Disclaimer : I don't nor ever will own Harry Potter

Lines

Using sticking charms to place bows on top of frog's heads then releasing them into Professor Umbridge's office is not amusing.

Professor Snape does not need to 'get laid'.

Teaching peeves to sing the 'banana phone' song (or any other annoying repetitive songs) should be punishable by death.

The whomping willow does not have PMS.

Spaying Febreeze on professor Quirrel is insensitive.

Firenze does not appreciate death metal.

The fifth floor should never be used as an ice rink.

Drawing a moustache on the headmasters/mistresses portraits (in permanent marker or otherwise) is wrong.

Crystal balls would not make better goldfish bowls with a bit of work.

The Acromantula do not appreciate socks.

Professor Filtwick has heard every joke conceivable about his height.

Sending shampoo as a Christmas present to Severus Snape is a form of bullying.

For the sake of everyone's sanity I will not ask Lilly Evans to go on a date with me.

I will not break into the staff's 'secret' liquor store.

Moaning myrtle's name was given to her because she whinges not for any other reason.

Harry's name is not Bambi.