An Enigmatic Man 7: The Memory of a Chilling Night

L files through his memory. With his eyes closed and both hands on his ears, he is intently concentrated and lost inside of himself. He is listening to the faint voices of his almost forgotten past. How could he possibly have forgotten? Disturbing images surface in his mind, disappearing and returning so fast that it has him feeling dizzy.

They rush past senselessly, escaping his perceptive mind. He tries to organise them, vainly, it's as if he was caught inside a whirlwind of memories. They are too fast, too faint to even grasp.

L realises that his mind has betrayed him bitterly and separated him from essential knowledge in order to protect him, as it sometimes happens with traumatised people. But it was not lost entirely.

He wants it to be retrieved, just like the red-eyed man, who watches him sadly from a distance, giving him space. He approached him in his dream solely for this purpose. To reunite L with his past and to make him understand his point of view. L wonders how the man perceives his surroundings through crimson eyes.

L takes his time, and eventually, the whirlwind slows, giving him access.

Images flash before his inner eye, surprisingly beautiful images. L can only catch a glimpse.

A clear lake glowing in midnight light. A wooden house. A vast field of green. Coloured lanterns, scarce sources of warm light in the almost unperturbed darkness. Wooden planks in dark shallow water. Peaceful, blissful silence, only the soft rustling of leaves and the sound of soft waves reaching the shore of the small lake. A gust of soft summer wind that cools his heated skin. A beautiful scenery.

A camp fire casting its glow on childlike features, catching in red and black eyes. Beyond and L sitting together, talking, idly chatting like fond friends with history. Smiles. Completely absorbed by the conversation and the other's presence. Watched by envious eyes from a window nearby.

This is bliss, a separate paradise existing within L's life as a detective, a job involving thousands of gruesome murders. They are far away now and do not occupy L's mind for the time being. Although his occupation makes up his life's purpose, he needs this as well. It keeps him together, as a human being. He cannot stay on one side entirely. L and Watari both know this and it is part of their concept to educate gifted children.

Someone calls for L, he cannot recover what's being said. He leaves Beyond at the camp fire, not without regret, and enters the wooden house. Mello is cutting vegetables for a barbecue and L joins in, with Matt and Near watching. It feels like a happy family vacation. L recalls the heart warming sensation of being together with people he deeply likes and whose presence he more than enjoys.

…

It feels so foreign to him now, long gone and almost entirely forgotten. Being together with Light felt similar…before the Higuchi case…but never this carefree. This is his childhood and not the Kira case, after all. A comparison is not possible. Uneasiness passes over his face, giving him a strained expression. Both so far away and yet so close to his heart that it hurts.

They leave the house together as they are finished with the preparations for the barbecue and join Beyond who is still sitting at the camp fire, unmoving and thoughtful, his chin in his hand. L notices his eyes are one with the fire, a fierce quality to them.

He is scolded by Mello for not helping with anything, but does not reply, as is his habit with people other than L. It's just like always, L protects Beyond and shrugs the matter off, leaving Mello sulking for a while.

As the smell of deliciously grilled meat and vegetables greets them, the dispute is soon forgotten and L recalls the sense of relief he felt each time when he had successfully managed to unite the ever arguing couple. Beyond who could never get along with anyone but him and L who always had to solve the conflicts he caused, no matter where he went or what he did. L suspected B of being a sociopath, although he couldn't be sure and never knew for a fact. Everyone he knew would have agreed eagerly, but L hates lightly passed judgement. L has a strong sense of justice, after all.

….

Back then, he was starting to doubt Beyond would ever make friends with anyone. Even L found it sometimes hard to deal with the red-eyed prodigy, but there were also these moments they shared. Nobody understood him this well, nobody was this mysterious and independent. Beyond always was special and….closest to him. L felt like Beyond looked right through him when he fixed his red orbs on him. In the beginning rather sceptical, due to his unclear past, L rather quickly warmed up to him and his walls fell. Beyond became less aggressive and sarcastic, he talked with L freely and honestly, but with him only.

They resembled one another, not only concerning their appearance, but also their personalities and their level of intelligence. They were a match. And L irrationally looked up to his fearless and nonchalant attitude. Maybe he was envious of him, too, despite the fact that he was the cherished idol, while Beyond ranked rather low and his presence generally was not appreciated.

Of course, their special and growing attachment showed. That was why Mello was jealous and why the others took his side as well. Beyond had infinitely altered their relationship and they felt estranged by him, the intruder. However, they were careful not to let their hostility show too much, since it angered L.

That night at the camp fire, glares were exchanged and L noticed the usual tension between the boys. He dismissed it as a minor fight, which it undoubtedly was in his eyes as well as in the others'. But the pair of red-eyes perceived another kind of reality, always had and always would. This, L could never understand. Beyond was not smiling anymore, L recalls. He dives back into his most mysterious and chilling memory. He remembers parts of a conversation.

….

The night sky expands over them, seemingly endless. There are no city lights, so they can see many stars and the various patterns they trace in the sky. Suddenly, L has an idea.

"Let's go watch the stars together before we go to sleep. Maybe I can teach you, in case you haven't studied astronomy yet, like me!" He says mockingly with a smile. L used to smile a lot back then.

"Like I'm in need of your advice. There's not a single thing left for you to teach me. But I bet I could lecture you on other things. " B says provocatively because Mello is around and easily angered.

"L, don't listen to him, he is incredibly insolent and entirely unworthy of your attention. Stargazing would be a great idea without the jerk." Mello sneered.

