Summary:

The story picks up in New Moon right before Bella jumps off the cliff. This time, Jacob stops her in time and her life moves on in a completely different direction. Five years later, tragedy brings the Cullen family back to Forks to help pick up the pieces of a shattered heart. Initial Jacob/Bella will eventually be Jasper/Bella. AU. Rated M for language and lemons.

Disclaimer- All recognizable copyrighted and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners, most especially Stephenie Meyer. Everything else belongs to the respective author.

Song- Fumbling Towards Ecstasy (acoustic version) by Sarah McLachlan

~**~**~

I knew that this was the stupidest, most reckless thing that I had done yet. The thought made me smile. The pain was already easing, as if my body knew that Edward's voice was just seconds away….

…I stepped out to the edge, keeping my eyes on the empty space in front of me. My toes felt ahead blindly, caressing the edge of the rock when they encountered it. I drew in a deep breath and held it…waiting.

New Moon by Stephenie Meyer pages 357- 358

"Bella".

His voice wasn't the one I was expecting to hear. This voice was rougher, huskier…closer. I looked in the direction of the voice and there, kneeling not five feet from where I stood, was Jacob.

"Jake?" I asked in disbelief, "What's going on?"

He shifted slightly toward me, his eyes never leaving my face while he spoke. "Bells, I need you to take one big step back from the edge of the cliff, please." I did as he asked and then repeated my previous question.

"Bella," He began, calmly, never breaking eye contact with me. I could sense from his shift in posture that he was trying to exude compassion and reassurance.

Oh holy crap! He thinks I'm trying to kill myself. He thinks that he has to try to talk me down from this ledge!

The sudden awareness caused me to turn toward him with a step, "Jake, look I wasn't…"

"No, Bella," he said firmly yet quietly, "Stay exactly where you are and listen to me. Bella, above all things, you are safe. I want you to know that, okay?" I nodded even though I still had absolutely no clue as to what he was talking about. He continued,

"We chased Victoria into the ocean. I raced back here because I knew you would be on the beach.

Honey, she's coming.

Through the ocean.

Right now."

My hand flew to my mouth to stifle the scream that threatened to escape. My eyes quickly scanned the now raging gray sea far below me.

"Bells, honey, it's okay. She is not going to hurt you. We are all here. This is going to end now. Embry and I are up here to keep you safe."

At Jacob's words, I suddenly became aware of a presence to the other side of me. I turned my head to see a large gray wolf with black spots down his back, half hidden in the trees that bordered the edge of the cliff. He didn't acknowledge Jake or me; he just sat and watched, sniffing the air constantly, his muscles twitching restlessly under his thick fur.

"The rest of the pack is hiding down below, ready to take her when she comes ashore. All you have to do is stand right where you are, Sweetheart okay?"

I nodded numbly. I understood what was happening. I was being used to draw Victoria from the water. The thing that she wanted most, clearly displayed at the top of this cliff. Like a cherry on top of a frigging ice cream sundae.

"She is so damn evasive. If there were any other way, if we could do this without you, we would. She is not going to hurt you, I swear it, Bella." His eyes implored me as his words left me wondering if he was trying to convince me or himself.

I scanned the water again and that is when I saw it, a brilliant amber flame glowing on the water moving at an unnatural speed toward me. I glanced at Jake to see if he had seen it as well. In his place stood a giant russet wolf whose eyes held the promise his lips could no longer voice. I am here, you are safe, I love you.

I inhaled deeply and returned my gaze to the water. Her eyes locked with mine and were burning so strongly with the intensity of her hatred and desire for my life that I was almost knocked backward. She wanted this over just as badly as I did. Her need to avenge her fallen mate overpowered her sense of self-preservation. As she swam toward the wall of rock at the base of the cliff and began to plan her ascent up the cliff face, her eyes never left mine. I could see that she was being driven forward solely by her hatred of Edward, the Cullens and, by extension, me. All of her efforts were about to culminate in the achievement of her final goal, my elimination. She was so deeply focused on this fact that she was oblivious to the pack of wolves she was heading towards. I wanted to keep it that way. I knew that if she lost her focus for even a minute, her natural instincts for self-preservation would kick in and they would lose her again. She seemed to falter momentarily when she reached the base of the cliff, so I did the only thing that I could. I taunted her, effectively adding the sprinkles and whipped cream to the top of the sundae. Keeping my eyes on hers, I smirked. Then I whispered, knowing that she could hear me as well as if I shouted it,

"Bring it, Bitch!"

