Okay, guys, I hast finally decided to write the next chappie. You should all be overly ecstatic.

Oh, and I was riding the bus home today and thinking of nothing in particular, when suddenly this question came to me; are Iggy, Fang and Gazzy circumcised? Crazy, odd, and weird question, I know, but it's been dogging me since then. I MAY BE ODD AND HAVE A DIRTY SENSE OF HUMOR, BUT I DO THINK ABOUT STUFF! I really don't know what else I have to say to that. Please read on.

Fang POV

"Guess what?" Nudge asked as we sat at the table for breakfast. It was morning (obviously, otherwise we wouldn't be eating breakfast), and the sun had just about risen.

"What?" I asked, staring at Iggy's butt while she made us pancakes.

"I'm growing a mustache!"

The outburst caught me off-guard, and I turned my gaze to Nudge's face in surprise.

"A mustache?"

"Yeah! Isn't it great?" Nudge advertised his upper lip, where, indeed, facial hairs had begun to grow.

"Uh, sure Nudge. It's awesome."

Iggy turned back towards us with a grin. "Nudge, you're growing a mustache? That makes you very manly."

"You think? Because I thought so too." Nudge nodded. "I think it got a lot longer since last night. What should I do with it when it grows out?"

Iggy tapped her chin thoughtfully, stirring the pancake batter. I went back to staring at her butt.

"You should wax it."

"You think?" Nudge went cross-eyes trying to look at his mustache.

"Yeah," Iggy nodded. "Waxing is cool. It makes you look French."

"Hmm…" Nudge stared off into the distance, stroking his mustache with one finger.

Iggy suddenly let go of the wooden spoon she was using to mix and doubled over laughing.

"What?" I asked.

"I dunno… must be hormones," Iggy managed, still crouched near the floor. "You know, they can do that to you on your period."

I blushed when Iggy mentioned that, because of course it made me think of her… you know.

"Fang!"

I turned to see Angel glaring at me and wearing… a leather jacket. Yeah. A leather jacket.

"What? What is it?" I asked, panicked.

"Stop checking Iggy out!"

I stood there for a moment, my mouth gaping. I assume I looked pretty much like a fish just then. Nudge fell silent, and Iggy stopped laughed and looked at me with the weirdest expression. Then she stood and walked over.

I panicked, pretty much freaking right there. Great. Now my best friend knew I thought he-she was hot.

"Do I really look that good?" Iggy asked thoughtfully.

"Uh…" I managed.

Angel shook his head and pulled the sleeves of his leather jacket down, walking over to sit next to Nudge.

"Because, dude, you realize I'm still a guy? Most of the time."

"What do you mean, most of the time?"

Iggy looked around, you know, as best she could being blind and all, then put her hand to the side of her mouth and whispered.

"I'm sort of bipolar most of the time. Ya know. Guy one second, chic the next. As you probably noticed, now I'm a guy." I raised an eyebrow and looked down at Iggy's rather promiscuous shirt – it showed a lot of cleavage. Iggy then rolled her eyes. "In my mind, not my body."

"Ah…" I continued to stare at her. "Uh, I'm a guy all the time."

Iggy cracked a grin. "That would explain a bunch. Like you checking me out, for starters. And drooling over that chic at the checkout at Ben & Jerry's."

"I was not!" I objected, putting my hands on my hips.

"Whatever you say, oh Fang of previously-few words. I know how a guy sounds when he's checking a girl out. I was a horny guy too, remember? I know all."

I stuck my tongue out at her, aware that she couldn't see. At least she'd be able to smell my morning breath.

"You know, it really hurts my feelings when you never tell me what you guys are doing," Iggy suddenly spoke up, and her expression turned from smug and smirking to hurt and shy.

"Oh, uh, I was sticking my tongue out at you," I said immediately, caught off-guard by her sudden girlyness.

Iggy smiled softly. "Thanks. I'd appreciate it if you did that more in the future. I hate being left in the dark."

"Uh, um, sorry."

"It's fine. Let me go finish the pancakes." Iggy turned and walked gracefully back to the stove, where my eyes instantly fell to her, yes, butt. But I shook my head out of it.

That little encounter had just reminded me that Iggy was my brother. My guy friend. He wasn't really a girl any more than I was. It wasn't right for me to try to get it with him.

However, I decided, it wasn't hurting anyone to continue checking him out…

Hey, don't judge me, I'm a horny teenage guy! On the inside, at least.

"WOW!" Nudge suddenly shouted, jumping out of his chair.

"Whoa, that's sort of weird," Angel added.

"What is it?" Iggy asked, turning to them. I looked at Nudge and gasped.

"NUDGE! How did that happen?"

Nudge shook his head, mystified, as he stroked his now full, bushy mustache.

"I was just sitting there, and had this tingly feeling. Then the mustache grew!"

"EEP!"

There was a pause, and thumping of feet running down stairs.

"I'm not sure, but was that Max?" Iggy asked, and just then, Max burst into the room.

"MUSTACHE!" he shouted. And yes, he now bore a rather long and very bushy mustache.

"Yay! You have one too!" Nudge cheered, jumping up from his chair. "And yours is so full and beautiful!"

"MUSTACHE!" Max shouted again, turning to me and gesturing emphatically.

"Yes, Max, it's a mustache," I answered, and suddenly wished that Max was still a girl so, you know, she'd have boobs instead of a mustache. Mustaches aren't all that sexy on girls.

"MUSTACHE!" he shouted, turning to Nudge and Angel.

"Oh! Let's go wax ours together!" Nudge cheered, grabbing Max's arm and dragging him out of the room.

