Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any of these emails...though that would be cool.
To: ohanybodyanywhere(at)adamforadam
From: ucntCATCHmehwhoknowswhat
Subject: ohyeaohyeahohyeah
there's this thing that anko-sensei assigned us today -- little presentation thing for psych. class that's mandatory for all students taking the class or else they fail the semester? uh, yeah, that's going on tomorrow. and anko-sensei said that if you don't come because you just didn't want to, she'll be failing you and not letting you re-take it next semester, either. so, um, yeah.
see you there, teme.
ps: your email is lame. emo, much?
To: ucntCATCHmeh(at)whoknowswhat
From: ohanybodyanywhere(at)adamforadam
Subject: …you've got to be freakin' kidding me.
Naruto, you are such a fuck-up. I swear to God, I'll incarcerate you and then scatter the ashes across the winds so I have no evidence that I killed you.
I've been sick for only three fucking days and then this happens? You're to blame, I know it; you probably pissed Anko-sensei off or something, and then this "presentation" spawned from it.
So what the hell am I supposed to do for this damn project? I mean, it's not like I've been in class for the last three days. Thanks asshole.
No, there is no "see you there, teme". You are coming over right now and helping me with what I missed because you are a fuck-up.
PS: fuck you. Like yours sounds better, Mr. I Am The Gingerbread Man?
PSS: learn some grammar? I don't know about your twisted, toddler mind, but reading an email that has no capitalization burns my eyes.
To: ohanybodyanywhere(at)adamforadam
From: ucntCATCHmeh(at)whoknowswhat
Subject: get the stick out of your ass?
damn, man. i'll be over there in a sec.
PS: but you can't catch me. and you'd like that, wouldn't you? XD
PSS: actually, it's a lot easier than having to stretch all the way to that shift key all the time. try it. :P
To: foryourentertainmentbb(at)ohwhataday
From: ohanybodyanywhere(at)adamforadam
Subject: I'm having an aneurism…I think.
That damn dobe probably just killed any chance I have of having any kind of psychology diploma within the next year or so.
Calm me down, somehow. Maybe that'll stop me from killing him.
PS: …I know your email is supposed to be after that single from that gay singer, but it sound like you're saying you're a prostitute. No offense.
To: ohanybodyanywhere(at)adamforadam
From: foryourentertainmentbb(at)ohwhataday
Subject: oh, no
What'd that idiot do this time? Did he spill coffee over your laptop and destroy a research paper? (to which I would be wondering how you're e-mailing me…) Give your textbook to that fox he's nursing back to health? Sell your flash drive so he could get some more freakin' ramen?
Calm…okay…waves on Hawaii…waves anywhere but here…the tropics of the Amazon…deep breaths…woooshhhh…
PS: …You're a dickwad.
PSS: His name is Adam Lambert. And gays are cool. Don't be jealous just 'cause you ain't.
To: foryourentertainmentbb(at)ohwhataday
From: ohanybodyanywhere(at)adamforadam
Subject: oh, yes
No, worse. Remember how I've been sick for the past few days? Well, he happened to withhold until just now, that there's this massive presentation due tomorrow.
And I have no fucking clue what I'm supposed to write.
So I'm making him come over here to catch me up. And if he starts to pull any bullshit, mind beating him up for me? I'll be too busy trying to read all this crap.
…That wasn't very calming, my pink-haired tumor.
PS: at least I have one.
PSS: I'm not jealous 'cause I'm not gay. I pride myself on heterosexual-ness, thank you very much.
To: ohanybodyanywhere(at)adamforadam
From: foryourentertainmentbb(at)ohwhataday
Subject: …that sounded a little wrong
…Excuse me while I go laugh my ass off.
Yeah, sure I wi – wait. Did you just call me a fucking tumor? Okay, now you have to pay me in gummy worms and a Mint-Chocolate Swirl Shake from Arby's.
PS: I'm glad I don't have one. It makes me a woman-ly woman, unlike you. Who's just a woman-ly man. :)
PSS: You're just jealous 'cause you're not cool.
PSSS: I just resisted breaking out into song lyrics, thankyouverymuch. Be proud.
To: foryourentertainmentbb(at)ohwhataday
From: ohanybodyanywhere(at)adamforadam
Subject: your face is a little wrong
…You are one hypocritical little bitch, huh?
I mean the tumor thing in a good way. You know, like that thing in Hell Boy II where somebody calls it a baby and it goes, "I'm not a baby, I'm a tumor!" That baby/tumor was cute, for a mutant baby-tumor-thing.
And I will get you the shake, and hand-deliver it when you kick Naruto's ass. I want one, too. And maybe some curly fries. Those things are fuck-a-licious.
PS: I'm not a womanly man.
PSS: cooler than you, Miss I Like To Read Guys Fucking Each Other. Don't deny it.
PSSS: I'm so proud. I hope you heard my sarcasm.
PSSSS: …we have too many PS's.
To: ohanybodyanywhere(at)adamforadam
From: foryourentertainmentbb(at)ohwhataday
Subject: …fuck you
Yes, I am. Otherwise I wouldn't be your friend to tell you when you're doing something stupid. Even though I'm probably doing the same thing. The difference? You're doing it WRONG. 'Cause you're not ME. ;)
…You obviously have a sick sense of cute. I think you need to see your own shrink before trying to become one.
