you love me? Or maybe you just feel responsible for all of this?"

"That is beside the point."

"See? You can't even answer why you're here!"

Byakuya fell silent.

What do you want me to say? Do you really intend to bring me down so low?

"Byakuya, please leave."

"I can't. This child is a part of me, Renji. I cannot ignore that, and neither can you," Byakuya said, "Does Shuuhei even know who I am to this child?"

"No…Not yet. I was planning to tell him after."

"Are you afraid he'll leave you if he knows?"

"I'm not afraid!" Renji said defensively, his voice betraying his fears, "And he won't leave me."

"How do you know?"

"I just know! He's not like you."

"What do you mean?" Byakuya asked, his voice barely containing his anger. What does he mean 'He's not like you?'

"I never chose to bear you a son. Heck, I never even knew I could. But of everyone in Sereitei, why did it have to be you? If this was Shuuhei's child…"

"Renji…"

"Why the hell did I have to bear the most cold hearted man in Sereitei his child, when he could have anyone else?"

"Renji, it's not like I don't have a heart."

"Oh yeah? Prove it. You certainly didn't have the heart to think about my feelings when you took me to your bed."

"That…That was not my fault."

"Not your fault? I know it was half my fault to show you that side of me, but it's your fault for choosing to hold me even though you did not love me! It's your fault," Renji said, his voice breaking. "It's your own damned fault this happened to me."

"Renji, that night I did love you. I gave you more love than I thought I could possibly express. Do you think you're the only one suffering?" Byakuya said, his voice losing it's usual calmness.

"… At least I'm suffering more than you…"

"Renji, these past months I have realized that I have gone too long without love, without companionship. You made me realize that," Byakuya said in a softer voice as he slowly approached Renji.

Is this his way of saying he needs me? He loves me?

"What of it? What now? Do you expect me to leave Shuuhei after all that has happened? Have you even considered my feelings? You do know that I love Shuuhei more than anyone."

I know that fact far too well, Byakuya said to himself. That night I held you, you made me realize what a big fool I was. I promised myself you would pay for that.

"Love the body and the heart will follow," Byakuya said, "I loved you and held you without knowing it myself. I had hoped that my love would reach your heart."

Byakuya had actually intended to hurt Renji with what he said but he found that his own words made him realize what he truly wanted for once.

"No, Byakuya. It did not. It never will. You never revealed your heart to me. How do you expect me to feel it?"

Byakuya knew that Renji was right.

He's not used to this kind of loving. Renji wants a different type of love. He wants someone who can love him without fear. He wants someone who expresses his love to him. In his eyes, I have shown him neither love nor kindness.

For the first time in his life, Byakuya was at a disadvantage.

All of his training, all of his self control was making him lose the one person he loved.

Byakuya suddenly took hold of Renji and locked him in his embrace.

"Here. Do you feel it?" Byakuya whispered to Renji's ear, "Can you feel my heart beating?"

Renji fell silent again.

He could feel Byakuya's heart beating with his. He could feel Byakuya's warmth enveloping him. He could feel Byakuya's scent drown him.

They stayed in silence for a long time. Just feeling each other's warmth and heartbeat.

"I will wait for your heart."

"No, Byakuya. You don't get it. I can't love you," Renji said his voice barely a whisper.

"Renj—"

"Byakuya, do you know how much I wanted you to stop me that day, when I gave in my resignation letter?" Renji said, his voice breaking again, "Do you know how much I wanted you to chase me and say that you loved me? Do you know how I felt when you said that I could be replaced? Do you know how bad I felt?"

"Renji, that doesn't matter now."

"Yes, it does! At least to me it does."

A tear fell from Renji's eye.

"I felt like trash, Byakuya. I felt like I was no one special, that I could be replaced so easily by anyone. I felt that no one cared about my existence at all."

Byakuya kept silent, holding Renji in a tight embrace and letting the man in his arms throw at him the weight of his actions.