Victoria's scarlet eyes turned to pitch at my words. Her lips curled over her teeth in a snarl and a vicious growl sounded from deep within her chest. She crouched low as she prepared to launch herself up the cliff face. At that moment, three wolves approached her from behind. The two wolves standing with me on the cliff launched themselves over the edge and down onto the stunned vampire below. The five of them converged on her at once and I stood and watched in alternating abject horror and unending glee as they easily ripped and tore her into more pieces than I could count. The sound was deafening and echoed thunderously through the mountains and across the ocean.

When they were finally finished, I saw the large black wolf that I knew to be Sam, walk away from the group and into the surrounding forest. I felt the first drops of rain hit my face as he returned moments later in his human form. The rest of the wolves had gathered Victoria's remains into a pile and were taking positions around it while Sam moved to the center. He worked quickly for a moment with his back to me and then the dismantled heap that once represented my greatest fears was aflame. It was only then that I allowed myself a deep breath. The large russet wolf sat facing me from down below, just to the right of where the fire burned brightly. His eyes watched me warily.

"I'm fine, Jake," I said in my normal speaking voice, pretty certain that he could hear me. "Better than fine, actually. I can never thank you enough for what you did. She would have never stopped until… well," I swallowed thickly as the tears suddenly threatened to spill over. "She wouldn't have stopped. Thank you all so much."

Four other heads turned to look at me, and nodded in unison with Jake. Sam said something to Jake who then disappeared into the surrounding trees as the rain began in earnest. I stayed where I was even though I suddenly became aware of how cold I'd become and how increasingly wet I was getting by the minute. Very soon, however, I felt warm arms wrap around me from behind and I relaxed into him instinctively. He lifted me off of my feet and, turning toward the road, began walking me toward my truck.

He drove us to his place in a comfortable silence with me tucked into his side. His warmth was so soothing that, despite being soaked to the bone, I felt more relaxed than I had in a very long time.

The house was dark and silent when we arrived. Jake went straight to his room, pulled some clothes out of his closet and handed them to me. I looked at the pile of gray fleece knowing that it would be way too big for me to even attempt to wear. I shook my head slightly and reached for a red T-shirt that was folded on his bed instead. I slipped down the hall and into the bathroom. I decided to have a quick shower to help me warm up before donning Jake's T-shirt. I was towel drying my hair when there was knock on the bathroom door. I opened it to see Jake standing there, now also in dry clothes, holding a mug of hot chocolate. I took it with a smile, hung up my towel beside my dripping clothes already on the rack and followed him back down the hallway to his bedroom. I climbed onto his bed, adjusting his shirt on me as it dipped over my shoulder. I pulled the bottom of the shirt over my knees and tucked my feet under his sage green comforter. I leaned back against the headboard and took a sip of the hot chocolate with a sigh.

He settled in at the foot of the bed and just watched me as I took another sip from my mug. It was then that I realized that we had yet to speak one word out loud to each other since reuniting on the cliff.

"You okay, Jake?" I whispered, looking at him over the top of my mug.

"Yeah, Bells, guess I'm just processing everything, you know?" I nodded, I knew exactly what he meant.

"Can I ask you a question though, Bells?" I nodded again.

"When I found you at the edge of the cliff," he took a deep breath,"were you getting ready to jump? 'Cuz that's sure what it looked like to me." His dark eyes radiated his concern but I couldn't find one ounce of judgment in their depths.

"No, Jake, of course I wasn't going to jump. I mean, I was thinking about the two of us jumping off together and I was getting impatient waiting for you and I wanted to see if it was really as high as it looked and…" Jake just raised one eyebrow and looked at me, his expression telling me that he wasn't buying my lie for one minute.

I sighed and closed my eyes.

"Why, Bells?" his whisper was rough with emotion.

"I don't know, Jake, I wasn't trying to kill myself…honestly." I pleaded, opening my eyes and looking directly into his. "I just, I don't know, felt pent up from the waiting, like I needed to dosomething, you know?" He nodded slowly as he thought about what I had said.