"MUSTACHE..!" Max's final wail echoed in the kitchen for several seconds.

There was then absolute silence as Angel, Iggy and I all stared in each other's general directions.

"Well, that was extremely awkward," I said.

"No way, you think?" Iggy asked, grinning. Oh, back with his guy persona. "Oh, and Max and Nudge had mustaches? What'd they look like?"

"Well," Angel began. "They were very long. And very, very bushy. And lush and glossy. And very beautiful."

Iggy raised an eyebrow.

"Wait a second. How did they randomly grow mustaches? I mean, it's not like Fang and I had 'very long, very, very bushy, lush, glossy, beautiful' mustaches when we were boys."

Angel pondered that for a second.

"It must have to do with them changing into a boy. All their hormones and genes and stuff changing. And suddenly, their mustaches are as long as they would be if they had always been guys and had never shaved," was his response. Iggy nodded thoughtfully.

"I wonder if my mustache would have been long and bushy and glossy and beautiful if I had never shaved it. Did they look good, Fang?"

I thought for a moment. "Yeah, I guess, for girl-turned-guy mutant bird-kids with mustaches. Yeah, they really did look good."

Iggy smirked. "I hope they don't shave them. I wanna feel them first."

Ella suddenly walked into the room, looking behind her as she went with a perplexed expression.

"Why the heck do Max and Nudge have long, bushy mustaches? Oh, Iggy, that shirt looks really good on you by the way."

Iggy blushed. "Thanks. And apparently they grew them in about ten seconds."

"Hmm…"

Dr. Martinez walked in next with Gazzy, both looking behind them as Ella had.

"How come..?" Dr. Martinez began, but Iggy cut her off.

"They grew them," she said shortly.

"Hmm…"

"That was my response!" Ella burst.

"Hmm…" Gazzy copied Dr. M.

"MUSTACHE!" came the faint voice of Max from wherever he and Nudge were.

"YES, MUSTACHE!" echoed Nudge's answer.

Iggy put out plates of pancakes and we all sat to eat. A few minutes later, Nudge and Max entered the room bearing spectacular handlebar mustaches, waxed to perfection. Max looked dazed, and Nudge looked euphoric.

"MUSTACHE!" Max squealed, and Iggy nodded, patting his shoulder and guiding him to his seat.

"Yes, Max, mustache. Now sit, and eat your pancakes."

Max complied, getting syrup in his mustache.

"I'm totally keeping mine!" Nudge informed us all.

"Mustache!" Max peeped through his mouthful of pancakes.

"Yes, yes, it's all fine," Iggy whispered softly, patting his arm. Max shuddered and went back to eating.

"Really?" Ella asked, looking doubtfully at Nudge's spectacular mustache.

"I like it," Nudge answered defensively.

"You might want to trim it," Dr. Martinez said, also looking doubtful. "I don't think an eleven-year-old with a handlebar mustache is quite normal."

Nudge crossed his arms and pouted.

"Mustache," Max sighed, pushing his cleaned plate away.

I shook my head. This family was pretty fucked up.

"Don't say 'fuck'," Angel said absentmindedly.

"What did you just say?" Max asked, snapping out of his daze and frowning murderously in Angel's direction. Angel shifted in his leather jacket.

"Uh… I thought Fang said it out loud!" Angel protested, holding up his hands.

Max turned to me. I have to admit, his handlebar mustache really increased the potency of his death glare.

"WASN'T ME!" I screamed, and jumped up and rushed out of the kitchen. I heard Iggy laughing at me from back in the kitchen.

"Maybe I should keep the mustache, too," Max said thoughtfully.

"NO!" Ella and Gazzy shouted simultaneously.

"Why?" Max sounded slightly hurt.

"It… well… let's just say it looks a lot better on Nudge," Ella replied uncomfortably.

"YOU ARE DESTROYING MY SHITTY SENSE OF INDIVIDUALITY!" Max screeched, leaping up and rushing out of the kitchen. I ducked behind an armchair to hide.

"A handlebar mustache that can increase the deadlyness of death glares gives her a sense of individuality?" Dr. Martinez whispered.

"YES!" Max shouted. "BESIDES, IT COULD BE WORSE! I COULD CUT IT SO I LOOK LIKE HITLER!"

"NOOOO! MAX, DON'T RUIN YOUR BEAUTIFUL MUSTACHE BY MAKING IT A HITLER 'STACHE!" Nudge wailed.

I shook my head and waited for Max to exit. Then I entered the kitchen again and finished my pancakes.

"I'M CUTTING IT OFF!" Max shouted from what I assumed was the bathroom. "OH, LOOK, THERE GOES THE RIGHT SIDE!"

"Max, don't do it!" Nudge shouted, getting up and rushing to the bathroom.

"THERE GOES THE LEFT SIDE! OH, THERE GOES THE MIDDLE! OH, IT'S ALL GONE!"

"NOOOOOOO!" Nudge sobbed, and a few moments later they both returned, Max with a cleanly-shaven face and Nudge with tears streaming down his cheeks and dripping off his handlebar mustache.

The rest of breakfast was spent with Max glaring at everyone at the table with his arms crossed, and Nudge softly crying – in a very manly way, he'll assure you – into his pancakes.

Afterwards, Max made his way to his room, and Nudge went to the bathroom. Me, Angel, Gazzy, Iggy and Ella were in the living room when suddenly, we heard them both shout.

"WHOA, WAY COOL!" came Nudge's voice.

"EEP!" Max shouted. "BEARD!"

Hmm… quite an awkward, very random chapter. I hope you enjoyed it. I made it extra-long, just for you guys. Please review!