Fuck-a-licious? You want to fuck a shake and some fries? (O.o) I didn't know that about you, Sasuke…
PS: hmm, you're right. You're just a feminine man. ;)
PSS: I don't. I'm proud of my yaoi standards. You should search up Gravitation Megamix. It'll be the closest you've gotten to any action in a while, ne?
PPPS: fuck you and your sarcasm. I have something better. It's called my FOOT up your ASS. Hmm, I wonder if there's room for anything to fit up there anymore…
PPPPS: do we REALLY care?
To: foryourentertainmentbb(at)ohwhataday
From: ohanybodyanywhere(at)adamforadam
Subject: you'd like that, wouldn't you?
This is coming from the girl who did a 13-page essay on something that she wasn't supposed to do because she got the page numbers wrong, when I clearly told you what the were.
The shrink bizz ain't for me. I think I want to become a child psychologist. Then I get to fuck up kids' minds and scar them for life. I think life would be much more interesting if we had a few psychopathic freaks in the world.
…It's official, somebody has just passed the King of Stupid. Congratulations, Sakura, the award goes to you.
PS: …forehead.
PSS: …yeah, no. I don't read comics to get action. I go pick up actual chicks, thank you very much.
PSSS: no, you're not an angry bald guy from That 70's Show. You don't get to do that. XD
PSSSS: no, not really.
To: ohanybodyanywhere(at)adamforadam
From: foryourentertainmentbb(at)ohwhataday
Subject: …don't tempt me, boy. I will rape you.
…Yeah…well...YOUR MOM.
Did you get raped as a child Sasuke? Because there is obviously somethin' not right going on up in that head of yours.
But you do have a point. It would be more exciting.
...Kelso? (lol)
PS: chicken-ass.
PSS: really? How much do you pay them?
PSSS: well, I'd hope I'm not an angry bald guy. That would be really scary. *shiver*
To: foryourentertainmentbb(at)ohwhataday
From: ohanybodyanywhere(at)adamforadam
Subject: uhhh…(O.o)
…I don't even think that deserves a response.
No, I didn't, but there was that creepy pedophile next door that always asked me to hold his snake…still not sure if he meant it as a real snake or a "snake". *shiver*
Yes, yes it would.
…I meant Naruto, but Kelso works, too.
PS: at least my head doesn't look like a giant bubble-gum bubble popped on me.
PSS: I don't. I sex 'em up.
PSSS: it really would. You be the bald version of my dad.
To: ohanybodyanywhere(at)adamforadam
From: foryourentertainmentbb(at)ohwhataday
Subject: haven't been laid in a while…
But you see, you responded to it by saying that it didn't deserve a response. So HA. IN YOUR FACE.
Probably both. You'd go in, thinking that spitting viper was so fucking cool, then he rips off the clothes and rapes you. It could've happened. But you're a good boy and ran away, screaming, "STRANGER DANGER!"
*dies laughing at the image*
You're right. They're like…twins. Further evidence that Ashton Kutcher is planning to destroy the world as we know it. But he does it while being sexy. :D
PS: at least I don't have a brother that's prettier than me. OH. I SO WENT THERE.
PSS: Keep telling yourself that. You know they steal money out of your wallet while you're sleeping in that cheap-ass motel room.
PSSS: …(O.O) OH GOD.
To: foryourentertainmentbb(at)ohwhataday
From: ohanybodyanywhere(at)adamforadam
Subject: want me to help with that?
…Wow. Just wow.
…Wow. Wowwwwww.
But that would be funny, especially if it was on YouTube. XD
I agree on the plot to destroy the world thing. But not the sexy part. Because I'm straight.
PS: At least I am therefore the handsom-er one. He's the feminine one. He's also the gay one. So in your face.
PSS: I know. That's why I only bring dollar bills. And only 5 of them.
To: ohanybodyanywhere(at)adamforadam
From: foryourentertainmentbb(at)ohwhataday
Subject: …motel six on third. friday at 6. meet you there. ;)
I love the fact that I can baffle you to the point of just "Wow"s. It makes me feel special. X3
You just had to clarify that, didn't you, Sasuke? (lol, just kidding. It would be HAWT if you were bi though. Maybe that's just me.)
PS: …YOUR MOM.
PSS: I didn't know you were that smart! :P
To: foryourentertainmentbb(at)ohwhataday
From: ohanybodyanywhere(at)adamforadam
Subject: you have a deal :)
Because you are, lol. Nobody else I know has natural pink hair. (I mean, seriously. What were your parents on when you were conceived?)
…no comment. At all.
Anyway, Naruto's here. I'll talk to you later.
PS: — is a lovely person? Yes, she is. I'll be sure to tell her that.
PSS: I didn't know you could count!
So I kind of almost died with this. Only when I uploaded it did I realized all the at signs had been taken out. (FML) and then Naruto and Sakura's emails had just completely disappeared. And THEN the underlines got taken out. I was driven up the wall. AND MY UNDERLINES ARE STILL NOT THERE. Feel free to go to (http:// mellieforyellie . livejournal . com /2010/02/04/) for the properly underlined version.
I had originally planned on writing the entire thing and then posting...but I'm just too impatient for that. I'm honestly surprised I lasted as long as I did.
Next chapter is at least halfway through, if not 75 percent. It's done on this random posting board, then goes to a chatango group. All I have so far.
Please read and review! Thanks so much!