"So, you don't want to die?" I shook my head vehemently,

"No, Jake, I really don't" It was the absolute truth. With as much as I had been through recently and as empty as I felt, I didn't want to die.

"Good," he flashed me his classic 'Jake' grin, "because then I would be really pissed considering what we just did for you."

I nodded and smiled, 'Yeah, I could understand that."

"I was going to apologize to you, but I don't know if I will now, seeing as how you did intend to jump no matter what the reason." He shook his head but was still smiling.

"I don't know what you could possibly have to apologize for, Jake, I'm the dumb ass here, I think that we have clearly established that." I drank some more from my mug, relishing the feeling of comfort and peace that was seeping through me. It was enough to make me think that my wounded heart had finally healed itself once and for all. I knew that it was probably just the 'Jake' effect but I wanted so much to believe that it could be true.

"Well, Bella, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable when we were on the cliff because in my rush to stop you from jumping— I didn't stop to ." He was looking down into his hot chocolate as he spoke. Jake's cheeks were slowly taking on a rosy glow that his perpetually tanned skin could not hide.

I was incredibly proud of the fact that I was able to swallow the hot chocolate in my mouth without spewing it all over him.

"You mean you were sitting there naked?" I asked, totally stunned. How was it that I had not noticed that fact myself?

"Um, yeah, Bells, you mean you didn't even notice?" His embarrassment had apparently been overruled by his pride. I knew that I would have to tread very lightly if I was going to avoid offending him further.

"No, but to my credit, Jake, you kinda dropped a bomb on me there with the whole 'the deranged vampire who wants you dead is on her way here right now to finish the job so just stand there like a good little carrot and try not to do anything dumb like get yourself killed' speech." I teased, trying to keep it light but also feeling totally justified by that answer.

"Well, for the record, you were a very good little carrot. Kudos on the not getting yourself killed part, by the way." He teased right back but then added, "But, maybe next time, you could, um, I don't know, maybe, um, notice or something?" It came out like a question and his cheeks erupted in flames once again.

I smiled and nodded my head, "Yeah, Jake, I promise to notice next time, but just in case, maybe we should institute a new policy stating that if either one of us ends up appearing naked to the other at any time and for any reason then the nakeder has to let the nakedee know at the onset of the nakedness."

I was having a hard time suppressing my laughter and ended up bursting into a full-out fit of giggles when he deadpanned, "Nakedee? Seriously, Bella, have you considered Law School? Because you would totally rock at writing contracts that absolutely no one could understand."

"I know, right?" I asked doing my very best 'Legally Blonde' impression by pretending to smack my gum and twirl my hair around my finger while fluttering my eyelashes at him. We kept cracking up laughing as we tried to decide who would be the nakedee and who would be the nakeder. We could'nt come to an agreement on the appropriate terminology to use in the wording of our fictitious agreement. Finally, gasping for air and hanging onto my stomach because it hurt from laughing so hard, I called 'uncle'. I resigned to curling up into myself with my head on Jake's pillow facing toward the wall. My hope was that if I couldn't see his face, then he couldn't make me laugh anymore.

I felt the mattress shift under me as he pulled his quilt up over me and then lay down beside me. He draped his arm across my waist as he snuggled into me. I could feel his warm breath on the back of my neck and I felt enveloped by the musky cedar scent that was unmistakably Jake. I could feel the heat of his body against mine, working steadily through me. He was relaxing my muscles and easing away any residual strain that still existed after our harrowing encounter on the beach.

Logically, I knew that this wasn't a good idea. Even though we had held hands and cuddled together in the truck when driving or on the couch at Charlie's while watching a movie. The blatant intimacy that this moment suddenly created had me wondering if the carefully constructed walls of our friendship were about to be blown down. I was so very comfortable and it just felt so incredibly right that I just couldn't find it within myself to care. I justified it by reminding myself that Jake and I were friends and friends could snuggle together under the covers especially when the bed they were on was extremely small. It was definitely acceptable if not expected after being attacked by a vengeful, bloodthirsty vampire— one would think.

