The archdemon was gone, and we survived. Together, side by side.

That is when my nightmare truly begun.

Alistair had made it clear that I couldn't bear his child, to give him an heir to the throne. The moment I made him king, the words I heard out of his mouth shattered me into so many different pieces. I was in shock.

I had the notion, at the Landsmeet, I would give him a shake up. I would declare myself queen, next to Alistair. I shook my head, a chuckle escaping my lips.

But there was part of me, a somewhat traditional part of me, who held back. I was the last Cousland. Nobility second only to royalty, and we were in so thick in love. I wanted Alistair to make the first move, to publicly declare his love, to propose. What reason could there possibly be, for us not to get married? I was a fool, and a big one at that.

Days before the biggest battle of our lives, and here I was, playing the fool, hearing the words shatter me. It's beyond me why he chose to shatter those dreams, in front of all the friends I had gathered. It was a mere brave face. The moment he returned to camp, I threw biggest tantrum any of my companions had ever seen. Then I had retired to my room, and screamed myself to sleep, much like a naughty child.

I have my suspicions, that while I slept, several particular friends had a good lecture at Alistair. He had been sporting a black eye, scratches and several magic induced bruises, which Wynne had simply refused to treat. It warmed my black heart.

Still, it made little to no difference. Morrigan had offered to spare her life, while furthering her plans. I am still unsure of her plans, but I am certain I will find out, sooner or later, for better or worse. Breaking that news to Alistair was hard, however, and in a sense, I gave him away to an apostate who I called my sister.

I avoided Alistair at all costs, for every time he smiled at me, every time our eyes locked, every time he laughed, another part of my heart felt like it was about to be ripped out of my chest.

It had barely been a month when the news hit me, and being honest, it felt like Fort Drakon had fallen out of the sky and pinned me to the ground. Alistair was to get married, to a lovely woman from the Bannorn. I knew her, once. She had been sent to Highever to study governance for a year. I had studied alongside her, and, dear maker, she was lovely. She was polite, calm and fair. What was even better, is that she was perfectly capable of managing the kingdom, and most willing to do the jobs Alistair hated. That alone, made him happy.

I wanted Alistair to marry a dragon. Someone who Ferelden would hate, spur, reject. I wanted to hear them say, that I was the better choice. I wanted to give Alistair something to think about, his mistake. But there has it – he picked the rose amongst the weeds. Again, I was more the fool.

I was nowhere near the end of my nightmare. The Darkspawn just refused to die, to go back underground. This took most of my time, and eventually I pushed him to the back of my mind. A stern, harsh leader I may have been to the new recruits, but I commanded respect with fairness.

The latest recruit I was searching for, however, was rumoured to be in Denerim. It was an elf in the Alienage, who had been imprisoned for theft. She had then escaped, but not after stealing thirty sovereigns from the prison, and delivering the money to orphans. Rumour was she was to be put to death. I had to find her, before it was too late.

The worst part of it all is I had no idea where to start. With time ticking sweetly away, I had no choice. I was to confront Alistair, and his fiancée to request to see this girl before she was put to waste.

The meeting had gone smooth enough, and he had been most helpful – a promise that she will have the option of joining the grey wardens, his agreement she would be perfect for the job. He, proudly, "introduced" me to Amelia, his fiancée. Perhaps he thought my feelings for him had died with the Archdemon. Perhaps his brain died with the Archdemon instead.

We exchanged pleasantries, and she smiled a genuine smile, and hugged me. She was glad I did not die with my family. She was so glad, and told me how she cried for days and days upon hearing the news. She had looked at me straight in the eye, and asked me to be her maid of honour. To be there on their big, glamorous day, helping the love of my life marry another. What a cruel, cruel world this is.

Afterwards, she had asked to walk with me to my room. We talked about life at Highever, and the things we did miss so dearly. Then she turned to me, tears in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry" She had whispered.

I could only stare into her blue eyes, confusion bubbling up around me. I must have looked like an idiot, and I sure felt like one.

"W-What on Ferelden could you possibly be sorry for?" I stammered.

"I know you love him." She whispered while holding her head low. "The whole of Ferelden knows it, and I am not a fool."

Forget I said I felt like Fort Drakon landed on top of me, it was the whole of Denerim.

"That is in the past." I shrugged. "I am a Grey Warden now, no longer a Cousland."

She had shaken her pretty little head, her dark hair flowing around her. She wore it down, just like I had while I travelled with Alistair and our friends.

"Nobody can take away your heritage, Elissa. What I am saying, is that I know you love him, and I know how hard this must be for you. I am so grateful you do not hate me for this." She embraced me in her tight hug. I hugged her back, lightly. I have never felt like that before. I wanted to chop her head off, at the same time I felt like she was being genuine. All I could think is to keep breathing, keep breathing.

Eventually she pulled away, looking me in the eye.

"He loves you too, you know?" I didn't know if that was a question or statement. Maybe it wasn't Denerim after all, it was the whole of Ferelden, landing on top of me with such force.

"I'm sorry...I shouldn't be saying this" She whispered. "You look horrified. I just wanted to thank you, and tell you the truth." She turned to leave, daring to curtsy before she left. "I do love him, and I promise to take care of him...I just hope, that one day, he will love me as much as he loves you."

And she ran, bolting down the hallways. She didn't want to know what I had to say back to that, and that made me grateful. I had crawled into my bed, wishing it would just eat me up.

But the nightmare was nowhere near over.

It seemed even Alistair couldn't find this mysterious elf, and none of his guards could turn up any leads. Eventually, I took matters into my hands. In the darkest corners of Fort Drakon, I found her, battered and broken, and still warm. Her life had been taken by one of the less...honourable guards, after having his way.

I had lost my temper, and hunted that man down with a vengeance. I had snuck back out of fort Drakon, with all the stealth I could muster, all the skill that had treated me so well before. I had returned to my room to clean myself up, to see the climax of my nightmare stare me in the face.

Amelia was lying on my bedroom floor, her blood pooling around her. I must have cried out, or screamed before I realised what I was doing.

That's when the guards found me. I was covered in blood, and to any passerby, one plus one, equals two. I had blood, human blood, covering my swords, while kneeling over the body of the still warm queen to be.

No matter what skill I had in reasoning, it would not pull me out of this one unscathed. I think I stood dumfounded, watching the room fill with guards who wanted to take me down. I did not defend myself, and stared straight to the door, where the face of the new king stared at me with the most horrified expression I had ever seen. Then it went black.