"And in the darkest time in my life, it wasn't you who saved me. It wasn't you who held me tight and told me that everything would work out fine. It wasn't you, Byakuya. It was Shuuhei," Renji said softly, as he nuzzled further into Byakuya's shoulder, "Byakuya, this is why I can't love you. Why I shouldn't love you."

"Renji, if you truly don't love me, why do you let this child live? Why keep a part of me with you?"

"…"

"If you want to forget about me and that night, why do you let my child grow inside you? Letting it live like a parasite, stealing away your energy."

"It's because it's my child!" Renji shouted with tears in his eyes, "Regardless of who the father is, I will love this child because he is a part of me. He completes me."

Suddenly Renji felt a pang of pain in his lower abdomen.

"Ugghh…" he moaned and put his hand on his stomach.

"Renji! Renji, are you okay?" Byakuya asked, his voice was genuinely worried and lost all of its calmness

"Bya…Byakuya…It hurts…"

Byakuya suddenly understood what Renji was going through. But wasn't he just about 7 months?

"Renji, calm down. Try to breathe evenly. I'll get Unohana-taichou for you," Byakuya said as he carried Renji and laid him down on the bed.

"No! Don't leave… me… alone…" Renji said as he winced from the pain.

"Someone has to get Unohana-taichou, Renji."

"Then just take me to her!" Renji shouted as the pain he was feeling increased.

Byakuya didn't have time to think. All he wanted to do was to release Renji from the pain he was feeling. So he carried Renji and flash stepped toward the Fourth Division.

Byakuya had never felt so worried in his life before. He was so worried that he did not even care that he had lost all of his composure.

Renji was clinging to Byakuya like his life depended on it. He was feeling so much pain, more physical pain than he ever thought possible. The only comfort he had was the warmth of Byakuya's body.

Byakuya went directly inside Unohana-taichou's office, where he found the very calm captain and a bed.

"Byakuya, you can lay him down here," Unohana-taichou said.

Byakuya did as he was ordered and gently laid Renji on the bed. Unohana-taichou immediately prepared for what was coming.

"Byakuya, may I ask you to go outside now?" she asked politely of Byakuya, who still held Renji's hand so tightly.

Byakuya was starting to reluctantly let go but Renji held on to his hand tighter.

"Don't leave me," he begged.

"Renji, you're going to go through a caesarean section. Byakuya needs to go outside," She explained.

"If he's not here with me I won't survive," Renji said with tears.

Byakuya did not know if these tears were of the pain Renji was feeling or if it was for want of keeping him there.

Isane-fukutaichou had already injected Renji with anesthetics. The pregnant man was already feeling dizzy. His tight grip on Byakuya was already weakening.

As Renji finally lost consciousness and his hand lost its grip Byakuya was again asked by Unohana-taichou to leave. Byakuya did not struggle. He found his feet willing to comply despite his heart telling him not to leave.

He waited patiently outside Unohana-taichou's office. He was nervous and excited at the same, though his face tried hard not to express it, but anyone looking really hard could see it was there.

Is this what all fathers go through? This mixed emotion of happiness and fear?

"Uwahhh!"

Byakuya heard a slap then a loud cry. As he realized that this was his child's cry, all fear disappeared from his heart and a small smile made its way to his face.

A few minutes later, Unohana-taichou made her way outside to meet Byakuya. What Byakuya saw on her face was not an expression of happiness but one of complete despair. Byakuya was confused. He did hear his child cry, right?

"Byakuya, we need to discuss some matters," she said in a low voice and led him to what appeared to be a vacant hospital room.

"Unohana-taichou, what is this about?" Byakuya asked, trying to keep his voice calm and steady.

"It is about Renji and your child." She replied.

"Yes, I figured that much but what of them? I heard my child cry, did he not?" he asked.

"Byakuya, it's more complicated than that," she paused, "You do know that that the normal gestation period for pregnant females is 40 weeks, right?"

"Yes, I have heard."

"Renji is only at about 30 weeks today."