Content with this explanation, my mind began to drift to Romeo and Juliet. Throughout the history of time the star-crossed lovers have been admired and envied by old and young alike. We seem to be raised to be constantly on the search for a 'Romeo' or 'Juliet' of our very own. Which, once that I thought about it, seemed like an absolute lesson in stupidity. I guess I no longer saw the romance in angst and drama. From someone who had stood at that precipice more times then I wanted to admit, I felt that I could state quite honestly that the concept of 'dying for love' was not nearly as attractive as it may have once seemed. I would even venture to say that is was highly overrated. I could no longer see the sense in pursuing true love when I already knew that it only ripped your heart out and handed it to you once you've found it. What if Juliet had stayed with Paris? Would she have gotten a happily ever after? Definitely wouldn't have had the big screen impact of the original story but it sure was a very appealing concept to me at this point in time.

The arm that Jake had draped around my waist began to move. First to hold my hand as it lay on the bed in front of me and then to stroke my arm from my wrist to my shoulder and then back down to my hand. His fingers proceeded to trace along each of my fingers before journeying back up to my shoulder again. I felt him breathing into my hair, whispering words in both English and Quileute that I couldn't hear but could easily discern the emotion behind them.

I knew that he wanted me, knew that he loved me, and I knew that I loved him as best I could.

What I didn't know was if that was enough.

His body radiated desire and need and I knew that I had to make a choice very soon as we were definitely nearing the point of no return. I tried to turn in his arms but he held me firmly against him.

"Jake" I started, but he interrupted.

"Bells, I almost lost you today, please just let me hold you. Please, Bella, you don't realize how important you are. You don't have any idea how empty this world would be without you in it. God, Bella, don't you understand that I would die for you, willingly and without second thought because I love you that much, Bella? You are everything that is good and beautiful and pure, my Bella, my Bella." He whispered into my hair over and over in both English and Quileute again until his whispers became kisses. They were tentative at first but their fervor soon increased. He trailed from the top of my head down the side of my face, along my jaw, down my neck, culminating his effort at the place where my neck and shoulder met. It was an area of my body that I had never given much thought to but at that moment, with Jake kissing there and with such passionate abandonment, it became my most beloved and treasured body part.

I wondered how much it would cost to insure it. Celebrities were forever insuring their body parts, surely I could insure this Epicenter of Heaven. It was the only thing I could call it, what else could it possibly be called but that. Suddenly, I was made blissfully aware of the deep magic possessed by the Epicenter of Heaven as Jake's ministrations there began to completely erase the part of my brain that assumed logical functioning. Nothing was left except the words, Yes, Oh God, and More.

"Jake" I moaned in whisper. This time he let me roll to face him, wrapping his arms tightly around me once I was settled against him under the quilt again. His eyes were locked on mine. Those dark ebony pools held so much more emotion in their depths than either one of us could ever express. I was suddenly flooded with feelings of gratitude and love for all that Jake and the wolves had done to protect me. I knew with absolute certainty that he always would as long as there was breath in his body.

Jake was safety.

Jake was security.

Jake was here.

And he always would be.

I knew that the next words out of my mouth would decide the direction of our relationship and as I took a breath to speak, a voice resonated from within me. It caused me to gasp, especially since it wasn't the voice I was expecting to hear.

"Darlin' you deserve to be loved, let him love you. Today is your gift, Bella, it's all you have so you'd better make the most of it. Tomorrow is not a given so go on and make hay while the sun shines, sugar." Jasper's words drawled through my thoughts just as clearly as if they had been spoken aloud. I did not understand why I would suddenly be channeling not Edward but Jasper of all people. My diminished thought capacity in conjunction with my raging hormones decided that he was right and that this was advice worth taking. I could choose this and have some semblance of a happy life or I could wait for that which might never come and even if it did, it wouldn't guarantee happiness.

Jake watched me as I conceded to the voice and finally made my decision.

"I know that I'll never be able to thank you enough for today, Jake." I said, running the fingers of my free hand along his cheek and up in to his hair before settling at the nape of his neck. I lazily fingered the hair there as Jake's breathing increased. Both of his hands were rubbing circles up and down my back, moving lower with each pass. The huge shirt I was wearing had ridden up and was just barely covering my bottom.

"I would love to say that nothing like that will happen to me again, but it likely will. Danger follows me; it isn't exactly safe to be around me. Plus, I'm broken, Jake, I know that you know that. I don't know what I am capable of giving to you, if anything. But, I want to try, it might not be enough in the end, but I want to try. Is that alright?" I asked nervously, my voice shaking with the fear that he might just say no.