"Like what?" L laughs carefreely, not taking it as seriously as Mello. He likes the small challenges and doesn't consider them insolent.

"I'll make you see L, you'll be introduced to a completely new world…later. I'll make sure your mind is occupied….for a very long time." B says, his voice growing quieter, the last bit is whispered. Finally, he smirks, which does little to ease the tension.

"Geez, what a creep. Don't you know when to stop?"

"I'm looking forward to it, hard to believe though. You always make it sound so modest."

Matt takes an empty bucket to the lake to take care of the fire. Near follows to help him with carrying.

"Matt is not as lazy as he seems to be, L, see? He is starting to develop an interest in computers now, you know? Watari says he is exceptional in the field!" Mello exclaims proudly.

"So the little pain is actually good for something?"

"I'm sure he is. Was only a question of time until he found something which would truly interest him. Near is doing well, too."

"Yeah. He solves puzzles." Mello tries his best to ignore B now, like he was told countless times ("Show him who's smarter!").

"Not just puzzles, but cases, Mello."

"What? Why is he allowed to do that already and I'm not?"

"Are you that stupid? Because you're too rash with decisions and not composed at all. You lack even the basic skills of a detective. You explode all the time, and it doesn't take more than teasing to provoke a reaction. Take a look at L and compare. Well, no, I didn't actually say that."

"B…" L says warningly.

"Shut up! It's just you! It's only you who provokes me all the time! Because I cannot understand why you are even here and not in therapy where you belong, psychopath!"

B gets up from his seating position and faces Mello, who instinctively recoils at the sight of his menacing red eyes.

"I'm a high- functioning sociopath. Do your research."

L sighs at this and covers his eyes with his hands in desperation.

"That was not my point. You're too childish, but both of you. You weren't assigned a case, either, so stop judging Mello because you're not in the position to."

" Ha!"

B doesn't reply now. L has a point there. Besides, he wouldn't talk back now. But it angers him that he (L) would take Mello's side, not his. He knows it is irrational. He must not think like that. But he can't help it that he secretly rages inside, he can barely contain himself. It just doesn't show… He sees L. But L does not see HIM. What is this feeling…he cannot quite make something out of it. It's confusing and it's too much.

Mello and L continue to chatter away. Matt and Near return, emptying the bucket of clear lake water over the camp fire and joining the conversation. B grows silent once again, contemplating.

…

He remembers their latest argument. L taking him aside, expression set dead serious, black orbs boring into his own, red ones.

"B, you cannot continue like this."

" Why not? I'm satisfied with the way things are here."

" But I'm not."

" Ah, yeah. I forgot that your opinion is considered superior. How could I? So what can I do to make you feel at ease today?"

" Stop provoking. Stop being sarcastic. You're chasing everyone away. That way, you will never be accepted. Life at Whammy's means coexistence, which means you have to tolerate in order to be tolerated by others. You are a troublemaker and play pranks on my friends. "

"You think they will accept my eyes? You are just too cute, L. I'm defending myself; in advance!" B smiles at him, his eyes lighting up.

"Don't go there. When I'm looking at you, I don't see your eyes at all. It's just a colour, after all. Above all, it makes you special. It's just you."

"For once you are mistaken, L." B says softly.

That's the problem with you, L. You don't see me like I do. You don't see me like everybody else does. The hateful glares, the contempt in their eyes. But I see you and I see so much more.

I can see the numbers floating above your head, ticking away. And it's starting to drive me crazy. You're so carefree, despite your title…B thinks, expression growing softer. Maybe you're just pretending, for my sake.

"Don't use it as an excuse anymore. My patience won't be tried."

B realised in this instant at the Whammy's House, as L turned away, that he would never again find anyone like L. Someone willing to ignore his monstrous eyes and his eccentric character. Someone to consciously want him as a friend to this extent. L is special and maybe B is envious.

The decreasing numbers made him worry. The more he learned about his abilities, the more frightened he became. Who or what caused this development to take place?

He sank down the wall and rested his head on his knees. The situation was growing desperate faster than he had anticipated. Something stirred within him and he felt overwhelmed. How to cope with this?

He knew they were going on vacation together in small groups soon, him being together with L, Mello, Matt and Near. Conflicts would be bound to arise. What if he were to snap then, again? What was he capable of doing? No matter how he turned things around: L would be hurt the most, always. But a decision HAD to be made. It tears him apart, too.

I want L for myself, he all but whispers.

…

"Ok, now that the fire's taken care of, we can go stargazing!" Matt exclaims.

" You go ahead I'll go fetch the telescope. Please try not to hurt one another while I'm gone!" L says jokingly.

" Don't worry. I'm totally composed." Mello says.

B smiles to himself.

Me too…he thinks.

Mello takes Matt's and Near's hand, leading them to the wooden planks at the lake.

"Are you coming or what?"

"Yeah, yeah. Just a second." Beyond reaches into his pocket.

Have to wait until L is out of hearing distance...Ah, well should be enough now.

I thought this might come in handy one day again. Still, it's a strange feeling, sad, but also reassuring. It gives me a sense of security, unlike anything else. Not even L...this freed me. It will free me again.

A flash of bright silver in the now chilly night air.

….

Author's note: Hey I'm back :) I had already abandoned this story, when a review reached me, asking me to continue. I really feel in the mood to continue this, since I have a plot in mind. I'm finally finished with my A-levels now, so I've got a lot of free time to somehow cope with. Anyways, please let me know what you think! Is anybody even reading this anymore? xD