Byakuya did not respond. He knew what this could mean. The cry of his child could be the death of Renji.

"Is he well?" Byakuya asked.

"He is fine. He just needs rest. The strain of giving birth was too much for him."

"Then what are we discussing?" Byakuya asked, surprising at himself for the momentary loss of control.

"Renji," she said softly, "He was pregnant with twins."

Byakuya paused to process the information he was given.

"Was?"

"Yes, he was."

"You mean…"

"I'm so sorry, Byakuya. I did everything I could," the normally calm captain said, but now tears threatened to fall from her eyes.

"Why? Tell me why! Was it my fault?"

"It's not completely your fault. There were a number of factors that led to this. First of all, Renji is a man, despite his female parts. This was already a high-risk pregnancy without considering multiple births. Secondly, we were unaware of that Renji was pregnant with twins."

"How could that be?"

"He never underwent an ultrasound. All I could do to check the health of the baby was to feel his reiatsu. And since they were twins, their reiatsu was identical."

"I see."

"Lastly, emotional stress. You confronted him today didn't you?"

"I had to. He was carrying my child. I cannot ignore that fact."

"Byakuya, I understand your need to converse with him about that fact but I wish that you were more…"

"I tried to be. But, it was him. He kept refusing me."

"I am not blaming you for anything Byakuya. I understand that you love Renji, but this is someone's life and heart we are talking about. I am not taking sides but you should have been more considerate, knowing his condition."

"If I was considerate all the time, I would lose everything that is important to me," Byakuya said, his voice bordering rage and tears. "Right now, he is all I want; all I need."

Both Byakuya and Unohana-taichou were unaware of the other man standing just a few feet away.

"So it was you," the man said, pointing at Byakuya, "It was you who did this to him!"

The man ran towards Byakuya and grabbed him.

"Hisagi-fukutaichou, calm down!" Unohana-taichou said in an alarmed voice.

"How can I calm down when this…this person did such an unforgivable thing to Renji? And you dare call yourself a noble," Shuuhei shouted in Byakuya's face as he shook the other man by the collar, "I promised myself that I would kill the damn bastard who did that to him."

"And be responsible for causing my child to be orphaned?" Byakuya said.

"How dare you even call him your son? You have no right!"

Byakuya fell silent as he realized that what Shuuhei said was the truth. He also remembered what Renji had said to him; Shuuhei is the child's father now.

"I will never forgive you! Don't even think of coming close to Renji or my child!" said the normally calm fukutaichou as he released Byakuya's collar with a push.

He stormed out of the room and headed to look for Renji.

…

…..

I guess I brought this upon myself. If only I had told you my true feelings. If I had only discovered what I felt for you on time. If only I could have thrown away my stupid pride and told that I love you.

Byakuya was looking at his child in the incubator; it's glass the only thing preventing him from touching the small being that was made from his seed.

My child, do not grow up to be a coward like me. Do not let what is important to you pass by. Fight for what you truly love and love it truly.

Moments that felt like hours passed and Byakuya made his way to Renji's room.

He saw the red headed man lying on the bed with a tired expression on his face. Byakuya drew closer.

I have caused you so much pain.

Byakuya stood beside Renji's bed, observing the tired man. He then took one of Renji's hands in his and his other hand gently caressed Renji's face. He took note of Renji's slow steady breaths and the warmth of the skin beneath his hands.

"I'm sorry, Renji, but I can't leave you alone," Byakuya said after planting a soft kiss on Renji's forehead. He then left the room before anyone saw him.

Despite what Shuuhei had warned him and what Renji had told him, Byakuya was not backing down this time. He intended to take what was rightfully his, both his child and Renji's heart. He told himself he wouldn't care what other people would think. Perhaps this was his way of showing his love. It might not be the most expressive way, but who knows? It might just work.

I was kinda being lazy that's why it took me so long to post this chapter…

Please forgive me.

Thank you for reading this chapter and please, if you can, give me some feed back.