"Yes, Bella, oh my God, Yes!" Jake leaned in toward me, "I would gladly fight a hundred Victorias everyday for the rest of my life if it meant that I got to do this with you at the end of it." His lips then met mine effectively ending our discussion.

**Jake is biologically 16 years old even though he has the body of a fully matured adult man. What follows would be considered underage smexin' if you are uncomfortable with it, please do not read any further.**

Jake rolled onto his back so that I was laying on top of him hungrily devouring his lips and he mine. Kissing him was so different than kissing Edward. Jake's lips were warm and soft and they parted easily when my tongue licked across them. I got lost in him then, having never kissed anyone this deeply before. I came to the realization that the Epicenter of Heaven was not on my body, but was in fact created by Jake's mouth, his lips and his tongue all working together in perfect harmony. His hands roamed freely now up and down my body as far as he could reach, tangling in my hair for a moment before repeating their circuit again. His touch was electric and my body tingled with warmth and anticipation. I kept my hands at the side of his face, stroking his cheeks and into his hair. We moaned and panted into each other's mouths, never breaking our kiss. My body began to move against Jake's at its own volition.

At first, I felt self-conscious, but then Jake grabbed my hips, his body responding in kind which ignited a slow burn deep inside of me. I wasn't thinking, I was only feeling as our bodies moved together, primal instincts overriding advanced logic. Jake's large, warm hands were everywhere on my body. They were on top of and then underneath my shirt moving quickly to remove the offending item from me altogether. I moved just as fast to rid him of his T-shirt, enjoying the feeling of his muscular chest and arms beneath my fingertips as I explored him before pressing my now bare chest against his and continuing our kiss. There was a mutual gasp at the initial contact of my skin to his. Jake grabbed my bottom, covered only by the thin fabric of my underwear, and pulled me down into him. He thrust up in between my thighs and groaned at the contact, his thrusts continued and increased in pace.

The sensations he was causing in my body made me no longer capable of rational thought. I was completely lost to the moment. Living for it and nothing else. My body knew exactly what it wanted and how to get it. I moved my hands down Jake's chest and to the waistband of his sweatpants where I tugged them gently. Instantly, I was rolled to the side slightly and Jake began pulling down and kicking off his pants underneath the covers. When he was finished, he rolled me back on top of him and pulled the blanket up to my shoulders.

"Hey, Bells," he whispered hoarsely, never breaking eye contact with me, "I'm naked."

"Yes," I smiled, "I noticed, Jake." God, did I notice! There aren't words to describe what I was feeling beneath my body, well there are—but I wasn't coherent enough to think of them. My eyes stayed on his as I shifted on him slightly and moved my hands to my hips, hooking my thumbs into the waistband of my panties. Jake's hands quickly covered mine and together we began to slide them down my legs. When we could no longer reach, I used my foot to flick them off. I then looked down at my body pressed firmly against Jake's and then back up at him.

"Well, would you look at that, I'm naked too!" I gestured, as if I had no idea how that had happened.

"Is this what you want, Bella?" he asked, and I knew that he wasn't just talking about us lying naked together in his bed. I nodded, "Yes, Jake, this is what I want."

"Oh my God, Bella! I love you so much. You have no idea how badly I want this," he breathed.

I had a bit of an idea. Actually it was a pretty darn big idea and it was currently poking into my inner thigh and beginning to rub against me again in all the right ways. I pressed my lips to Jake's again, reveling in the feeling of being wanted so desperately. Edward was always so careful, his boundaries so defined. Logically, I knew why that was. But it didn't stop the feelings of rejection and inadequacy that would wash over me after each and every encounter with him. Being with Jake was erasing all of those memories. They were fading quickly away and I didn't miss them at all.

Jake's hands were everywhere on my body, massaging, touching, teasing my flesh, while his hips continued to move in a quickening rhythm with mine. He began to move his length purposely against me; I could feel its increasing slickness with each pass and knew that came from me. My eyes rolled back in my head and my whole body felt weak when Jake began hitting a particularly sensitive place at the apex of my legs.

