Chapter 16: Han: Rationalization

Han's mostly-healed chest took the brunt of the assault from his first mate, and his sudden intake of breath caused Chewbacca to lower him carefully to the ramp.

**How badly are you injured, Cub?**

"Not bad, I'm just not up to Wookiee enthusiasm."

**Actually 'not bad,' or you just don't want to tell me?**

"It's actually not bad; you can see for yourself, if you want. Even the princess agreed that it wasn't a big deal."

**All right, then; I'll go on with my greeting. What were you thinking, leaving me here while you went to visit Jabba? And don't feed me that line about being worried about me.**

"It's not a line, pal. Jabba added you to the bounty, so I had to take care of it myself."

**And did you? Is the Hutt appeased?**

"Yeah. He thought he'd keep me in his debt by upping the interest, but we expected that, right? That reward was big enough to cover it, and I guess Jabba didn't want it to look like I'd got the better of him, so he played the generous crime lord—he'll let me off easy this time, but if it happens again, no amount of credits will save me. That kinda thing. Anyway, he offered me another run, so he can't still be too mad. He wasn't too happy when I turned him down, but he'll get over it."

**You were foolish to go to Tatooine without me, but you seem to have survived. If you do anything that stupid again, I'll kill you myself. Are we clear?**

"Yes, Mother," Han answered with a sigh, and Chewie ignored both his sarcasm and dramatics.

**You asked the little princess about the next departure time; tell me about the mission you've accepted.**

"I didn't volunteer you for anything. I agreed to a contract for me and the Falcon. You'll have to work out your own deal."

Chewie scowled at Han, his disdain obvious. **I am not interested in a 'deal.' I have already taken a Commander's commission. I would prefer that you also enlist in the Alliance, but my life-debt means I will go where you go. I will ask to be assigned as your co-pilot, and if they deny my request, I must resign. I told them when I accepted it that my commission may be short-lived.**

"Congratulations, pal. I'm sure they'd be thrilled to know someone was watching me. I agreed to ferry Leia around while she contacts rebel groups and mercenaries."

**Humph. That seems too tedious to be of any interest to you.**

"She needs someone to watch her back."

**There are a great many pilots here that would be willing to take that assignment.** Chewie paused for a moment, and Han noticed a twinkle of amusement in the large brown eyes when his partner continued. **You allowed her to land the Falcon.**

Chewie's statement carried implications Han was not ready to debate in the open hangar, so he deflected it with a question. "How'd you know?"

**The landing was cautious and conventional, unlike anything you would have done. You know very well that I would notice. Since you don't appear near death, I assume something is going on between you and the little princess.**

Han laughed in an attempt to deny the accuracy of the assumption. "That's one hell of a conclusion to jump to. I was just giving her a piloting lesson."

**You've given lots of piloting lessons. It took a while for you to let Lando attempt planetfall, and it was his ship.**

"And I shouldn't have let him. He damaged the landing gear the first time."

**It was his ship to damage. Now it's yours. Do you really expect me to believe there's nothing between you, even though you let her land when you've only known her a few weeks?**

"Believe whatever you want, pal. If we're gonna be goin' on a bunch of missions, I have to make sure she can take the helm if she has to."

**I know what your actions mean; your words hold little weight.** Chewie harrumphed as he lumbered on to the ship.

Han followed his co-pilot up the ramp and stopped him once they were in the relative privacy of the ship's corridor.

"I don't wanna lie to you, pal, I just didn't want anyone to overhear the conversation. Yeah, there's somethin' goin' on with me and Leia, but we're keepin' quiet about it for now."

**Has it slipped your mind that nobody here understands me except you and a few of the droids? You could have answered discreetly in the affirmative, and no one would have known what you were agreeing to.**

"Or I could've just told you to shut the hell up and come on board sooner. Either way, there was the chance someone would have figured it out, and I couldn't take that chance."

Chewie crossed his arms, and nodded reluctantly. **Fine. No talk of you and the little princess where anyone can hear us. Now that we've agreed on that, what is going on?**

Han sighed. "I'm not really sure. I'll have to wait and see how she handles it. Now that we're here, she could decide to write the whole thing off to a lapse in judgment. Or she could insist that I marry her. Or something in between. I don't really know her well enough to figure out what she'll do."