My lips were beginning to feel very swollen from our feverish kissing, but I couldn't find it in myself to stop. I was making sounds that I have never made before as I moaned and writhed against Jake. He was responding in kind and then, more quickly then I could have thought possible, he rolled me onto my back. Jake hovered above me, his eyes locked on mine. I knew what was going to happen next. I had taken grade nine health after all. Yet, I felt disbelief. I couldn't believe that this was finally happening to me. I held onto Jake's shoulders, letting one hand ghost over his tattoo, tracing the intricacies of the pattern and attempting to steady my nerves. He positioned himself and then leaned forward. I gasped as he entered me.

I had read the description and, of course, had discussed this with friends who had 'gone all the way' but nothing that I had ever heard or read compared to what I was feeling in that moment. My body and Jake's body connected so completely.

My mind reeled and searched for the words and came up empty. Logic tried, and could do no better. Pain, wasn't there supposed to be pain? I realized that for a brief moment there had been a flare, but it had so quickly been healed by the searing heat of Jake's body that I hardly felt it. As he began to move in me, I only felt pleasure. Amazing, healing, freeing, pleasure coursed through every fiber of my being. I moved with him, still gripping his shoulders tightly. Jake shifted his weight slightly and moved a hand down to where we were joined. I gasped at the sensation and began moving erratically against him. I wondered how he knew to do this, but soon realized that I just didn't care. All I could think of was that I needed more of this, more of him. More, just more, for the love of God, more!

I felt the fire starting to burn hotter in my stomach and it slowly spread throughout my body until I felt engulfed in a raging inferno.

'Jake, I'm… I uh… I think… I'm gonna…I ungh!" I quite frankly didn't know what I was gonna do, but something was happening. I felt that I was instantaneously being pulled completely apart and stitched tightly together all at once. I began to chant Jake's name as I reached my arms over my head, grabbing at the wooden slats of his headboard and arching my back up off the small bed. The fire kept building within me until suddenly it consumed me and I cried out as my body convulsed and the most exquisite feeling coursed through me.

In that moment I felt as if I had been completely incinerated and at the same time re-born. Like the phoenix rising from the ashes of all that had been, I was created stronger and more whole than I had ever been before.

The aftershocks from the explosion continued to rock my body, as I focused on my creator who shifted onto his forearms resting on either side of me, and continued moving within me with an even stronger intensity then before. I wrapped my legs around his, resting my feet against his calves, using them as leverage as I met his thrusts.

"God, Bella, "he breathed, "did you?—I made you? I…Oh, God…"

His large hands gripped the sheets at either side of my head and I pulled my hands back from the headboard to cover his. He twined his fingers with mine and then pressed his lips to mine with such heated passion that it took my breath away. I felt his whole body tense and arch above me, every muscle fought against the onslaught of pleasure that was being unleashed in his body. I watched in awe as it overtook him and as the new man emerged from where the boy had just been. He yelled my name into the room and then collapsed on top of me, using his arms and legs to support his body weight so he wouldn't crush me. We remained joined, breathing heavily and sharing light kisses and whispers.

Eventually, Jake shifted off of me and I rolled so that we were lying on our sides facing the wall. Just as we had been before we had made love.

Made.

Love.

Jake and I had made love. I was feeling rather shocked as the evidence began to pool against my lower thigh. More coherent thoughts began entering my mind as I replayed what had just happened between us. I was caught between jubilation and disbelief. I could slowly feel my mind awaken and begin sifting and analyzing the events. As wonderful as it had been, there was a nagging feeling beginning to grow within me, telling me that I had forgotten something very important. I searched the instant replay for that detail that I had overlooked. I think that Jake must have been doing the same thing and that he arrived at the same realization about a half a second after I did.

"Bella," he breathed, "Honey, are you on that pill or patch thingy?"

I inhaled a shaky breath, closed my eyes and shook my head, "No, I'm not on any birth control, Jake."

He just nodded and pulled me in closer to his warm chest before whispering into the darkened room,

"Holy crap!"

**~**

A/N- Thank you to Sheils, my personal superhero and dealer of all things Twicrack and to BamaBabe, Touchstone67, MaitresseSaint, Mommybrook, NCChris, Kitty_Cullen, TishPhoenix and FrogQueenLaurel for their amazing friendship, encouragement and support. 3

A humungous bouquet of wheat and canola goes to my beta Meddz. This honestly would not be here without her. FPC 4Evah Bush Goddess! Mwah! xoxo

Thank you for taking the time to read my first fan fic ever. I would love to know what you think, but please be gentle…