**What would you choose?**

Han thought for a moment before answering with a shrug. "I don't know, pal. Your guess is as good as mine."

Chewbacca glared at Han and had clearly decided the conversation was over. **Let's go see what you messed up this time.**

Though Han was somewhat offended by his first mate's statement, he brightened as his rewiring plan came to mind. "I didn't mess anything up-but I had this idea..."

It hadn't taken long to explain the benefits of his planned shield modifications to Chewie, and they had begun the work immediately. As the smaller being, it fell to Han to make the adjustments beneath the deck while his partner worked in the main engine room. His legs were wrapped around a pipe and he hung nearly inverted while he worked. Initially, the task had required his complete attention, but they had reached the point where all that remained was the delicate, though mindless, macrofusing, and Han found his thoughts returning to their previous conversation. What do I want? Something in between, I guess. I like her, a lot, so I don't want it to end, but I don't think we know each other well enough for a serious commitment. I wanna see where we end up. He grimaced and paused in his work. But what does she want? She said we'd handle it together, so I guess she's not gonna end it, but being here could change her mind. I'll have a better idea once we're alone again, and we can-

"Han! Are you in there?"

The shout knocked Han from his precarious position, and he fell to the crawlspace floor with a thud and a curse. When he regained his footing on the slippery surface, he poked his head above the deck and looked up to see an angry Tatooinian glaring down at him. He planted his hands beside the access hatch and hoisted himself up. He wiped the grease on his pants as he walked to the acceleration couch to take a large swallow of Ebla beer. He savoured the bitterness of the drink as he thought, I wonder how much she told him. He's mad enough that he must know something, but what?

He was trying to delay the inevitable confrontation, but Luke impatiently began, "'A princess and a guy like me?' Is that what this is about? Are you doing this just to get to me?"

"Whoa, kid. That's some ego. This has nothin' to do with you. I enjoy her company; she enjoys mine. It's as simple as that."

"You know how I feel about her, but you went after her anyway."

Yeah, I knew. But I didn't pursue her. Hells, I turned her down! "I was getting ready to jet when she came to me."

"She was drunk! And you took full advantage of that, didn't you?"

Now you're pissing me off. "No, I didn't. I waited 'til she sobered up. She needed a man, so it was just as well I was there instead of a kid like you! I don't have to explain myself to you, but here's somethin' to think about—if I had taken advantage of her, do you think she would have stayed with me? She coulda left whenever she wanted to, found a different way back. She sure as hell wouldn't keep trying to recruit me or offer me a contract."

He could see that the younger man accepted his logic, but Luke seemed determined to continue the argument. "Even if you did wait, you still went after her."

Luke's anger was dissolving, replaced by hurt, so Han put sympathy into his voice before he spoke again. "Look, I know you've got a crush on her. I didn't intend to get involved, if that helps. Leia was goin' through a tough time, and she needed a friend. She still is, and I'm sure she could use all the friends she can get."

"If you hadn't taken her away, she would've had a bunch of friends here who could have helped her."

"You're prob'ly right, but she asked for a lift, and I was goin' anyway. For your sake, I'm sorry, Luke. But for hers and mine, I'm glad things happened this way." More than even I knew, he realized with a start.

"You're just going to have your fun and leave, aren't you?" Luke stepped toward Han, a threat obvious in his tone and stance.

Never gonna happen. "I'd think you'd prefer that. Then you could swoop in and comfort her, be the hero."

Luke paused for a moment, seeming to consider the possibility, then shook his head. "I'm not looking for a way to 'swoop in.' I just want to get to know her better. But you've probably made that impossible. If you hurt her, you'll have the whole Alliance after you."

"I'm not gonna hurt her." The vehemence in his voice surprised both men, and Luke took a step back as though he'd been slapped. Han softened his tone and expression and continued, "I don't know far this is gonna go, but she's not gonna end up hurt. I promise you that."

Some of Luke's anger reappeared and he turned and walked off the ship. Han barely heard Luke's bitter response as he walked off the ramp. "I wish I could believe you."